Friendly frugaleers as the leaves fall our bank balances will rise, hopefully!

[lifelongfrugaleer]

Couldn't see one so took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Made the most of a few dry hours & got some washing dry on the line. Now it's heaving down again [sigh]. Dh is properly entering into the frugal spirit & building himself a work bench in the garage. He kept a piece of worktop that was spare after we had the kitchen done 10 years ago & has fitted it into a corner. The only cost is a supporting leg for it which was less than £10 from Wickes. I'm still sorting & tidying.

Curvy sorry to hear that but so glad school are helping. Also keep Camhs in mind, ds found this really beneficial and it helped him to think about other strategies for coping rather than harming himself - doesn’t always work but he is now more likely to do something else than himself if he gets in that space

North I think it’s brilliant, definitely more of an autumn-spring appliance than a summer one but I’d definitely recommend, we even have a little group of users at work who share tips and recipes

Dm and df bought some bits for ds, I chose an autumn coat for myself as my winter one is too warm on the trains/tube when I commute - somewhat like being in a 20tog duvet. £100 reduced to £45 in the flash offer and then df paid which was a lovely surprise

£8 autumn show. Ds saw guinnea pigs, rabbits, two super friendly basset hounds, cows, big ass chickens, huge ducks, a gigantic pumpkin, and apples tomatoes et.

We’re tempted to join local agri society. £40.50 joint membership for the year. And we can enter in the shows. Prize for longest runner bean went to one which was 8 inches. We grew some this year which were bigger than that..!!

The biggest pumpkin was 700lb plus. Insane.

Thank you all for the kind messages xx

So full disclosure, my eldest, DD1 self harmed when she was a teenager ( found out when she was 14 and CAMHS were really good) DD1 is now 21 and has a mental illness, she is brilliant, bright, articulate, gorgeous, my firstborn, and she struggles with it every day. She tries really really fucking hard not to let it define her too! I'm immensely proud of her.

So when the school called me to tell me about DD2, my baby, (she is 9) I just felt that I had let her down so so badly, that I should have known the signs, because, you know, I'd been there before!
I realised that I just need to fight her corner.
Wolf, the family support worker at the school is going to ask for advice from CAMHS.

Anyway it was my Mums birthday meal this weekend and dd1 came home from uni, so we had a great family time together this weekend, we even went to Brick lane today and had some amazing food and drink.

Oh curvy 9?! Wow. Poor dd. You have not let anyone down. Remember that. Xx

I am making lists at present. Lists of things I need to do. Lists of things I need to buy. Need. Not want. There’s a separate want list.

Tomorrow’s jobs are:

Boots shop - I have double points (only I store) for all of October as it’s my birthday month. So I’m going to make the most of it and stock up on things. Nappies, formula (although no points but it’s cheapest at boots), painkillers, shampoo etc.

Also need to set up the baby monitor. We want to get Dd sleeping in her room on her own. She’ll soon outgrow the Moses basket and we’ll then have to dismantle the double bed in her room to make way for the cot. So need to get her used to it. Also I need to get used to it.

Also want to get some photos printed.

Your poor DD Curvy. In fact, both of them. I’m not an expert on mental illness but imagine it’s really hard to keep working at it when there’s no magic wand. And your little DD - what a shame she got such a poor reaction from her friends. They are all very young I guess but still, you’d hope for better. I hope she feels better soon.

Bread looks great Em - what did you do for a sourdough starter? Did you cultivate one or is there a shortcut? I fancy giving it a try.

I’ve been away for the weekend with my friend and our DDs (both wee girls are 2) to Peppa Pig World. Overall it was a great weekend - it’s a friend I know reasonably well but you never can tell how a friendship will react to being tested (sharing living space, chores, overtired children and tricky behaviour). But that was great, we had a laugh. The girls had an amazing time. We spent two days at PPW as it seemed rude not to when we’d travelled and stayed down there anyway. Also both girls were flagging after a 2-3 hours there so even though we did a long day on Saturday DD slept through a good chunk of it, so we went back today They were pretty well behaved on the whole, but:

1. They did both get incredibly overtired and testing
2. Queuing. With 2-yr olds. Oy oy oy!

I took DS when he was a similar age but in March. I concluded that it’s worth being colder to be there when it’s less crowded. I didn’t expect it to be so busy in October (but then, it didn’t rain so...).

