Are we being left behind? Be honest

[Whitecup4]

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

Go to a park, where they can play with other kids. Have your children write letters and deliver to their friends. Stand 2m apart at someone's front door and let the kids say hello. Do video calls. There are quite a few things you can do.

You’re lucky your kids had social interaction until December. My son can’t go to school so he’s had no social interaction for a full year. I don’t have any “mum friends” to arrange to meet up with. I relied on playgroups and formal settings for my son to be able to interact with other children, and obviously that’s been removed.

If you're dp is furloughed why on earth isn't he doing the home schooling and taking her to the park for half an hour every day?

Why isn't your teen chatting on line?

Why aren't you having the dreaded zoom quizzes with your friends (btw - 16 friends - I'd say that was loads!) each week?

The kids will be fine. It's a pain. It's tedious. It's hard work. But at infant age they'll bounce back quick enough and as long as there are no other issues such as abuse in the home they won't suffer from having a few extra weeks at home after Christmas.

My dc are early teens. DS has been home since mid Nov... Been out to run with a friend twice, walks with me most days. DD has been home since mid Dec.... Not been anywhere or seen anyone... Probably on about 10 walks in all that time as she refuses.

You have to balance the damage to your and your children's mental health with the risk of getting Covid.

Take your little one to the park or for a walk everyday. If you "happen" to meet another mum and child, you adults can distance I'm sure.
Wrap up warm if the weather is shite.

Take turns going shopping.

Your teen can meet up with one other friend "for exercise" - let them go out.

I’m surprised at everyone just saying let the kids go to the park! Surely the whole point is not to allow mixing between households? Obviously mixing is going to happen if a child of a key worker goes to school but surely people shouldn’t be just letting their kids play with lots of other kids in a park play area...?

Op we are exactly the same as you. I am a stay at home mum with chronic health issues (in the clinically extremely vulnerable group), dh works from home and we have two children, one aged 9 with severe autism and learning disabilities and one aged 17. We could have sent the 9 year old to his complex needs school but generally he hates school anyway so with that and being safer at home we kept him home.

We live rurally so go on walks most days but we haven’t seen anyone at all socially, for walks or otherwise. I think it’s too easy to forget to socially distance properly. Dd aged 17 isn’t even bothered about seeing anyone either.

I come onto Mumsnet and sometimes it feels like a different world.

And what is the point of the adults distancing at the park if the kids are playing together?

I agree that you could be doing more than you are, with a little arranging you can see people within the guidelines. How old is your teen? They could be meeting up with 1 friend at a time in a local park or for a walk. You could meet with a friend for a walk. You could be taking the kids out for walks yourself or to the park, grab a takeaway coffee and cake etc, make it a treat, all without going against the rules and guidance. Yes key workers and full time workers are allowed to have a childcare bubble so some children can see their grandparents, I wish we could but I’m furloughed so we can’t, but they aren’t breaking rules doing that. I also stick to the rules but I have taken my 6 year old to the park for walks and when we’ve met people we know we’ve stood and talked. He plays in a little park sometimes and chats to children there. You sound very upset, but maybe sit and go through the guidelines and make a strategy for what you can do. I think all kids homeschooling have these angry days, we certainly have them.

My kids have seen no one and gone literally nowhere since December 18th. We don't even go to the supermarket, so it's not just you OP.

If you take the youngest to the playground every day at the same time you’ll start seeing the same people there and you can chat to them if you want. If the oldest is a teenager, can’t they go out for a walk with a friend by themselves?

@Bagelsandbrie

I’m surprised at everyone just saying let the kids go to the park! Surely the whole point is not to allow mixing between households? Obviously mixing is going to happen if a child of a key worker goes to school but surely people shouldn’t be just letting their kids play with lots of other kids in a park play area...?

Op we are exactly the same as you. I am a stay at home mum with chronic health issues (in the clinically extremely vulnerable group), dh works from home and we have two children, one aged 9 with severe autism and learning disabilities and one aged 17. We could have sent the 9 year old to his complex needs school but generally he hates school anyway so with that and being safer at home we kept him home.

We live rurally so go on walks most days but we haven’t seen anyone at all socially, for walks or otherwise. I think it’s too easy to forget to socially distance properly. Dd aged 17 isn’t even bothered about seeing anyone either.

