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Original poster

To sell my belongings and give up my dogs

181 replies

Staceyp788 · 16/06/2023 12:24

So...I'm in the same boat as most people rn. I had a good job that I have up to do something I enjoyed, we weren't well off but could afford to live and have days out and yearly holidays etc. Then we all got hit with the cost of living and shits hit the fan. I can't afford my bills. I have cut out all subscriptions, I buy everything from aldi and their essentials range if we run out of something in the week then tough it's gone. The only thing I haven't done is quit smoking...yes I know, I know...I will give it up, I have done it before and will do it again...however the £100 a month this would save us doesn't make up on what we are missing. My husband tried to better himself and get his HGV licence. £3000 later and it turns out that he's really good at driving a lorry, but doesn't like it... that put us in a hole for 5 weeks, cause his anxiety couldn't take it and he didn't go back to work. We have been playing catch up ever since. So now I have to sell my motorbike (crappy Chinese model) my car (crappy old fiat) and my gym equipment(a fit cube, a cheap cross trainer and a hill climber)...and I cant afford to feed the children, let alone the dogs. There is no help for us. I've already checked. You can't just walk into a food bank. And also I can't just get a new job cause I'm in the middle of an apprenticeship. So basically, life's shit and I've had enough.

OP posts:
Whadda · 16/06/2023 12:30

Unfortunate as it is, if you’re at the stage where you’re unable to feed your children, you really do need to defer or resign from your apprenticeship and get a job that will pay you more, or you’ll need to take on a part-time job alongside the apprenticeship, or your husband will need to do something to earn more.

It sounds tough, OP, but remaining in an apprenticeship because it’s something you enjoy isn’t a luxury you can afford nor is smoking but you’ve mentioned you’re quitting so hopefully some of the savings from that will go towards food for your kids.

Original poster
Staceyp788 · 16/06/2023 12:36

Thanks, I know what your saying. I just feel like it's always me that takes the hit. For over a decade he has had his opportunities to further his career but his mental health always gets in the way. I'm doing my early years apprenticeship, so working 40 hour weeks. I think the upcoming school uniform fees are getting to me. I've got to buy 3 sets of uniform. I've just totted it up and it's over £700. £32 for a p.e shirt is ridiculous imo. But it's compulsory.

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 16/06/2023 12:37

Is your husband currently off work?

Luckydip1 · 16/06/2023 12:39

ADs may help your DH get back to work and contributing.

Overthebow · 16/06/2023 12:39

You gave up a good job and your DH paid money to learn to drive vehicles but doesn’t like it. Sorry but if you can’t afford to feed your kids then you both need to do things to bring in more money even if you don’t like it. Your kids come first. And give up smoking, £100 on smoking when you can’t afford food for your kids is awful.

Hellishforest · 16/06/2023 12:40

Speak the the school, they are bound to have second hand uniform.

AlrightJulia · 16/06/2023 12:40

Staceyp788 · 16/06/2023 12:36

Thanks, I know what your saying. I just feel like it's always me that takes the hit. For over a decade he has had his opportunities to further his career but his mental health always gets in the way. I'm doing my early years apprenticeship, so working 40 hour weeks. I think the upcoming school uniform fees are getting to me. I've got to buy 3 sets of uniform. I've just totted it up and it's over £700. £32 for a p.e shirt is ridiculous imo. But it's compulsory.

Do the school have a used uniform shop? I didn't realise but ours do - they just don't advertise it for some reason! Really useful for picking up the official uniform at a much reduced price.

Gracewithoutend · 16/06/2023 12:41

Is your husband not working?

SunnyFrost · 16/06/2023 12:47

Overthebow · 16/06/2023 12:39

You gave up a good job and your DH paid money to learn to drive vehicles but doesn’t like it. Sorry but if you can’t afford to feed your kids then you both need to do things to bring in more money even if you don’t like it. Your kids come first. And give up smoking, £100 on smoking when you can’t afford food for your kids is awful.

I’m sorry to be blunt but this was exactly what I was thinking. A father of three whose family is on the breadline just doesn’t get to spend £3k on a course and then decide he doesn’t like the work at the end of it. Is his anxiety a real and diagnosed medical issue which he is on treatment for, or is it the kind of ‘anxiety’ that some people get when they have to do something that they’re not really keen on?

As for £100 on cigarettes each month when you have three kids….I won’t waste time on that one.

Yes things are tough but you have a lot more control over your situation than many people do, and various choices you could make that would change things entirely. So it’s hard to feel overwhelmed with sympathy for you, being totally honest!

SunnyFrost · 16/06/2023 12:48

Assuming your kids aren’t in private school then £32 for a PE T shirt is a joke and I would assume totally unenforceable - how many families are going to pay that? Email the school and advise them that you aren’t in a position to spend that kind of money and your children will be in unbranded stuff. What are they going to do? You won’t be the only ones.

