Toddlers growing up during covid - the forgotten bunch

[Hitchyhero]

I'm just depressed and want to vent. I feel like nothing is being done with this generation of kids and it's all about saving the elderly.

My child is adopted and he didn't have the best start in life. He came to us when he was just over 1 years old in July 2019. Then in early 2020 we went into lockdown the week before his bday. 1 year later.... At 3 years old.... He still hasn't had a birthday with his wider family.

He has speech delay (which is common among adopted children) but I don't think mask wearing, and lack of social interaction with others has helped. He's only actually interacted with my family for 6 months because of covid. Hes hardly intereracted with children his age. I can't get appotments with speech therapists because of covid too. We video call with my family but he's not interested in videocalls for that long. He just has no connection. Feel like this generation of kids are going to have massive repercussions. Whilst I know older kids education is not great atm, these early years are massivly important and these kids are not goingnto have even basic life skills.

At nine months I wouldn't personally be worried about it just yet. Maybe from around 18 months or so (this is completely unscientific and based on my own DD who went to nursery full-time from 10 months).

@SnuggyBuggy

One of my friends was in tears at the 1 year questionnaire with the questions about how her baby is with other people. As she said fuck knows when baby has barely been around other people.

That's so depressing.

(And I'm not saying the restrictions are unnecessary btw, by and large I support them, I just think there will be consequences around the socialisation of toddlers just as there will be consequences for all other age groups for one reason or another.)

My plan was to wait because I felt mine was getting plenty from stay and play and toddler classes. I've changed my mind now.

@crispyy

Should I be saving up to try and put my baby into nursery or with a childminder as soon as possible? He's currently nine months of age.

We don't have the money for it but if it's something he needs for his development I'd be willing to make sacrifices somewhere/somehow.

No.

There is very, very limited evidence that nursery or childminders are beneficial to children before the age of 2. What there is significant evidence for is having a secure attachment to their main carer is of the most benefit to children.

This isn't to say nursery/ child care is bad for children under 2 (I put mine in by choice), just that it isn't necessary and has no significant statistical benefit. This also doesn't mean that there are not children who have benefitted from a childcare setting (equally there are children who have negative outcomes from a childcare setting). it's very individual but on the balance of evidence, being home with primary care giver is for the best.

@crispyy what do you plan to do with the baby when you finish your maternity leave? It doesn’t need to be nursery etc. but you should try and take them to baby groups when they open up. They were running throughout summer and right through to the end of December across all tiers so I think they will open up again fairly soon.

@Updatemate oh thank you, that is reassuring!

@Katie517 I was planning to be a SAHM until my DS turns 3, at which point I was going to put him into nursery and go back to work. I felt my baby was too young to be getting much out of baby groups in the summer, as he was still a newborn - but now he's older I think he would definitely benefit. He's noticing so much more now!

@JamesAnderson

It's weighted towards the health and mental well-being of the frontline health workers.
Unless you don't care about that.

I'm a paramedic, so about as frontline as it gets, and my concerns about my 3 year old DDs neuro-social development is by far the greatest pressure on my mental health at the moment. Potential life long damage to her due to lockdown at this critical stage in her life scares the sh*t out of me.

Many of my colleagues with young children are of the same opinion. A paramedic with a one year old said he doesn't think his wife will ever fully recover from this (maternity leave in lockdown) and also has massive concerns about his DC development.

@EgonSpengler2020 I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m finding those worries tough too, also sorry for your colleagues wife. It’s been such a tough time for children and parents.

@crispyy yes I think the baby groups would be great, my little one is 6 months and is noticing a lot more now so I really hope it won’t be long before they start back up. Try not to worry too much as I’m sure once spring comes things will be much better and meeting someone outside is much more appealing once the weather is warmer

@3asAbird Here you go: twitter.com/samcoatessky/status/1359570470589386752?s=21

Government response after a number of recent reports of police stopping and questions young children (and parents) playing in parks, on greens etc. One incident in particular made the news, where a father and his two boys were stopped and ‘dispersed’ while building a snowman on grass near their block of flats.

Lots of children’s charities/paediatricians now calling on the government to classify children’s play as a legitimate reason for leaving the house, but so far they’re refusing to shift their messaging away from ‘exercise only’.

You’d think none of them had ever had kids (or, probably more to the point, had to look after them themselves).

Are you in London by any chance OP
I have found a (private) speech therapist who will do face to face. My speech delayed 2yo finds zoom calls hard but will hopefully be starting with her soon.

And yes you can do the SLT on your own but my DS will speak so much more to the teacher and try much less with me

Meant to say DM me if so as I don't read updates here x

@EgonSpengler2020 your post / worries make sense to me. my fiancé is a paramedic too and we are socialising our toddler as much as we can. The alternative is just not worth it to us. He sees a friend once a week.

