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Original poster

DP threatening breakup if I take the vaccine

238 replies

PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:03

Hi all,

I'm normally a lurker on MN, but have posted a few times and decided to name change for this.

I want to get the vaccine so that I can travel, but DP is set against me having it as he's heard the claims that it affects periods and fertility. He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs.

I know that there's no scientific research to suggest the vaccine affects fertility but I have PCOS and I'm already paranoid that I will have difficulty conceiving in the future. He's jokingly said he will break up with me if I get vaccinated but I think he's being serious. He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine.

I'm considering getting it behind his back is that unreasonable? On the other hand I'm getting anxiety from reading about the side effects online. ( I know that every vaccine/ medication has side effects and I'm being irrational but I just can't stop panicking about it)

I know some people might suggest LTB, I love him, and for other personal reasons breaking up isn't an option

OP posts:
PopcornMuncher · 21/07/2021 23:48

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Londonwriter · 22/07/2021 03:17

Your body, your choice.

If you want to get vaccinated, he can’t stop you and he shouldn’t blame you for fertility problems.

As others have mentioned, challenges to your immune system can temporarily affect your periods. That appears to include COVID vaccines. I’m speaking as someone whose periods became irregular (twice) after injecting Humira, which is a drug that suppresses parts of the immune system.

It’s also worth mentioning that I conceived for the first time after injecting Humira, while my periods were irregular, following three years of total infertility, so the interaction between the immune system and fertility is not as clear as it seems (!).

I have been double jabbed with Pfizer and had almost no side effects, and it had no impact AT ALL on my period. So, there we are… strange world.

I’m concerned that this guy you’re with is highly controlling and, moreover, is willing to risk your health and - even - risk your life because of his own choices about vaccines. That is not okay and I wouldn’t want a child with this person.

VanGoSunflowers · 22/07/2021 06:53

Please do not have a baby with this man, OP.
You may not feel strong enough to leave him right now… but you could well do in the future and the fewer ties you have with him the better.

Skyla2005 · 22/07/2021 07:03

He would be the biggest form of contraception for me not problems due to the vaccine ! Seriously its up to every person as an individual to decide. This won't be the only issue he tries to control you on. Don't have a baby with him it will get much worse and stop acting the martyr everybody can leave a bad relationship you just have to stop making excuses

boobot1 · 22/07/2021 07:19

@LolaSmiles

Your health, your body, your choice.

Threatening to break up with you if you don’t do as he says regarding your healthcare in a pandemic is emotionally manipulative and controlling.

Nice men aren't emotionally manipulative and and controlling.

Make the right choice for you and then it's up to you if you tell him or not, but be aware that this is not a healthy relationship dynamic.

Agree with this, no one has a right to tell you what to put in your body or coerce you into it.
boobot1 · 22/07/2021 07:22

Out of it, I mean. That read right in my headConfused

Warhertisuff · 22/07/2021 07:26

Getting the vaccine is important, but trivial against the red flag shown by your partner. For our own sake work on your self esteem and leave this man.

LazyViper · 22/07/2021 07:32

Everyone here is right. Please don’t bring a baby into this relationship.

You are never more alone than when you’re in a bad relationship. Been there and can confirm the single life is like a huge grand piano lifting off you. You’re being crushed by the weight of him.

He doesn’t love you the way you love him, if he’s capable of threatening to leave you if you have a vaccine. He has contempt for you and ironically, giving into his demands will only make it worse. You are worth a million of him. Please consider your situation carefully. Flowers

H8theW8 · 22/07/2021 07:36
  1. I'm 36, have PCOS and was on my period when I received my first dose of Pfizer. I conceived , naturally, that cycle. I'm due my second vaccine when I'll be 7/8 weeks and I'll be having it.
  1. The 'I'll leave you if you have the vaccine' comment is bad enough but implying that any future fertility problems will be 'your fault' is ridiculous and tells you all you need to know about him. The fact that he even thinks like that is a (for want of a better phrase) red flag.

Don't allow ANYONE to manipulate or control you like that. As many PP have said, it's your body, your life, your health and your choice! Not his or anyone else's.

