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Original poster

DP threatening breakup if I take the vaccine

238 replies

PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:03

Hi all,

I'm normally a lurker on MN, but have posted a few times and decided to name change for this.

I want to get the vaccine so that I can travel, but DP is set against me having it as he's heard the claims that it affects periods and fertility. He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs.

I know that there's no scientific research to suggest the vaccine affects fertility but I have PCOS and I'm already paranoid that I will have difficulty conceiving in the future. He's jokingly said he will break up with me if I get vaccinated but I think he's being serious. He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine.

I'm considering getting it behind his back is that unreasonable? On the other hand I'm getting anxiety from reading about the side effects online. ( I know that every vaccine/ medication has side effects and I'm being irrational but I just can't stop panicking about it)

I know some people might suggest LTB, I love him, and for other personal reasons breaking up isn't an option

OP posts:
Ledgeofglory · 21/07/2021 15:46

@Twizbe
Better no partner than a shit one
Wise words!

reannneeee · 21/07/2021 15:46

@HmmmmmmInteresting.

Well, they are clearly all just thick working class idiots. I mean, that’s why they are stuck being carers in the first place Hmm They need the clever people to make their medical decisions for them.

Of course they aren’t genuinely worried about stuff such as the vaccine exacerbating a chronic illness, or a family history of blood clots. They are just thick, innit.

FeatheredHope · 21/07/2021 15:47

OP this is a good article to reassure you about the vaccine
www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/coronavirus/covid-19-vaccines-myth-versus-fact

berrylands · 21/07/2021 15:47

Your body, your choice. Get the vaccine behind his back and don't feel guilty at all. He has no right to impose his bullshit on you.

MintMatchmaker · 21/07/2021 15:47

Never have a baby with this person.

I would rather be on my own than with someone who tries to control me.

Whiskycav · 21/07/2021 15:48

@HmmmmmmInteresting

So this is a red flag and yet people are arguing on another thread that it's a good thing carers are being forced into having the vaccine?

Make it make sense

Is it the same people?
HmmmmmmInteresting · 21/07/2021 15:48

[quote reannneeee]@HmmmmmmInteresting.

Well, they are clearly all just thick working class idiots. I mean, that’s why they are stuck being carers in the first place Hmm They need the clever people to make their medical decisions for them.

Of course they aren’t genuinely worried about stuff such as the vaccine exacerbating a chronic illness, or a family history of blood clots. They are just thick, innit.[/quote]
Exactly 🙄🤔

Whiskycav · 21/07/2021 15:49

Op, they can't be any circumstances where you would not be able to find another partner again.

And that's no reason to stay with him. That is why he think he can control you.

Either way, this is your decision alone.

Sillyotter · 21/07/2021 15:50

What’s made you think you won’t find someone else? Surely it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person

Benjispruce5 · 21/07/2021 15:51

Vaccine does not cause infertility. End.

JanetPondersley · 21/07/2021 15:51

So, you don't have it, but still have problems conceiving in the future? He will, quite clearly, be blaming you for it still. What happens when he dictates the birth you are allowed?

Yet you want this man to father your children?

And the fact you believe there is no way you could leave him rings way more alarm bells than the vaccine.

Nietzschethehiker · 21/07/2021 15:51

Honestly irrelevant of my or anyone else's views on the vaccine the day you feel you have to make medical choices behind his back is the day your relationship is done. I absolutely do understand its not easy to leave but this is the point I would start putting my ducks in a row to be able to.

Nothing is worth staying with someone who attempts to control your medical decisions for your own body. As a PP said this is so far over the lime into breakup territory its insane.

Really...nothing...not being alone ....not anything is worth being with someone who attempts to manipulate your medical choices.

PickAChew · 21/07/2021 15:54

Is this really the man you would want to father your children? One who wants control over your body and who makes threats like that?

CheesyWeez · 21/07/2021 15:56

My daughter and her uni housemates were locked down together last year, 3 of the 5 young women's periods stopped.
DD went to GP who said she had seen many young women whose periods had stopped because of lockdown.
None of them had been vaccinated then.

Just to say research needs to be done as it could be any number of reasons and not the vaccine.

Please OP get the vaccine, don't let partner try to blame you for any future issues. It is never anyones "fault" if their fertility is affected, but he might feel better about himself by blaming you. It's not very attractive of him to say this.

