What to take to prison 2

[drinkswineoutofamug]

Not a great title but can't think of anything catching this time of the morning. Will figure out how to link to the old thread.

She went, was abusive to the probation officer and left. So she's on a warning. Apparently she's moved out 🤷🏻‍♀️ if she doesn't give a forwarding address , it's classed as a breach ( I think) poor mr probation man. Don't envy his job

There must be something in the air this week drinks. My son was being really horrible to me on my visit Thursday. I ended up walking out. His dad said he was nearly in tears after I left so i now have a major attack of the guilts. His anxiety levels are through the roof but that’s still not an excuse for being so nasty is it?

Luna cycle. Unfortunately they vent their frustrations on those nearest to them. Us.
I hope the next time you get to speak to him Sammy that you get some kind of apology.
We are in the middle of building work. New heating , windows and decorating. Apparently it's embarrassing as the house is a scruffy mess and she wants the wow factor. So she's gone somewhere that's nicer to live. Off you pop love

I can’t remember him ever apologising to anyone. Not sure if that’s the autism or just him.
Without being rude drinks .... how is yr dd surviving? Financially I mean. Does she have a job? It can’t be cheap if she’s not living at home.
Hope the building work goes ok.

She's on universal credit. I give nothing. She's made her bed.

Oh and it's a huge work in process. Dust everywhere, given up trying to clean. Just a quick tidy and her bedroom is being used for storage atm

How are the building works coming along Drinks?
Hope everyone else is as ok as they can be x

Heating in. Some windows in. Living room ready to be papered over the weekend , then order carpets etc.
House is still a dump.
Still not seen her. Not really missed her either. Got piles of solicitors/probation/hospital letters but no way of giving them to her.
Hope everyone is ok.

Same shit, different day. Really struggling to come to terms with the fact that my son has just ruined his entire life. But then from what I’ve been told his autism would have stopped him having any sort of normal life anyway. Am struggling with that too. I mean I know he wasn’t neuro typical but I didn’t understand how bad it/he was. I guess I’ve been carrying him for so long that it had become normal.
How is everyone else?

Sammy I've had the same feelings over the years. I wish people had listened to me more. Remember I'm virtually here for you anytime

I so wish I had seen this thread (and the previous one) a few months ago. My son was remanded 3 months ago and the utter shock and helplessness I felt then still makes me choke up. My friends were fantastic, but I was so desperate to speak to someone who actually knew what I was going through (and could give me some advice) as trying to get any help from the prison system was like banging my head against a wall.
He pleaded guilty and was sentenced last month - he'll be out early next year. He's doing ok in there, he's done courses and has a job helping in the maths class, but I worry about him every day. He's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing at night. We visit as often as we can and he phones most days. I think i actually see more of him now than I did when he lived at home (he treated us like a hotel!) I email and send pictures and cards but until he's back home I can't imagine not having this constant feeling of worry in the back of my mind.
To all of the other families on this thread and everyone who's given help and advice, thank you for making me feel less alone and "judged".

Jenny

My son is in court next week and it looks like he will be sectioned. I’m not sure how I feel about that right now but it’s better than prison I think? I don’t think I’m going to get much sleep until next week. I am worrying constantly.
Welcome Jenny. It has been so nice to talk to people in the same boat. I don’t know about you but I feel very alone in all this. My friends are great but they don’t understand the trauma. I’m glad your son is doing ok though.

Hi and welcome Jeremy, I try hard to stay positive, get on with my life and not get upset because I feel that is one of the ways to help my son.
I know he feels bad about the trauma that this is caused and it's harder for him if he thinks other people are suffering because of what has happened.

It's been over a year now and still no sentence, the likelihood is that he will have another couple of years to serve, maybe more
that is still pretty hard to accept, I can only think about it in small doses

Everyone just keep Holding On

Bugger - I just typed out a huge post and I lost it!
I never in a million years thought I'd be visiting a prison, being patted down and sniffed by a drugs dog! But seeing all the other families visiting their son, husband, dad or brothers made me realise how many people are having to hold it together.
Since he has been sentenced he's found it easier having an end date in sight. Until then every visit was spent going through the various sentencing permutations he might expect to receive. Not being able to give a definite answer to him as it was out of our hands was hard. He has Asd and likes to be in control!
Sending big hugs and strength to all of you going through this crap xx

Evening all. Welcome Jenny
Daughter turned up , opened a months worth of mail. She's missed 2 probation meeting. Substance misuse meeting, mental health appointment and job centre. Mum can you sort this out for me? NO I BLOODY CANT! So back to one more strike on her probation. She also wants me to take 3 weeks off work while she moves back in to detox . She's drinking 5L of cider ADAY! But can't afford a bus ticket to the next town for probation. Right that's off my chest.
Sammy if your son if sectioned will he get the support he needs rather then if he stayed in general?

Aargh drinks. You must be so frustrated! At some point she will have to take responsibility. All our kids will. Jeremy - my son has asd too. It complicates things. I would hope he gets the help and support he needs but tbh I’m not sure about anything any more. None of us wanted or expected to be going through this and I’m glad drinks that you started this thread. Thank you

I hope you son gets the care and support he needs x

It was thanks to this thread(s) I have survived. Some fantastic advice in the early days, and it humbled me the support out there as mumsnet sometimes gets known for its 'take no prisoners' ( sorry for the pun). I'm glad it has helped so many other families , with somewhere to come and vent. I wish I could meet you all in RL.

Just seen daughter. She wanted me to buy her alcohol and I said no. She's whinging but I've cut down to 4L a day now. Does she want a round of applause? She's coming to mine tomorrow as her sw is coming. And she has substance misuse on Thursday. We will see.

Daughter came to see sw. she's just up ladders putting up my new curtains

How did it go? And it’s great she’s helping you out!

She's down to 3L of cider. She has the sweats and shakes today. Seeing alcohol liaison tomorrow and has got her act together regarding benefits etc . I'm not getting excited though because next week we could be back to square one.

I've got a frozen shoulder and need physio and ?? Injections to sort it