Toddlers growing up during covid - the forgotten bunch

[Hitchyhero]

I'm just depressed and want to vent. I feel like nothing is being done with this generation of kids and it's all about saving the elderly.

My child is adopted and he didn't have the best start in life. He came to us when he was just over 1 years old in July 2019. Then in early 2020 we went into lockdown the week before his bday. 1 year later.... At 3 years old.... He still hasn't had a birthday with his wider family.

He has speech delay (which is common among adopted children) but I don't think mask wearing, and lack of social interaction with others has helped. He's only actually interacted with my family for 6 months because of covid. Hes hardly intereracted with children his age. I can't get appotments with speech therapists because of covid too. We video call with my family but he's not interested in videocalls for that long. He just has no connection. Feel like this generation of kids are going to have massive repercussions. Whilst I know older kids education is not great atm, these early years are massivly important and these kids are not goingnto have even basic life skills.

It sounds hard OP. My youngest is adopted and had a speech delay right up until lockdown. Strangley, being at home with her brother really caught her up!
I can see why you wouldn't want to put him in preschool if he already has a childcare setting, I would have worried how he would cope with different settings etc and the changes.
My daughter is entitled to a place at school as she is classed as LAC. Could you approach the childminder with this stance? Vulnerable child etc?
If not, is there a support group in your area for adopted children? We have a whatsapp group for ours, it would be worth seeing if anyone will meet in the park for some interaction.

I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Although the 4 year old is missing school nursery and isn't doing well with zooms (and is climbing the walls with boredom) I'm more concerned about me 2 year old. Half her life in restrictions, no toddler groups, no interactions with others, no supermarket trips, nothing but me and dh and older sibling. I'm so glad that I have the 2 so they have each other. Still everyday that nursery was open (September-December) I had to drag the little one away from school kicking and screa

@user68901 you don’t need to worry on the immunity front at least. Catching colds and D&V bugs doesn’t protect you from other colds and d&v bugs (which is why we all get them all the time) so there’s no benefit at all to catching bugs in nursery etc. It’s probably better for children to be older when they get these things. I read an article about it which you could prob find easily through google.

I completely agree though that toddlers have missed out on so much. My DD is also almost 3 so has had a third of her life in this weird set up. She used to go to so many groups and classes. I’m lucky to be on mat leave though so have been spending lots of quality time with her and loving it. She will go to nursery later in the year too and that will help massively.

First 1001 Campaign

OP, I agree with your posts. Feel the youngest have been forgotten, and also those of us who have young children in our households. So much on news and media about home schooling etc. When was the last media story you heard about babies/toddlers? I can't remember when I did!

The link above is an interesting one. Seems gov understands the vital period of the first approx 2 years of life. But now in this Covid storm, I think it's gone out the window. Not bashing, but I'd love to know what HV are doing.

In spring 2020 lockdown I had a 2 year old and 6 month old twins, as well as trying to home school my two primary aged kids. Bumped into my HV when out for a walk and haven't seen nor heard from her since!!!

Hi @Hitchyhero,

First of all congratulations on your adoption, you've done a really great thing there.

Our child will be three next month and I'm starting to get worried about him, he hasn't really progressed in the last year at all. He was ahead but he's stagnated so much he's become speech delayed. I managed to get an appointment with a speech therapist next Friday, so it is possible, we have to pay of course.

With regard to language, these videos are pretty good, we play them whilst he's eating and it seems to have made a difference:

@Hitchyhero

Extra info. He was due to start childminders (which is set up like a nursery) on his 2nd birthday but we went into full lockdown so it was delayed by 6 months.

He went to them for a 4ish months but since this new lockdown happened in January my childminder has decided to only open to those of children of keyworkers.

The actual advice for children eligible to attend a setting, alongside children of key workers does, in the gvmt guidelines include adopted children (have attached a screenshot from the gvmt information)... So perhaps you could ask your childminder that he could go, as he is actually entitled..... (I'm so sorry if you a) knew and b) have tried this though)..

