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Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
Whtf1 · 14/03/2021 23:07

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RedcurrantPuff · 14/03/2021 23:11

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icdtap · 14/03/2021 23:14

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saraclara · 14/03/2021 23:40

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

I'm sorry you've been laughed at as well. It's too late for me to do anything before my Covid vaccine but I am going to try different GPs at my surgery and see how it goes. I hope the GP you have now helps you.
Hang on. Aren't you the same poster who's called another OP a snowflake for being anxious about her vaccination? And blamed her for 'causing the problem'?
saraclara · 15/03/2021 00:04

Ah, no. That was PinkStripeyCat. My apologies, though it's understandable to get you confused. I should have checked. Apologies @PinkSparklyPussyCat

GlomOfNit · 15/03/2021 00:29

I'm sure this has been suggested already (nope, not going to read all 17 pages, sorry! Grin ) but contact GP surgery and he should tell them about his phobia. Mine are always very very supportive and I've only had positive experiences, which of course build upon one another and reinforce positivity about the procedure, to the extent that I feel I no longer can really say I have a needle phobia. I don't like it, but it's ok now. Smile

I was called for my group 6 two weeks ago and while I'd have expected to be wound-up and stressed beforehand, I actually wasn't all that bad at all. I drove myself to my appointment, had a brisk walk there, explained to the practitioner (who happened to be my actual GP and knows me well) that I was silly about needles, she firmly sat me down and did me and then held onto my shoulders and made me admit it wasn't that bad, was it? Grin (she can be patronising but her heart's in the right place.) She knew that a positive experience for me would be built on, and consequently I'm not remotely bothered about the 2nd dose. I'll be a tad apprehensive, I think, but not up all night for a week with anxiety, which might have happened a decade or two previously.

I can do it and your DH can too. He really must talk to his surgery about this, they'll try all sorts of things to accommodate him.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/03/2021 08:48

No worries @saraclara. I have a needle phobia so there’s no way I’d criticise someone for being nervous, it’ll probably be me being called a snowflake!

Joyfulmummyofone · 15/03/2021 09:29

Agree with you @ChameleonClara, lots of judgement here. Don't know why I still read the Mumsnet Roundup. Almost every week I'm disappointed that there are so many mums who are judgemental and unsupportive of each other and quick to "shoot people down" when they are struggling.

I'm a hypnotherapist and psychotherapist. Phobias are not logical or rational. That's the key point - it's the irrational nature that distinguishes a phobia from a fear. No amount of logic or reason will help with phobia as it's a different part of the brain driving the fear. The person will WANT to overcome the fear, but the distress is genuine and completely outside logical, conscious control.

So yes, OP's husband can be phobic of needles in a medical setting and totally fine with tattoo needles. It has absolutely nothing to do with vanity. He will be experiencing unimaginable distress.

Really frustrating for OP too - because you so want your husband to have the vaccine and be safe and can't "get through" to him.

Reach out to a hypnotherapist experienced in working with phobias. In most cases it can be quickly resolved.

Some therapists have returned to face to face but the majority still working via zoom. I've been zoom only since last March, and can reassure you that the benefits and results are not compromised by online. In fact many people who wouldn't normally be comfortable "going for therapy" have felt more comfortable working online in their own home.

Wishing you well x

icdtap · 15/03/2021 09:59

I drove myself to my appointment, had a brisk walk there, explained to the practitioner (who happened to be my actual GP and knows me well) that I was silly about needles, she firmly sat me down and did me and then held onto my shoulders and made me admit it wasn't that bad, was it? grin (she can be patronising but her heart's in the right place.

mmmm... this was how I was treated as a teenager by our GPs and nurses and part of the reason I know have an extreme phobia.
If someone firmly sits me down I kick into fight and flight response immediately. I'd have been out of there at that point.

And as for the "It wasn't that bad, was it?"
I've had that said to me too... and actually yeah it was. Not because of the actual feeling of the needle going in, but because of the entire situation in which I feel completely overwhelmed, panicky and trapped.

Anyway, if it worked for you, I'm really glad!

icdtap · 15/03/2021 10:00

I'm a hypnotherapist and psychotherapist. Phobias are not logical or rational. That's the key point - it's the irrational nature that distinguishes a phobia from a fear. No amount of logic or reason will help with phobia as it's a different part of the brain driving the fear. The person will WANT to overcome the fear, but the distress is genuine and completely outside logical, conscious control.

Thank you!

wasthataburp · 15/03/2021 13:12

Back off. If he is fit and heathy then he doesn't need the vaccine anyway. If not then how about looking into hypnotherapy? I have heard of people successfully overcoming phobias with this.

Ineedcoffee2021 · 15/03/2021 14:38

@XenoBitch

Phobias are not rational, and by forcing an issue, you make things worse. It makes no difference saying how small the needle is etc. Would you pressure an arachnophobe into holding a tarantula by throwing it on them and saying how fluffy and cute it is whilst commenting on how rarely they bite people?

Some of the comments in this thread about people with legitimate phobias are disgusting. You don't cure them by calling them selfish or telling them they need to get a grip.

