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Original poster

DP threatening breakup if I take the vaccine

238 replies

PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:03

Hi all,

I'm normally a lurker on MN, but have posted a few times and decided to name change for this.

I want to get the vaccine so that I can travel, but DP is set against me having it as he's heard the claims that it affects periods and fertility. He's also suspicious about the government enforcing the vaccine passort for nightclubs and possibly pubs.

I know that there's no scientific research to suggest the vaccine affects fertility but I have PCOS and I'm already paranoid that I will have difficulty conceiving in the future. He's jokingly said he will break up with me if I get vaccinated but I think he's being serious. He's also said that it will be my fault if we can't conceive in the future if I've taken the vaccine.

I'm considering getting it behind his back is that unreasonable? On the other hand I'm getting anxiety from reading about the side effects online. ( I know that every vaccine/ medication has side effects and I'm being irrational but I just can't stop panicking about it)

I know some people might suggest LTB, I love him, and for other personal reasons breaking up isn't an option

OP posts:
LeSquigh · 21/07/2021 15:24

I agree, you have more pressing concerns that the vaccine here.

However I am one of those that have had normally clockwork periods go weird. I have ALWAYS had my period come when expected but since my second vaccine I haven't. I waited a further two weeks for my last one and whilst I don't know thats what caused it I have reported as a side effect as I know a lot of others have experienced this too.

Ginger1982 · 21/07/2021 15:25

Why don't you have any other choice? Why can't you leave him?

Original poster
PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:25

I completely understand the red flags but I feel stuck. I can't go into too much detail, but there are circumstances that would make it hard to find another partner if this relationship broke down. That makes me sound horrible and that I'm only staying with him for that reason, which is 100% not the case but its a big worry for me.

I'll likely get the vaccine anyway as I'm not prepared to sit inside doing nothing once the vaccine passort is rolled out, I also have family and friends that have been vaccinated and are fine so I know I'm probably being irrational. I think I just needed to voice my feelings really as can't speak to anyone about this IRL

OP posts:
reannneeee · 21/07/2021 15:26

And no, I don’t think the vaccine causes infertility. But I have every right to refuse it if I don’t feel there’s enough information on something.

I don’t think the vaccine is a conspiracy to make everybody infertile. I’m scared of my already erratic period being thrown off even more, and more endometriosis building up in my body.

But I expect many feel I’m the scum of the earth for that.

I was supporting OP by saying her concerns are valid. But the DP is the problem here.

Original poster
PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:27

Should also point out that I'm not TTC right now

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 21/07/2021 15:27

@PPPPressure

I completely understand the red flags but I feel stuck. I can't go into too much detail, but there are circumstances that would make it hard to find another partner if this relationship broke down. That makes me sound horrible and that I'm only staying with him for that reason, which is 100% not the case but its a big worry for me.

I'll likely get the vaccine anyway as I'm not prepared to sit inside doing nothing once the vaccine passort is rolled out, I also have family and friends that have been vaccinated and are fine so I know I'm probably being irrational. I think I just needed to voice my feelings really as can't speak to anyone about this IRL

It would appear you have bigger problems to sort than whether or not to get the vaccine.

You do what you want for you. Your controlling partner does not get a say.

Dinosaurballoon · 21/07/2021 15:28

You are literally setting up for a life of misery with this man. Honestly leave. Get the vaccine. you’ll be fine

Lottie4 · 21/07/2021 15:29

It sounds like producing a baby is more important for him than knowing you've done what's right for you and makes you feel comfortable. A large percentage of the population are vaccinated, so good look to him in finding the right person.

When making your final decision, take him totally out of the equation and work out what's best for you.

Twizbe · 21/07/2021 15:31

@PPPPressure

I completely understand the red flags but I feel stuck. I can't go into too much detail, but there are circumstances that would make it hard to find another partner if this relationship broke down. That makes me sound horrible and that I'm only staying with him for that reason, which is 100% not the case but its a big worry for me.

I'll likely get the vaccine anyway as I'm not prepared to sit inside doing nothing once the vaccine passort is rolled out, I also have family and friends that have been vaccinated and are fine so I know I'm probably being irrational. I think I just needed to voice my feelings really as can't speak to anyone about this IRL

This is no reason to stay with him. Better no partner than a shit one.

You found him so you're obviously not incapable of meeting people, but even so, better none than a rubbish one.

Get the vaccine and some counselling to find your self worth

LIZS · 21/07/2021 15:31

Maybe you won't need another partner, maybe someone will come along. What you don't need is someone so oppressive and disrespectful of your feelings and hoped.

Strugglingtodomybest · 21/07/2021 15:33

The very first post said it all for me.

