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Original poster

Husbands vaccine is today and he won't go

431 replies

Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 07:50

My husband is group 6 (age 36) and its taken me a lot of effort to get his vaccine appointment booked through our gp. I had mine last week and I was so, so relieved.

This morning he gets up to leave for work and tells me he isnt going. Now this is because he is absolutely TERRIFIED of needles. He has a severe phobia of them. We have been together 20 years. He has had blood tests or injections on a few occasions and has always fainted. I do feel for him.

But I have spent alot of time this past week speaking to him about it and trying to ease his concerns. And also to stress how important I think it is that he should have it to protect himself and our family. He was going with me to assist up until this morning when he is refusing. He has now gone to work and I don't think he will come back for his appointment.

What do I do? I know its a phobia, but I am so frustrated that's hes willing to put himself and our family at risk. He has also said that God forbid if he ever gets cscener, or diabetes or any illness in his life that requires treatment from injection he will refuse all treatment!! This is a big, burly guy who is covered in tattoos! (tattoo needles are different supposedly)
I can't respect his choice, I just can't. Our whole weekend will be spent either arguing or not speaking to each other now aswell

OP posts:
Original poster
Dbwoshem · 12/03/2021 09:50

I don't suffer from a phobia so can't 100% relate. But........ If someone told me I had to have my legs cut off to save my family from a potential deadly illness, then I would. I would so anything it takes to protect those around me no matter what the suffering was for me.
He won't entertain a therapist. Won't even talk about it. It just gets on my nerves I'm afraid, as I've had the kids etc for him and gone through pain with that, and he won't do anything. He's the same when talking about a vasectomy. He'd rather me go through an invasive procedure to get steralised.
I just think in some situations, phobia or not, you should put the needs and safety of others above yourself

OP posts:
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 12/03/2021 09:51

My father in law is the same, yet he managed to give blood for a number of years, fainting every single time.

One of my relatives was told not to come back to the blood donor unit because he fainted during the test. He doesn't have a phobia and he's fainted a few minutes after other injections, it's like a physical shock reaction. He was advised to always get a long appointment for injections and to lie down.

bigbluebus · 12/03/2021 09:52

There are lots of vaccine centres in non medicalised buildings - sports centres, exhibition halls even old car showrooms so if it is the environment that is the main factor in his anxiety, book somewhere else. I've been volunteering at a vaccine centre and we've been very accommodating of people with individual needs - bringing them straight through without the need to queue, sitting them in a separate waiting room afterwards (where 15 min wait needed). If he's not going today he needs to ring and cancel the appointment - it will be reallocated to the next available person who can get there. Then maybe he can speak to his GP practice about how he can best be accommodated to get his jab.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 12/03/2021 09:55

Your last sentence proves that you really don't understand OP - in many cases a phobia means you CANNOT put the needs of others first. It's a totally irrational, crippling fear. Even reading this is making my heart pound (although that could also be partly due to anger at some of the replies on here).

daisyjgrey · 12/03/2021 09:55

@DartmoorDoughnut

The having tattoos must make it so much harder to accept his phobia, how the fuck are they different?! I mean they’re worse you have to sit there for hours whilst a needle is repeatedly put into your skin whereas one tiny stab and you’re done?!

Tattoo needles are completely different. You can't see them, for a start. They feel totally different. Even if you did look at them before they were set up, they still look totally different.

I'm not bothered by needles either way, but I agree with him that they are totally different and using that as a reasoning for him being ridiculous will be fruitless.

MarsandPluto · 12/03/2021 09:57

Some people i know got the flu jab whilst they were in the corridors of gp surgery. If it is the medical setting that is an issue do you think that perhaps his gp could give him the jab just outside the surgery ? If he wants the jab he needs to work out a way around this but I dont think its reasonable for you to judge him and be annoyed with him or start arguments with him over this. As an adult its his choice whether or not to take a vaccine and no one should be forced, bullied or blackmailed into it. If vaccine passports are introduced, i doubt they would be in place long term. As soon as businesses start losing money on account of vaccine passports then all that will fly out of the window. If it is implemented i would have thought it will be in place only until we are out of the woods with this pandemic and those who are desperate to go out or go on holiday while the pandemic hasn't fully ended yet will need it. A phobia is a phobia , there isnt always a reasonable explanation for it.

Darkbrownistheriver · 12/03/2021 09:57

I’ve been doing admin at a number of our Covid clinics. They’re held in a local community centre, so not particularly ‘medical settings’ and the helpers are all in mufti, but the clinicians do have to wear PPE so might seem a bit medical.

I think all you can do is talk him through exactly how it worked when you went. Fear of the unknown may only be adding to his problems. Go with him, explain to whoever is checking you in that he has a needle phobia. If it was me I’d put him to the front of the queue (I’d explain to others waiting afterwards), warn the clinician not to wave the needle about and get it done ASAP. If need be I’d ask one of the clinicians to go out to the car park to do it. We’ve only had one person faint so far, quite a few terrified of needles, but they’ve all managed.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 12/03/2021 09:58

He will need 2 doses so needs to think about that so you trying to make him have it against his wishes wont help.

All those saying it will put the family at risk you do realise they arent sure if the vaccine stops transmission which is why people need to socially distance still. If he has the vaccines the prevention will be to him and reduce severity of symptoms not to reduce the risk to someone else

He needs to ring whoever he has the appointment with and explain or cancel

Iamdobby63 · 12/03/2021 09:59

Can we establish that he actually wants the vaccine but has a needle phobia? if that is the case then you need to figure out a way to help him around this. It would be a shame if he misses this appointment but if the setting isn’t where he could get the most support then so be it. Contact your gp and explain the situation or see if he is willing for you to accompany him, you can go and explain the situation... they may even come out to the car to do it if that would help.