This lockdown has been very hard for my DS he is 3 next month. Last time was ok because he was out in the garden etc. This last 2 weeks has been particularly tough for him he's crying to go to see his Nannan and cousins and to go to soft play. I try and take him out everyday but he doesn't want to go as he's cold even though I bundle him up. He's also not getting the attention he deserves as I'm homeschooling my year 3 DS so he's now totally regressed in potty training and his wetting himself upto 10 times a day. I've had enough and so has he.

Oh and he doesn't go to nursery or preschool as he was looked after by family whilst I work but thankfully he is starting after Easter fingers crossed.

It is really tough and I think if you have a baby or toddler it is especially hard for the parents. Toddlers take a lot of entertaining!

However, on a positive note, your child is at the start of their life
Hopefully they will have lots of opportunity to make up for this missed time.

I feel things are particularly hard for older teens and young adults as this is the time when they are at their most social, forming relationships, starting careers. From my own personal experience it is tougher for my 20 year old DSC than for my younger DC.

Let's hope some milder weather is around the corner. I think with toddlers, being able to get out more will make a huge difference. Hopefully when restrictions begin to ease, outdoor activity places like farms etc will open up quickly which would give you more variety of things to do.

We don't have the money for it but if it's something he needs for his development I'd be willing to make sacrifices somewhere/somehow.

^^ It depends!

Mine didn't go to nursery until they were 3 1/2, I wanted to be at home with them whilst they were so young and non verbal. We went to toddler groups, play groups,...play parks...some paid classes but not many - we found enough variety in the different run toddler groups even in the same hall on a different day - a different volunteer leader would have a different set up and different toys.

I feel things are particularly hard for older teens and young adults as this is the time when they are at their most social, forming relationships, starting careers. From my own personal experience it is tougher for my 20 year old DSC than for my younger DC.

^ definitely

Agreed OP, same here

[quote TempsPerdu]@Dongdingdong Agree that ageism is wrong. No one should be dismissing elderly people as an inconvenience. But for every post on MN doing that during the pandemic, I’ve seen another one that does the same thing to children: They’re super-spreaders; they’re dirty, germ-ridden and unhygienic; they shouldn’t be in shops/on public transport/in public spaces; they’re making too much noise in next door’s garden (despite having nowhere else to go); playgrounds and nurseries should all be closed; they are ‘snowflakes’ who just need to be more resilient.

Ageism works both ways.[/quote]
Agree with all of what temps has written here, and it's getting harder to keep hearing the response of 'granny killing' 'so my X relative should just die then' when ever any concern about children is raised.

This is exactly why my DD is going to nursery 3 days. She's 2.8 and I think she'd really struggle without social interaction with peers. We've been relatively lucky down here as toddler groups were open from August-January, and we made the most of those when they were open. But the last few months have been difficult on her non-nursery days. I take her out every day to playgrounds/parks but we don't actually interact with anyone, although she enjoys the challenge of climbing frames etc.

DD started nursery just after she turned 2 - we would have waited until she was 2.5 but we started her early as there were no other activities running for her age at the time, so it was the only chance she got to be around other children. I agree that under 2s don't really need nursery - what was helpful at that age was parent and child activities like toddler groups and stay and play. I'm hopeful that they could start again soon, as they continued to run even in Tier 4 here.

I think if anything the toddlers have it the best out of the children. Not all children can go to school but toddlers can still attend their regular childcare.

@Snowsnowglorioussnow

We don't have the money for it but if it's something he needs for his development I'd be willing to make sacrifices somewhere/somehow.

^^ It depends!

Mine didn't go to nursery until they were 3 1/2, I wanted to be at home with them whilst they were so young and non verbal. We went to toddler groups, play groups,...play parks...some paid classes but not many - we found enough variety in the different run toddler groups even in the same hall on a different day - a different volunteer leader would have a different set up and different toys.

You mean doing all the things we are not allowed to do now. That must have been nice for you and your little one (obviously play parks are open now, but weren't on the first lockdown and we are not allowed to meet there for playdates).

@Snowsnowglorioussnow

I feel things are particularly hard for older teens and young adults as this is the time when they are at their most social, forming relationships, starting careers. From my own personal experience it is tougher for my 20 year old DSC than for my younger DC.

^ definitely

This is a thread about toddlers being forgotten and your have come on to tell us about how hard it is for older teens and young adults. How is this helping to highlight the issues of toddlers, their neuro social development and the impacts on the mental health of patents of very young children.

To reassure everyone though- there is a lot of positivity for the future. The good news is almost every parent I know will be desperate to meet up and crack on with normal once things are allowed. It may be a big adjustment for children but come summer when things relax (hopefully) and we can go those things we have wanted to we will appreciate them so much more. Things will get better and children will with support and encouragement get back on track. I have been very down at times but I am determined not to let my one year old be defined by being born in the covid era. She will play and hug and chatter and be a normal happy child very soon. Hang in there- in a lot of ways this is far harder for parents.