I am v tired now after the driving, queuing, toddler wrangling...

Spends weren't too bad. We’d prepaid the entrance tickets (£56 each adult, kids free) and accommodation (£400ish - I paid the air bnb for all of us). We took food and drink with us and didn’t top up at all. The shop - I bought a daddy pig stuffed toy (DD’s choice) and a bit of plastic tat for her, about £22. I also bought a large piece of plastic tat on behalf of my sisters, the aunties, for DD for Christmas (a PP camper van, she will love it). And a book and choc lolly for DS, £6.

So not a cheap weekend but we picnicked and cooked at home and I still feel as though I had a holiday and DD had a good experience hanging out with a child her own age. Nothing on the horizon now so I need to book something to look forward to!

Curvy
You have NOT let anyone down

sea dh made one. He’s usually the baker of bread but I wouldn’t let him use my mixer for the first time! Hah.

I’ve just woken up. Dd is still asleep. That’s from 930....

Curvy. You sound like you're doing a great job, it must be such a difficult position to be in. I self-harmed on and off between the ages of 12 and 20 but roughly six years SH free now. I credit a fair bit of that to DH tbh who I met at 18. I have had odd occasions since then when I have been really really in a state and had urges but I overcame them (actually most of them were when DD was smaller and screamed all the time). My parents did find out on two separate occasions as a teenager and as much as I love them and try not to dwell on it now, they were frankly rubbish and I find it hard not to be resentful because I feel that my mental health would have been much better much faster if they'd dealt with it sensitively and take me to the GP or whatever. Instead of grounding me for a very very long, forcing me to strip to be checked for a very long time, telling me if I did it again they would kick me out...etc. I lived in constant fear of homelessness after that until DH and I got married really.

Meadow . Good lord. I can only assume your parents were panicking and doing what they thought would protect you but that is truly awful and shows terribly poor judgment as to how to ‘help’. I am so sorry you went through that.

Really rather lost for words. But so glad you found your DH and that he is such a good egg .

God meadow that’s awful I’m so sorry. I’d not realised you had a history of SH as well. I am also mostly “clean” since about 19 but have had the odd episode lately. It’s what I turn to when things get too much. It’s much more common in autistic people and those with ADHD (impulsivity, overwhelm etc) which I didn’t realise until recently.

How dare they treat it like bad behaviour 😱 😡

Curvy please don’t feel you’ve let your girls down. You are there for them, that is what matters above all else. Happy to chat at any point about this stuff if you need (that goes for anyone) x

I’m off to see my therapist in half an hour, have also phoned the psychiatrist to see what’s happening with me trying meds. I received the report from our appointment and there were glaring omissions and actual lies on it. FFS.

It’s interesting to hear all your stories. I’ve never sh ti That extent but I have struggled with eating disorders. If I get stressed food is the first thing to go. I was almost hospitalised when I was 17. Lost a hell of a lot of weight but couldn’t see it. Avoided eating when I could. For a while I basically got by on an Apple. You could argue I was self harming.

I’ve not done anything like that for almost 12 years now. Also since I’ve given up smoking. Smoking for me was a crutch suppressed appetite etc.

£70 in boots today. Gift voucher spend though.

Gosh meadow

Blimey Meadow that's awful. I went through a period of not eating properly when I was 17-19yo. I was ridiculously anxious at this time 🙁 when I look back I think my parents could have done more to help me but i suppose it was a different time then. I don't think you'll find many people who haven't struggled with their mental health at some point tbh.

Interesting day at the work, have finished an application for a uni course which starts next year. Will be good to be studying again but God knows how I'm going to find the time!!

Nsd but might nip to co op in a bit for some fresh bits.