I come onto Mumsnet and sometimes it feels like a different world.

You're surprised? Really? After a year ? You're surprised that people are letting their kids play in the park. You may not agree but I mean it's not surprising ...

Well yes it is surprising because the cases and deaths are so high at the moment. Of course people are worried about the impact on their children, I understand that, I am too, but people should use their common sense. What are the point of all the measures if people just do whatever they feel like?

I take my DS3 to the park. His little face lights up when he sees another child. I dread to think what he would be like if we kept him indoors constantly.

My family has been behaving as yours, OP. My DC haven't seen any friends or been anywhere other than a dog walk since mid- December.

We live in a small village and I know there are loads of families who are ignoring the rules because I see them when I walk the dog at school let out time, going into each others houses and parents collecting DC's friends.

When my ds 8 does his zoom lessons, I count ten of his classmates at school out of 17.

4 of the mums from ds's class went away together over New Year's to a cottage that they had already booked before restrictions. I know because they posted photos of them in the hot tub, them drinking, watching a film etc.

It makes me feel awful. I haven't seen my friends in person since the summer as I have 3 DC, 2 in secondary and most of my friends were wary of me catching the virus from my older DC and passing it on. Totally understandable.

In life some people follow the rules and others do what they can get away with. Generally in life, following the rules has paid off. I am just trying to remember that the hardest part is nearly over.

If you "happen" to meet another mum and child, you adults can distance I'm sure
If my son catches Covid he’ll pass it to me. Then I’ll pass it to my elderly parents who I have to look after. And I’ll probably pass it to DH who is likely to pass it to the CV lady he shares an office with at work. Sorry but it’s a ridiculous idea to let kids mix - as if kids can’t pass it on to their families!

Sounds like you are imposing your own rules rather than following what is guidance. In which case, yes, yes you are being left behind. Through your choice

I do feel sorry for your 5 year old. Let them have some freedom even if you choose not to

I thought this was fairly normal? Our LO is nursery age, so we take him there a few days a week but otherwise, no, we do nothing.

We both work from home full time and haven't seen grandparents or relatives since September. I thought this was normal.

I would take your kids to the park though. You don't have to be confined to your house.

Yep us, my 8 year old has add and is refusing to leave the house, he's had one walk since school ended. The 9 year old comes out for walk with me each night now for a couple if hours

We bumped into someone he knows from school last night, they were so bloody excited it was sad. They aren't even in the same class or friends as such

I feel really tempted to just take them to one of the busier parks and just let them play with whoever's there

Take your youngest to the park and have your teen meet a friend for a walk. Following the rules is important but not to the extent where you lose your mind.

ASD not add

@Bagelsandbrie I live in town and the large park is our walkable green space. So yes we go and walk around and by the river and feed ducks etc, because we are following the rules and getting some daily exercise. We don’t see our family or friends at all but if we happen to know someone we don’t run away if they talk to us. You are extremely clinically vulnerable so it’s understandable you would be very cautious, but the OP and family aren’t shielding, and could well within the rules do a little more then they do. And it sounds as if the OPs husband is pushing this isolation tbh reading her post.

It just less likely to be passed on outdoors. I wouldn't begrudge a 5 year old having a play with friends at the park.

My teens haven't seen anyone but here under 12s can play together

My teens working Saturday's still and has gone for a walk with another friend a few times

OP we were like you till about a week ago. Then I had a zoom call with some school mum friends and realised they were meeting up. Adult socialises with adult and each child with their matching age child. Technically therefore only in groups of 2 so could argue it’s within the rules.

Since then, and seeing how unhappy my kids are, I’ve started doing the same. I can’t believe we are a spreading risk as have been nowhere and seen nobody since 22 December. Shopping delivered etc.

I don’t think it’s strictly within the rules but fuck it, I’m not going to damage my kids when I really don’t think we are a risk.

I do feel sorry for your 5 year old. Let them have some freedom even if you choose not to
That’s totally illogical. If the 5 year old is mixing then what’s the point of anyone else in the family socially distancing? Since the 5 year old could catch it and infect everyone. If we want to be safe then ALL family members need to socially distance.