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Original poster

DP threatening breakup if I take the vaccine

238 replies

PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:03

Hi all,

I'm normally a lurker on MN, but have posted a few times and decided to name change for this.

I want to get the vaccine so that I can travel, but DP is set against me having it as he's heard the claims that it affects periods and fertility. He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs.

I know that there's no scientific research to suggest the vaccine affects fertility but I have PCOS and I'm already paranoid that I will have difficulty conceiving in the future. He's jokingly said he will break up with me if I get vaccinated but I think he's being serious. He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine.

I'm considering getting it behind his back is that unreasonable? On the other hand I'm getting anxiety from reading about the side effects online. ( I know that every vaccine/ medication has side effects and I'm being irrational but I just can't stop panicking about it)

I know some people might suggest LTB, I love him, and for other personal reasons breaking up isn't an option

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 21/07/2021 15:06

Your health, your body, your choice.

Threatening to break up with you if you don’t do as he says regarding your healthcare in a pandemic is emotionally manipulative and controlling.

Nice men aren't emotionally manipulative and and controlling.

Make the right choice for you and then it's up to you if you tell him or not, but be aware that this is not a healthy relationship dynamic.

Motorina · 21/07/2021 15:06

They are your periods and your fertility, so it is your decision to make. Although I agree with your assessment of the research!

Having to seek medical care behind your partner's back would be so far into breakup territory for me that it's hard for me not to suggest leaving him, although I appreciate that isn't what you want to hear.

reannneeee · 21/07/2021 15:07

I’m not vaccinated as have endometriosis and worried about fertility and the vaccine making periods disappear.

But your partner should not be blackmailing you like that. If you want the vaccine, get it.

QueenStromba · 21/07/2021 15:07

Sounds like a catch.

HirplesWithHaggis · 21/07/2021 15:07

That's a dangerous level of control he wants to have over your body. This is a choice only you can make for yourself, he should not be emotionally blackmailing you.

LIZS · 21/07/2021 15:08

He sounds controlling. Not sure why you would want to have his child anyway. Is travelling even realistic with him, if presumably he will not be vaccinated. Get vaccinated and travel without him.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 21/07/2021 15:08

@LolaSmiles

Your health, your body, your choice.

Threatening to break up with you if you don’t do as he says regarding your healthcare in a pandemic is emotionally manipulative and controlling.

Nice men aren't emotionally manipulative and and controlling.

Make the right choice for you and then it's up to you if you tell him or not, but be aware that this is not a healthy relationship dynamic.

This.
AvaCallanach · 21/07/2021 15:11

The fact that he appears to think he has bodily control over you would make me want to break up with him tbh.

It's your body, not his. Yours.

IAmAWomanNotACis · 21/07/2021 15:11

"He's jokingly said he will break up with me if I get vaccinated"

Not a very funny joke, is it?

It's your body and entirely your choice. Nothing to do with him and his conspiracy theories - you should get or not get the vaccine according to what YOU decide for YOURSELF.

I've heard a fair bit of anecdotal data that people with PCOS or other reasons for irregular cycles find their cycles are improved after having the vaccine. I'm NOT claiming that as any sort of reliable evidence, but it's interesting. My own cycle has definitely changed for the better after my second jab, although who is to say if it's connected or not.

Get it or don't get it - but I think you should re-evaluate your relationship. He does not sound like a nice man.

Cazzovuoi · 21/07/2021 15:12

Vaccines don’t make your period disappear, good lord almighty.

A virus (or in this case the vaccine related immune response) challenges your immune system. Your body knows it’s not a good time to get pregnant if you’re ill so skips a period so that it has time to get better.

No wonder the numbers are the way they are. Get vaccinated and tell him to not be so controlling.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/07/2021 15:12

Breaking up is always an option. There's never a reason that you can't break up with someone.

He's essentially telling you what you can and cannot do with your own body. That's not on. You are considering getting it and lying to him. You do not have a healthy relationship.

