Relative still shielding from covid

[Worriedabouttheworried]

Without wanting to give away too many specifics I have a relative (early 40s) who is still shielding from covid. This means not going anywhere apart from an occasional walk to the park, and does not include meeting people in the park as this is seen as too risky (they don't have a garden). They live with someone who feels the same, and have built a shared narrative, where, it seems to me, they feed into each other's anxieties and justifications about why this is a reasonable choice. Perhaps it is a reasonable choice and I am being unreasonable.

They both work from home, but on short term contracts, so there's a worry about getting ill and the financial insecurity that may bring. They also have pretty bad asthma. The one time they did step out of their comfort zone they unluckily caught covid, and were pretty ill (needing steroids from GP but not hospitalisation). This has definitely increased the risk perception and magnified the justification that they are doing the right thing.

I'm so concerned about their mental health and the long term trajectory of this. I realise it's their life to lead, and really it's got nothing to do with me, but I care about them and cannot see an end to this way of life for them. There's talk of eg 'when I get another booster I might feel more comfortable', but after the booster or whatever there's always another reason not to change anything. They talk about being prepared to live like this for years if necessary.

It's such a difficult thing to be on the sidelines of. I really feel they'd benefit from talking to a counsellor (via zoom) but don't think they'd do it if I suggested it. They already perceive me as belittling their choices (because I've tried to raise it, which makes them very defensive) and possibly as acting irresponsibly by going out and about.

Has anyone been through similar? Does anyone have any recommendations for online counsellors who might specialise in this, or other advice? For those of you who are GPs etc what do you suggest when you encounter this?

I'm trying to just step back but feel like their reasoning has become so skewed. Maybe I'm the one who needs to talk to a counsellor about this to find a way to cope with the potentially unchangeable.

That's just rude and unnecessary. If my family member was doing the same as what OP said i would genuinely be concerned too.
I've read all ur posts I disagree with u. If her family member was in a shielding category I would understand but they r not . And I say that as someone who has asthma and didn't leave house for 14 weeks in first lockdown.

Showing or being concerned about a person's behaviour is not being awful or bullying or abist !

It's interesting that you feel attacked. I don't think this discussion has been entirely polite but I don't see anyone attacking anyone else. The OP definitely isn't attacking her relatives. Your comment about CBT to encourage people to mind their own business is pretty rude - I don't feel attacked though. I do feel there is judgement in the comments about how the behaviour of others means the vulnerable have to protect themselves - I don't feel judged though.

It probably comes under the category of health anxiety. Someone people are over anxious, shielding when they don't really need to. There's a big difference between someone with a health condition thinking about things, considering things, deciding not to go to an event. Comparing that with not going anywhere ever and using covid an excuse to facilitate that.

@TheDailyCarbunkle

You're talking about someone who is severely ill - it makes sense for someone who is so vulnerable to protect themselves from all infections and it's likely they would have done that in 2019 as much as they would do it now.

You surely see the difference between someone who has stage IV cancer protecting themselves from infections and someone who is generally healthy stopping pretty much all contact with their family and friends?

This was Is response to a post about Evusheld. If available to him, this is something he certainly would have. It would give him his life back.

"Generally healthy" is a definition you seem to have made up. In OP's case, the person has asthma, and so would certainly benefit from Evusheld. It isn't for you to determine their levels of healthiness or if they should be socialising. It's their decision.

How are you still going @pixie5121?

You don't agree. You don't accept anyone else's opinion. You rebuff all comments by others. You're evidently happy with your current choices and aren't intending on altering them so just go about your day.

Don't tell me what I can and can't do.

The irony 🙃

On one hand u r telling people they should do what they want but on other hand telling them "your actions are contributing to life being less safe for others,"
So which is it? Should people be able to not be as careful as they were in 2020 and live a normal life or should they be cautious and be conscious of their actions contributing to life being less safe for others?

You’re utterly delusional you’ve literally said ‘if you refuse to take basic measures ….’ to me when I’ve just stated I test for minor symptoms, isolated my child until they were negative, didn’t send them back to school until they were negative despite being told they could return whilst still positive etc.

I’ve also tested the rest of the family before going to places. Avoid people when we are unwell and wear a mask in any medical setting, including our GP practice who no longer require masks and when I last visited I was the only person wearing one, even the GP wasn’t wearing one.

However because I have a differing option to you regarding the OPs relative you refuse to acknowledge these precautions and spout utter rubbish about me refusing to take ‘basic measures’.

@Dottyandbetty careful, you'll be accused of gaslighting next. Or whatever insane definition of gaslighting is being used 🙃

I don't have a problem with the truth what u have said isn't ground breaking its pretty obvious. I have a friend who has son would be very ill potentially fatal if caught covid. I did a test before I meet up with his mum. She is being careful but relatively gone back to before covid. That's her decision to make, as it is everyone. There is not one extreme or the other. Someone can go back to 'normal' and still be concerned about effects on covid and do things to help like me with testing. It's not ur either going back to normal and not caring or ur super Cautious and super caring of others.
U seem to want to argue that everyone who isn't still wearing a mask is wrong and not caring of the more vulnerable and also saying we shouldn't be telling others what to do. U can't have it both ways.

Which isn't inherently bad. But you don't get to make that choice and then turn around and act like the people who are trying to stay safe are doing something wrong!

U r talking about people who are vulnerable, this is NOT including the OP relative. So not comparable .

The relatives did try to be more relaxed but caught a very bad case of Covid. They are being rational, it is the OP who tries to minimise their sense of risk by pretending their experience is one off.

Fully agree. They have their reasons and don't need to be "cured" by you. They may be perfectly happy with their lives at the moment, especially since we've just gone through another Covid wave over winter. It's not gone away.

My OH (ECV due to cancer/chemotherapy) was just starting to get out and about more last Autumn, but caught covid in the hospital pharmacy in December, and then I caught it. It completely ruined our Christmas and New Year as we had 3/4 weeks of symptoms. It's knocked him back quite a bit, especially as time is passing since his last vaccination so his immunity is waning at the moment and he definitely doesn't want to risk getting it again.

I have only replied to u a few times and u seem to assume a lot. I've read this post twice and honestly I'm going to let u get on with it. I cannot honestly bothered to disagree. Good luck with ur self righteous.

Self righteousness

People with severe asthma are quite vulnerable. In this phase of the pandemic, when people are left to manage their own risk, they are doing so.

If you've never had an asthma attack, it may be easy for you to say they are being overly cautious - but then you are not in their bodies, are you.