Toddlers growing up during covid - the forgotten bunch

[Hitchyhero]

I'm just depressed and want to vent. I feel like nothing is being done with this generation of kids and it's all about saving the elderly.

My child is adopted and he didn't have the best start in life. He came to us when he was just over 1 years old in July 2019. Then in early 2020 we went into lockdown the week before his bday. 1 year later.... At 3 years old.... He still hasn't had a birthday with his wider family.

He has speech delay (which is common among adopted children) but I don't think mask wearing, and lack of social interaction with others has helped. He's only actually interacted with my family for 6 months because of covid. Hes hardly intereracted with children his age. I can't get appotments with speech therapists because of covid too. We video call with my family but he's not interested in videocalls for that long. He just has no connection. Feel like this generation of kids are going to have massive repercussions. Whilst I know older kids education is not great atm, these early years are massivly important and these kids are not goingnto have even basic life skills.

@Wherediditgo The first 3 years are critical to a child’s development, as others have said. He’s lost the first year of that already as he’s hardly met any people. He will never get that back. I despair for him

I absolutely didn't say or think that your baby (or my toddler) is 'done for'. I said no one knows what the outcome will be for the cohort as a whole. It could be that actually infants during this benefit as a cohort from spending more concentrated time with parents. I find that harder to imagine for toddlers and preschoolers, but it's certainly possible. It might make no difference at all to their development - that would shake some of the accepted research in the field, but that can and does happen in any area of science. What is almost certain is that any negative impacts will be felt least by the children of educated, affluent parents and most by the children of the least advantaged, and the reverse pattern will be seen for any benefits - because that's how educational inequality always goes, sadly.

@Hardbackwriter highly unlikely though isn’t it. My baby is already showing signs of being very nervous around other people - I don’t know whether it’s normal separation anxiety or the fact that he barely sees other humans. I’m worrying there’s more I could and should have done, like illegal meet-ups. I feel so guilty.

I honestly wouldn't worry about a baby yet. Separation anxiety is normal. Indeed, I have a baby and don't worry about her at all, but I would be worried about my toddler if nursery was closed again.

To be honest rules are one thing but your child’s welfare is the most important thing to you in the world. I think that if I was you I would see other children and if that meant bending the rules I’d do it. However you could meet one other mum for walks/out door play within the rules.

Thanks Mindy. Sorry, I had the normally stoic DH in tears today because he can’t take much more of this. I’m at an all time low.

I wouldn't worry so much about babies as the groups and classes at this age are more for supporting the mum.

[quote crispyy]@Wherediditgo The first 3 years are critical to a child’s development, as others have said. He’s lost the first year of that already as he’s hardly met any people. He will never get that back. I despair for him [/quote]

To you
While the first three years are critical, the first (at least) year of that, babies need nobody other than their parent or parents. Separation anxiety is totally normal at that age - my DS did it and he is now three and is really confident and chilled.
If your baby is getting love and affection from you - which I am certain is the case - he will be absolutely fine. He will thrive, in fact.

@FishWithoutABike

To be honest rules are one thing but your child’s welfare is the most important thing to you in the world. I think that if I was you I would see other children and if that meant bending the rules I’d do it. However you could meet one other mum for walks/out door play within the rules.

I agree with this. Risk vs reward - do what is right for your family but just be sensible.

[quote crispyy]@Hardbackwriter highly unlikely though isn’t it. My baby is already showing signs of being very nervous around other people - I don’t know whether it’s normal separation anxiety or the fact that he barely sees other humans. I’m worrying there’s more I could and should have done, like illegal meet-ups. I feel so guilty.[/quote]
If it's any consolation I took my first DD to every baby group, NCT meetup and coffee shop. She still cried everytime I left the room. She screamed at my MIL til she was 18 months. She couldn't be held by anyone else. I tried everything. Some kids are just nervous. She is 2.5 now and still pretty socially anxious, but its just who she is. Not all kids and social butterflies. It's taken me a long time to accept it has nothing to do with me. I felt like a failure for a long time.

If it's any consolation I took my first DD to every baby group, NCT meetup and coffee shop. She still cried everytime I left the room. She screamed at my MIL til she was 18 months. She couldn't be held by anyone else. I tried everything. Some kids are just nervous. She is 2.5 now and still pretty socially anxious, but its just who she is. Not all kids and social butterflies. It's taken me a long time to accept it has nothing to do with me. I felt like a failure for a long time

The longer I am a mum, the more I realise that there is a lot you can’t control. How they sleep, if they’re a fussy eater, how long potty training takes etc. You can’t take the blame for things that aren’t perfect any more than you can take credit for the things that are (within reason of course)

@crispyy

Thanks Mindy. Sorry, I had the normally stoic DH in tears today because he can’t take much more of this. I’m at an all time low.

That is utterly shit.

My nearly 2 yo spent his first bday in lockdown and will spend his second bday again in lockdown. I know it's only birthdays and they don't remember but my lo hasn't had any contact with any other toddler or human for a year. Only minimal
contact with gp's due to childcare. All baby groups closed, no ones seeing each other, no play dates nothing. The only stimulation he gets is either an empty cold and wet park or the supermarket and then you read threads saying why people take lo's to the supermarket when their oh's could look after to them. This is an age where they are developing rapidly and need that interaction. All age groups have their own difficulties and missing out on a lot but I can just say at least your lo started off life without this restriction in their early years when everything was normal.

My thoughts exactly OP.

The lockdown lovers and doom gloomers can't have toddlers.

My son was 2 when this pandemic started hes 3 soon. Hes an only child and has literally been bouncing off the walls for a year. My mental health has suffered massively.
Everyone says "put him in nursery" but unfortunately when you work, you dont get the 15 hours free for 2 year olds. I'm not a high earner and cannot afford privately since my hours have been cut due to Covid.

