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Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
crayolacom · 12/03/2021 08:14

@Dbwoshem

The phobia comes from the medical setting. So as soon as he is in that kind of room with a nurse and the sterile environment the fainting kicks in. He's had it all his life. And on top of that the embarrassment that comes with fainting or making a scene infront of others.

Also if he has to accompany someone else getting injections. He couldn't be in the room with me when I had my c section preparation etc. He can't be with the children if they are having injections.
The tattoos are in a different environment and you don't "see" the needle in the same way as its encased in a machine. It's nothing to do with the pain or anything like that.

He needs to carry water with him, ask to lie down while the injection is happening and look away. He needs to sort it out
fizzyp0p · 12/03/2021 08:16

Get him to cancel the appointment for now don't waste the slot. Tattoos are completely different. See if you can arrange it for last appt for the day if he passes out no one else will be there. Ask GP for a sedative etc.

picklemewalnuts · 12/03/2021 08:17

Can you book in a less medical setting? Some areas are using gyms, car parks etc.

MazekeenSmith · 12/03/2021 08:19

You can't talk him out of a phobia. But he needs to get help. He could try hypnotherapy, it can be very effective

PhilCornwall1 · 12/03/2021 08:22

The having tattoos must make it so much harder to accept his phobia, how the fuck are they different?!

It is different. I inject twice a week and have a tattoo and the feeling of having a tattoo done is very different to a needle from an injection.

sunnydaleslayer · 12/03/2021 08:22

I kind of agree with @GAW19 to be honest.

This is clearly a major thing for him and you cannot force him to have a medical procedure against his will. I am very pro-vax but this is not someone refusing a vaccine because of some bizarre conspiracy theory. He has a genuine medical condition (phobia) which is stopping him. I would respect his decision in this case if it was my DH. It would probably change my feelings about him if he was watching batshit YouTube videos and decided against it, but not for a major phobia.

Crossandcrochety · 12/03/2021 08:23

If it’s of any comfort to your DH, the needle is very small. I didn’t even feel mine go in. I’ve a few friends who’ve said the same.

snowdropsandcrocuses · 12/03/2021 08:23

It is a phobia. Shouting, coercing, pushing and forcing will not make him do it and will only make the problem worse. Phobias don't make sense. I guess that's why they're phobias. He really does have to want to do this himself. I think it's a bit unreasonable of you to say he's putting g you all at risk. There will be a subset of people that cannot or do not vaccinate which is why the rest of us do.

As an aside, where I went for my vaccine I could not lie down as there was only a plastic chair. Maybe he can ask to have his at the gp's where he can readily lie down ? I think OP you need to be supportive not criticise him. And at the end of the day it is not your choice.

TonyGates · 12/03/2021 08:24

It really is just a jab, it's isn't like having a blood test taken. My DH has a phobia of needles and he was absolutely fine. It was quicker than the flu jab.

Alsohuman · 12/03/2021 08:24

Rationally he’s not putting you or your family at risk. You’ve been vaccinated so any risk to you is mitigated. Your kids are in contact with a lot of people at school, that’s their main risk.

If he’s in group 6 he must have some clinical vulnerability that makes him high risk so the person affected is him. It seems odd that you’ve had to put so much effort into getting him a vaccination when he should have been invited automatically.

harknesswitch · 12/03/2021 08:25

His body his choice

Absolutely right, but if he gets ill I'm sure he'd expect op to look after him. Or if he passes the virus into his family, they are the ones that have to live with the repercussions of his choice.

I know he has a phobia and it's not just a case of telling him to 'get on with it'. But he's had a while to try and put measures in place to try and help himself. In the op's shoes I'd feel the same

crapbuttrue · 12/03/2021 08:25

@AreWeOrAreWeNot

I'm very similar to your husband - major phobia to needles. I nearly backed out of my mine several times but managed to face my fear and go in. I was very upfront about my fear (always am) and told them how scared I was - they distracted me and it was done in seconds. Very different from having blood taken - humour him, support him, don't dismiss his fear and tell him how important this is to you. I felt I'd climbed a mountain after and I got a well done sticker - very best of luck to you both
Well done you. I got a sticker after I had my nose pierced. It did make me smile!
WilsonMilson · 12/03/2021 08:25

You can’t dictate to him that he must have the vaccine. He is clearly struggling with it and deserves your sympathy, not your judgement.

