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Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 12/03/2021 08:37

I’m going to be brutal here—I would not be tolerant of this at all. He needs to get this to protect his family, even if it’s embarrassing. I would tell him to go get his vaccine and get the cert or find somewhere else to sleep tonight. Be very supportive of his fear and his phobia, while being absolutely clear it’s something he has to face. If he has a family, getting health care is a responsibility that he has to take.

PurpleWh1teGreen · 12/03/2021 08:38

Oh god Mumsnet needs an edit function. Obviously I meant he can lie on the couch. Not we can. Grin Grin Grin

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 12/03/2021 08:39

(I’m saying this is as someone who passes out from blood tests!!)

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 12/03/2021 08:39

@PurpleWh1teGreen

Oh god Mumsnet needs an edit function. Obviously I meant he can lie on the couch. Not we can. Grin Grin Grin
😂😂😂😂😂 that was a very interesting medical offer...
porridgecake · 12/03/2021 08:39

My dd had hers last week. She is normally very scared and has to do a lot of psyching up. She said it was so fast she didn't have time to think and as pp have said, the needle is so tiny she barely felt it. All done in less than 5 minutes.

SendMeHome · 12/03/2021 08:39

@Dbwoshem I’m petrified of needles. Pass out at the sight of them petrified. I told the staff, they made sure I couldn’t see anyone else being vaccinated (no booths in ours). The needle was fine. Probably the best needle I’ve ever had. Absolutely tiny; and I didn’t really feel it at all.

If he’s not going to go, he needs to give them enough warning to try to book someone else in, at least.

But I’m really glad I went, I worried about it for a week before and couldn’t sleep the night before; and it was so much better than I thought.

BillMasen · 12/03/2021 08:40

@isadorapolly

Oh god. Pandemic aside I just couldn’t be with a man who was so scared of needles. What a pussy.
Really? Ffs

Man with phobia isn’t a real man, how dare he be scared. Fear is weakness he should man up.

The very definition of toxic masculinity right there.

Kfdbhydcjrsx · 12/03/2021 08:41

If it's as much about the medical environment then I doubt that you taking any control away from him by booking it and pushing him on it for a week has helped.

Repeated exposure to a painful / distressing stimulus can sensitise the nervous system and make it even more painful / distressing over time. It's neither choice nor weakness, but a recognised biological process.

Simply forcing someone to repeatedly submit to that stimulus is therefore counterproductive. Desensitisation is only possible where there is a sense of safety and control.

It is his right to refuse to consent. If I were him it would change my feelings about you to have been subjected to your attempts to coerce me.

Alsohuman · 12/03/2021 08:41

get his vaccine and get the cert

There isn’t a “cert”.

Tal45 · 12/03/2021 08:42

I had a needle phobia/blood phobia, I've cried/fainted in front of other people several times because of it. I suck a sweet now to keep my blood sugar levels from dropping to stop the fainting and to distract me a bit, had to do something during pregnancy when I had to have blood tests. Now although I really don't like the idea still, I know I can do it.

He needs to face it IMO, the more you do something you're terrified of the less terrifying it becomes.

TJ17 · 12/03/2021 08:42

@Dbwoshem I know they were doing home visits for some of the vulnerable or elderly. I'm not sure if it's possible but would it be worth finding out about if he was more willing to have it done at home?
It takes away the sterile environment and the embarrassment.

I totally feel your pain though, it would be frustrating for me too.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 12/03/2021 08:43

You don't sound like you have much empathy, to be honest.
It's completely up to him, and he's not putting anyone else in danger.

Kfdbhydcjrsx · 12/03/2021 08:44

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

I’m going to be brutal here—I would not be tolerant of this at all. He needs to get this to protect his family, even if it’s embarrassing. I would tell him to go get his vaccine and get the cert or find somewhere else to sleep tonight. Be very supportive of his fear and his phobia, while being absolutely clear it’s something he has to face. If he has a family, getting health care is a responsibility that he has to take.
Um, I don't think it's possible to be both coercive and supportive at the same time. One excludes the other.
Shrivelled · 12/03/2021 08:44

Can he request the injection is done in the fresh air if that makes a difference to him? I went for mine the other day (group 6 and in a small GP surgery). I’m sure they would have done it in the car park if I’d asked! If it’s in a vaccine centre then that’s probably a big ask but you could pop down in person to the location and at least ask for him if they can make a special exception.

underneaththeash · 12/03/2021 08:45

@GAW19 sometimes you do just need to "man up" to irrational fears if it's something important.

I'm not great with heights, but I've had to scale things in the past to rescue stuck children.

I'm a trained vaccinator and we're used to dealing with people who feel faint, or do faint.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 12/03/2021 08:46

I have the exact same issue with needles, but would expect a partner to just tell me to get a grip, a few hours of discomfort and eating shame yogurt on the floor after passing out is worth it for the long run!

(I speak from experience!!)

SirVixofVixHall · 12/03/2021 08:46

I had mine on Wednesday. Maybe it will help him to know that it is a tiny needle, not a big long syringe ? He could look the other way and ask not to see it at all, and it is so small and fast that he will hardly feel it. Certainly the quickest jab I have ever had.
Although it seems it is the setting and the fear of fainting that is the actual issue, rather than the needle itself if he can happily tolerate tattoos ?
Why is he group six, is it a health issue or his job ?

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 12/03/2021 08:46

@Alsohuman

get his vaccine and get the cert

There isn’t a “cert”.

There is the little slip of paper!
Kfdbhydcjrsx · 12/03/2021 08:48

He needs to face it IMO, the more you do something you're terrified of the less terrifying it becomes.

Only when done in safe, manageable, repeatable steps. Exposure therapy has to be done gradually and carefully with the person feeling safe and in control. Otherwise it causes more harm and increases the level of fear / distress.

This would never have worked under those principles because the op took all the control away from him and behaved coercively.

Azerothi · 12/03/2021 08:51

Leaving his big baby act alone for the moment, It is so bad to make an appointment and just not turn up. This alone would annoy the hell out of me. It's disrespectful and disgraceful. Some people are desperate to have the vaccine and having had mine at the beginning of last month I know there is literally nothing to it. Having said that you can't force him to want to protect his family.

Alsohuman · 12/03/2021 08:52

There is the little slip of paper!

It’s a tiny card and it’s only value is as a record of which batch of vaccine you’ve had.

CarrieMouse · 12/03/2021 08:52

Only read your posts op, so it's probably already been mentioned, but it sounds like he needs medication from the GP to deal with it. Too late for today but later. I don't have a phobia, but before my laser sight correction the surgeon gave me Valium which worked well. Red wine might work as a substitute as he said it worked the same.
Dd had a different phobia and you can't force it

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 12/03/2021 08:52

I’m terrified about having the injection, I felt ill when DH had his. Thankfully although he understands he doesn’t belittle me or look down on me but he supports me. He will be taking me for my appointment when the time comes and will go as far with me as possible (he usually goes in with me) as he knows I won’t do it otherwise. He’ll do it as he’s not an arsehole like many on here.

ittakes2 · 12/03/2021 08:53

I don't like needles but the covid jab needle is so fine I didn't feel a thing. And I have had a lot of different needles through IVF.
Please tell him if he gets Covid and needs hospital treatment he will be poked with a lot bigger needles. I've had that needle into my arm or hand veins for an IVF drip several times - very painful.

PhilCornwall1 · 12/03/2021 08:53

@Alsohuman

There is the little slip of paper!

It’s a tiny card and it’s only value is as a record of which batch of vaccine you’ve had.

Exactly, not even sure where I've put mine now. It's very forgettable.
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