Frugaleers Marching on!

[Cagliostro]

Hi everyone, new thread as previous one full.

All welcome to chat all things frugal (and a whole lot more besides) - do jump in, we are a friendly bunch!

Fluffy, they didn't talk about money. He had savings, she had debt, separate money.

Ooo a love actually sequel for comic relief. Not sure i can cope with the rest of the programme to see it though.
£3 comic relief for cake mmmmm

wreck I know that's what you mean that's what dm said.

All good in my hood I guess!

I missed shop well for less. Am now watching the thing about the guy with tons of wives. On c4

Hi again, I have had a few days that were so busy and stressful that I could not get the time to do anything.
My friend came to stay for a few days with her large black, beautiful labrador. But she is really upset. Tells me she is having an affair with a married man. What am I supposed to say for God's sake? She is single but still.
Then my front door lock slips and I am locked out. A kind builder who was working opposite kindly came over and managed to open a bathroom window....up a ladder for about an hour in the rain. Sorted.
Then...power cut, and my phone is through wifi....yes my bloody house phone....remote village, fibre optic exchange....then second power cut.
And today, puncture.

Lovely to see you back Collie

OMG, Trying. What a run of bad luck for you, you poor thing!

Well I've spent £429 today - on nursery fees. Makes me cringe every time and it's usually more than that (thank you bank holiday!)

Pay day tomorrow for both me and oh so I'm going to see what we've got, what bills need paying this week and see if I can squirrel anything away into savings!

I have just read back through the thread. I can't believe we had a troll. I wouldn't have thought we were that interesting.
And I don't get the competitive bit.
I love reading what others are doing and reporting my own ups and downs. I really think we are a nice, supportive bunch. I love reading about our successes like Needs running and the fitness stuff and the baking and pets. And of course the babies.
I feel quite protective as if the people on here were friends IRL.
Please don't stop. The chat is great.

Oh, I go off and have a real life and there's lots of stuff going on!

I think most folk post what they feel comfortable posting. For some, that's very little. Others, much more. And both approaches are cool. I'm like Em, there's nothing on here I wouldn't say in RL. If that is identifying that's okay.

Speaking of Em. One, it shows what a decent employer you have. Second, and the more important for me, is how much they value you. Good, they should do, you are obviously great at what you do.

Bloody hell Trying, you've had a week of it haven't you? Negative stuff always seems to come at once doesn't it? Farewell to this week eh?

Meadow Dealing with MH on a daily basis is courageous. Be proud of yourself.

polka I am very sorry about your BF. Anything I say will sound trite and vacuous. You need to mourn, whether the relationship was negative or positive.

Keep going North, seeing results is awesome!

I've just recently got in from training. £9 for 90 minutes. Last one before the season starts. I'm glad, I was getting fed up of standing in a cold arena for hours in the cold!

I'm sorry if I have missed anyone. x

Thanks everyone. All sorted now ( I hope).
What do you say, though, to friend. I don't like the idea of an affair with married man ( who has 3 young DCs). But don't like to see my long standing friend so up set.

Trying You know me, I am honest. I think I would tell said friend that I love and support her and that her friendship is important and valuable but that you are uncomfortable with the situation and worry for any outcomes that involve the children getting hurt. If that is appropriate to your friendship?

Joff Apologies, I forgot to say hello, and you mentioned raspberry gin 'an all.....

Welcome Joff!

I understand what bernie was getting at and it was put in a much kinder way than the previous poster, the oversharing is a valid point for sure and I know I'm 'guilty' of it.

I didn't really understand what they meant by the mental health comment TBH, I know I am one of the less successful on here and I also have MH issues as well as physical disabilities. But I totally agree that actually getting up and getting on, fighting your battles and trying your best to contend with the issues you've got, is success in its own right. So in that sense I am really very pleased with myself, and I really need to feel that right now as it's been a long day with a few tears! But I'm still standing (metaphorically 😜) and I should be proud of myself for that. One of the great things about this thread is that I know my Frugaleer buddies are proud of me too. 😊

Really didn't get the 'it's all an illusion' type comment though, is it being implied that we are all faking our Frugaleers personas? I promise I'm not a hairy handed trucker posting for financial kicks 😇😂 but what about the rest of you eh? EH?

I kind of get what Bernie means. I probably post too much detail, but I also name change a lot which helps mitigate that.

I find that posting rather honestly here allows me to try being honest about how my life is, and if the frugaleers are kind then it gives me the courage to try being myself with RL friends.

Oddly, when I talk to RL friends about the same stuff, they come clean with all their issues too and are massively relieved not to have to pretend any more. It's been good that way.

