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Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
boredinthouse · 12/03/2021 07:53

I can see why you would be frustrated but ultimately it's his choice. If that changes your feelings about him or whatever then that's another issue but you can't make him have the vaccine.

Original poster
Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:56

It does change my feelings about him

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 12/03/2021 07:58

The having tattoos must make it so much harder to accept his phobia, how the fuck are they different?! I mean they’re worse you have to sit there for hours whilst a needle is repeatedly put into your skin whereas one tiny stab and you’re done?!

Lovelydiscusfish · 12/03/2021 07:58

Well, you can’t make him. I have awful arachnophobia and if I had to have a spider put on my face to make me safe from Covid I don’t think I could do it.....

Going forwards tho, I would suggest he seeks therapy for his phobia, as (unlike my spider one) it has the potential to be really quite dangerous. There are I believe some very skilled therapists out there who can help with all kinds of phobias.

Good luck! Xx

AreWeOrAreWeNot · 12/03/2021 07:59

I'm very similar to your husband - major phobia to needles. I nearly backed out of my mine several times but managed to face my fear and go in. I was very upfront about my fear (always am) and told them how scared I was - they distracted me and it was done in seconds. Very different from having blood taken - humour him, support him, don't dismiss his fear and tell him how important this is to you. I felt I'd climbed a mountain after and I got a well done sticker - very best of luck to you both

crayolacom · 12/03/2021 08:01

@DartmoorDoughnut

The having tattoos must make it so much harder to accept his phobia, how the fuck are they different?! I mean they’re worse you have to sit there for hours whilst a needle is repeatedly put into your skin whereas one tiny stab and you’re done?!
I used to be needle phobic and it is different, but I wouldn't expect anyone else to respect that.

After ivf and a c section, the needle phobia has gone.

He basically needs to get on with it.

ChameleonClara · 12/03/2021 08:02

Part of the issue may be you are organising and booking etc. He needs to cancel rather than just not show up, then decide what he wants to do.

Let it calm down a little and see what he thinks.

DartmoorDoughnut · 12/03/2021 08:02

@crayolacom sorry I didn’t mean to be insulting, honest! I have tattoos but don’t have a needle phobia

TonyGates · 12/03/2021 08:03

I had mine a couple of weeks ago. It was so quick that I didn't even know they had done it - I didn't feel it at all.
It makes no sense that he can't have the vaccine but can have tattoos.

GCAcademic · 12/03/2021 08:04

I initially had some sympathy for him as I'm needle phobic. But then I read about the tattoos. WTF? I'd be so pissed off with him. Yes, tattoos are different - they are actually painful! Putting yourself through that for vanity, but not getting an injection to protect your family is really hard to understand.

GAW19 · 12/03/2021 08:05

@Dbwoshem

It does change my feelings about him
Honestly, you sound like a bit of an entitled arsehole. Just because you will never understand his phobia doesn't mean you have full control over his life and get pissed off when he is clearly battling something major in his head. He isn't just purely refusing the vaccine for no reason, so maybe step back a little and think of your husband and not yourself.
Myalternate · 12/03/2021 08:06

Is it possible that by speaking to him a lot this week it has had the opposite effect and not allowed him to rationalise his fears at his own pace?
I'm sure I've read that he could be prescribed something from his GP.

Original poster
Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 08:09

The phobia comes from the medical setting. So as soon as he is in that kind of room with a nurse and the sterile environment the fainting kicks in. He's had it all his life. And on top of that the embarrassment that comes with fainting or making a scene infront of others.

Also if he has to accompany someone else getting injections. He couldn't be in the room with me when I had my c section preparation etc. He can't be with the children if they are having injections.
The tattoos are in a different environment and you don't "see" the needle in the same way as its encased in a machine. It's nothing to do with the pain or anything like that.

OP posts:
waltzingparrot · 12/03/2021 08:10

I didn't even realise they'd done it, because the needle is so thin. Can you pre-warn the surgery he might not show due to needle phobia. Maybe they'll have a suggestion.

DavidsSchitt · 12/03/2021 08:10

No, I wouldn't like this either. If you didn't have children then fine but he can walk in there with his eyes closed, keep them closed and just get on with it. If he can sit for hours having a tattoo he can do a 5 second vaccination

Original poster
Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 08:11

@GAW19 that's your opinion. In normal times I couldn't give a crap if he wants to suffer needlessly by refusing pain relief or a treatment for something.
But I feel covid is different and I have my family and children to think about. So I can't be rational about it I'm afraid

OP posts:
waltzingparrot · 12/03/2021 08:11

They have sent people out to homes to vaccinate. Could they do that as an exception?

ChameleonClara · 12/03/2021 08:11

It is a phobia. It isn't rational. You've been trying to rationalise him out of it.

If I was him - I might be a bit miffed with you.

I know you care about him, but it is a phobia.

GCAcademic · 12/03/2021 08:11

Well, he needs to get help for his phobia if it's affecting his ability to support his children at medical appointments. I had hypnotherapy for needle phobia. I still don't like having injections, but at least I can get myself to the appointment and get through it.

Just4thisone · 12/03/2021 08:12

A tattoo is different to having an injection it's not the same at all. Maybe give him some time he might feel preassured there's alot of hype about it at the moment and that might make him more anxious

ChameleonClara · 12/03/2021 08:12

[quote Dbwoshem]@GAW19 that's your opinion. In normal times I couldn't give a crap if he wants to suffer needlessly by refusing pain relief or a treatment for something.
But I feel covid is different and I have my family and children to think about. So I can't be rational about it I'm afraid[/quote]
If you can't be rational, then why does he have to be rational?

PatchworkElmer · 12/03/2021 08:12

Honestly, I’d have very little time for this. He’s had MONTHS when it was clear that vaccination was on the cards, and could’ve sought therapy in that time. I’d feel the same as you OP.

crayolacom · 12/03/2021 08:13

[quote DartmoorDoughnut]@crayolacom sorry I didn’t mean to be insulting, honest! I have tattoos but don’t have a needle phobia[/quote]
No no I didn't think you were. Honestly, it's hard to get people to take a needle phobia seriously when you have tattoos and piercings.

For me, it was more an injection phobia. The idea that something was being stunk inside my muscle used to make me feel so faint, whereas a piercings seemed so different. Irrational fears are so irrational!

I still think he needs to be made to do it. Ffs it's so bloody easy.

ChameleonClara · 12/03/2021 08:14

Lots of judgement on here, horrible to read.

People are complicated and very varied.

BlondehairRedlips · 12/03/2021 08:14

His body his choice.