Are we being left behind? Be honest

[Whitecup4]

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

Im sure you can meet one other adult for a walk, and children dont count so you would be allowed to meet another mum outside and go for a walk or to the park with the kids?

I have an only child and yes since Christmas he hasn't played with another child. He isn't in school as we WFH so did not take up a place despite being key workers.

Its really hard but there are more people following the rules than you think (I hope!)

Why couldn't your youngest child go and play in the park alongside the other children? You could stand a distance away from the other parents

Kids over 5 do count

I was under the impression that you could meet just one person and kids over 5 count so I couldn’t meet a mum with either my child in toe or theirs. So only 2 people, one from each house socially distanced

Have I got that wrong? Please tell me

In scotland under 12s don't count

My child is 5 so counts as a person

Children do count in England but I have started meeting in a foursome with another mum and child, for the reasons you give really - my child needs some face to face interaction with peers and it's a more appealing reason to get out for the DC.

If you haven't arranged to meet someone else at the park and they happen to be there then you arent against guidelines. You just happen to be in the same park at the same time

Just keep your distance from other adults. I would let your child play at the park

Seriously, who is going to quibble whether your child is 4 or 5?

Your post indicates your husband and you have different views on why you’re doing this. You think you’re doing it because it’s about compliance. He thinks you’re doing it to stay safe, as yes kids can catch it and spread it.

I think you need to align on why you’re doing it.

Yes, us. Dh works from home and never goes out, I don't work so do the weekly shop and walk once a fortnight with a friend. Neither ds (12 & 14) has seen a friend face to face since they broke up in December but both are fairly unsocial anyway, and they do do online gaming with their friends. We walk as a family a couple of times a week & at weekends, and sometimes we've grabbed a takeaway coffee in town on the way back from our circular walk. That's it. No grandparents, no meeting other kids down the park.

You are not being left behind and everyone is feeling like this just at the moment - this week I mean.

Maybe those mums and kids did meet up but if they did I bet it was the one and only time. People are not merrily keeping up their social lives OP, they're really not.

You are right in thinking that very few people are sticking to the guidance as closely as you. Most people with DC are either meeting friends outdoors, or going to the playground and letting their DC play with other children there. It's not the Mumsnet way, but yes that is what's happening in real life.

Whether you decide to continue sticking to the rules probably depends on your individual circumstances, but I agree that doing so comes at a social cost.

I’m in Scotland (so kids under 12 don’t count) so we have met her school pals in the park etc.

But to be honest even if I wasn’t in Scotland, I’d be prioritising my six year old’s mental health at this point.

Take your child to the park for both your sakes.

Our nearly three year old goes on walks round our village,we sometimes stop at the park,and she's maybe interacted with children maybe six times since march,as I've been sheilding. It's bloody awful,but feel confident about her having a few sessions at nursery after Easter. It will get better soon,op

I hear you OP. I’m so sorry your kids are suffering. Mine are in a similar situation. I’m shielding and have no friends so it makes no difference to my life but my poor children are suffering. My youngest more than my eldest. My youngest doesn’t remember life pre covid and it’s getting harder to motivate him to leave the house.

If you have friends with kids then arrange to bump into each other in the local park. In Scotland kids under 12 can still play together and don’t count in the one other adult figures.

Why can't your teen meet up with a friend to exercise?

@Whitecup4

I was under the impression that you could meet just one person and kids over 5 count so I couldn’t meet a mum with either my child in toe or theirs. So only 2 people, one from each house socially distanced

Have I got that wrong? Please tell me

Goodness knows and if the playgrounds round my way are anything to go by they've just turned into a replacement school playground. I'd meet up with someone for your kids to play tbh. It's not worth the toll it's taking on you not to in my opinion (but I'll no doubt be slammed by the MH massive here )

Follow the real rules not your made up rules!

Take turns whether it is you or DH who goes to the shops.

Meet a friend each day for a walk, just you and her.

Arrange for your teen to meet a friend for a walk a few times week.

Arrange a visit to the playground for your 5yo and a friend. You and friend's mum can sit in your cars or stand far apart while the little ones play.

Ask yourself why on earth you are making up special stricter rules that break you.

We are the same. Both DH and I wfh and both DC are doing school at home. No real life interaction with anybody. We also get our shopping delivered so don't even go to the shops.

It is tedious, especially in this weather, but I take the view that we are keeping ourselves and others safe. It won't be for ever. Trying to focus on the positives and enjoying our family of four and time together that we would otherwise never had. That's not to take away how hard it is, but personally I would rather it was this way than being a key worker that has to mingle with the public and kids mingling with kids of other key workers.

Mine are old enough to go for a walk fairly unsupervised- distance 10m or so. He walks with his friend, I walk with their mother. There is a risk, but it feels the right balance. You can take her to the playground, that is permitted. Your teen can walk or do another exercise outside, socially distanced with a friend.

It depends whether you are mainly concerned about sticking to the rules or catching coronavirus, obviously if you are concerned about catching covid then you are safer not to go out at all.

Children count in England so kids here cant see friends for a walk with parents.

Mine havent seen anyone. I dont think in my circle of friends anyone has seen anyone for ages. It could be your circle of friends?

Most children arent in school. We did drive past a school at end of school time and it was so weird seeing their lives continue as normal and parents waiting for them etc when ours is so empty.

I think ywbvu to start breaking the rules, but not unreasonable to find it weird.