PickledPurplePickle · 16/06/2023 12:50

You chose to give up a well paid job

why do you say that you always have to sacrifice? You are doing what you wanted to do

Silvergoldandglitter · 16/06/2023 12:50

What job will you have at the end of your apprenticeship? Will it be a well paid one? Is it worth continuing?

Moltenpink · 16/06/2023 12:53

Just checking, have you completed your first year of the apprenticeship? If so you should be on at least minimum wage, make sure this isn’t missed.

Wasley · 16/06/2023 12:53

Staceyp788 · 16/06/2023 12:36

Thanks, I know what your saying. I just feel like it's always me that takes the hit. For over a decade he has had his opportunities to further his career but his mental health always gets in the way. I'm doing my early years apprenticeship, so working 40 hour weeks. I think the upcoming school uniform fees are getting to me. I've got to buy 3 sets of uniform. I've just totted it up and it's over £700. £32 for a p.e shirt is ridiculous imo. But it's compulsory.

£32 for a Pe shirt ! That's ridiculous. Surely the school will let you get a cheaper one . I would go Citizens advice or a money worker and double check what you are entitled to. Not meaning to be rude but couldn't your partner get a less stressful job for now such as s cleaning job ? I know it's not the greatest but at least he will be earning and he won't have the stress. With a cleaning job you just do it and go . There are full time ones about .

2bazookas · 16/06/2023 12:53

Well if you can't afford to feed the DOGS, it really is time to stop burning £100 a month in your mouth.

Skinnermarink · 16/06/2023 12:54

£32 for a PE shirt IS ridiculous.

But then so is the price of a packet of fags.

Sarvanga38 · 16/06/2023 12:55

2bazookas · 16/06/2023 12:53

Well if you can't afford to feed the DOGS, it really is time to stop burning £100 a month in your mouth.

It does seem very bizarre that you would consider giving up your dogs before something that is very bad for you anyway. £100 a month would certainly go a long way towards food for kids and a sack of dog food.

Are your kids at private school to have uniform that expensive?

polon · 16/06/2023 12:56

I'm sorry you're in this position.

£100 a month would feed your kids and dogs.

Hoppinggreen · 16/06/2023 12:57

So you gave up your job to do an apprenticeship and your DH spent £3000 to train for a job he doesn’t like.
What did you think would happen?
You need to get a job right now and if your H hadn’t got one he needs to or if he has be needs to fund a way to earn more. If it’s a medical issue stopping him driving then that’s one thing but if your situation is so dire can he find a way to manage?

WoolyMammoth55 · 16/06/2023 12:57

Staceyp788 · 16/06/2023 12:36

Thanks, I know what your saying. I just feel like it's always me that takes the hit. For over a decade he has had his opportunities to further his career but his mental health always gets in the way. I'm doing my early years apprenticeship, so working 40 hour weeks. I think the upcoming school uniform fees are getting to me. I've got to buy 3 sets of uniform. I've just totted it up and it's over £700. £32 for a p.e shirt is ridiculous imo. But it's compulsory.

Hi OP, just on the school uniform thing - please speak to the office staff at school about second hand. I haven't paid new prices for uniform for years now - the office take all the good quality grown out of items and charge £2 or so per piece. If you mention that you are in hardship they will do all they can to help.

Really wish you all the best and hope that things turn around. Flowers

Starlingnest · 16/06/2023 12:58

Well done for recognising the issue and trying to address it. Take a look at the money saving expert money makeover and see what else you can cut back on.

Do you really need a full set of uniform for all three? I get bits of uniform through the year as they need it, and they go back in September in what they had in the summer, unless it's completely worn out. Look at second hand, supermarkets for trousers, shirts and dresses and speak to the school.

Is your husband working? You did a job you didn't like, is it not now his turn, until he can find something else? What aspect doesn't he like? If he doesn't like being away from home, are there short distance driver jobs he could look at. Round us the supermarkets are always looking for delivery drivers, it's not hgv and may not be great pay but it's an income.

MidnightMeltdown · 16/06/2023 13:01

£3000 later and it turns out that he's really good at driving a lorry, but doesn't like it...

Tough shit if he doesn't like it. He's got kids to support. Most people have to do things that they don't enjoy to make ends meet.

Your husband is the problem. He sounds like a total dick.

Im99912 · 16/06/2023 13:01

How about giving up smoking and keeping the dogs

and who on earth spunks 3k on learning to be a HGV driver and then decides he doesn’t like it - a bloody idiot that is who

and you gave up your job to do a low paid apprenticeship

You both made these choices so you can’t really complain

Im99912 · 16/06/2023 13:02

I would probably consider getting rid of the husband before the dogs 😂

Motnight · 16/06/2023 13:03

Well, it's not always you taking the hit, Op, it's your kids if you can't feed them.

Your DH and you are in this mess at least partly because you have both done what you wanted - given up a good job, spent a huge amount on training for a job that your DH no longer wants to do etc.

It must be a horrible situation but you have sleep walked into it and still can't quite see that you could do things to improve it.