Toddlers growing up during covid - the forgotten bunch

[Hitchyhero]

I'm just depressed and want to vent. I feel like nothing is being done with this generation of kids and it's all about saving the elderly.

My child is adopted and he didn't have the best start in life. He came to us when he was just over 1 years old in July 2019. Then in early 2020 we went into lockdown the week before his bday. 1 year later.... At 3 years old.... He still hasn't had a birthday with his wider family.

He has speech delay (which is common among adopted children) but I don't think mask wearing, and lack of social interaction with others has helped. He's only actually interacted with my family for 6 months because of covid. Hes hardly intereracted with children his age. I can't get appotments with speech therapists because of covid too. We video call with my family but he's not interested in videocalls for that long. He just has no connection. Feel like this generation of kids are going to have massive repercussions. Whilst I know older kids education is not great atm, these early years are massivly important and these kids are not goingnto have even basic life skills.

It is worrying. My three year old is CEV and prior to Covid he had spent most of each winter in and out of hospital as he has a health condition that makes him prone to respiratory infections. Even a cold often leads to hospitalisation. Things were just looking up for him when Covid hit and we have had to be so careful for the past year.

I don’t even know when he will be able to go to a nursery (we follow the medical advice we are given) as children will not be vaccinated. We will have to wait for very low community levels of transmission for it to be safe enough.

Have you not thought about sending him to nursery? That would massively help with his speech and her get the interaction with other children. It was these worries that prompted me to keep DD in nursery.
Do you live close enough to your family to meet for walks to keep that familiarity going with them to lead to a deeper connection? It’s in no way ideal but that connection can still build and deepen with your wider family and although things like birthdays all together very much matter to adults it’s not something a younger child would recognise as something they’re missing out on.

Is your child eligible for EYPP because of being adopted, so should have been able to access nursery/preschool from age two? If not then if he has just turned 3 then he will be eligible for funding from 1st April.

I was also wondering why he's not in nursery. He would be around his peers and see some other adults. It sounds like it would be really valuable. This shitshow has been going on for such a huge proportion of his life. Poor kid.

But nurseries are open? So it's not the same as all of the school children missing schoolwork and friends, as preschool children can still see their friends and learn. Can you pop him in nursery a couple of mornings a week OP?

I'm glad the majority of the posters here are supportive of the op here and there's minimum 'whataboutery' which l never understand, if we thought 'what about x, y' for everything there'd be no posts! If you can OP speak with the health visitor and see if they can help with a nursery place even if only a part time one.

Just to add to my post, in Scotland nurseries aren't open at present, only for keyworkers children or if child has any additional need.

I hear your concerns IP and yes they are real and valid. But there’s plenty you can be doing to help him. Get researching speech delay and do your own speech therapy with him, there are lots of resources on the internet. Play small world / role play games and toys with him to help his social g and emotion development. Also he’s eligible for 3 year old funding and as an adopted child will likely be a priority for a school nursery place.
And actually I do agree with the pp who said we need to keep a sense of perspective here. Our kids will all get the opportunity to catch up and long term they will get over all this. Let’s try and remember to be grateful for that. Things could be a lot worse.

It is tough and there are so many things that we are all missing, especially young children, but the impact on children of not having a functioning NHS would be awful too.

In terms of speech and language, if your DC needs input then that’s not great but may be see if they can give you some things to try at home! Not being able to socialise with other children is also not great but kids in very rural areas across the world have this and do ok.

In terms of the adoption process, this might actually work in your favour. The time spent in a small bubble might help with the attachment process and the sense of security and safety your DC feels. You’ll need to take it slowly when things open up again but this kind of intense attachment building is actually an intervention for older kids with attachment difficulties so you may be preventing possible issues down the line. I’m not saying it’s good but just wondering if there might be ways of seeing it as an opportunity too?

Not really no. DS is 2 and 4 months and goes to nursery 3 days per week so lots of interaction there.
Toddler groups run in tiers 1-3 so we were going to a toddler group and swimming lessons prior to this lockdown.
Support groups still run so if there's a specific foster/adoption one near you that might be worth a try?
We go for socially distanced walks with his grandparents or auntie/uncle & cousin, one at a time so he still sees them. We also do the same with my friends who have children the same age.
In the summer everything was open and we were at soft play, farms, playgrounds etc loads so he's experienced all of that.
We went to Cornwall and Center Parcs and had great fun despite it being a bit different, he still talks about flying kites in the beach now! Did you not do anything then?
We had limited people over for his birthday party within the rules at the time.
We saw Santa at a covid safe event where we sat on an out door train and we did loads of other safe Christmas things.
I'm grateful that he's not older so I can still make his life full of fun without breaking rules. Plus he knows no difference!
Today we are off to have a drive through McDonald's ice cream and I'm going to park up and sit in the back with him while we eat, He's going to think it's the best thing ever!
We do FaceTime family but he won't just sit and chat for long, my dad growls at him and makes him shriek with laughter, while MIL and FIL do puppet shows with random house hold ornaments, perhaps ask your wider family to do something on screen rather than just talk?
Put your son in nursery/playgroup if you can. Other things will start to open soon so don't worry too much.
If you can afford to go private for speech therapy most private services are still running.
It's crap but make the best of each lull in restrictions and all the silly things that amaze toddlers!