If I were you I'd find another childcare provider, many childminders and nurseries are still taking all children not just keyworkers.

In a way I think it's easier for preschool age children who can still go to childcare than it is for 4+ year olds who can't go to school.

It's hard for all the children of course.

I have a 9yr old so this doesn't affect me, but I have thought about it often.....at a time in life when young children are supposed to be learning about relationships and human interaction, they're told to stay away, not touch, not hug....anyone who doesn't live in their household.

It might seem like it's OK and they won't remember it etc. but we are constantly also being told how important these early years are in a child's emotional and social development. I don't see how the two can both be true at the same time. And I don't think we'll really know the full impact of it until they are much much older, but it would be disingenuous to suggest that our emotional and social experiences in the pre-school years are just forgotten and have no impact on us as adults, particularly when they are 'atypical' or not optimal in some way.

So I agree with you OP, and I think it has been largely ignored, but it shouldn't be. Not everything is justified or justifiable because we're in a pandemic. And the things that are justifiable still have the same impact (on the child), regardless of the cause (the pandemic). If having children of school age stuck to screens, banned from meeting other children, and having to manage with very little supervision, has an impact in non-pandemic times, it also has an impact in pandemic times. Saying 'but COVID' doesn't make that go away. The same goes for toddlers.

@OpheliasCrayon I'm glad you posted as I was going to point that out.

As well as asking your CM why she is breaching government regulations by not accepting your child, start looking for another nursery or CM. This is because I have a suspicion she doesn't want to care for your child as he takes more work.

@Greendoonan

People are whinging about lack of schooling for a couple of months - preschool children don’t even have that. Many haven’t seen anyone except close family for a whole year. You’re right OP, they have been totally forgotten.

A few months?! It’s the best part of a fucking year. My money would be on toddlers catching up a lot quicker than a large cohort of kids who haven’t had any formal schooling for months.

@Kendodd

I wonder how much the pandemic response is weighted towards the elderly because they almost all vote Tory.

How ridiculous.

It's weighted towards the health and mental well-being of the frontline health workers.
Unless you don't care about that.

But nurseries are open?
Not all nurseries are open. And not all parents are able to send their kids if the risk is too great for the child, the parent or another family member. My 3yo can’t go to nursery because his gran (78) lives with us and it would pose too much of a risk. She’s had her first jab now and should get the second around May, so we’re hoping he can safely play with some other kids in the summer. But that’s half his life that he’s had no contact with other kids, I doubt he even remembers the time when he did.

It’s totally rubbish for all children in different ways, but I do agree - if toddlers arnt at nursery / pre school at the moment this could be very damaging esp if it carries on for 2021 too.
The years before 5 years old are the most important of your whole life. If you study child development, you will know that by age 5, many of a child’s behavioural traits are set. By 7 years they most certainly are. If a child is deprived of something essential like social interaction for a long period age 0-5 this will have consequences.
It’s why the government (before all the finding was cut) put so much effort only sure start centres and assistance for the under 5’s. There is clear evidence and studies for 0-5 years being of prime importance for the rest of a persons life.

People saying ‘I haven’t seen anyone for a year either’ - you are an adult! Your personality and development has happened years ago. Totally and utterly different to a child not socialising during this time.

Toddlers... The forgotten heroes.

I have a 3 year old and 6 month old and agree! My toddler is missing out on too much! I try and buy her as much puzzles/activities to stimulate her mind! But feel she's missing out? I've just lost my 49 year old MIL to covid so she's just lost her nana so feel she's missing out alot while we grieve it's awful

[quote RedMarauder]@OpheliasCrayon I'm glad you posted as I was going to point that out.

As well as asking your CM why she is breaching government regulations by not accepting your child, start looking for another nursery or CM. This is because I have a suspicion she doesn't want to care for your child as he takes more work.[/quote]
Be aware though before advising OP that her childminder is breaching guidelines, all providers have a health and safety risk assessment. Me, and several of my SEN colleagues who all obviously don't work at home and are key workers, haven't been able to get our children into their schools because despite the government info saying it's 1x keyworker parent or more.... The schools have said that, their risk assessment means they can't keep that many children or staff safe and because our DHs are at home they technically can stay there.

