Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

[Dbwoshem]

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

Could the Gp prescribe him a valium or something to take just before?

I'd be very unhappy with him for this.

The injection is a very quick one with a small needle. Its into the muscle and in and out before you know it - in fact I felt a tiny scratch and the nurse had finished almost before I realised she'd started.

If he was going to have blood taken or having a canula put in, I'd be more understanding because they do poke about trying to find the vein (apparantly mine are very well hidden).

The man is covered in tatoos if he can bear that in order to needlessly decorate himself he can bear a couple of seconds with a needle in order to protect himself, his family and his community.

Sorry OP I know he's your husband but he's pathetic and being selfish over this. Also if he fails to turn up for his appointment, it could result in a vaccine being thrown away.

Many women are petrified of smear tests but most of them still grit their teeth and get on with it.

We had our jabs in Superdrug, waiting in an area with transparent screens in the main part of the shop, then just going into a room where the whole thing takes a couple of minutes. Totally unlike a hospital or GP’s surgery.

ICan you find out if this kind of facility is available where you are?

We were contacted by the NHS directly, not our GP, and had a list of participating places we could choose from.

Best of luck.

You need to let him take the control of this. Let him organise the vaccination when he’s ready.

@PurpleWh1teGreen

Oh god Mumsnet needs an edit function. Obviously I meant he can lie on the couch. Not we can.

It did give me a well needed laugh... actually it was quite a good looking male nurse who did my vaccination... If I'd known the options on offer, I'd have happily faked a terrible phobia and felt rather faint

I have two tattoos. It was actually quite relaxing having them done, it's a completely different environment.

I had high blood pressure with DC1 and having bloods taken all the time gave me a bit of fear of needles in a medical setting. I hate having my blood pressure taken, I guarantee it will be higher if a doctor or nurse takes it than it actually is. It's feelings that are mixed up with having a baby in NICU on top of being ill myself (although I felt fine).

And the injections you have to do yourself after a C section: aaaargh!!!!

@GhostWorld have you posted on the right thread?

If it helps me and my DH had ours done last Sunday and honestly neither of us felt the needle and we didn't even see it neither and it was very very quick,it took all of a few seconds for both of us.

I'm disabled and constantly in pain so I did expect it to hurt but I honestly didn't feel a thing,I think for alot of people the thought of the injection is far far worse than it actually is.

I can fully understand people being afraid of needles for blood tests and canulars etc but vaccination injections are so momentary and as good as painless.

If he can tolerate tattoos, he's obviously capable of compartmentalization. Maybe he could try and mentally separate a vaccination from the "big" needles used in other procedures.

Incidentally I had ten (count 'em) dental injections yesterday without a murmur and didn't even get a sticker - boo!

Can you go with him? When I volunteered at my local vaccination centre there were a few people who were accompanied by someone. Explain at check-in that he is nervous and they will look after you. Please try and pursuade him to go.

And the injections you have to do yourself after a C section: aaaargh!!!!

Whilst I've obviously never had a c section, I have to inject a biologic drug. I always end up shouting "bastard!!" When I do it, that bugger really hurts. My other drug I never feel when I bang it in.

Thanks for your comments, seems a very big difference of opinion. As I said, usually I couldn't care less if he wants to jepodise his health then so be it. But I feel this is different as then we have got 3 unvaccinated people in our household and it makes me very anxious to say the least. What if they bring in the vaccine passport? Does that mean we will never be able to go abroad again or maybe go inside places in our own country? That is a huge impact on our family, not just him.
Also, yes it is him that would be getting ill if he caught covid, but that still puts a lot of worry on to the rest of us knowing he's unvaccinated!
And on top of all this, I think it's disgusting to just not turn up and that's what I'm most annoyed about. People are desperate for the vaccine. It makes me lose a lot of respect for him im afraid

Oh to add, he has injected me multiple times after my c sections!!!!

I can understand where he is coming from. It’s not just the needle, it’s everyone around you whilst you have to have it- the pressure to act like your not scared is too much and embarrassment always follows- I imagine it’s harder for a man who stereotypically are supposed to be strong and not show weakness.

If you booked it private so he was in a room by himself with no other patients being able to see he would probably consider it more.

It’s the fear, the fear is huge, I have mine tomorrow but I’m ok now, I was hospitalised a few years ago and had so many needles and blood tests within 5 days that I over come it, that’s how many needles constantly came at me- it was utter hell but now I’m not scared.

I came on to mention Valium too. I’ve had it prescribed for medical tests in the past. It works. (If you get enough for it to have an actual effect and not a single 2mg tablet, but that’s another topic...)

That’s only if he’s willing though. I agree with pps saying it’s his body and his phobia at the end of the day. I don’t believe anyone should be coerced into getting the vaccine. Also agree that there is a lot of unpleasant judgement on this thread.

Sorry I don't have any advice but my husband also has a problem with needles. Gets faint etc. I thought the vaccine was going to be a big issue. However he actually went off pretty happy to have it in the end.

Does your husband drink? Could he maybe have a couple of glasses of whiskey before he goes.

If not then try Bach spray. You get it in Boots. I used it for my driving test years ago. A few sprays under the tongue. It really calms you down.

I am a CHAMPION fainter! I hate needles. But I have managed to have two babies, lots of IV meds, C section etc. I even give blood now. I once fainted having a medical procedure as a child and was hospitalised from the fall.

The worst that can happen is that he faints. Support him to manage this. Go to the centre with him.

He needs to tell them when he gets there 'I am a champion fainter'. He needs to keep his blood sugar and hydration levels high, lie down for the injection, and make sure he's OK for a good few minutes afterwards. The worst that can happen is he faints while he is lying down. It's not pleasant but it's not the worst thing that can happen (so much worse if he faints and falls from a chair or from standing).

It's not about telling him to man up or anything like that.

It's about weighing up the overall risks / benefits and managing the situation, and about him gritting his teeth and getting on with it.

And if he gets covid & needs hospital treatment? Needles are coming at him then..

Phobia is difficult. I have extreme vomiting phobia. It’s plagued my life since I was a kid. I’ve lost count of how many times people tell me no-one likes vomiting. Well no, but I am terrified. I will pass out. I shake in fear, hyperventilate before I’m sick. But that said, I go out to eat in restaurants despite the risk of food poisoning. I had two babies despite the morning sickness risk. Life is a balance, I have worked extremely hard to control my phobia both personally & with specialists. There is a risk the covid vaccine could make me sick but hell, I’ll do anything to get out this mess. I’d just have to cope. It may be horrendous but it’s not as horrendous as years of lockdown!

Also if you’re a fainted always make sure to tell them to stick it in regardless 😂 I always say “I just want to get it done, please don’t let me come around from passing out and find I haven’t been jabbed yet!”

If it's the medical setting, are you sure it will be in a medical setting? Mine was done in the bar of our local racecourse! Couldn't have been less medical. None of the volunteers were wearing medical clothes. The local vicar was the person meeting you at the door - it felt a bit like a coffee at the end of a church service!

I would be frustrated too. Are you sure there is nothing else going on here? Some on social media have been busy whipping up unfounded fear about the vaccine the last couple of days.

Also it was a much tinier needle than the flu jab. I didn't even realise they had done it!

Is he actually going to a "medical establishment"? I'm going to be sat under glitter balls and sparkly lights when I go for mine tomorrow (the venue is used for parties/banquets normally).

If the fear of pain is an issue, get some Emla cream from the chemist.

I would be furious in your position OP. I don't suppose that there is a drive-thru centre nearby (we had flu jabs done that way- they just jab you thru the car window)?