Should i ask my Adult Daughter to pay some money towards the household.

[Whataloadof2020]

I know theres a few threads like this.
My daughter is 22 this year. She lives with myself and my husband who is not biological dad, but had been her dad since she was 10.

This year i had to give up work and claim benefits due to poor health. My husband is self employed and earns a decent salary. But we are by no means, ‘well off’.

I initially told my daughter to pay £100 towards rent and i will put it aside for her into savings for when she moves out. She also buys her own food, only because she never eats what we eat, and sometimes she doesn’t eat what was bought in for her, so i put a stop to me buying food that i was throwing out.

So far she has not paid any money, and has just kicked off when i asked her to start.

she is a full time student, and gets a loan, as well as working part time.

she has no concept of money and sonce she has earned her own money, spends money like she is rich. There is not a week goes by without a parcel coming through the door.

I have told her that I actually need this money just now, for my own credit card bill, that i had to use while i was waiting on my benefits to be sorted, and to adapt to the way they are paid. And i would take note of how much i owed her, and would put it back in her savings.

Really I do not need to put it away for savings, but i want to help her when she does move out. But she always manages to argue the point and make me feel guilty.

She has free run of the house, comes in and out as she pleases. Uses the electricity, gas, Wi-Fi etc.
But because she HAD to have a VW polo, she has finance to pay and a high insurance.
As well as her phone bill for the most up to date iphone.

I can pay my Credit Card back, but with that £100 i can clear it quicker.

Am i being unfair?

Ok so Scottish students do get more. Up to £11,400 with bursaries. However it is dependent on household income but the income thresholds are better than in England.

if your daughter is getting near the maximum which it sounds like she is then yes, she should be paying towards the household expenses.

Full time students are usually exempt from Council Tax, so you shouldn't expect her to contribute to it.

I know that you are asking for a small contribution, but you shouldn't be asking for CT.

The more you write, the more you are sounding resentful of her. If my student child was encumbered with a loan but was working and earning enough to pay for food, clothes, toiletries and holidays, I would be pleased for them.

If you really needed the help, I agree you should ask, but you seem to want to teach her a lesson. Her Grandparents sound loving.

(I worked from 16 years old, had to pay my mother £30 out of the £50 I earned per week on a training course, and had to move out at 18. My student son is supported and not charged rent, as we can manage to help him and I would hate for him to "Adult" like I had to.)

That doesn't answer the question of why, though....I get it, it's a hard question to answer.

Full time students are usually exempt from Council Tax, so you shouldn't expect her to contribute to it

Only if the FT student lives in a house with only other FT students.

You shouldn't be charging her rent if she's a full time student.

Don’t give in to her when she starts the dramatics. You simply can’t afford to support her without that money (I still think £200 a month is reasonable and would be still financially supporting her to an extent - where could she find anywhere cheaper or the same price?).

But I can kind of see why she has this attitude. You should have put your foot down with her ages ago when she started her full-time job, before she became a university student and got a part-time job, then a car and iPhone she didn’t need.

You're supposed to support your child at university. That's why she's not eligible for benefits and will be counted as a dependent on your claim. It's not fair to take money from a child's loan to pay your credit card

Students are meant to pay rent. Op is asking for far less than most students pay & her dd is getting far more in student finance than many students get.

Same here, then more when I got my first job. She should definitely contribute.

"Students are meant to pay rent. Op is asking for far less than most students pay & her dd is getting far more in student finance than many students get."

Students are not supposed to pay rent if they live with their parents. That's why they get a smaller student loan. Also parents are legally obliged to maintain children in full time education. If op is claiming uc housing allowance she will be getting an allowance for her daughter as a dependent.

So no, parents should not be asking their children in full time education for money

If having her at home is costing you money and you can’t afford it, of course she pays her way. You wouldn’t take a random off the street and give them free lodgings.

I know she’s your DD but she isn’t 18 either and at the start of adulthood.

When I came home from uni my DF charged me £30 per week and I still bought all my toiletries, travel, lunches out and food for in the house. This was early 90s so about £80 today allowing for inflation. I don’t think £100- £120 pcm would be a lot to ask today.