Illness? Genetics? Not somebody's fault are they. The vaccine will reduce your chance of falling ill with Covid or long Covid.

Orgasmagorical · 21/07/2021 15:56

Completely agree with how controlling this comes across but I don't have any other choice but to bury my head in the sand about the situation

I haven't RTFT but you DO have a choice. If you're not happy with his behaviour now, no matter what it's about (your medical decisions remember!) it's not going to be any easier to make tough choices further down the line, especially if there are children involved. Please look out for yourself, do what is right for you now before you're any deeper in Flowers

godmum56 · 21/07/2021 15:56

He's blackmailing you in the nastiest way and you love him?

Theunamedcat · 21/07/2021 15:57

Change vaccine to him saying he wants you to have a boob job and see how it sounds to give him control like that yes its a bigger procedure so not entirely comparable but its still doing/not doing something to your body its yours and yours alone your body your decision your choice

Don't feel that you have to settle for less than the best

Motherofcats007 · 21/07/2021 15:58

Do not have a child with this man, please leave him, have you got any support at all? You don’t need to feel stuck and please realise you have options. He is dead set on putting any future blame of infertility on you already, what’s not to say that if you do struggle to get pregnant (many do), he won’t leave you to find someone more fertile? He sounds horrible and you know you deserve better, make an escape plan already

FYI, I’ve had both jabs and am currently pregnant. Get the vaccine

wjg65ka · 21/07/2021 15:58

I'd send him a picture of my vaccine card along with his things in bin bags

DPotter · 21/07/2021 15:58

there are circumstances that would make it hard to find another partner if this relationship broke

I sincerely hope this is an exaggeration on your part. If not it is one of the sadist things I have heard on MN. You should not stay with any one, be he wonderful or controlling JUST because it might be difficult to find another partner. That might be what he is telling you, in which case it's another facet of his controlling behaviour. Seriously other posters have it spot on - better no partner than a controlling one.

You say you can't afford counselling - are you in the UK and have you approached your GP? Alternatively may I suggest you approach Women's Aid and apply to take the Freedom course. And of course make that appointment to have the jab

godmum56 · 21/07/2021 15:59

@PPPPressure

I completely understand the red flags but I feel stuck. I can't go into too much detail, but there are circumstances that would make it hard to find another partner if this relationship broke down. That makes me sound horrible and that I'm only staying with him for that reason, which is 100% not the case but its a big worry for me.

I'll likely get the vaccine anyway as I'm not prepared to sit inside doing nothing once the vaccine passort is rolled out, I also have family and friends that have been vaccinated and are fine so I know I'm probably being irrational. I think I just needed to voice my feelings really as can't speak to anyone about this IRL

fuck finding another partner....no partner at all is better than this blackmailing shit
ClawedButler · 21/07/2021 16:01

It seems like you have an order in your head of what is best:
1st choice: in loving relationship with good man
2nd choice: in OK relationship with OK man
3rd choice: in crap relationship with crap man
4th choice: in horrific relationship with controlling arsehole
5th choice: in an outright abusive relationship with violent pig
6th choice: death
7th choice: being single for a while

Is being single really SO TERRIBLE? No-one crushing your self esteem, "me-time" all the time, indulge yourself, no compromise, live to your own timetable and rules, and being freeeeeeeeeee.

Do you need the validation of having a partner that badly? No judgement here, I've been in your position (or similar) in the past so I know what it is to think you need that kind of validation. But you don't. You really don't.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/07/2021 16:02

Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship. You do not need a partner for validation.

sunlight81 · 21/07/2021 16:02

I had the moderna vaccine for my first jab and my regular as clockwork period was 20days late ... like WTAF?! 20days is a hell of a long time considering my cycle is only 26 days!!

OhNoNoNoNoNo · 21/07/2021 16:03

OP
I completely understand the red flags but I feel stuck. I can't go into too much detail, but there are circumstances that would make it hard to find another partner if this relationship broke down. That makes me sound horrible and that I'm only staying with him for that reason, which is 100% not the case but its a big worry for me

That’s so fucked up. You can’t stay with someone just because you don’t think you can get another partner, It’s actually a really shitty thing to do to someone. It’s dishonest and manipulative (not that I’d care about your partner as he is obviously a nasty person)
Wouldn’t it be preferable to be single than stay with someone who treats you like crap and who you are only staying with because you don’t think you can find someone else. You need to LTB and carry on with counselling.