Toddlers growing up during covid - the forgotten bunch

[Hitchyhero]

I'm just depressed and want to vent. I feel like nothing is being done with this generation of kids and it's all about saving the elderly.

My child is adopted and he didn't have the best start in life. He came to us when he was just over 1 years old in July 2019. Then in early 2020 we went into lockdown the week before his bday. 1 year later.... At 3 years old.... He still hasn't had a birthday with his wider family.

He has speech delay (which is common among adopted children) but I don't think mask wearing, and lack of social interaction with others has helped. He's only actually interacted with my family for 6 months because of covid. Hes hardly intereracted with children his age. I can't get appotments with speech therapists because of covid too. We video call with my family but he's not interested in videocalls for that long. He just has no connection. Feel like this generation of kids are going to have massive repercussions. Whilst I know older kids education is not great atm, these early years are massivly important and these kids are not goingnto have even basic life skills.

People are whinging about lack of schooling for a couple of months - preschool children don’t even have that. Many haven’t seen anyone except close family for a whole year. You’re right OP, they have been totally forgotten.

It is really shit hopefully Spring will bring better times for him to enjoy.
It has having an awful effect on DC.
Soft play has been closed since March DS misses so much school friends football, no birthday party no trick or treat no santa visit every highlight of their existence was wiped out in 2020.

This is why my 2 year old is still being sent to preschool! It’s sad and difficult across all ages for many reasons.

I agree. I send my 1yo to a childminders 1 day per week so she can interact with other people including other children. My other dc at this stage attended so many toddler groups and soft play dates etc, this is bound to have an impact on their social skills. I am lucky I have other dc in the home but they are quite a bit older so not that interested in baby games! My advice would be to find a daycare even for a day or half a day for interaction

Is there a nursery available 2 mornings a week now he is 3.
It is really tough.

Firstly a very late congratulations on your adoption.

What a shame he hasn't been able to bond properly with your family. This stupid pandemic.

My baby has just turned one and starting to be a toddler. I must admit covid up until now hasn't overly affected her. Now though I am definitely thinking she needs to interact with other young kids soon.

Lots of people we know that have put there toddlers in private nursery or use childminders part time. Just so the kids can socialise and have a change of scenery.

Fingers crossed in a couple of months there will be some activities for toddlers open

It’s been awful for them and hard for parents too. My DS is about to turn 3 and hasn’t been at nursery for a year as we pulled him out a couple of weeks before lockdown - he has a respiratory issue and I was also pregnant at the time and have health issues of my own too. Hoping post vaccination and with go ahead from his consultant that he can start pre-school after Easter for a few mornings a week. He’s just reached that point where I feel he absolutely needs interaction with other little ones, and I have read that up until 3 they only really need you but after that it’s important for their social development.

Harder when they are teens,particularly late teens and know what they are missing.

I have a 14 year old too. So know that teens are having a horrible time at the moment

Kind of different with toddlers because yes they don't know what they are missing. However they risk this hindering their development and social skills. Plus won't be as bonded with extended family. As there memory of life and experience before the pandemic is so little or maybe none at all.

Totally agree. Get him in nursery asap

Congrats on the adoption! DGD will be starting to attend preschool the end of this month precisely due to lack of interaction with children their own age, and speech delay. Hopefully mixing amongst their peers will bring it along, and if not a recommendation from their keyworker will hopefully add some weight if a speech therapist is needed. It won't be cheap to send them to preschool but we've said we'll chip in and budgeted at 2 sessions a week.

They're living WITH families - other people FFS?
I haven't had a face to face conversation with anyone in more than two months - and for many people it will be a lot longer than that.

You're not wrong but I think the thing is every age, from the youngest to the oldest, is missing out on something.

My DS is the same age but he's been back at nursery since June, which he gets a huge amount out of. Could your DS start going to one?

You are right OP. I have a 2 year old and am a single mum. It's just the 2 of us. He also has a speech delay. I managed to get him a referral for a speech therapist but it will be online as far as I can tell. Video calling with family is nigh impossible as he is only interested for a minute if that and doesn't remember his family as he hasn't seen them since just after his first birthday with fewer visits before that.

