Relative still shielding from covid

[Worriedabouttheworried]

Without wanting to give away too many specifics I have a relative (early 40s) who is still shielding from covid. This means not going anywhere apart from an occasional walk to the park, and does not include meeting people in the park as this is seen as too risky (they don't have a garden). They live with someone who feels the same, and have built a shared narrative, where, it seems to me, they feed into each other's anxieties and justifications about why this is a reasonable choice. Perhaps it is a reasonable choice and I am being unreasonable.

They both work from home, but on short term contracts, so there's a worry about getting ill and the financial insecurity that may bring. They also have pretty bad asthma. The one time they did step out of their comfort zone they unluckily caught covid, and were pretty ill (needing steroids from GP but not hospitalisation). This has definitely increased the risk perception and magnified the justification that they are doing the right thing.

I'm so concerned about their mental health and the long term trajectory of this. I realise it's their life to lead, and really it's got nothing to do with me, but I care about them and cannot see an end to this way of life for them. There's talk of eg 'when I get another booster I might feel more comfortable', but after the booster or whatever there's always another reason not to change anything. They talk about being prepared to live like this for years if necessary.

It's such a difficult thing to be on the sidelines of. I really feel they'd benefit from talking to a counsellor (via zoom) but don't think they'd do it if I suggested it. They already perceive me as belittling their choices (because I've tried to raise it, which makes them very defensive) and possibly as acting irresponsibly by going out and about.

Has anyone been through similar? Does anyone have any recommendations for online counsellors who might specialise in this, or other advice? For those of you who are GPs etc what do you suggest when you encounter this?

I'm trying to just step back but feel like their reasoning has become so skewed. Maybe I'm the one who needs to talk to a counsellor about this to find a way to cope with the potentially unchangeable.

Why does it bother you that they are living this way? Does it impact on your life at all?
we live in a similar way and are quite happy. We do our own thing. Both have health problems too. Why do you assume it will cause mental health problems? Some people like avoiding people and situations and live a more reclusive life.

Thank you for this answer @UnmentionedElephantDildo - it makes sense. I wasn't aware that people were waiting for better treatments etc. Is there evidence that those treatments are being developed? Is there a sense when they might be available?

It concerns me that there may be people who spend years limiting their lives only to find that nothing really changes. It'd be awful for someone to avoid doing things they want to do, seeing people they want to see, in the hopes of treatment that never comes. They may avoid covid but they can't necessarily avoid other disease risks - they may never get the chance to be among friends and family again. I find that very sad - I know others are not bothered by it, but that's not how I feel.

Some people actually like being among their relatives and miss people when they don't get to spend time with them. Shocking, I know.

Thank you. Your experience has been so useful to hear.

An effective treatment is already available, in fact most other countries have already provided their cev citizens with it. The NHS refuses to fund it though despite clinical findings showing that it works. It's called Evusheld

Exactly. As for the "helpful" suggestions of CBT, I would think the OP and others of similar mind who are wanting to bully others (out of concern) into unwanted socialising during an ongoing pandemic could look into that.

This sounds similar to a friend of mine, although her mum was very elderly and quite frail . Her mum passed away a few months back and my friend has really struggled with getting back into normal activity - not just because of fear around Covid but because she is just not used to being around groups if people and crowded spaces, I think it's been a sort of sensory overload for her . In a way I think she's actually been helped by getting Covid and realising that it wasn't the life sentence she expected and is now more relaxed .

@TheDailyCarbunkle

It concerns me that there may be people who spend years limiting their lives only to find that nothing really changes. It'd be awful for someone to avoid doing things they want to do, seeing people they want to see, in the hopes of treatment that never comes. They may avoid covid but they can't necessarily avoid other disease risks - they may never get the chance to be among friends and family again. I find that very sad - I know others are not bothered by it, but that's not how I feel.

"Concerned" are you? I simply don't think you understand the risk Covid presents to particular groups. My brother with Stage IV cancer only just survived his recent bout with Covid. He has no immune system due to having had a bone marrow transplant and chemo. He was pissing blood. So thanks for your "concern", but I'd thought I'd illustrate for you why some people wish to avoid Covid.