Luckyrid · 21/07/2021 15:34

He sounds like a complete c*nt. Why are you with this guy?

reannneeee · 21/07/2021 15:35

Imagine having a child with this man OP.

If your child has anything ‘wrong’ with it such as ASD or a speech delay, it sounds as though he’d blame it on you getting the vaccine.

Nengineer · 21/07/2021 15:36

@Twizbe

DONT GET PREGNANT BY HIM.

Like seriously, dump him as this has red bunting all over it.

The vaccine WILL NOT make you infertile, it can't do that. It seriously has no mechanism by which it can do that.

I've had mine and my period turned up bang on time and just as heavy and horrible as always.

Seriously leave this man. He's not a nice man, he doesn't love you and he's looking to control you and your access to healthcare.

This
DonLewis · 21/07/2021 15:37

If this is how he is about the vaccine, how will he be about you having a c section, or pain relief in labour, bottle feeding, and all those other choices women have to make when they bear children?

I'd see this as a really clear warning: he's not interested in you, just your reproductive capabilities and he will have a million and one things to say about all of those maternal choices you'll have to make.

You've been warned. Listen up while early enough.

Edmontine · 21/07/2021 15:37

but there are circumstances that would make it hard to find another partner if this relationship broke down.

That is a terrible reason to stay with someone.

And imagine if you did have a child with him. Imagine how he would bully and control and restrict your child's right to healthcare. Vaccines? blood transfusions? Contraceptives? What else would he prevent them from accessing? And you at the back of the room, wringing your hands - because you think you might not get anyone else ...

Horrible to think of.

Luckyrid · 21/07/2021 15:38

Asking because you sound like a nice person. And he's putting his wishes above your life or long-term health. Many have died or been seriously ill. Leave now.

Micemakingclothes · 21/07/2021 15:39

I would be very wary of being partnered with someone who didn’t care enough about me to get vaccinated. So not wanting me to get the vaccine would be the second problem, not the first.

ohfourfoxache · 21/07/2021 15:40

So……what happens if you conceive and remain susceptible to Covid?

Hmm
HmmmmmmInteresting · 21/07/2021 15:40

So this is a red flag and yet people are arguing on another thread that it's a good thing carers are being forced into having the vaccine?

Make it make sense

FeatheredHope · 21/07/2021 15:40

Well he’s an idiot and he’s abusive. Plus you’re far more likely to have fertility issues on both sides if you catch Covid.

completely understand the red flags but I feel stuck. I can't go into too much detail, but there are circumstances that would make it hard to find another partner if this relationship broke down. That makes me sound horrible and that I'm only staying with him for that reason, which is 100% not the case but its a big worry for me.

And this is so concerning. There are always other options and being in a relationship with someone controlling isn’t better than being single. Please do not bring children into this relationship and I beg you to truly consider whether you should be in this relationship at all.

Original poster
PPPPressure · 21/07/2021 15:41

@Twizbe I agree that I have self esteem issues, I've looked into getting counselling but need to wait until I can afford it.

I'm taking all your comments on board, thanks

OP posts:
reannneeee · 21/07/2021 15:42

Because believe me OP, I bet it wouldn’t stop with you successfully getting pregnant. He is looking for something to hold over your head and the vaccine fits the bill for him.

Any pregnancy complications = your fault for getting the vaccine

Birth complications leading to a C-Section = it’s the vaccine

Child has autism = well it’s obviously all of the toxic crap that was put in your body when you had the vaccine

If your child needs a Covid vaccine in the future you’d also have a hell of a fight on your hands.

NowEvenBetter · 21/07/2021 15:44

’Completely agree with how controlling this comes across but I don't have any other choice but to bury my head in the sand about the situation’

Oh well. Good luck with that.

Pissinthepottyplease · 21/07/2021 15:46

@PPPPressure

Thanks for your replies, A part of me does worry I'll blame myself if I have trouble in the future but on the other hand I do think its important to stop the spread of the virus and I'd like to be able to travel to see family.

Completely agree with how controlling this comes across but I don't have any other choice but to bury my head in the sand about the situation

Unless you live on an island with only this man you are unable to leave (struggling to see that) then there are other options.

Imagine your hypothetical child came to you with this issue. What would you say to them? A controlling relationship is not a good place to bring up a child. He is generally anti vaccine? What about vaccinating kids? What are his opinions on sending kids to school, birth choices, contraception - is there other things he would try and control?

I wanted to do things not medically advised during DD2’s birth. My DH said he would support me whatever I chose but he reminded me once that if I died then would have to explain to it our children. It’s your body and your choice.