I am worried about his interaction with other children. He is registered for nursery but the nursery was closed due to a massive COVID outbreak among the children and staff, so they are only taking key worker children now (we get a homeschooling pack instead but still have to pay for full hours -rant for another thread). I'm struggling on my own to keep him stimulated without anywhere to go to besides the park to go to.

I think if this goes on for another 3-6 months there needs to be a plan to address the delays to early years development this may have particularly to vulnerable children whose parents are not as fortunate to be able to afford nursery or have access to resources to keep children stimulated. I really worry about them.

It’s utter shit for every child in every age group- I have a baby, a 3 yr old and older niece (primary school) and nephew (secondary school), every one has been screwed over BUT my 3yr old does go to nursery and that is the positive she has that the others don’t.

I agree, my 2 year old is petrified of anyone who is not one of the 5 people he has interacted with since March last year. It makes me so sad to see him like that with wider family who in normal times he would have been seeing multiple times a week and playing with their children. I’m hoping in the spring when we can start spending more time out doors he will start getting used to other people again.

@Zimoldgirl

You are right OP. I have a 2 year old and am a single mum. It's just the 2 of us. He also has a speech delay. I managed to get him a referral for a speech therapist but it will be online as far as I can tell. Video calling with family is nigh impossible as he is only interested for a minute if that and doesn't remember his family as he hasn't seen them since just after his first birthday with fewer visits before that.

I am worried about his interaction with other children. He is registered for nursery but the nursery was closed due to a massive COVID outbreak among the children and staff, so they are only taking key worker children now (we get a homeschooling pack instead but still have to pay for full hours -rant for another thread). I'm struggling on my own to keep him stimulated without anywhere to go to besides the park to go to.

I think if this goes on for another 3-6 months there needs to be a plan to address the delays to early years development this may have particularly to vulnerable children whose parents are not as fortunate to be able to afford nursery or have access to resources to keep children stimulated. I really worry about them.

Thats outrageous they charging full price fees can they do that? Law says early years can open fully. Nearly 3 year old in May missing toddler groups. We started dance class that stopped lockdown 2 nov and now. Haven't seen family since August she chats to my mum on phone. 3 older age siblings at home not the same. Delayed preschool as risk and cost wasent sure could cope adding 4th bubble 5 I guess if include husbands workplace. She meant start school next September and doesn't get funding until this sept so just 1 year preschool funding at 15hours as not working currently and hubby earns to much access 2 year old funding. Sept born sibling got loads of free preschoolers and feb could access by Easter. This term after 3rd birthday is shit in current climate. Too cold go park often.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

They're living WITH families - other people FFS? I haven't had a face to face conversation with anyone in more than two months - and for many people it will be a lot longer than that.

Have you not read the OP? Yes the child in question lives with someone, but the people that they live with are not their birth family. As OP has stated the child hasn't had the best start in life and it is so important for adoptive children to be welcomed into a home (which I am absolutely sure with no doubt that OP has done and will continue to do brilliantly) AND that families wider community, in order to fully feel a sense of belonging, safety, acceptance that they have tragically been denied up until the point they were adopted.

You're an adult who hasn't had a face to face conversation for months and I do appreciate that that is going to be bloody difficult and I'm not taking that away from you, however OP is not writing about a regular family set up and I think you've been very harsh in snapping at her, because this child has very different needs to say, mine, who also hasn't seen anyone other than me, DH and DD2 since December either.... I think you've been unnecessarily unkind here and maybe haven't thought the scenario through.

OP I'm sorry you're struggling and i completely understand - I work with at risk / vulnerable / cared for / adopted children and you're right all the things you say you're missing are so important and I'm sorry your in this situation. Would you want you'd DS to go to nursery at all or do you feel that you / he is not ready yet? I understand that won't fix the issue of not having been able to see your family though which is very rough I know.

SLT services as you know are absolutely ruined at the moment, I'm an SEN teacher and we have had a full year now of delays where pretty much all of our children have received no input at all from their SLT, which in a non verbal PMLD class is somewhat of a struggle. We are starting to get somewhere now after a lot of chasing and may get a small amount of input but I'm not currently sure. I would keep on at your SLT provider though, make sure that DS isn't forgotten or slipped down any lists.