MRex · 22/07/2021 07:44

It's good to hear you plan to start counselling. He does not sound like a kind man, and you may look back to see where he carefully sowed doubt in your mind about your worth. Don't get tied to a controlling man by having a baby, or you'll be setting yourself up for decades of pain. Can you move in with family or a friend for a little while, to get some space and work on improving your confidence so that you can think clearly? As for the vaccine, it's your body so do what you want to do; it sounds like you're comfortable that you want to have it so go ahead.

SomeNameorOther · 22/07/2021 15:30

@LolaSmiles

Your health, your body, your choice.

Threatening to break up with you if you don’t do as he says regarding your healthcare in a pandemic is emotionally manipulative and controlling.

Nice men aren't emotionally manipulative and and controlling.

Make the right choice for you and then it's up to you if you tell him or not, but be aware that this is not a healthy relationship dynamic.

Beautifully summed up.

You heed the Freedom Programme. Google it and see if there's running that you could get. It will really help you see clearly, and feel more supported in rl.

Good luck, and be careful when you start emerging from your shell.

SomeNameorOther · 22/07/2021 15:32

...see if there's one running that you could get to.... (hate the iPad keyboard!)

MrsKeats · 22/07/2021 15:45

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BambiOnIce80 · 24/07/2021 13:57

There's 2 issues at play here - your controlling partner (I hope you find the strength and support to get away from him 💐) and then the separate issue of concern about your fertility after the vaccines. I wanted to share my experience about the latter.

I have primary unexplained infertility and I'm a scientist, so wasn't concerned about the baseless concerns about the vaccines affecting fertility. My periods were completely unaffected after having both Pfizer vaccines, plus I'm now 18 weeks pregnant after a frozen embryo transfer. Please do what's right for you regarding the vaccine and don't let the nonsense your DP is spouting cloud your judgement. Your body, your choice.

Stephy97 · 24/07/2021 15:10

Throughout the pandemic, my ex has refused to mask up, socially distance and has now taken to attending all the anti-vaxxer protests in London. We have have a young teenage daughter who stays with him a couple of nights during the week, and who is infuriated by her father's behaviour, as am I, as he refuses to consider her health and be socially responsible. He was abusive to both my DD and me while we are together and has limited time with DD because of this (family court ruling still rates her at risk of emotional abuse). Any ideas about what to do? He completely ignores pleas to change his behaviour.

Stephy97 · 24/07/2021 15:16

Sorry I haven't posted before and I think I have accidentally done it in the middle of PPPPpressure. To PPPPpressure: his controlling attitude is a massive red flag. Don't ignore it (like I did). I ended up with a daughter who I love and trapped in an abusive relationship for years, that really harmed both my DD and I. This man shouldn't be telling you - and threatening you, for that is what his "jokey" demeanour really is - what to do with your body.

sueelleker · 24/07/2021 16:10

@Stephy97 Is she old enough legally to decide whether she wants to see him or not?

bluelemming · 24/07/2021 16:17

Surely you can do better than him? He sounds awful.

Stephy97 · 24/07/2021 16:39

@sueelleker Sadly not. She is furious at him but he just shouts at her. She does vote with her feet and refuses to go there sometimes . The family court case he brought against me (and lost) drained all my finances so I can't consult a solicitor. I suspect I could argue that he is putting her at risk, but I am so financially exhausted by all the litigation, which only ended a few months ago.

MRex · 24/07/2021 16:49

@Stephy97 - When a child is at least 12 and expresses a preference, the judge will listen. Your daughter can talk to Cafcass to say she doesn't want to go to his home, or anything from seeing him only outside to not seeing him at all. They can confirm that she is saying this of her own volition. You can represent yourself (well, represent your DD's wishes) in family court and present statements from them. Judges can make an order if they feel it is in the best interests of the child. You could also be eligible for legal aid: www.nationalprobonocentre.org.uk/finding-legal-help/. Good luck.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 25/07/2021 07:03

A child is old enough at 12 to decide not to see their parent. I stopped seeing my dad at that age, although he didn't bother going to court about it.

Jux · 25/07/2021 11:03

waxonwaxoff, that's so sad. I hope you know you're worth more than that.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 25/07/2021 16:54

@Jux

waxonwaxoff, that's so sad. I hope you know you're worth more than that.
Thank you. He was useless anyway, he went on to father 4 more children with 3 different women and it's the same story with them.
Katya213 · 25/07/2021 17:07

Sometimes, i have no words.

Neondisco · 25/07/2021 17:47

So you actually want to be in a relationship with someone this thick op?