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Original poster

Are we being left behind? Be honest

437 replies

Whitecup4 · 04/02/2021 13:47

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

OP posts:
Thatwentbadly · 04/02/2021 14:49

@MNnicknameforCVthreads

Children do count in England but I have started meeting in a foursome with another mum and child, for the reasons you give really - my child needs some face to face interaction with peers and it's a more appealing reason to get out for the DC.
Children 4 and under don’t count.
Mummyneedsabreak · 04/02/2021 14:49

Can only meet one other person, can only meet with kids if they are under 5.

Ffsnosexallowed · 04/02/2021 14:50

Dd2 (11) has met up with a couple of friends in the park - we're in Scotland.

GoodbyeH · 04/02/2021 14:50

@SurvivalIsInsufficient

You are restricting yourselves to the fullest extent, unless you are shielding for some reason. Which is fine if everyone is cool with that, but clearly your family is not, so maybe it's time to start loosening the reins a little bit

No, she's doing what everyone is supposed to be doing. But isn't Hmm

No, she's taking it to full isolation. Your allowed outside! And to a shop and to meet 1 friend and allowed to parks. She's doing nothing. Basically self isolating for no reason.
EmpressSuiko · 04/02/2021 14:52

In every lockdown we’ve stayed indoors and only gone out for essential shopping when home delivery wasn’t available.

DH is still working so it’s just me and the kids, if I’ve needed shopping in the week then they have come with me but one two occasions they have had to go to their grandparents for childcare.

There’s no local parks so we’ve just been walking around our tiny and very rural area and I’ve been doing my best to homeschool and preventing my dc from killing each other!

Wobbitcatcher · 04/02/2021 14:52

I’ve was pregnant from jan to October (had severe sickness that eased just as lock down started)
I also have a 3 year old. He and I haven’t been in a shop, restaurant, soft play for over a year now. He’s not school age yet and wasn’t in nursery (my family are usual childcare but have been shielding)
I then had a newborn from October so felt the risk to her was too high to be going places. My husband wfh but is on calls all day and can’t be disturbed. He goes to the supermarket (I breastfeed so we could isolate him from us for a while but I couldn’t isolate from the kids)
I’m also in Wales where they have only just allowed exercise with 1 other adult (I’m not sure if kids count but I did meet my dad to walk with the kids recently)

It’s tough for everyone, my own circumstances have made it longer for me and my son. Everyone else I know sends their kids to nursery part of the week or to grandparents. I’m not doing any of it because I particularly care about rules or fines, I just don’t want my kids to be at risk of catching it or losing a parent from either of us catching it. The one time we did see a family member was when my dad had to drive me to the drs as I had a flat tyre. He then turned out to have covid and we had to isolate for 2 weeks. Luckily we didn’t catch it!

Manteo · 04/02/2021 14:52

My DD is 6 and an only child so too old to come with me to meet up with a friend and too young to do it on her own. No siblings to play with. I'm taking her back to school soon. In the meantime we go to the playground and she does some zoom dance classes.

I do zoom quizzes, zoom book club, run with a friend, do a zoom yoga class with friends, go for a walk/coffee/chat with a friend. I even went wild yesterday and had a wander around the clothes section of Sainsbury's!!

Mummyneedsabreak · 04/02/2021 14:53

I could have written the same question. I see lots of people meeting up at parks etc. and my kids question why they are together. Lots of people not following the rules. It broke my heart the other day when we walked past the school not realising it was 3pm and we saw my sons friends all coming out and they are obviously all in school together. Feel like we are the only ones not at school or meeting others. Social aspect is definitely affecting the kids

han01uk · 04/02/2021 14:55

GoodbyeH - all the parks around us are closed. The other equipment (skatepark, hard surface area, large wooden climbing equipment) obviously can't be sectioned off but there are notices not to use them. So we don't.

Doimatter · 04/02/2021 14:58

If its upsetting you and the children that much. To the extent its effecting yours and the children's mental health then maybe it's worth bending the rules a bit. Like others have said maybe you teen can meet up with a friend. And you and your younger daughter can bump into people /friends at the park.

From 8th of March they will be in a class of 30 children . So seeing a friend In the open air now it probably less risky that being in that class.

AliceMcK · 04/02/2021 14:58

Your not wrong. I see it all the time yet my kids (3,6 &8) were missing out. They do a lot of video chatting to their friends now. I use to limit the time they did but now I pretty much just let them talk as much as they want.

I set up dummy Facebook accounts for them so they have their own messenger accounts, so have a couple of their friends and they FaceTime each other. Quite often they will play games on messenger too. Even my 3yo gets to chat to her friend as her older sister is my other DDs friend and they call each other daily. They even set up group chats amongst themselves. We got them tablets for Xmas and put messenger on them but not Facebook so they aren’t actually going on that.

The other mums are the same as me, anything to keep them happy.

Original poster
Whitecup4 · 04/02/2021 14:58

Just to be clear again, this isn’t about me or my DH, I don’t care about us not seeing anyone. I’m working, my friends work- it’s dark by the time we finish, I don’t need to go on walks with them, I see them on zoom, we are all fine. Teenager is fine.

It’s my 5 year old. I can’t take her to meet others as she is 5 so counts as a person, so that’s against the rules (in England). That’s what I’m breaking over, the youngest, not no one else, we are all fine but she is young and effected more.

Yes, it does appear I’m following the rules too closely and should let the reins loosen a tad.

