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Original poster

DP threatening breakup if I take the vaccine

238 replies

PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:03

Hi all,

I'm normally a lurker on MN, but have posted a few times and decided to name change for this.

I want to get the vaccine so that I can travel, but DP is set against me having it as he's heard the claims that it affects periods and fertility. He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs.

I know that there's no scientific research to suggest the vaccine affects fertility but I have PCOS and I'm already paranoid that I will have difficulty conceiving in the future. He's jokingly said he will break up with me if I get vaccinated but I think he's being serious. He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine.

I'm considering getting it behind his back is that unreasonable? On the other hand I'm getting anxiety from reading about the side effects online. ( I know that every vaccine/ medication has side effects and I'm being irrational but I just can't stop panicking about it)

I know some people might suggest LTB, I love him, and for other personal reasons breaking up isn't an option

OP posts:
whistlers · 21/07/2021 16:03

I wouldn't be having children with him. Ever.

Frlrlrubert · 21/07/2021 16:03

Even if you don't have the vaccine, he's going to find a way to make any infertility you experience YOUR fault.

Pregnancy complications - your fault.
Anything 'wrong' with a child you have - your fault.

This is so controlling. Run for the hills.

Xiaoxiong · 21/07/2021 16:04

there are circumstances that would make it hard to find another partner if this relationship broke down

I don't think this is true. I think this is him lying to you, or your brain lying to you because your self-esteem is in the dust thanks to being in this relationship. I think if you left him the scales would fall from your eyes.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 21/07/2021 16:05

Today he's issuing ultimatums because of the vaccine.

Tomorrow it will be over something else.

TheQueef · 21/07/2021 16:05

You shouldn't have a baby with this man.
If you can't leave now then triple up on contraception while you get your head straight.
If he is like this now just imagine what choices you will have with your pregnancy/child.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 21/07/2021 16:07

Why do you need to be in a relationship, OP? Being single has loads of advantages - no asshole trying to control and blackmail you, for one!
This is a bad man and a toxic 'relationship'. It is not a loving partnership. You'd be much better off on your own than burying your head in the sand, as you call it, and staying with this jerk. Trust me, it will only get worse, and it could get much, much worse.

Rosiiiiie · 21/07/2021 16:07

So I had this conversation with my IVF specialist. She said that they’d like us (me and hubby) not to have the vaccine in the 3 months prior to ttc or egg transfer. Apparently it can affect egg and sperm quality but it’s temporary.

SecretOfChange · 21/07/2021 16:10

You should do what's right for you and your body, but you should also start planning exit plan from this controlling relationship, so that when the time is right you are prepared to do it.

Twizbe · 21/07/2021 16:11

[quote PPPPressure]@Twizbe I agree that I have self esteem issues, I've looked into getting counselling but need to wait until I can afford it.

I'm taking all your comments on board, thanks[/quote]
You can self refer for talking therapies on the NHS - do this

ememem84 · 21/07/2021 16:11

Your body your choice. he gets no say. out of interest is he getting the vaccine - your initial post doesn't specifically say whether he is or isn't, although i'm leaning to he isn't because of his thoughts about going to pubs etc.

i have had both doses of the vaccine, and am done having kids. so for me the potential issues with fertility (whether actual issues, or ones that they haven't ruled out yet - i'm not actually sure where the research sits with this) wasn't an issue for me. I could see though how it might be if you already have something like PCOS. Dsis has endometriosis, and is debating having the vaccine because of this.

the only reason i decided to have the vaccine at the time was because of the travel restrictions. but now, where i am the government are talking about restrictions for vaccinated, less isolation for the fully jabbed, etc. so i'm glad in a way i'v had it. also DH"s family are in NZ and they are thinking about scrapping quarantine for the vaccinated. we were meant to go out there this year, but that's been put on hold until we know where we stand re quarantine - 14 days in a hotel room with 2 kids under 4 is not my idea of fun.

mogtheexcellent · 21/07/2021 16:14

Please don't even attempt having a baby with this man. He's awful.

ahoyshipmates · 21/07/2021 16:14

Speak to your GP and ask for their advice about the vaccine, and tell them your concerns, not only about your medical issue, but your worries and also that your DP doesn't want you to have it.

Talk it over with the doctor and then decide.

IWantT0BreakFree · 21/07/2021 16:15

He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine.

This is a fucking evil thing to say. He has absolutely no evidence that this would be the case, but knows full well that in the event you do have fertility issues (which he knows is possible anyway) that his words will echo in your ears and affect you enormously.

