Toddlers growing up during covid - the forgotten bunch

[Hitchyhero]

I'm just depressed and want to vent. I feel like nothing is being done with this generation of kids and it's all about saving the elderly.

My child is adopted and he didn't have the best start in life. He came to us when he was just over 1 years old in July 2019. Then in early 2020 we went into lockdown the week before his bday. 1 year later.... At 3 years old.... He still hasn't had a birthday with his wider family.

He has speech delay (which is common among adopted children) but I don't think mask wearing, and lack of social interaction with others has helped. He's only actually interacted with my family for 6 months because of covid. Hes hardly intereracted with children his age. I can't get appotments with speech therapists because of covid too. We video call with my family but he's not interested in videocalls for that long. He just has no connection. Feel like this generation of kids are going to have massive repercussions. Whilst I know older kids education is not great atm, these early years are massivly important and these kids are not goingnto have even basic life skills.

@Kendodd your post smacks of the ageism that seems so rife on here. Do you really think that if we had a Labour government in power they’d have just abandoned the elderly to die? Of course they wouldn’t (thank goodness). I’m sick of reading posts treating older people like some sort of inconvenience.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

They're living WITH families - other people FFS? I haven't had a face to face conversation with anyone in more than two months - and for many people it will be a lot longer than that.

Yes and I presume you are an adult...?

It's very different. The first 1000 days have proven to be absolutely crucial in childrens development and many babies and toddlers are going to really suffer.

OP I would consider nursery if you can afford it. Otherwise meeting friends in parks with kids?

crispyy

Social interaction is really important at every age

Even as a baby? I’m asking as I have a 9 month old and am worried!

Of course it is. You don’t put your 9 mth old in a room and leave it there do you?
Babies interact with their parents/siblings.
That’s social interaction!

Otherwise meeting friends in parks with kids?
And if you have no friends with kids? Or just no friends? I don’t have anyone to call and ask to meet up.

@crispyy Not so much as a young baby, don’t worry! In an ideal world they’d be at least seeing and playing alongside other kids at baby groups etc, but not having this is really not a disaster and immediate family, decent routine and plenty of stimulation at home (stories, songs, rhymes, simple games) are the most important things at this point.

It’s more older toddlers and preschoolers I’m concerned about. With DD is was like a switch was turned on at 2.5, when she suddenly started really noticing and wanting to interact with other children.

She’s an only and it was pretty heart rending during the first lockdown (when nurseries were closed) to see her just stopping to stand and stare longingly at other children playing in the park.

@Greendoonan what would you usually do pre-covid to socialise if you don't have friends/friends with kids, things like baby groups? Could you go to the park and allow your child to play with other kids pottering about if their parents are happy with it? Otherwise nursery is the only option really.

My DD is the same age as your DS OP to within a week or two. She's at nursery full-time now even though I'm on maternity leave and it's brilliant for her. As others have said I'd consider changing provider. I know that's not ideal for an adopted child, but a private nursery may be less likely to close during any future lockdowns and more willing to take your DS as a vulnerable child.

DD was in full-time as childcare before the first lockdown, when they closed she definitely suffered and became flat out weird around strangers when we were out for walks. Now she's back life is pretty much normal for her, our families don't live nearby so it's normal not to see much of them. I doubt she remembers a pre covid time in any detail and that would worry me if she wasn't socialising with other children or indeed adults.

At nearly three she has real friendships with some of the other kids and they play properly together. But even for kids who don't do that for whatever reason, playing alongside is an important step in their socialisation and shouldn't be skipped or dismissed. I wouldn't be happy with DD having no interaction with other kids for a year now unless she was CEV, in which case of course you so as much as you can to protect their physical health.

I hear you OP my DS is 3. He’s always been highly strung, really kicked off around people he didn’t know to the point of screaming and breaking things. We haven’t had playgroup since March and even then it was tricky to get him to go. He’s meant to start nursery soon and last year was meant to be the year that I tried to get him to feel more at ease with new people and new situations, especially ones where I’m not there. We had a nurse in from the health visiting team back in Jan 2020 to talk about ways to help him feel better about these things but haven’t seen her since due to Covid. No 3 year old health visitor check either. I am just so, so worried about him going to nursery.

Greendoonan what would you usually do pre-covid to socialise if you don't have friends/friends with kids, things like baby groups?
DS would be in nursery and on his days off we’d go to a toddler group. Neither of those are available at present.

@crispyy
And yes, what @WouldBeGood said about shops - not popular with many on here but I’d advise taking your DC to the local supermarket/outside market/bakery and modelling how to interact with the staff there.

DD is a ‘regular’ at our market, bakery, butcher and fishmonger (realise we’re lucky to have these available!). She knows the staff by name, chats with them, orders things, has learned to say hello, please and thank you, understands how the shopping transaction works - all key skills. Ditto public transport - e.g. we’ve been taking her on the train a couple of stops to a park rather than always driving.

@AgentCooper

I hear you OP my DS is 3. He’s always been highly strung, really kicked off around people he didn’t know to the point of screaming and breaking things. We haven’t had playgroup since March and even then it was tricky to get him to go. He’s meant to start nursery soon and last year was meant to be the year that I tried to get him to feel more at ease with new people and new situations, especially ones where I’m not there. We had a nurse in from the health visiting team back in Jan 2020 to talk about ways to help him feel better about these things but haven’t seen her since due to Covid. No 3 year old health visitor check either. I am just so, so worried about him going to nursery.