I have a severe needle phobia (along with medical phobia too), and I will declining the vaccine on that basis. It is a legitimate medical condition.

Well bloody said

I have a massive needle phobia
So bad it was deemed unsafe to continue to try take my blood when pregnant. I have no idea my blood type. I couldnt stay in the chair and they never got a needle closer than a few cm from my arm
I've broken my foot and didn't seek help cos the fear of needles was worse than pain
I've broken being restrained at 10 and broke a DR nose during routine vax
I also have piercings
The needles and situations are different. I know where my phobia stems from yet that is no help overcoming. I was treated by a negligent Dr who messed up a needle he gave me as a 7 yr old, it's had permanently scarred me, I don't even watch mainstream tv right now, too many needle shots, makes me feel sick just seeing it.
I need years of hypnotherapy sessions, which isn't possible where I live

This thread shows a massive lack of understanding about phobias
If my dp did what the OP did, I'd have run and hid till he agreed to back off, no joke, I've hid up a tree from my parents for 6 hour's to avoid a needle
I will decline the vaccine and get a medical exemption from having it for work/travel/events

Beline4u · 15/03/2021 15:04

@PinkSparklyPussyCat what an ignorant twat your doctor is! I would have gave them a few choice words! I'm sorry you experienced that. It infuriates me, how people are so uneducated, to then attach their opinion or experience, then believe another person needs to just get on with it because "I have the same phobia". Well, you don't because for a start we feel and experience things completely different so therefore your outcome and understanding is different.

KC934 · 15/03/2021 17:06

Bully for me indeed. I know very well how panic attacks feel but I still suck it up because a few minutes of discomfort don't compare to putting mine or my family's lives at risk. He won't be suffering any panic attacks if he's dead.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/03/2021 17:20

Thank you @Beline4u. The strange thing is he is usually the nicest, kindest doctor who will do anything he can for his patients. When he heard DM died he phoned me to offer his condolences and when I said had an appointment with to talk about why she had died he changed it to my name as he didn't want me see he name go up on the board. (The receptionist told me it had to be in her name)

I do wonder if I caught him on a bad day. I'm not making excuses for him but it was just so out of character so maybe I should try again!

Beline4u · 15/03/2021 21:46

@PinkSparklyPussyCat Aww I'm sorry to hear about your mum!

Yes, we tend to have bad days ourselves.

XenoBitch · 15/03/2021 21:58

@KC934

Bully for me indeed. I know very well how panic attacks feel but I still suck it up because a few minutes of discomfort don't compare to putting mine or my family's lives at risk. He won't be suffering any panic attacks if he's dead.
That is no help at all. I am glad you managed ok. For some it is not discomfort... it is imaginable distress.
Ineedcoffee2021 · 15/03/2021 22:02

@KC934

Bully for me indeed. I know very well how panic attacks feel but I still suck it up because a few minutes of discomfort don't compare to putting mine or my family's lives at risk. He won't be suffering any panic attacks if he's dead.
so you DONT have a phobia and have no idea how bad it can get gotcha
XenoBitch · 15/03/2021 22:03

Unimaginable that should say. Fed up with people saying "I hate needles but I managed it". Have a fucking medal (or a sticker).

KC934 · 15/03/2021 22:37

Again, being hooked up to a ventilator easily constitutes greater unimaginable distress than a jag that takes 2 seconds out of your day. The two don't even compare.

VanGoghsDog · 15/03/2021 22:40

@KC934

Again, being hooked up to a ventilator easily constitutes greater unimaginable distress than a jag that takes 2 seconds out of your day. The two don't even compare.
Which is totally irrelevant to someone with a phobia.
XenoBitch · 15/03/2021 22:44

@KC934

Again, being hooked up to a ventilator easily constitutes greater unimaginable distress than a jag that takes 2 seconds out of your day. The two don't even compare.
Did you miss where several posters, including someone who is psychotherapist, say that phobias are not rational?

Someone with a phobia will not take in stuff about ventilators etc. You are trying to use rationality with something that is not rational.

icdtap · 15/03/2021 23:46

Bully for me indeed. I know very well how panic attacks feel but I still suck it up because a few minutes of discomfort don't compare to putting mine or my family's lives at risk. He won't be suffering any panic attacks if he's dead

I don't think you have a phobia. I think you have severe anxiety about needles which you managed to overcome to get the COVID jab by rationalizing that the "few minutes of discomfort" could save your and your family's lives.

Sometimes when my phobia is affecting me the most, I often think that if I was dead I would be released from it.
So there isn't the rationality there to think I could die if I don't get this vaccine.....

I am trying to get help. But it's a fucking nightmare as even medical professionals don't get where a phobic is coming from.

KC934 · 16/03/2021 08:09

What I'll have is a longer lifespan because I dont make up lame excuses to avoid lifesaving treatment.

icdtap · 16/03/2021 08:24

Just as I thought. You are not needle phobic as you claimed in a previous post.
If you were, you would not be calling this a "lame excuse".
Phobias are recognized mental health conditions.
Do you call othr mental health conditions lame excuses too?