I'm sure you're doing an amazing job though OP and this absolutely wasn't what you were expecting when you committed to this adoption, and so I know you must feel badly that you can't give DS what you feel you want to. However, you are giving him so much, you will be doing am absolutely fantastic job, amazing honestly - no he can't see your family but he has a home with you and that is valuable and precious beyond words for him and has altered his entire life for the better as soon as you welcomed him.

The stats are horrible - since the first lockdown the number of children going into care has risen by 44%, so even though you can't see family, or you can't get SLT sorted out... You have given your DS a home and at that point this is amazing.

Once we are into spring we can start taking kids to playgrounds more and hell be able to see others there. You can research speech therapy yourself and start teaching him yourself- hes likely to respond well to you as you already have that bond with him. This is a difficult time but I've literally just watched a documentary on people living in Sierra Leone. They dont have adequate housing and the lady had to take her 7 kids to work with her outdoors with her to do manual labour smashing up granite all day. I think we need to keep some perspective here as our lives are absolute paradise compared to many poor people across the world and we need to focus on what we can do rather than what we cant. You can meet up with a friend and their toddler anyway as under 5s dont count when you meet up with one other person.

Ours hasn't seen my family and I haven't met my nephew, however we all live in different countries. So for us it hasn't been much different. With my DD obviously she'd never bond with my side of the family as much as her dad's. With this baby there's no local extended family (apart from his auntie but she's only met hi a handful of times and her daughter haven't met the baby yet and he's almost 16 months old). It's not ideal but for me it's normal

It’s a shame for you that you haven’t been able to enjoy your child with your extended family, but he won’t have suffered with his speech due to this. He will learn everything he needs to know from you. Keep chatting and playing with him and it will come.
Regards other children - again, it’s nice for you to see him playing alongside other small children, but at this age they just want to take what the other child has - they don’t socialise with them - their world is entirely focused inwards on their wants and needs.

I also cannot wait for this lockdown to end - it’s tedious and boring and mental health and incomes are suffering, but rest assured you are your little boy’s world - he’s not missing out as long as he’s with you.

@Oneweekleft

Once we are into spring we can start taking kids to playgrounds more and hell be able to see others there. You can research speech therapy yourself and start teaching him yourself- hes likely to respond well to you as you already have that bond with him. This is a difficult time but I've literally just watched a documentary on people living in Sierra Leone. They dont have adequate housing and the lady had to take her 7 kids to work with her outdoors with her to do manual labour smashing up granite all day. I think we need to keep some perspective here as our lives are absolute paradise compared to many poor people across the world and we need to focus on what we can do rather than what we cant. You can meet up with a friend and their toddler anyway as under 5s dont count when you meet up with one other person.

This thread and the responses are starting to baffle me.

Why is a child in sierra leone going to help OP in her situation. There is always someone a lot worse of in the world, if you don't know that you're pretty daft and sheltered beyond words...

But in saying things like that you're just minimising OPs very real concerns, which isn't fair. Just because there is a child in sierra leone in whatever situation they're in, doesn't mean that OP, or any of us therefore need to be happy about whatever situation they find themselves.

I'm currently in hospital and am on week 3 of being here, I've left my kids at home and I'm missing them desperately. But perhaps you think I'm not allowed because someone else has been here for 4 weeks and so it's worse?

I get this, I'm also looking at some sort of childcare place as I'm worried about how little time mine is spending around other children

@Soboredofcorona
I also cannot wait for this lockdown to end - it’s tedious and boring and mental health and incomes are suffering, but rest assured you are your little boy’s world - he’s not missing out as long as he’s with you
What a ridiculous post! OP's son isn't a tiny baby, but a 3 year old that would almost certainly benefit from socialising with other children his age and OP's wider family. My 3 year old attends preschool and has recently started to develop little friendships and learned a whole host of social skills (sharing, peacemaking) that he wouldn't have done if he had just me for company. You are completely undermining OP's genuine concerns and implying her worries are centred on herself missing out on experiences as opposed to her son.