I think that because women have been traditionally rather isolated, there are a lot of taboos, particularly in MH. By talking openly here, we challenge those taboos, which is a huge thing for the next generation of women. I am proud that we do that.

I don't talk about my successes on here, because that would be very identifying for me, so I have to hide my light under a bushel in that respect.

I also like talking about money, which so completely underpins everything.

Wanders off to shave hands >>innocent whistle

Lifelong I saw your post before I read back to Cag's. I was a little

Hmmm, how to stop DS tipping every toy he owns onto the sitting room floor before my new mum friend comes round later? At the moment I can see some of the carpet

cag less successful?? You?? Really?! I would say the opposite.

From what I remember youre dealing with disability/health issues (and from what I've read for the most part kicking its ass), have set up a couple of businesses (between you and dh) and you're doing what you love. And you've got the caglets who again from what I've read come across as super kids, happy, excited to learn new things etc. If that's not success I don't know what is.

We are all successful in our own way and we should all celebrate it. It's a shame that society in general puts monetary values on success. I like reading about all of your achievements whatever they may be. Celebrate them all!!!!!!

My great aunt congratulated dm on becoming a grandma yesterday. And said "but I thought em was the successful one. I thought she was career driven. She's messed all that up now"

Oh no trying that all sounds horrible

Cag I'm obviously one of the less successful ones too

Today should be a nsd. I've been paid which is good... Looking forward to work today. All my favourite people are in and we all get on so well

My cousin got on to me yesterday about meeting up, we usually meet at a bar or restaurant for a meal & pay every second time. I said I want to meet but I'm getting work done on my car so i wouldn't be able to afford it for a few weeks. She said it suits her not to spend money too as she's going on holidays soon & she's going to come to mine instead.

Got my balance transfer card but one balance wasn't transferred to it so I thought this might be because limit was too low, letter said to contact them. Well debt is about €2000 limit is €4500 so that's not the issue so will transfer that & set up the standing order for paying it. The old me would have wondered what I could buy this frugal me doesn't

Em what an old fashioned reaction! You can't have children & continue to be successful

Welcome joff

Sea

Success is relative and measuring success is very subjective imo.

mammy I'll say to you what I said to dm re great aunts comment "bitches be crazy"

And you know full well if I'd have concentrated on career instead of trying to "have it all" I'd have "wasted my life"

Thank you to those of you trying to Understand what I was saying. Firstly 'it's all an illusion' comment means that each individual on this thread is not going to be as black or white a success (many small triumphs every day like delicious dinners/ promotions, high achieving children, pots of money, 20 minute miles and the power to buy BMWs that never depreciates!) or black or white non-success that they present here (tight finances, lower paid jobs, challenging children, benefits, illness) as you present here. I bring an being deliberately provocative on my choice of examples there to further point out how it sometimes reads, how much you share, but also how you may think you are being yourselves but you are filtering the lens through which you paint your life. It is a way of bolstering self esteem, moons can challenge you on the reality either because they don't know it.

Many of you are clearly very lonely but them so am I ...we just choose to deal with it in different ways.

That's an interesting comment Bernie.

I would like to add that a lot of us realise this. Perhaps by sharing, or over sharing possibly we all realise that our personalities are more nuanced than you think we realise if that makes sense?

You've used me as an example in your post. Yes, I may have 'pots of money, high achieving children and a nice car'. I am also married to someone with bi-polar and a mother that called me a worthless piece of shit a matter of months ago. Sorry, sharing again. We all have perceived successes but also difficulties too.

I think we all 'filter the lens' all the time. On social media in all it's forms. At work, we all have a 'persona' that is different to at home. In a social context. At a meeting. Etc. So in RL too we filter the lens.

I think what I am saying is that you are not posting anything that we are not already aware of.

But I probably haven't articulated this very well.

Cag My turn to tell you not to be daft! I could say more, but Em has said it all so very well anyway.

And I am not in the slightest bit lonely personally.

Today is somewhat spendy. It's all 'self' spends which I am now, and I can't actually believe I am saying this, but I am now too embarrassed to post. It's about having my nails done and hair and paying the cleaner. I'm now thinking I am boasting. That's an honest thought. It's in my head now though.

Sorry, last before I go out as I am procrastinating now. Bernie, you are genuinely welcome to join, with or without giving away lots of personal information

See bernie perhaps the lonely oversharers know what you are saying, but perhaps didn't want or need it pointing out. for clarity I'm talking about me

I have felt like this all my life. I have beyond wonderful children (to me), a lovely dp; but on a completely personal level, I never manage to make friends. I never have. Posting on here has given me a sense of that. Having it pointed out that it's all a load of bollocks and I'm fooling myself felt a bit unnecessary to me.

I thought I was at peace with it now, after 40 years of being like this. Clearly not.