The gvmt guidelines do say adopted children yes, but providers can get around this claiming health and safety etc.. so whilst OPs DS should very much be able to go, she can't really force her if the childminder saying she can't distance / keep clean / keep safe etc.... I wish it was so simple but it isn't

@Deliaskis that's one of the reasons the government in England and with more limitations the government in Scotland, allowed early years providers to maintain open.

Some early years providers do limit who they currently provide care for, but shouldn't be deliberately excluding vulnerable children like the OP's CM is clearly doing.

And your childminder won't consider his special circumstances? How frustrating.

You have my utmost sympathy and I mean this kindly, but whilst nurseries and many childminders ARE open you are in a position to do something about this and choose another one. We may well be bouncing in and out of lockdowns for some time to come, and if this CM is going to close when she doesn't have to, perhaps she isn't the best one?

What a tricky situation op!!

Have you looked up speech and language tips? My dd had some and it's quite simple... Toy animals in a farm and you model basic sentences... Expanding the words... Clearly... Cow, cow in field etc.

Very very few toddlers will want long zoom calls with anyone that's perfectly normal.

Quit, socialisation is absolutely key in first 5 years but parents could down load early years foundation stage and make sure the child is covering the content...

Cover all the basics, the most any dc need is a stable loving family that is more important above all else, if those dp can also assist and help them learn basics so much the better.

@OpheliasCrayon did you read my final sentence?

I said:
"This is because I have a suspicion she doesn't want to care for your child as he takes more work."

I don't agree. I have a 2yr old. He's confident, funny, engaged. He doesn't go to nursery and we've never had any plans for him to go, even before covid. His development is in no way hindered by this.
We go for walks, we play in the garden, we talk about the day. For us, life is the same as it would have been. Our families live too far away to see regularly anyway, so we video call. He knows who his grandparents and his extended family are.

Life is largely what you make it, I think.

[quote RedMarauder]@OpheliasCrayon did you read my final sentence?

I said:
"This is because I have a suspicion she doesn't want to care for your child as he takes more work."[/quote]
I did, but I didn't comment because I didn't think that it was something you can pass judgement on really without having met either the family or the child. I don't know why the childminder won't take a child I've never seen and I wouldn't like to guess!

[quote RedMarauder]@Deliaskis that's one of the reasons the government in England and with more limitations the government in Scotland, allowed early years providers to maintain open.

Some early years providers do limit who they currently provide care for, but shouldn't be deliberately excluding vulnerable children like the OP's CM is clearly doing.[/quote]
I know but it isn't all about formal provision. It's family and it's playing at the park and everything. These kids are growing up being told to stay away from people full stop.

By the age of 4, DD knew who our network of trusted people were, our closest friends and family. The people who might keep an eye on her at a party if one of us was ill, the people we have in our house or spend holidays with, the people whose house she might sleep at for an odd night if we were travelling for work. Formal provision helps, but it's not the entire emotional and social experience of a child.

Yes it’s awful for most people let alone small children. Can I ask people who are aware of the damage it’s doing to their little ones why they are obeying? There are no other times in life where we would continue with something knowing it was negatively impacting our children so why now? Use common sense to do anything that might help. If your child isn’t in nursery arrange a play date outside if needs be with another child, there is no difference between this and nursery infant the risk is lower.

My baby is six months and luckily met a lot of people over the summer and was attending baby groups face to face right through to the end of December. We have bubbled with grandparents, and meet other mums with babies for walks making sure they get the chance to interact or at least look at each other before we put them in their pushchairs and when the weather gets warmer we will be having picnics where the babies can play on the grass regardless of what nonsense rules are in place at the time. Covid is a temporary situation that we in my opinion are now overreacting to. My babies first year cannot be replaced and I won’t risk harming their development for this.