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Original poster

DP threatening breakup if I take the vaccine

238 replies

PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:03

Hi all,

I'm normally a lurker on MN, but have posted a few times and decided to name change for this.

I want to get the vaccine so that I can travel, but DP is set against me having it as he's heard the claims that it affects periods and fertility. He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs.

I know that there's no scientific research to suggest the vaccine affects fertility but I have PCOS and I'm already paranoid that I will have difficulty conceiving in the future. He's jokingly said he will break up with me if I get vaccinated but I think he's being serious. He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine.

I'm considering getting it behind his back is that unreasonable? On the other hand I'm getting anxiety from reading about the side effects online. ( I know that every vaccine/ medication has side effects and I'm being irrational but I just can't stop panicking about it)

I know some people might suggest LTB, I love him, and for other personal reasons breaking up isn't an option

OP posts:
PurpleOkapi · 21/07/2021 16:23

This is insane. I say that as someone who's strongly opposed to vaccination requirements. Get it if you want to get it. Even if it did impact future fertility, that would still be your decision to make, not his.

OP, being single really isn't so bad. It's a lot better than having your medical decisions made for you by someone who thinks their desires matter more than your rights over your own body. You don't need to be so terrified of it.

PraiseTheSunshine · 21/07/2021 16:23

It's your health and your body. I wouldn't be impressed with his controlling attitude though. I have fertility issues which I've been aware of for 5+ years. I had the vaccine and my first period after was a few days late and then went back to normal.

Ozanj · 21/07/2021 16:23

@PPPPressure

Hi all,

I'm normally a lurker on MN, but have posted a few times and decided to name change for this.

I want to get the vaccine so that I can travel, but DP is set against me having it as he's heard the claims that it affects periods and fertility. He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs.

I know that there's no scientific research to suggest the vaccine affects fertility but I have PCOS and I'm already paranoid that I will have difficulty conceiving in the future. He's jokingly said he will break up with me if I get vaccinated but I think he's being serious. He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine.

I'm considering getting it behind his back is that unreasonable? On the other hand I'm getting anxiety from reading about the side effects online. ( I know that every vaccine/ medication has side effects and I'm being irrational but I just can't stop panicking about it)

I know some people might suggest LTB, I love him, and for other personal reasons breaking up isn't an option

That is an awful thing to say to someone with a known fertility problem. For him to say that I do think he may be planning to break up with you anyway if your PCOS results in fertility problems. So you should be very careful about entering any financial arrangements with him.

As for the covid vaccine. Most fertility clinics are now only accepting new patients who have been double vaccinated.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 21/07/2021 16:24

I can't go into too much detail, but there are circumstances that would make it hard to find another partner if this relationship broke down

And? Why would being single being worse than being with this prick?

2bazookas · 21/07/2021 16:25

Is he planning to get vaccinated himself?

Your medical treatment is your choice, not his.

Original poster
PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 16:25

I think someone asked if he's planning to get the vaccine, he's not.

Being single isn't the end of the world, but the irrational side of me panics about being single not by choice and dying alone.
He's never told me that I'll never find anyone else, he actually thinks the opposite but I do know that I need to sort some counselling as I have self esteem issues, personal issues and issues from childhood that have made me feel the way I do. Even if we do stay together it would be nice not to be in a constant state of anxiety when thinking about the future, I really don't know how I got myself in this situation and this headspace.

It comes across that I'm only with him because no one else will have me and that's not the case, I do have feelings for him but whenever we argue or have issues I'm aware of my situation.

I'm going to book my appointment and see his reaction after I'm vaccinated

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/07/2021 16:26

Where on earth did you get the info that the vaccine affects periods and fertility? Utter bullshit.

And he's a bullying twat. Your body. Your choice re: vaccine.

Would he rather see you on a ventilator in hospital? Or go to your funeral?

Mablefly · 21/07/2021 16:27

Please don't have a baby with this man. You mentioned that you can't afford counselling right now. Does your work have an
Employee Assistance Program? If so, you may have access to free counselling. This could be an amazing chance for you to put yourself 1st and avoid being tied to such a controlling person.

Wolfiefan · 21/07/2021 16:28

There are no circumstances in the world under which you should stay with someone who is trying to force you into a medical decision you don’t want.
Better to be single.

Sonarl · 21/07/2021 16:29

I don't understand why you aren't more worried about the long term effects of getting Covid are - far more likely to affect fertility/periods that a transient vaccine. Will that also be your fault?

