Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Cost of living

Stretching your budget? Share tips and advice to discuss budgeting and energy saving here. For the latest deals and discounts, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Should i ask my Adult Daughter to pay some money towards the household.

183 replies

Whataloadof2020 · 20/01/2025 22:29

I know theres a few threads like this.
My daughter is 22 this year. She lives with myself and my husband who is not biological dad, but had been her dad since she was 10.

This year i had to give up work and claim benefits due to poor health. My husband is self employed and earns a decent salary. But we are by no means, ‘well off’.

I initially told my daughter to pay £100 towards rent and i will put it aside for her into savings for when she moves out. She also buys her own food, only because she never eats what we eat, and sometimes she doesn’t eat what was bought in for her, so i put a stop to me buying food that i was throwing out.

So far she has not paid any money, and has just kicked off when i asked her to start.

she is a full time student, and gets a loan, as well as working part time.

she has no concept of money and sonce she has earned her own money, spends money like she is rich. There is not a week goes by without a parcel coming through the door.

I have told her that I actually need this money just now, for my own credit card bill, that i had to use while i was waiting on my benefits to be sorted, and to adapt to the way they are paid. And i would take note of how much i owed her, and would put it back in her savings.

Really I do not need to put it away for savings, but i want to help her when she does move out. But she always manages to argue the point and make me feel guilty.

She has free run of the house, comes in and out as she pleases. Uses the electricity, gas, Wi-Fi etc.
But because she HAD to have a VW polo, she has finance to pay and a high insurance.
As well as her phone bill for the most up to date iphone.

I can pay my Credit Card back, but with that £100 i can clear it quicker.

Am i being unfair?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Weepixie · 15/08/2025 02:44

@Whataloadof2020 oh dear, it seems you’ve attempted some sockpuppeting and put your foot well and truly in it.

Whataloadof2020 · 15/08/2025 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wow clearly dont read the post correctly. I haven’t even changed my username mid thread. I was the one who started the post under same name.

and also someone clarly didn’t read the terms and conditions about being respectful to others.

Should i ask my Adult Daughter to pay some money towards the household.
OP posts:
Whataloadof2020 · 15/08/2025 10:24

Relplying too the lovely people who like to personally attack someone.

you have no idea of my life or my feelings towards my daughter.
But i suppose being nasty on genuine comments where people are looking for advice, not hate are what gets you going. I feel sorry for you. Hopefully one day there will be love in your heart and you will learn that, if you have nothing interesting to say, then to zip it.
Have a wonderful day 🫶🫶🫶🫶 i know i will ☺️

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 15/08/2025 11:00

The lack of name change discussed is your second recent post "Love this!" in response to your first post. It seems you didn't realise you couldn't name change mid thread, so everyone could see that it was you cheering yourself on, although presumably you wanted people to think it was someone else adding their support.

And as for love in my heart! Yes I have it. Certainly plenty to be actively happy to support my young adult children through University, rather than expecting them to pay me "rent" and profiteering from them in order to pay off credit card debts that I've run up! The way you speak about your daughter is very unpleasant.

Whataloadof2020 · 15/08/2025 11:08

Whataloadof2020 · 14/08/2025 22:29

Love this!

The post by mainecooncatonahottinroof is what i meant, i love what she wrote.

OP posts:
Whataloadof2020 · 15/08/2025 11:10

mrsm43s · 15/08/2025 11:00

The lack of name change discussed is your second recent post "Love this!" in response to your first post. It seems you didn't realise you couldn't name change mid thread, so everyone could see that it was you cheering yourself on, although presumably you wanted people to think it was someone else adding their support.

And as for love in my heart! Yes I have it. Certainly plenty to be actively happy to support my young adult children through University, rather than expecting them to pay me "rent" and profiteering from them in order to pay off credit card debts that I've run up! The way you speak about your daughter is very unpleasant.

Where did i change my name? It has always been whataloadof2020?

OP posts:
Whataloadof2020 · 15/08/2025 11:29

mrsm43s · 15/08/2025 11:00

The lack of name change discussed is your second recent post "Love this!" in response to your first post. It seems you didn't realise you couldn't name change mid thread, so everyone could see that it was you cheering yourself on, although presumably you wanted people to think it was someone else adding their support.

And as for love in my heart! Yes I have it. Certainly plenty to be actively happy to support my young adult children through University, rather than expecting them to pay me "rent" and profiteering from them in order to pay off credit card debts that I've run up! The way you speak about your daughter is very unpleasant.

Everyone has different views on parenting adult children.
All i asked was for advice and gave a little bit of background.

To accuse me of not loving my child because i choose to explain how she has no concept of saving money is disgraceful.

I would never accuse a parent of not loving their child, due to them asking for some advice and not knowing their history.

My daughter is the love of my life, but that does not mean as her mother, i have to accept, rudeness, disrespect and no help towards keeping a roof over her head while she continues to buy clothes, nights out, take aways, etc.

She has deferred university and is now working full time, and my mum and dad are pensioners, yet she is still borrowing £££’s from them, and us.

All i want is for her to understand that real adult life is not living with no financial responsibilities and being able to spend all her money on the nice things in life. And the. Borrowing at the end of the month from anyone she can.

I have paid of thousands of £’s out my own savings to get her out of her debt with loans and catalogues so she could start a fresh with 0 debt. That was last year. And now she is in debt again. So to me i never taught her anything by bailing her out. Does this sound like someone who dislikes their child?

My update was to show that even when she moved in with my parents rent free, that after living with her they began to see how she lacks in respect for what someone provides for her, as well as her disrespect for the house.
I did not begin to understand everything my parents did, until i moved out. And then i understood and appreciated my parents more.

I can’t believe i have had to defend my love for my daughter to a complete stranger.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 15/08/2025 12:05

Whataloadof2020 · 15/08/2025 11:08

The post by mainecooncatonahottinroof is what i meant, i love what she wrote.

You responded to / supported yourself. No other comment to respond to, the last time the poster you say you were responding to posted was back in January.

Should i ask my Adult Daughter to pay some money towards the household.
New posts on this thread. Refresh page