Please think carefully about the kind of life you would be bringing any children that you have with him into. It’s difficult for some people to think about human beings that don’t exist yet and consider their needs before you’ve even created them, but that’s what every prospective parent must do. I can absolutely promise you that it’s extremely damaging and traumatic for children to be brought into a family unit that is toxic and controlling. Been there, got the t-shirt, still mentally fucked up in my 30’s because of it. It’s not fair to subject a child to that. I know you say you think you wouldn’t find another relationship if you left him, but is being alone really so bad? Lots of people actively choose it. It certainly beats being in a toxic relationship with battered self esteem.

PerciphonePuma · 21/07/2021 16:16

@reannneeee

I’m not vaccinated as have endometriosis and worried about fertility and the vaccine making periods disappear.

But your partner should not be blackmailing you like that. If you want the vaccine, get it.

and the vaccine making periods disappear.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Franticbutterfly · 21/07/2021 16:16

@ahoyshipmates

Speak to your GP and ask for their advice about the vaccine, and tell them your concerns, not only about your medical issue, but your worries and also that your DP doesn't want you to have it.

Talk it over with the doctor and then decide.

Doctors are 100% behind this experimental vaccine, she's unlikely to get a balanced view from a GP.

They won't actually know if there are any long term effects on fertility, as it hasn't been tested over a long period of time.

NewlyGranny · 21/07/2021 16:16

You have PCOS, he already knows conception might be difficult! Telling you in advance he's going to blame the vaccine for that if it happens - and you, for getting vaccinated, presumably - is unfair, dishonest and irrational.

SarahBellam · 21/07/2021 16:17

Your boyfriend is a controlling and manipulative dick. Your body, your choice.

Booboobadoo · 21/07/2021 16:18

He's also affecting your ability to travel which is horribly controlling. And what has government policy on nightclubs got to do with you?

NakedAttraction · 21/07/2021 16:18

If he’s this manipulative about the vaccine just imagine how bad he’ll be if you get pregnant.

I’d be running at this point….

Confusedandshaken · 21/07/2021 16:18

I agree that this is a massive red flag. Do not allow this man to make choices about your body. Also do not have a child with him.

Bluntness100 · 21/07/2021 16:18

Op any man is not better than no man, staying with some controlling abusing weirdo, is not better than being alone.

reannneeee · 21/07/2021 16:19

@PerciphonePuma.

I’m face palming at the amount of people taking ‘disappear’ as literal. Are you a child?

Somebody not having a period for 2/3 months after the vaccine when they have never previously missed one should be investigated.

But nobody is investigating it because it’s a woman’s issue, and people claiming anybody who brings it up is a conspiracy theorist thinking it’s intentional so that Bill Gates can rid the Earth of humans for an alien super race to invade don’t help.

If people took these concerns more seriously and encouraged more investigation, the results would hopefully improve vaccination rates.

HTH

Nocutenamesleft · 21/07/2021 16:20

@PPPPressure

Thanks for your replies, A part of me does worry I'll blame myself if I have trouble in the future but on the other hand I do think its important to stop the spread of the virus and I'd like to be able to travel to see family.

Completely agree with how controlling this comes across but I don't have any other choice but to bury my head in the sand about the situation

You have total control over your life 100%. You can control how you react and deal with EVERY single thing in your entire life

If you needed a heart transplant and he said no. Would you just go.

Oh well.

I think the level of control he has over you is astounding and incredibly dangerous.

I would absolutely run for the hills and never contact him ever again. That’s really frightening territory.

Nocutenamesleft · 21/07/2021 16:21

@CatRatSplat

If in the future you do fall pregnant, is he then going to switch to saying you can't have medical attention as it might harm the baby? Where does this kind of comment end?

Get vaccinated and go from there. He should have no control of what goes in or on your body.

What about the vaccines you have when pregnant? What about the vaccines children have?

Where does he draw the line?

I’m not going to get into a debate over vaccinations. But you’ve got a hell of a lot more in your life if you have a child with this lab that you will have to deal with.

Nocutenamesleft · 21/07/2021 16:22

@GirlAloud

It sounds to me like deciding whether or not to get vaccinated is the least of your problems, OP.

There is no evidence whatsoever that Covid vaccines affect fertility, and there is no biological mechanism by which they could affect fertility.

It’s your body and it’s your decision to get the vaccine or not. It is NOT your partner’s decision. Him trying to exert this amount of control over you is a red flag. How much worse would it get if you were married to him?

Absolutely right.