I genuinely think if the government continue with these lockdowns and high tiers, children aged 2 should be entitled for 15 hours childcare. Despite what a parent earns or if they're a key worker. The children need it and are suffering massively and their parents with them

In the toddler years, I didn't know that DS had ASD. He did flag up with SALT issues. I first raised it at 2.5 with the HV while she visited DS2. An initial assessment showed him to be at the low end of average. At 3.5 he'd made little progress and was far enough behind for intervention. This was an early sign on record that helped with diagnosis years later.

Children's development is time sensitive, and if you miss that window for certain types of stimulation, there can be long lasting issues. Hence it being of greater importance that an adopted child has only had a short window to get to know their extended family.

There are children of this cohort with unidentified S(E)Ns and the time since March 2020 will muddy that. Some children will struggle with normal range separation anxiety, but these kinds of attachment/ social/ communication/ development issues will be hit harder than usual and with more children being temporalily hindered, it will make it harder to identify where intervention is required. Add in a backlog on already stretched and struggling services.

OP has a slight "advantage" here in that she and the systen already know that her child has vulnerabilities and this is why CLA children get certain priorities through the education system such as in school applications. They should also be a priority in nursery places and the childminder really should have continued the place.

DS went to nursery and they were excellent at implementing much of the SALT recommendations which were better done in small groups rather than 1:1 at home (obviously he got that too)

Obviously all groups have their struggles, but young children can't speak up for themselves and are a fragmented demographic. There is such a worrying amount of minimisation of the consequences that this cohort will face in the next few years.

@DuchessofHastings1 you can get 2y funding for your child if you're a low earner (if you are on your own that is). The threshold is about 16k so if you're a low earner you will get it

@Looneytune253 I earn just above that threshold so don't get it

My eldest has just turned 4 so he was a new 3 year old when this started. He had a speech delay and didn't start talking properly until he was around 2.5/3. The beginning of last year my husband walked out on us when I was pregnant and I have my second baby in the early summer. It's not been an easy time for DS1 or me with all the changes and all I want to do is support him by letting him enjoy himself and blow off some steam. To be fair, he has coped well, 80% of the time... but I see him struggling now. He doesn't want to go for long pram walks, he doesn't want to go to the same boring old parks, he's even getting fed up of nursery. Can you blame him??! I'm so upset that this is his last pre school year and I have an overwhelming sense of guilt almost wishing the days away :( I just want to enjoy my children and take them places and do things I'd always looked forward to and see them excited and happy.
I know everyone's health is more important, but this is so important to us too!

Ds is only 9 months. So far I don’t think he’s at all affected. He’s happy each day at home with dh and I. We take him out daily in pram/ sling/ car. He sees lots of people when we are out and about. He seems to be meeting milestones

For me as a first time parent, miles from family it’s been very lonely.

I feel lucky that my DS is only 3 going through all this, I see my neighbours children suffering massively at not being in school (9,10 and 14).

He does go to preschool in the mornings so does have the opportunity to mix if he wants, which I understand is a benefit and I am also aware we are lucky to have areas to go for walks but I do feel that it is not as detrimental to him as those who have suffered during exam periods, uni placements and those trying to work and homeschool.
It's by no means an either or situation and obviously both age groups can be suffering through this, but on a personal level I am glad he's that little bit younger.

OP I think finding a nursery is maybe your option as the younger ones do at least have the option of going in.

@wellahair Exactly the same here. When playgrounds were briefly open when I am, no one was there and I used to sit and watch my Dd playing by herself, so sad. Our morning out is the supermarket but now most adults avoid her or some give me a disapproving look, presumably for her being there..she tries to talk to people, only a few are kind enough to chat back..in masks. Sick with worry what this is going to the kids.

*Where I am

*Doing to the kids

[quote SickoftheCword]@wellahair Exactly the same here. When playgrounds were briefly open when I am, no one was there and I used to sit and watch my Dd playing by herself, so sad. Our morning out is the supermarket but now most adults avoid her or some give me a disapproving look, presumably for her being there..she tries to talk to people, only a few are kind enough to chat back..in masks. Sick with worry what this is going to the kids.[/quote]
It's really hard and I really feel sorry for toddlers and babies around this age. I had parents warn their kids out loudly to keep away from other kids in the park when the weather was nicer. There are parents who are ok with it like myself although I'm like a helicopter and ensure the other parent doesn't get uncomfortable and I respect it and make sure my lo doesn't get too close. My ds loves kids and it's so sad he is missing out on this. I can't risk sending him to nursery due to child care bubble with my parents until they get a vaccination. This whole thing started as soon as my lo started to understand and make sense of the world. He is missing out on so much which is breaking my heart. My friends have other kids that fills the gap for their toddlers but my lo is an only child. There is literally nothing left for them to experience the world and help develop them in their early years. The only thing is an empty cold wet park and perhaps a supermarket trip with a disapproval look.

I try to go out everyday, buy him toys, read and do activities as much as I can but in reality he is bored of seeing me and my DH. He wants to be doing kiddies stuff, playing with children, doing play dates, going to soft play, attending bday parties, attending play groups and all the normal things that the rest of the population got to experience in their toddler years. It's really sad.

The threshold is about 16k so if you're a low earner you will get it
£16k isn’t a lot. It’s household income not individual income, so two parents on minimum wage will vastly exceed that amount. DS stays at home with my mum while I work, otherwise I couldn’t afford to work. Paying for nursery is out of reach for average earners.

@Greendoonan that's very true. My DM pays for the baby's nursery otherwise it would be more financially efficient for me to stay at home.