If it fundamentally changes how you feel about him then it sounds like have shallow feelings for him in the first place.

starfishmummy · 12/03/2021 08:26

The mass centres are often in buildings that are not "medical" - some are in churches!!

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 12/03/2021 08:26

@picklemewalnuts

Can you book in a less medical setting? Some areas are using gyms, car parks etc.
Yes, my wife had hers done in Asda in Watford and next week I'm having mine done in a theatre where I once saw Spandau Ballet.

If a medical setting contributes to the fainting episodes maybe a different venue is the answer. We booked ours online

oakleaffy · 12/03/2021 08:28

Modern needles are so microfine it's unlikely he'll even feel it.
Relaxing the arm makes it even less feelable.

It's over in seconds.

C8H10N4O2 · 12/03/2021 08:29

Has he phoned them to talk about it? I know one or two people who are going to community vaccine centres and have arranged to go by a different door/quiet time etc and in one case has a mild tranquiliser to take a couple of hours before the appt.

This isn't unusual and centres/GPs can manage it but they need warning.

flippertygibbit · 12/03/2021 08:29

I have needle and medical phobia so I know exactly the mind set he's in. The sheer terror puts all reasonable thought out the window and I have to say OP you may have heightened it dramatically by forcing the appointment which is making the issue a whole lot worse.

The best I can offer is you try to get some Emla cream from the chemist. This will numb the area (google where the injection site will be) and he won't feel anything. To help him feel better before, during and after, if he clenches his arms, legs - keeping his blood pressure up, this might help too. This should stop the fainting because you faint when your blood pressure drops. The fear of fainting in itself is awful.

On another note your sheer lack of empathy towards him is actually disgusting, you're being more selfish than you're accusing him of being.

I'm so glad I have a loving family who support me through my phobias, that's a great help, especially having Cancer and being autoimmune because without that support, I don't know where I'd be.

isadorapolly · 12/03/2021 08:31

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Magenta83 · 12/03/2021 08:33

I had a needle phobia. Had to be given epilepsy meds one time for blood to be taken. Another time I had to be held done by four people. Then I got pregnant and had to have blood tests every month. It was horrible but I didn't have a choice and gradually I got through it. I tried some breathing and meditation techniques as well. Now I have cancer and have weekly blood tests and they don't bother me. He really should do it if he cares about his family's health but he should have prepared with counselling etc or talking to the doctor first. I would call up and as if it can be done at home or if he can accompanied. Perhaps he can take something to relax him. He can't avoid it indefinitely.

alreadytaken · 12/03/2021 08:34

Clearly his phobia is pretty bad if he faints. However you say he's had blood tests and things before so he has been able to get past his phobia in the past. He gets tattoos so he can cope with needles, the fear is of something else, possibly the fainting or the medical setting. You need to be encouraging him to see he can manage this.

He can be vaccinated somewhere other than surgery if the problem is the setting, if he fears fainting he will be sitting down for the vaccination anyway. Maybe the gp could do a "drive through" type of vaccination where he stays in the car in the car park?

Once past this he needs to do something - hypnotherapy, counselling? to fix his phobia.

RampantIvy · 12/03/2021 08:34

His body his choice.

While I don't disagree with this, his decision impacts other people.

Vaccinators are used to dealing with nervous people, and you are allowed to go in with him. A lot of vaccination centres aren't medical at all. DH had his done in a marquee in a supermarket car park. I am having mine done at Sheffield Arena.

picknmix1984 · 12/03/2021 08:35

Get him booked in for therapy before the vaccine. Plenty of help out there for phobias. Google it

muddyford · 12/03/2021 08:35

If he isn't going, please tell the vaccination centre. There were 70 no-shows here on Tuesday. The administrator said the younger groups weren't generally as keen as the older ones, but thought they would panic when they found they couldn't go abroad!

PurpleWh1teGreen · 12/03/2021 08:36

If the phobia comes from medical settings would he consider going to a multi vac centre? The one I work in is based in a school and sports centres are available too. he can change the appointment on line or by ringing 119 and it might be a less stressful setting.

Ultimately it is completely his choice, but by way of reassurance the actual vaccine is a small volume gives with a small needle. It isn’t a particularly painful injection, particularly in someone with decent deltoid muscles, which as a 36yo male he almost certainly has.

I’d also say he is not alone in having the fear - The younger the age group, the more worried people we have had - and we are very used to it so no need to be embarrassed. We are masters of reassurance and distraction Grin if he’s really worried we can lie on a couch.