The youngest never went shopping with DH as I didn’t think it was allowed. I thought I heard of people not on there own being turned away and refused entry to a shop but I’ve just spoken to DH about it and he has said that’s couples, not singles with kids 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Pleasedontputthatthere · 04/02/2021 14:58

I am absolutely still going for walks with my kids and other parent and child and nothing will stop me. I will follow the rules which are sensible but that one is barbaric.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 04/02/2021 14:59

My kids (and us) have been nowhere and seen no-one. So OP, yes it is tough and no you are not alone in doing it.

Triffid1 · 04/02/2021 15:02

@Mummyneedsabreak

I could have written the same question. I see lots of people meeting up at parks etc. and my kids question why they are together. Lots of people not following the rules. It broke my heart the other day when we walked past the school not realising it was 3pm and we saw my sons friends all coming out and they are obviously all in school together. Feel like we are the only ones not at school or meeting others. Social aspect is definitely affecting the kids
I honestly don't think two adults walking around a park while their young kids play together - most likely running around, picking up leaves, hide and seek etc, is exactly breaking the rules and increasing risk. Sorry, i just don't. We know transmission outside is lower. We know that there has to be extended breathing on a person. We know that children DO transmit it but not at the same level and speed as adults.

DD's last park play date with her friend they did nothing different than if they'd been at the park with a stranger - took turns on the slide and the swing, raced their scooters, played hide and seek.

I'm just not going to stop these occasional social events for my children, which are conducted in as safe a way as possible based on what we've been told by government.

HelloMissus · 04/02/2021 15:02

OP I had an email from someone the other day expressing the same concerns.
Their son is best pals with one of my foster kids. And since January their son hasn’t been in school whereas my foster kids have.
And of course my foster kid has had to find new mates.
I didn’t know what to say really. I mean I’m glad foster son has made new friends but I’m sad for the wee boy stuck at home too.

MullinerSpec · 04/02/2021 15:02

Your not alone OP. I would like to think that your in the majority doing the right thing. Not to be a pain is there no way that the GPs can get to see the GC, even if its sitting in the garden/drive while the GP look on from an open window? I know we should stay at home but mental health is a good reason to safely meet at least the GPs?

GoodbyeH · 04/02/2021 15:03

Why can't your DH take them to the park? Do you have a local park?

Please tell me they go out for a walk every day?!

MotherWol · 04/02/2021 15:04

Yes, us. I'm pregnant so I feel like I need to be extra cautious, we get groceries delivered so no wandering round the shops, and DH has health anxiety so I don't think he'd let me go even if we didn't. Haven't seen any of DD's school friends since school finished at Christmas. Haven't even had a message from anyone asking if I'd like to go for a walk. It's really tough, I feel very lonely.

CaughtInTheCovid · 04/02/2021 15:04

Can your teen not meet up with a friend for a walk or bike ride? That would be exercising with one other outside which is allowed and may be good for them.

With your younger child I would go to the park with her and if she ran into friends allow her to play.

SurvivalIsInsufficient · 04/02/2021 15:04

No, she's taking it to full isolation. Your allowed outside! And to a shop and to meet 1 friend and allowed to parks. She's doing nothing. Basically self isolating for no reason

Again, no. She's going outside. You're not allowed to meet a friend and bring children too. She goes to parks, but doesn't meet others there. She's not self isolating, she is following the rules. Something clearly most of you are not doing Hmm

Stovetopespresso · 04/02/2021 15:04

op you deserve loads of praise for what you have been doing, as do all of us to a greater or lesser extent! Flowers

it must be so hard to if your friends are doing things differently/having their kids in school etc. but you are definitely not alone. we are sticking to the rules too! but trying to have fun too, eg

  • we drove out of the area for a walk the other day, local, but still...a drive and a change of scene
  • we went to a drive thru on the way back -we called it 'eating out'
  • we get a takeaway when we can afford it
  • movie nights
  • zoom calls with friends and kids with their friends
  • I take dd12 to walk with a friend once a week while I wait in the car
  • dh goes out with ds14 on bike rides a lot
  • we do doard games and silly things like making stupid jokes to each other as much as we can

I know life seems a bit empty at the moment but it will get better very soon xx

GoodbyeH · 04/02/2021 15:05

@MullinerSpec

Your not alone OP. I would like to think that your in the majority doing the right thing. Not to be a pain is there no way that the GPs can get to see the GC, even if its sitting in the garden/drive while the GP look on from an open window? I know we should stay at home but mental health is a good reason to safely meet at least the GPs?
But we're trying to protect Grand parents! There the ones we shouldn't be seeing!
GoodbyeH · 04/02/2021 15:06

@SurvivalIsInsufficient

No, she's taking it to full isolation. Your allowed outside! And to a shop and to meet 1 friend and allowed to parks. She's doing nothing. Basically self isolating for no reason

Again, no. She's going outside. You're not allowed to meet a friend and bring children too. She goes to parks, but doesn't meet others there. She's not self isolating, she is following the rules. Something clearly most of you are not doing Hmm

Well we are following the rules. I meet a friend once a week for a walk in the pouring rain once the DCs are asleep. I go for a walk every day with the DCs. We have been to the park 5 times. Sometimes other people are there. Sometimes not.

Roll your eyes at someone else.

LaceyBetty · 04/02/2021 15:07

Isn't everyone dealing with this? At least the majority who aren't breaking the rules. My kids have had the exact same pattern. It's only been since December that they haven't been in school. I'm finding the tone of the OP pretty dramatic. You can go for walks and to the park.