There is no 3 year hv check just 9months and 2 years.

I couldn't get a referral for my son 8 years ago for speech and language.
As here they said wait until they turned 3 then big wait list.

Of course it is. You don’t put your 9 mth old in a room and leave it there do you?
Babies interact with their parents/siblings.
That’s social interaction!

I thought it was obvious when I said I was worried about “social interaction” that I meant interacting with people other than me and DH

@Dongdingdong Agree that ageism is wrong. No one should be dismissing elderly people as an inconvenience. But for every post on MN doing that during the pandemic, I’ve seen another one that does the same thing to children: They’re super-spreaders; they’re dirty, germ-ridden and unhygienic; they shouldn’t be in shops/on public transport/in public spaces; they’re making too much noise in next door’s garden (despite having nowhere else to go); playgrounds and nurseries should all be closed; they are ‘snowflakes’ who just need to be more resilient.

Ageism works both ways.

It sounds like you need to get him into childcare. I feel like parents with preschoolers have been relatively lucky. EYFS settings are open. Our 2 year old still goes to the childminder's / forest school, playgrounds are open. They're at an age where nature walks are still full of novelty and splashing in puddles can entertain them for hours. Yes, I feel sad that our toddler isn't interacting with our family more, and I miss soft play / toddler groups etc and walks get very samey, but in general at this age they don't know what they're missing. I feel far worse for parents who are having to homeschool older children and teenagers.

HVs have gone totally awol - my DD has just turned 2 and we’ve heard nothing since the 9 month check - I even had to go and vaccinate her myself.

OP I agree the effects of this on the younger ones will be scary. Luckily my dd has an older brother & we are starting her early at nursery from April. But she is terrified of strangers and has had none of the incidental socialisation that young kids get - she’s also utterly unused to her parents not being constantly around so I am bracing myself for the big kahuna of separation anxiety to strike when we have to go back to the office, miss the odd bedtime etc.

Totally agree OP. I have a just short of two year old. I’m sending him to the childminders still on my working days and so thankful for that otherwise he’d literally only see me and Dad. He has lots of wonderful cousins who all love playing together but most of which he hasn’t seen in nearly a year (we would have been over the rule of 6 even when that was a thing).

I feel so sad for all the experiences he’s missing out on.

And I’d also argue that even the MN ‘My Own Child’s Fine’ brigade will be affected once their DC starts school and ends up in a class with a higher than average proportion of speech delayed, poorly socialised, behaviourally challenging kids

I'd be lying if I said this hadn't occurred to me. Not in a critical sense at those kids or their parents obviously. But I do think there will be an even bigger struggle to access help when this cohort reaches school age as there will be more children in need of it and I'd guess funding will be cut rather than increased.

It is indeed hard for every age group, and every age group has its own particular needs and reasons it's tough. But for toddlers, this time can't be replaced, it's not like learning long multiplication a year later than planned. They literally can't remember a time of normal social interaction unless they're in nursery.

I completely agree OP and am also angry at the forgotten ones - basically anyone under 40.

It’s not helpful saying it could be worse as you could be living in a mud hut.

I very much hope the weather improves and little ones can start to meet again

@crispyy yes it’s really important that babies are coming into contact and interacting with other people from really early on.

Options are limited at the moment and it’s down to how comfortable people feel but I take my little one into the coffee shop a couple of times a week (the lady in there knows their name and will smile and talk to them) also if I have to pop to the supermarket while I am out walking they hear other voices and see people. Then when we meet people for walks they are hearing voices and see people. I don’t want my child to become clingy and have issues going to other people so I am doing everything I can to avoid that happening in really difficult circumstances.

I also feel like the government have completely missed babies and toddlers out of their thinking. As I said we won’t get these early years back it’s not something that can be picked up later down the line. I do not come into contact with people vulnerable from covid, I am responsible and socially distanced in shops, wear my mask etc. but I am not willing to mess up my child’s first year anymore than I see necessary.

There is no 3 year hv check just 9months and 2 years

@3asAbird I’m in Scotland, we’re supposed to get a 27-30 month visit (sorry, not quite 3 years).

I completely agree. My little one does thankfully go to nursery three days a week. On my days off I really struggle thinking of things to do that we haven’t already exhausted over and over. She isn’t interested in video calls and when we met her grandma in the park she wouldn’t speak to her because she hardly sees her or other grandparents.

@Katie517 I read that babies really only need their parents though until the age of about two, when they do start needing social interaction with others. I take my baby out regularly for walks and into shops, but it feels like a drop in the ocean compared to what he should be doing (regular interaction with family, baby groups, friends etc). I don't feel he really gains much from walks in the pram and seeing me interact with shopkeepers for a minute or two, to be honest. I hope I'm wrong, it's just how I feel. I'm really worried.

It’s equally difficult for all age groups for different reasons.

One of my friends was in tears at the 1 year questionnaire with the questions about how her baby is with other people. As she said fuck knows when baby has barely been around other people.

Should I be saving up to try and put my baby into nursery or with a childminder as soon as possible? He's currently nine months of age.

We don't have the money for it but if it's something he needs for his development I'd be willing to make sacrifices somewhere/somehow.