Try and work with him even though it must be frustrating

daisyjgrey · 12/03/2021 09:59

You're trying to rationalise a phobia which you acknowledged he's had his whole life.

Phobias aren't rational.

You're also not letting him deal with it himself, he hasn't been able to make the choices he needs to make and you're not giving him the time and space to do it. You're booking it and taking about it for ages and badgering him and now you're furious he's backing out. It's hardly a surprise.

It's ultimately his choice, as it was yours to have it.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 12/03/2021 10:06

He's the same when talking about a vasectomy. He'd rather me go through an invasive procedure to get steralised.

If he's generally selfish that's something different. But a needle phobia is a phobia and if he genuinely has one then you can't argue him out of it. Anyway you bending over backwards trying to make it easy for him, making appointments for him etc, isn't the way to handle either a phobia or selfishness.

Contact your gp and explain the situation

Her husband needs to do it. Part of her problem is that she's trying to get what she wants by doing things for him.

LittleMimi · 12/03/2021 10:07

He does know it’s not like getting blood taken? It’s just a prick into the arm and that’s it.

Milliways · 12/03/2021 10:07

Could he wear headphones to distract him, and take a towel on other face covering to hide in (often used, nurses won’t be fazed). And something to eat straight after. Can be lain down before giving the vaccine if you explain to the staff - they honestly do everything they can to get people through this.

LittleMimi · 12/03/2021 10:08

I get with tattoo machines you can’t see the needle but you don’t have to look at it when you’re getting the vaccine either. It’s not like getting blood taken where it can take time and they might not find a vein.

Stepharoo78 · 12/03/2021 10:09

@Dbwoshemb Don't know if he's gone already but if not, I am terribly needle phobic but something life-changing has been using emla cream. It numbs your skin and that way you literally can't tell when the needle is going in. I have sympathy with him. I am phobic too and it's so embarrassing.

Stepharoo78 · 12/03/2021 10:11

All the posters saying just get on with it don't understand it's not as simple as that. I always put on my big girl pants and have vaccinations/blood tests because I have to. BUT, it preoccupies my mind for days beforehand and I wake up at night worrying about it. I know it doesn't hurt blah blah blah but it's a phobia, it's not rational.

theemmadilemma · 12/03/2021 10:15

[quote DartmoorDoughnut]@crayolacom sorry I didn’t mean to be insulting, honest! I have tattoos but don’t have a needle phobia[/quote]
I was struggling to understand it too having tattoos myself.

Imnotdeadyet · 12/03/2021 10:18

Did he have the tattoos before his phobia started though? I could understand if that were the case.

Persipan · 12/03/2021 10:19

I have some sympathy for the needle phobia, and I can kind of see how tattoos are in a different mental category for him so don't trigger it. Where I lose that is with the cancer/diabetes bit - he's literally telling you that if it came to it he'd die and leave you and your children to fend for yourselves rather than get his shit together and do the work to address his phobia.

Imnotdeadyet · 12/03/2021 10:20

@Stepharoo78

All the posters saying just get on with it don't understand it's not as simple as that. I always put on my big girl pants and have vaccinations/blood tests because I have to. BUT, it preoccupies my mind for days beforehand and I wake up at night worrying about it. I know it doesn't hurt blah blah blah but it's a phobia, it's not rational.
Am like that with smear tests. Know i should go and am capable of getting on bus to go there, but my body says no to the speculum going inside. Same with tampons penis etc my body cant.

I consider what I have to be a kind of phobia because although not diagnosed there isn't a physical reason for it?

BehindMyEyes · 12/03/2021 10:26

You actually don't feel it . It is nothing like a blood test or flu shot.

CuteBear · 12/03/2021 10:27

Tattoo needles are different. It feels like a scratch, whereas injections (e.g. taking blood or injecting a vaccine or medicine) go deeper and hurt.

Ultimately, it is his body so his choice. You can’t force him.

Covid19 vaccines lessen the effects of the virus should you catch it. They don’t prevent you from catching and transmitting it. If you’re vulnerable and at risk of being hospitalised if you catch this virus, then you should be the one to get the jab.

whatistheworld · 12/03/2021 10:27

apparently you can have gas and air through the NHS for needle phobia injections. - that may be worth looking into?
I do hope he cancels rather than just doesnt turn up!! others need this vaccine too and would love his slot

Wellbythebloodyhell · 12/03/2021 10:28

To everyone saying he needs to make sure he cancels the appointment If he isn't going, can we just remember that he didn't actually make the appointment the OP did!
I suspect he feels bullied into it, he knows he needs to have it and it sounds like he does want it, he needs to overcome his phobia in his own way and build up the courage himself to have it done when he feels ready. It's no wonder he's put his barriers up and took himself off to work. Whether he's got genuine phobia or not, you are trying to control his life, he's an adult he's perfectly capable of taking charge of his own medical needs. Id be quite pissed off if my DH booked me in for a medical appointment without my consent and tried to bully me into it.
Also you speak as if this deadly virus as you put it will kill him instantly should he be infected, when in reality that is far from the truth even with vulnerabilities the odds are very much in your favour of it being a mild illness.

GeoffreyGeoffreys · 12/03/2021 10:29

I have a blood phobia and faint at blood tests. But I'm pregnant and high risk so need them regularly at the minute. I know I will probably faint, so I let the midwife know. I take fainting over risking my childs life. I couldn't be with someone who would put my family at risk, as an adult we have to push through our phobias.