Yup. The government have forgotten them, but I havent forgotten my DD. I have got to a point of 'F it'. I am meeting friends in playgrounds, one like minded friend has agreed to coffee in each others sitting rooms in March so our kids can play on rainy days, I have put her into a nursery 2 mornings a week even though I am on mat leave and it costs a bloody fortune, and I am travelling to the town next to me to meet my best friend and her 2 kids in a park. I had previously been staying local and seeing nobody. My DF has spent half her life in lockdown. I cant bring her to see family as DHs parents are obese and therefore at risk and my parents live abroad, but I REFUSE to lock her away like a kidnap victim in a basement. Her speech is behind, she is scared of strangers (she cried at the amazon man at the door last week). Its my responsibility to help her function and I am done ignoring that responsibility.

My DD has just turned 3, she does 3x 3 hours a week at playgroup and that is her only interaction with children. We meet up every few weeks (illegally) with in laws, and occasionally see a friend on walks (which has been illegal until recently in Wales ).

Playgroup have raised concerns about her interaction with other children and want to put a referral in, but for what gain I do not know. DD is an introvert, takes a long time to get to know people and feel comfortable with them. She also needs to be out and about doing things in places with other kids. I know what she needs, I'm just not able to provide it for her.

Yeah it’s shit for toddlers. I’d think about nursery, or if not, then going to the park for a run around with another friend. They do need peers at 3. I’m sorry you’re having such a shit time.

I agree OP. I worry a lot about babies as well and how this might affect brain development.
It is what it is though and I don't know the solution.
Congratulations on your adoption.

Extra info. He was due to start childminders (which is set up like a nursery) on his 2nd birthday but we went into full lockdown so it was delayed by 6 months.

He went to them for a 4ish months but since this new lockdown happened in January my childminder has decided to only open to those of children of keyworkers.

I wonder how much the pandemic response is weighted towards the elderly because they almost all vote Tory.

I'm sorry that it's tough for toddlers. I am sorry that it's tough for everybody. But it is not "all about saving the elderly", and the minute you start coming over with crap like that is when you lose. It's also tough for the people dying or severely ill on ventilators - of all ages and who are doing so without the comfort of their nearest and dearest. There isn't a competition about who is having the toughest time, but are you seriously suggesting that you don't want to "save people"?

I've never looked into it as not my circumstances but I'm pretty sure near me a child who had been adopted (especially with speech delay) would qualify for a nursery place. Would it be worth giving your health visitor a call to see if there is anything they can do to push for a place for you? I'm a keyworker and we are working the kids around my shifts to keep them at home, happy for you to have my place!

Also my best friend is a speech and language therapist and she is absolutely working like crazy. She phones all her parents to give them support and go through some activities they can do at home to encourage speech. She isn't allowed to see anyone during this most recent lockdown but up until Christmas she was out in gardens all day with her ppe on over her jacket. She's doing regular teams calls and parents send her videos to help her assess but it is not the usual service she can provide and it is breaking her heart to let the kids down.

I do agree that toddlers are struggling, cannot wait until my 4 year old goes back to nursery in the next few weeks. He is off to school this year and has had about 10 weeks of nursery total.

Yes, I agree. My daughter appointment letter was cancelled second time. We only managed to have one birthday party for her. I am not sure if that is possible in your case but I have created childcare bubble with our friends so she has an interaction with other children.

"Feel like this generation of kids are going to have massive repercussions. Whilst I know older kids education is not great atm, these early years are massivly important and these kids are not goingnto have even basic life skills."

Couldn't agree more op which is why my toddler has play dates once a week. I refuse to deprive him. I hope you can get your little one into nursery or something soon, this is a tough time. My full sympathies

It’s shit OP. And it is completely untrue that a 3 year old only plays alongside children. My daughter is 3 & has a gang of friends that she interacts & plays with as much as an older child does. They play together, usually role play, to make sense of the world around them.

I hate this ‘they won’t remember’. It’s not about them remembering. It’s about the subconscious impact of a lack of socialising at an age it is crucial for brain development. I spent 3 years & a masters at university researching child development & the brain and I’m genuinely concerned for this cohort of young children. It’s cruel. I don’t agree with the ban on outdoor meet ups for children at all. Outdoor transmission is so low.

This is the age their little brains are firing up, learning, growing. And if a young child is with a non working parent who is putting their all into play & learning, it would at least be helpful. But most are juggling full time work as well & young children are watching hours of TV (including mine). There was a report out not long ago that said under 5’s shouldn’t watch more than an hour a day. Under 2’s, none at all or extremely limited. Well, my 3 year old watches hours while her two parents work full time & consequently my 10 month old. It hurts my head to think of the possible damage it’s doing but what choice do I have?

It’s not a competition. It’s shit for all ages. But I do agree it’s worrying for young children’s brain development.

My 2 toddlers are at nursery but if you haven't even got that I can see why you might worry - are you in Scotland? If not could you consider sending him for 2 mornings or such? Appreciate it may not be appropriate depending on his needs.

As well as their brain development, I also can’t see it being a good thing for their immunity as this needs developing too and being sheltered from other kids will not help.

Video calls are hard with toddlers. We’ve had more success since we got a portal that links to the tv. So even if she’s not that interested, family can see the whole of my lounge and just watch her play, rather than me trying to chase her with my phone like I was before.