Lots of love to you and your family curvy

that’s so sad to hear meadow

em

I think DD2 might have a bladder infection. Lots of tears from her tonight and refusing to go. Hoping to get her to bed and then pop on the toilet later when she is sleepy and not thinking about it. Might be the doctors for her if it doesn’t improve tomorrow

I’m trying to decide whether to do the last couple of modules to finish off my level 5 Cipd qualification. £550 though. Hmmmm. I think I said never again, when I finished the first bit this year

Love be armed with a clean pot for that first wee of the morning just in case otherwise you'll have a nightmare trying to get a sample

Spendy day.

Made £110 gross on eBay £95 into my account after fees and have to pay postage out of that. Still have more things to post but today's was £20
£31 swimming lessons
£20 winter boots for ds
£70 Zara on winter boots for dd and a leather jacket ds fell in love with. Will save it for his birthday.

curvy sending much love to you and both your daughters and to you meadow. As others have said, I can't imagine many people have never experienced any type of mental health problem. For me it's food issues (bulimia, binge eating). Like others, it rears its ugly head now & again, but I'm fine most of the time.
girlie good news about the course. If you get funding then you just have to take it while you can.
lap that all sounds very frustrating. Hope the therapy session is useful.

The only spend today was 85p for broccoli. I took leftovers for lunch, dh took HM lentil soup. Tea was "cheesy chicken gratin" from an old AWT cook book I have. It uses leftover roast chicken &. I even made some croutons to use in the recipe (using up some slightly wrinkled bread rolls from the freezer). It was a really good Autumn/winter tea. Tomorrow's tea will be chicken & bacon pasta. Kitchen is now looking fabulous & organised & dh has the garage looking like a proper working space for him.

£24 baby monitors. Ds has broken the ones we had by putting the receiver into catfaces water. Ffs. Dh thought it was working but today when we both tried it no luck. So had to buy new.

When I get anxious or stressed now I still use food as a control mechanism. Except I bake. Or food shop. Or make lists.

Dinner tonight was smoked tofu teriyaki stir fry. Rather good actually.

Thanks north session was fab but challenging (I cried 🙈) and my psychologist instantly picked up on the lies. She has asked if she can support me complaining or at least get it removed from my records because she can see it’s false. And it turns out when she did her doctorate she specialised in this exact issue 😂👊 so she really knows her stuff. I’m waiting to see what is happening with meds first though.

I spent too much today 🙈 stress spending really. But I never really buy myself clothes and am virtually out of non-falling-apart t-shirts, I saw this in Next before my appt and had to get it, I love it!

Yeah my parents love me they just didn't know what to do and they were scared. I can't forgive them exactly because I feel they were letting their own fear rule the situation (a lot of which was definitely about fear of judgement from others, I was strictly sworn to secrecy) rather than overcoming that and actually focusing on me and not just their fear. And if they couldn't do that themselves they should have sought professional help for themselves and me. I think maybe they genuinely believed I would get taken into care or something though. But I try not to be angry about it as it can't be changed now and they definitely didn't mean to hurt me, even if it did.

Sorry to hear everyone else's struggles with their MH. I agree though I think probably everyone has struggles at various points in their life. DH struggles with anxiety sometimes and if you met him you'd never guess! He gets periods of it sometimes.

Today's spends were £2.30 bus to work, and £3.80 on snacks to keep at work.

Oh Meadow how sad for you I’m sure they thought they were trying to help you by watching you closely and giving you an ultimatum but obviously you’re rIght and the sensible thing would have been to get you the help you needed.

I think that lots of people don’t cope well with mental health problems and try to brush them under the carpet. I know my parents were very much the just get on with it types and I would definitely have hidden any problems from them as they would not have understood. It shapes the way we parent as I would never want my kids to feel unable to tell me things and to feel they had to struggle alone.

its So good that mental health is the new “thing” I don’t mean that to sound insensitive I mean it in the way that it’s there and it’s now suddenly ok to talk about not being ok. There’s more help available whereas before it was seen as a bad thing.

Anyway. I’ve been awake since 5. Dd has had half of her bottle and has nodded off again. Catface has been fed. I’ve got a cup of tea and am back in bed. Catface also managed to almost get herself stuck under the stair gate. It wa open. So she didn’t have to crawl under it.... silly.