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Original poster

Husband gets me to pay

302 replies

TeenGirl2024 · 21/08/2025 12:01

Anyone else struggle with every time they go grocery shopping with their husband he doesn't offer to pay and just expects you to pay then doesn't offer to even send half of the money for the stuff or if he does then he "forgets" and never does it??

It's not just that, it's anytime we buy anything or do anything. Last month he was struggling a bit with finances so i paid all of the rent and he said he would do the same this month, yet asked me to pay half?

I wouldn't normally mind a whole lot but i'm on SMP at the minute so it's not like i've got a lot of money to go around. i'm struggling and it's stressing me out because i don't actually have the money and keep putting myself into debt because he doesn't want to touch his savings and apparently doesn't have the money???

OP posts:
HugoSpritzzz · 21/08/2025 12:02

why don't you have joint bank accounts if you're married? How odd!

TeenagersAngst · 21/08/2025 12:02

No because we have a sensible financial set up which doesn't leave me vulnerable if my husband doesn't feel like paying for the food he's going to eat.

Carriemac · 21/08/2025 12:03

He should be paying for everything if you’re on SMP.

HugoSpritzzz · 21/08/2025 12:03

Also if you're on maternity you've recently had a child.. as well as being married. Why on earth don't you have joint finances? It comes out of the same pot. Then you could avoid things like this

cestlavielife · 21/08/2025 12:03

You are married
You caring for his child
What was the discussion?
Go back to work
Make sure childcare comes out of joint income
Divorce in future

ninjahamster · 21/08/2025 12:04

Surely you have a joint bank account?

OrangeCrushes · 21/08/2025 12:04

This is financial abuse. It will not improve.

Lafufufu · 21/08/2025 12:05

No this doesn't happen to me.

Do the freedom program and leave you wallet at home next time.

Also stop cooking and cleaning for him

Fluffyholeysocks · 21/08/2025 12:07

Set up a joint account, both pay in money for bills and rent at the start of the month. You are being financially abused.

Original poster
TeenGirl2024 · 21/08/2025 12:08

Just to add,

we do have a joint bank account but nothing ever gets put into it. Some bills on a rare occasion but nothing else.

I don't even know how to talk to him about it, it makes me feel so uncomfortable

OP posts:
Aposterhasnoname · 21/08/2025 12:09

No because we are married, and therefore a team and have joint finances.

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2025 12:09

You have to pick your uncomfortable then OP.

You can be uncomfortable and talk to him openly about finances, or you can continue to say nothing and be uncomfortable and in debt.

dobbydotdot · 21/08/2025 12:10

No, we budget jointly for groceries, and generally do the online shop together. It gets paid on our general use credit card and paid off in full out of the joint account (so we benefit from points/cashback). But tbh we don't have his money and my money, its all pooled for the benefit of the family.

Aposterhasnoname · 21/08/2025 12:10

TeenGirl2024 · 21/08/2025 12:08

Just to add,

we do have a joint bank account but nothing ever gets put into it. Some bills on a rare occasion but nothing else.

I don't even know how to talk to him about it, it makes me feel so uncomfortable

In the nicest possible way, why are you married to someone you feel uncomfortable discussing things with? Particularly something as important as money

Todaystoast · 21/08/2025 12:10

This is not good. Ask him to show you his finances. All his bank accounts including savings. You need to understand if he hasn't got the money because of hidden debt, etc. or if he's just not willing to share it with you and support your child.
If you don't start working as a team financially, it will make your marriage miserable. Your marriage absolutely cannot work like this long-term.

ShoeeMcfee · 21/08/2025 12:10

He doesn't sound very Nice and you don't sound very happy, OP. If you're paying for everything anyway, why not get rid of him?

JaneEyre40 · 21/08/2025 12:12

TeenGirl2024 · 21/08/2025 12:08

Just to add,

we do have a joint bank account but nothing ever gets put into it. Some bills on a rare occasion but nothing else.

I don't even know how to talk to him about it, it makes me feel so uncomfortable

Why?

PlacidPenelope · 21/08/2025 12:12

I don't even know how to talk to him about it, it makes me feel so uncomfortable

I just don't understand this - you are married and have a child and yet you cannot discuss finances?

Are you afraid of him @TeenGirl2024 ?

Original poster
TeenGirl2024 · 21/08/2025 12:13

ShoeeMcfee · 21/08/2025 12:10

He doesn't sound very Nice and you don't sound very happy, OP. If you're paying for everything anyway, why not get rid of him?

Don't get me wrong, he is lovely. He cooks for me, he cleans. He does take care of me. it's just the money side of things

OP posts:
Original poster
TeenGirl2024 · 21/08/2025 12:13

PlacidPenelope · 21/08/2025 12:12

I don't even know how to talk to him about it, it makes me feel so uncomfortable

I just don't understand this - you are married and have a child and yet you cannot discuss finances?

Are you afraid of him @TeenGirl2024 ?

No im not afraid of him at all. He is lovely. I just struggle with talking about things like this and confrontation

OP posts:
Theonewhogotthecake · 21/08/2025 12:14

You are not a team!

Shinyandnew1 · 21/08/2025 12:14

I presume you know this man well enough to marry him and have sex with him. Surely you can open your mouth and communicate with him?!

JaneEyre40 · 21/08/2025 12:14

TeenGirl2024 · 21/08/2025 12:13

Don't get me wrong, he is lovely. He cooks for me, he cleans. He does take care of me. it's just the money side of things

Show quote history

Seriously?! Read the comments, this behavior is NOT normal. Stand up for yourself. You'll be the one paying for the baby no doubt.

NotABrokenClock · 21/08/2025 12:15

He was having money issues last month. Is tgat because the salary is just not cracking it or because he was overspending on himself?

Original poster
TeenGirl2024 · 21/08/2025 12:16

NotABrokenClock · 21/08/2025 12:15

He was having money issues last month. Is tgat because the salary is just not cracking it or because he was overspending on himself?

He had a lot of hours off sick last month so the salary was a lot lower than usual

OP posts: