Toddlers growing up during covid - the forgotten bunch

[Hitchyhero]

I'm just depressed and want to vent. I feel like nothing is being done with this generation of kids and it's all about saving the elderly.

My child is adopted and he didn't have the best start in life. He came to us when he was just over 1 years old in July 2019. Then in early 2020 we went into lockdown the week before his bday. 1 year later.... At 3 years old.... He still hasn't had a birthday with his wider family.

He has speech delay (which is common among adopted children) but I don't think mask wearing, and lack of social interaction with others has helped. He's only actually interacted with my family for 6 months because of covid. Hes hardly intereracted with children his age. I can't get appotments with speech therapists because of covid too. We video call with my family but he's not interested in videocalls for that long. He just has no connection. Feel like this generation of kids are going to have massive repercussions. Whilst I know older kids education is not great atm, these early years are massivly important and these kids are not goingnto have even basic life skills.

This is a thread about toddlers being forgotten and your have come on to tell us about how hard it is for older teens and young adults. How is this helping to highlight the issues of toddlers, their neuro social development and the impacts on the mental health of patents of very young children.

Thank you I do not know if you can see the ^ which points a quote, so please re dress this comment to the poster who actually posted it?
Its not my words but a comment I agree with.

""You mean doing all the things we are not allowed to do now. That must have been nice for you and your little one (obviously play parks are open now, but weren't on the first lockdown and we are not allowed to meet there for playdates)."

What I mean, to the person who was concerned about buying in help is that when toddler groups etc open they are just as good if not better than having to BUY in help from an expensive nursery.

My son is 15 months and has never played with another child in his life. I’m worried about his social development because he spends all his time with me and I’m autistic.
I wish I could take him swimming or to soft play. I need to take him to mother and baby groups.

There is very, very limited evidence that nursery or childminders are beneficial to children before the age of 2. What there is significant evidence for is having a secure attachment to their main carer is of the most benefit to children.

This is true but all the research was done during circumstances where parents at home were able to parent 'normally' - I don't know, and no one does, if the research would have showed something different if childcare had been the only opportunity under-2s had to see anyone outside their household and if parents had no opportunities to take them anywhere at all for extra stimulation and learning. No one knows because we've never tried to make people parent under these circumstances for so long before. People love to point out that organised toddler groups and activities are relatively new inventions (though they've been around for decades) but informal socialising, interaction, and exposing children to new environments certainly aren't.

Totally agree, op. My Dd is 2,6 years old and before March had playgroup, swimming, play dates, soft play, birthday parties. A slight reprieve in summer but not the same (playgroups, swimming, soft play etc still weren’t open) she’s at home with me all day and we play and take the dog for a walk but she needs others! I’m so upset about it all. She’s on the list for nursery/pre school which I’ll have to pay through the nose for, just to get some socialisation, waiting for the call when she can start 🙏 nothing else is considered aside from covid, nothing.

Hardbackwriter

Yes, I don't dispute that but I was responding to a specific poster and in her circumstances, the worst of the restrictions are likely to be lifted before it becomes problematic for her baby. I didn't want her thinking that she needed to be paying for childcare, because she doesn't.

@Snowsnowglorioussnow That’s the thing though, where I am, none of those things are open 🤷🏻‍♀️I’m a Sahm and Early years teacher by profession, it was always my plan (pre covid) to have her with me but also attend fun playgroups, play dates, classes etc until 3 when she’d go part time to nursery/Orr school. For a year she’s had none of that, it’s really wrong.

I was thinking about this too. My 2yo DS is very shy around people, he covers his ears and bends forward to hide his face, it's got a lot worse since we've not been seeing people. I worry about whether he will improve, I took him to a supermarket yesterday and he wouldn't walk from the car to the shop he just stood still I carried him to a trolley and he hid his face in my shoulder. He used to go to nursery 1 morning a week for a 1.5 years but stopped in December

Sick I am speaking, hoping that soon they all will be open - I realise they are not open now and someone said - do they need to save up to pay for nursery - my response is no, don't, just do the things I listed.

I would bypass the childminder if only operating for key worker and enrol at a local nursery. My DD goes 4x a week and her speech and development has come on in that time. My sister has a DD who is a few months younger, who doesn't go to nursery and she has speech delay - not saying it's because she doesn't go to nursery, but I think the social interaction does help with their verbal skills.

@Hitchyhero and it's all about saving the elderly how many elderly people would you like to lose their lives so your toddler can freely mix with others.

@MyDcAreMarvel how many children’s early years development would you like to destroy to protect older people indefinitely from a virus with a 99%+ survival rate

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@Hitchyhero* and it's all about saving the elderly* how many elderly people would you like to lose their lives so your toddler can freely mix with others.[/quote]
Where has ANYONE said people should be expected to lose their lives? This stance keeps being said on threads and I've yet to see a single post where someone has said 'yes I'm happy accepting people dying so my child can mix'.

Does this have to be a debate about the restrictions? I can be worried about toddlers while also thinking the restrictions are necessary.

Op is there a reason you aren't meeting up (outdoors and distanced) with other people with children also under 5, or with even one other adult for you to chat to? That is specifically allowed, and could be really good for you both. Or bubble for childcare with another family with a toddler it may be that due to his current developmental level / past experiences he can't go to their house yet, but having another child over to yours might be good for him (and if he could get out, would be a breather for you too). Otherwise are there childminders with spaces?

I can't do it with my toddler because of his older siblings, but if I had just one, would certainly be getting out.

Lots of people are talking about meeting up with other families at the playground etc - I also think this is a reasonable thing to do, and have done it myself, but it's worth noting - even if just as a mark of how completely unconcerned they are about young children and their development - that the government has clarified that people are not supposed to take children to playgrounds to socialise, just for solo exercise:
www.theguardian.com/world/2021/feb/11/ministers-backtrack-on-advice-only-children-without-gardens-can-play-outside

I’m so glad my 2 year old goes to nursery twice a week. We also meet up with a friend and her little boy once a week at the park.

But I really miss playgroups.

Could you go back to the childminder and ask her to consider taking your DC in the circumstances OP, if you're otherwise happy with her?

It's really difficult. I have a three year old. Like fuck is it only at three when they start making friends/forming bonds with other kids. I do my best, I arrange (illegal!) meetups in the park etc with other parents but I can see that my daughter misses out on the consistency she had before, a set weekly routine with activities and friends. And we're among the lucky ones - plenty of space, a garden, one parent off work and money to throw at the problem.

My 2 year old is now at nursery 2 days a week. It's crippling us financially (my husband is a SAHD) but no toddler groups have reopened up here since the first lockdown and after almost a year of no contact with other children her own age we felt we had to act. Our health visitor actively encouraged us to do so at her 2 year check, agreeing that she was behind on her social development. I used to have a confident little girl, now she is nervous of anyone new so it's been a nightmare trying to settle her into nursery (especially as we have to hand her over at the gate) but she is finally enjoying it and starting to interact with the other children.

Hoping mine will start soon. She's barely seen her friends all winter and it's anyone's guess when the stay and plays will start again.

This is so sad, and I have similar worries for my little boy who is nearly 2. He does however go to nursery for 2 days a week so can meet other children etc. Something which we've been doing recently a lot is online 'monkey music' classes which he absolutely loves - would definitely recommend as they have them in most areas. I also feel sad for the grandparents as they have hardly seen him in the last year (and they don't have any other grandchildren).

I agree OP.
My reply here is totally coloured by a horrifying and desperately sad story I just read about an autistic child and his mother. I won’t go in to detail as it’s massively triggering but there are so many people being forgotten about in society at the moment. It actually breaks my heart.

@Hardbackwriter

There is very, very limited evidence that nursery or childminders are beneficial to children before the age of 2. What there is significant evidence for is having a secure attachment to their main carer is of the most benefit to children.

This is true but all the research was done during circumstances where parents at home were able to parent 'normally' - I don't know, and no one does, if the research would have showed something different if childcare had been the only opportunity under-2s had to see anyone outside their household and if parents had no opportunities to take them anywhere at all for extra stimulation and learning. No one knows because we've never tried to make people parent under these circumstances for so long before. People love to point out that organised toddler groups and activities are relatively new inventions (though they've been around for decades) but informal socialising, interaction, and exposing children to new environments certainly aren't.

Well said!!!

Well said!!!

So my baby is done for then. Excellent!!!

@crispyy

Well said!!!

So my baby is done for then. Excellent!!!

That’s not what she was saying. She was refuting the claim that kids definitely don’t need to socialise with other kids before the age of 3... as in we don’t know if these circumstances will have a detrimental effect or not. And a detrimental effect isn’t the same as a baby being ‘done for’ there are so many facets to raising a child that you’d have to fail all of them for your baby to be ‘done for’ and I’m positive you’re not failing

[quote Kendodd]@JamesAnderson @Dongdingdong
Of course the government would have taken into account the fact the covid is hitting their core voters, you're very naive if you think they haven't. If you want prove just look at the way austerity has hit those most likely to vote (hardly at all) and those least likely to vote (extremely hard).[/quote]
Labour has supported the government in all their decisions and in most cases called for them before the government has made them.

The Conservatives won a big majority at the last election because people in the North of the country who would traditionally vote Labour voted for them.
I very much doubt they'll get those votes next time after the views from local leaders on the handling of the covid crisis in those areas.