My DF did “make money off me” so I only ever came home if I had work - otherwise it cost me too much. In your situation, it sounds like you are justified to take the money. If she doesn’t want to pay, she can leave - the grass isn’t always greener.

Not correct.

studehts who live at home are meant to contribute towards the household expenses. In England they only get a couple of thousand less than a student living away from home.

in Scotland where OP is I believe they get the same.

And parents are not legally obliged to support their children in higher education.

No, they get a reduced maintenance loan because it is rightfully assumed their total expenses will be lower. Not that they won’t be paying rent.

students are not classed as dependents for universal credit. Many single parents lose their UC when their child starts university, even if living at home.

“The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) classes a family as a single claimant or couple claimants who are responsible for one or more children or qualifying young persons. A qualifying young person is someone aged 16 to 19 in full time non-advanced education or training.”

the definition of Non Advanced is Level 3 or below so A levels/Btec. University education is levels 4-6 and is classed as Advanced.

@Whataloadof2020 I'm totally with you - it really all depends on family circumstances and clearly things are tight at your end - so no I don't see why all her money should be for spending and having a car and multiple holidays etc - I think £200 a month would be more than reasonable - if she didn't buy her own food I would say £275

But parents are usually expected to top up student loans.
The current system isn't particularly fair to the student or parent but your dc didn't set the system up.

A parent on universal credit won’t generally have a high enough income to be topping up their student loan.

And remember, OP is in Scotland where the loan system works differently.

we’ve already worked out ftom the amount her dd is getting (over £1,000 per month) that no parental top up is required.

We’ll offer more support than we received, because we’d really like our kid’s life to be a little easier. That’s why.

I was working from before I was 15 and left home for medical school at 17. No government or parental support, entirely funded by my own work. Obviously to complete my full-time placements and achieve a first took a lot of effort around working 30 hours a week. It’s a good thing in many ways, but I’d like my kid to be able to socialise more and enjoy the experience more.

TBH at 22 it’s been left quite late to teach this woman the value of money. These are lessons we’ve been instilling since very early childhood.

No, you are wrong, full time students are disregarded for Council Tax when it comes to eligibility for payment.

The entire property can be exempt if it is all students, which is where you might be confused. They do not count when working out eligibility for payment, so a single person discount might be applied if only one person is eligible to pay.

From gov.uk.

We’ll offer more support than we received, because we’d really like our kid’s life to be a little easier. But support means different things, and we all want to support our kids as best we can, I should think.

I will support my children by helping them to grow up at age appropriate times in their lives. Weaning. Bum wiping. Making themselves a sandwich. Driving. Cooking dinner, valuing money, managing a bank account, paying rent. Their lives will be easier by knowing how to do these things for themselves because they've learnt at an age appropriate time. How would it make their lives easier to not help them learn that? The proverb about teaching a man to fish comes to mind. At what point would you expect them to be able to do things themselves, at what point would that 'more support' be a hindrance to their lives? You said yourself that at age 22 the OP has left it late to teach the value of money...I would agree (unless there is ND).

I was working from before I was 15 and left home for medical school at 17. No government or parental support, entirely funded by my own work. Not medical school but yeah, me too. Still managed to socialise though despite all the hours studying and working I put in.

Well, given the maximum student loan in Scotland is only £9400 per year (£783 per month), then OP isn't being exactly truthful about the amount of loan her DD is receiving.

Even if she also receives the full bursary of £2000 on top (unlikely given OP's partner works) it would be far less than the £1200 a month that the OP was claiming her DD gets.

Looking at the rates, if OP's household income is more than £20,999 they should be topping up her daughter.

Scottish undergraduate students
Household income of £0–£20,999: Loan of £9,400 plus a bursary of £2,000
Household income of £21,000–£23,999: Loan of £9,400 plus a bursary of £1,125
Household income of £24,000–£33,999: Loan of £9,400 plus a bursary of £500
Household income of £34,000 and above: Loan of £8,400 plus no bursary

I assumed that OP was dividing the amount over term time only, not the holidays