BreatheAndFocus · 21/07/2021 16:30

He doesn’t sound very nice at all. The comment about it being your fault if you couldn’t conceive is just plain nasty. It’s a cruel thing to say. How much does he himself want a child? Will he be dumping you if you can’t conceive, or did he just say that to scare you off having the vaccine?

I’d ignore him. Make up your own mind about the vaccine. Don’t tell him if you have it.

YeokensYegg · 21/07/2021 16:30

Glad you've decided to get the vaccine.
I agree with you about the counselling. It helps out a lot.

Jenhen89 · 21/07/2021 16:33

I have PCOS and I had the second jab in April just before I conceived.

So don't listen to your partner. How dare he threaten you with being dumped. This is your health, which is far more important than what he thinks.

Pipsquiggle · 21/07/2021 16:33

So much bullshit out there on the vaccines.

Please go to fullfact.org

It's a fact checking charity and has a whole section on covid vaccines. There will be answers on the fertility propaganda that's out there

TeeBee · 21/07/2021 16:33

Oooh, it's like the trash took itself out.

Feedingthebirds1 · 21/07/2021 16:38

@TeeBee

Oooh, it's like the trash took itself out.
Erm...???????
reannneeee · 21/07/2021 16:41

@Feedingthebirds1.

I believe it’s a phrase that means when a man does something that shows them to be such an unpleasant person that it seems incomprehensible that the partner wouldn’t leave them for it.

So he (the trash) has taken himself out by exposing his true nature.

IncludeWomenInThePrequel · 21/07/2021 16:43

He's either very thick, or using false information to control you.

Either way, this is no partnership.

godmum56 · 21/07/2021 16:46

@PPPPressure

I think someone asked if he's planning to get the vaccine, he's not.

Being single isn't the end of the world, but the irrational side of me panics about being single not by choice and dying alone.
He's never told me that I'll never find anyone else, he actually thinks the opposite but I do know that I need to sort some counselling as I have self esteem issues, personal issues and issues from childhood that have made me feel the way I do. Even if we do stay together it would be nice not to be in a constant state of anxiety when thinking about the future, I really don't know how I got myself in this situation and this headspace.

It comes across that I'm only with him because no one else will have me and that's not the case, I do have feelings for him but whenever we argue or have issues I'm aware of my situation.

I'm going to book my appointment and see his reaction after I'm vaccinated

Do you not realise that every day you spend with him will make your issues worse? You are drowning emotionally but "can't" get out of the pool!
Dyra · 21/07/2021 16:46

What a prick. If he leaves you over something so incredibly minor that doesn't even affect him, then you were better off without him. You're worth so much more than that.

Anecdotally, while still very early days (everything crossed), I'm pregnant with no. 2. I have PCOS which definitely has caused fertility issues. I've been double jabbed since March. It's taken 4 months for this BFP instead of 3 years.

Farwest · 21/07/2021 16:47

You are one lucky woman. Usually women come on here with these stories AFTER they have one or several dc with the bullying, controlling twat. Yours has shown his cards early.

Do not throw away that bit of good fortune by ignoring his behaviour. You will find that being trapped with a man who is destroying the mental health of your children is much worse than being single.

He has told you that he will blame you for any future problems TTC. So, he'll blame you for a miscarriage. Think hard about that. You, with your terribly low self esteem, feeling like you are responsible. Which would be totally false.

It's not just that you won't leave him - you won't even challenge him on this bullshit. You are in a very fragile place. I hope you are able to access counselling and leave this man before you become pregnant.

MasterBeth · 21/07/2021 16:49

Does he know that not getting vaccinated could adversely affect his sperm count?*

(*At least as much as the bullshit he’s pushing onto you…)

Chikapu · 21/07/2021 16:52

What a manipulative piece of shit. Do you really have no other choice than to stay with him and do you really want to have children with someone like him?

Martyitsyourkids · 21/07/2021 16:53

Your body your choice.

I know someone who v sadly miscarried (early preg) when she caught covid, not to say that is def why because I'm not mediclly trained in any way, but surely can't have helped.

littleragingdaisies · 21/07/2021 16:53

The controlling nature of this is very concerning. I would leave.
I agree with him about the vaccine but the threats etc, not treating you as a person is concerning. I'd highlight my concerns if I were him for discussion/ further research, not threaten and blackmail you into it!!