Original poster
PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:15

Thanks for your replies,
A part of me does worry I'll blame myself if I have trouble in the future but on the other hand I do think its important to stop the spread of the virus and I'd like to be able to travel to see family.

Completely agree with how controlling this comes across but I don't have any other choice but to bury my head in the sand about the situation

OP posts:
valnevavaxx · 21/07/2021 15:15

Imagine him saying he'd break up with you because you didn't get any other medical procedure? Your body, your choice. You say you can't break up with him but I don't see how you can't. He is controlling and manipulative.

CatRatSplat · 21/07/2021 15:17

If in the future you do fall pregnant, is he then going to switch to saying you can't have medical attention as it might harm the baby? Where does this kind of comment end?

Get vaccinated and go from there. He should have no control of what goes in or on your body.

elsaesmeralda · 21/07/2021 15:17

I also have pcos and secondary infertility, actually having ivf atm to hopefully conceive. I've still had the vaccine. Your body, your choice. I think his attitude is more of an issue than your possible fertility after the vaccine to be quite honest!

GirlAloud · 21/07/2021 15:17

It sounds to me like deciding whether or not to get vaccinated is the least of your problems, OP.

There is no evidence whatsoever that Covid vaccines affect fertility, and there is no biological mechanism by which they could affect fertility.

It’s your body and it’s your decision to get the vaccine or not. It is NOT your partner’s decision. Him trying to exert this amount of control over you is a red flag. How much worse would it get if you were married to him?

IAmAWomanNotACis · 21/07/2021 15:17

Oh I missed this peach:

"He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine."

That's nice of him isn't it. Hmm If you didn't manage to conceive it would most likely be due to the health condition you have no control over, and/or his sperm being poor quality, but he is already gearing up to blame you personally and fully for it.

Fuck that shit, honestly. I think you might look back on this relationship and wonder why you didn't see the red flags that this man is not the kind hearted nice man you currently believe him to be. You've posted two giant red flags in your opening post. If you have a baby with him you'll be tied to him for the next 18+ years, and men who are like this often get worse when their partner is pregnant or once the child is here.

Please think VERY carefully.

reannneeee · 21/07/2021 15:18

@Cazzovuoi.

Don’t be patronising. The anecdotal evidence is ridiculous. Unfortunately it remains anecdotal because nobody is looking in to it. Typical for problems that only effect women.

Women who’ve never missed a period are suddenly going 2/3 month without one because of the vaccine.

I am happily vaccinated against everything else. I am not an antivaxxer.

IAmAWomanNotACis · 21/07/2021 15:19

Why do you believe that you don't have any choice but to bury your head in the sand about the state of the man you're in a relationship with?

What are the barriers to you leaving him?

TheVanguardSix · 21/07/2021 15:19

ENORMOUS red flag, OP. This isn’t about the vaccine.

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 21/07/2021 15:20

He sounds bullying and controlling.

It is your call. I would have more sympathy with him if he were, say, CEV.

sashagabadon · 21/07/2021 15:20

Do what you want to do. It’s your body not his.
Why does his wishes trump yours? - answer: they don’t.

CharlotteRose90 · 21/07/2021 15:21

I have pcos so I understand. I’ve had my vaccines and had no issues with periods after. The way I think it is that I could be infertile thanks to the pcos anyway so ill take my chances with the vaccine. It’s a massive red flag he’s playing and hed be out the door if it was me.

TheVanguardSix · 21/07/2021 15:22

By the way, I’m not vaccinated by choice. DH is vaccinated by choice. How great it is having body autonomy as well as respect for each other’s choices.
You’ve got bigger fish to fry with your DP.

Twizbe · 21/07/2021 15:22

DONT GET PREGNANT BY HIM.

Like seriously, dump him as this has red bunting all over it.

The vaccine WILL NOT make you infertile, it can't do that. It seriously has no mechanism by which it can do that.

I've had mine and my period turned up bang on time and just as heavy and horrible as always.

Seriously leave this man. He's not a nice man, he doesn't love you and he's looking to control you and your access to healthcare.