@Worriedabouttheworried I'm sorry some people seem to have gone well over the top in what I feel was

Genuine concern. You even said AIBU. I don't think this is all about health- from what you said about terrorism etc it sounds like they are just very very anxious people. I think you just have to let them get on with it- which is sad for you- I see that.

On the other hand I don't think it gives people the right to be amazingly rude to you because they themselves have issues. I've developed bad neurological stuff post vaccines. I feel mentally whacked somewhat because I've never had a chronic condition before and I'm certainly not wanting further doses of it but am carrying on as normal because otherwise I would go nuts. I think you are bearing the brunt of some peoples frustrations and depression with chronic illness. If they want to protect themselves that's fine- but it's not ok to take frustrations out on others.

If they want to protect themselves that's fine-

But this whole thread, including the opening post, is all about pathologising people are want to protect themselves, and people who are more introverted.

are = who

It comes from all the months and months when the government felt entitled to decide what level of risk we could all take. Now people are infantilsed about it. Just one more insidious adverse consequence from lockdown.

Agree - the refusal to fund Evusheld (even when the manufacturers were offering a "money back if not effective enough" price guarantee) was one of the most heartless decisions this government has ever made.

It's a disgrace - no other country that has announced a decision has rejected it. It's even free to the IC in the USA

This is so fucking awful I am so sorry. I hope that parent knows what they did and everyone around the em knows too. People have changed and don’t understand the “life is for living” bullshit doesn’t apply to some people like your DD. We have a similar family situation and it was the brother and his wife who decided their need for a night out knowing mg they likely had covid was worth sending their kids to someone who could die of a cold and gave them covid and they’re still really ill. They don’t test as they don’t need too. As they’re fine. Fuckers.

i Hope that person who knowingly gave your DD covid is no longer included in your life and you told them why

You're talking about someone who is severely ill - it makes sense for someone who is so vulnerable to protect themselves from all infections and it's likely they would have done that in 2019 as much as they would do it now.

You surely see the difference between someone who has stage IV cancer protecting themselves from infections and someone who is generally healthy stopping pretty much all contact with their family and friends?

Yes, I think people are wrong to isolate themselves and I worry that they will realise that it's wrong too late.

You don't have to agree with me.

Nice doesn't recommend Evusheld as they believe it's unlikely to prevent infection against current variants:

However you’ve continually attacked posters who even dare to offer a differing view point to your own, even those such as me who acknowledge that there are various approaches and no right or wrong.

Yet you spout that anyone with a differing opinion refuses to take the most basic of measures and are continually rude and confrontational to other posters, completely missing the irony.

It suits your narrative to pass everyone else off as not giving a damn about others. I tested my child for a the most minor, occasional cough, discovered they were positive and then kept my child who was well in them self at home to protect others despite school advising that if they were well in themself they could go in and only sent them back once they have a negative test. Yet it doesn’t suit your narrative to acknowledge that people can have contrasting and varying view points and still care about and protect others. Not to mention your constant derailing of threads. There’s no need to be rude or vicious towards other posters.

The OP doesn't need CBT to prevent her being worried about people she cares about, because that's what's called normal behaviour. Having an opinion is also normal.

They r not doing the right thing. They have never been told to sheild. So they r not needing to shield. I have asthma and have severe asthma attack before and ended up in intensive care. Before covid. I am doing everything I was doing pre covid. I would say it is agoraphobia. Covid is still out there obviously but the risks r lower and I've honestly found it bizarre some of the replies.

That is true now and Evusheld2 is in clinical trials

However, when MHRA approved it last spring it was higly effective, and indeed remained so until well in to the autumn/winter

The IC could have months of their lives back if the government had funded it last spring (when other countries did) rather than, uniquely, asking for additional trials (still not concluded) into efficiency, and ignoring the large body of international evidence.

Those extra trials BTW were not a sound reason to delay, because the manufacturer would refund the drug cost if effectiveness (at the time it was given) was not adequate. So it was a one-way bet for the government.

But instead they chose the heartless way. Condemning between 0.5 and 1.5 people to continuing a precautionary life, over most of last year.

It could have been so different