Are we being left behind? Be honest

[Whitecup4]

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

Single parent of 4.5 year old here, bubbled with my parents. He hasn't seen anyone except for us since Christmas.

Queenfreak I’m in the same situation as you. Except I don’t have access to the 2.5 days a week nursery. My son sees nobody except me and my husband, and my parents when I go to their house twice a week to give them care. I keep telling myself that it can’t last much longer, we’ve nearly made it and just have to keep going a little longer.

Honestly if you are all healthy and no one is clinically vulnerable in your house, I'd put the children's mental health first, see if you can meet up for a walk with a friend who has a child the same age and social distance, wrap the kids up, go to the park, get a takeaway coffee. It's unfair to keep your children isolated and worst case if you do catch covid, the survival rate for normally healthy people is pretty high. Why make your life completely miserable.

Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

Of course we are! I'm not in England, our rules are stricter. We don;t have any of this bubbling nonsense for a start. MY OH is still going to work (critical worker) but I'm in the house working and the children are homeschooling and we don't see anyone as that is what we are meant to be doing.

OP I think you're being too rigid.

Yes technically you're not mean to meet another mum and child in the park but just do it! You can still socially distance. Your teen could definitely meet a friend for a walk or go to do the food shop with whoever goes.

It shouldn't be to the point where you're driving yourself mad. I think most people would meet a couple more people than allowed outside.

OP if children in Scotland under 12 can play together outside, and the infection rates and deaths are rapidly decreasing there, it shows that child to child transmission outside is very rare. In fact, the latest data covering Sept-Dec from Public Health England shows transmission in primary schools is rare! I would take a trip to the park.

I'm doing that. My kids (12 and 14) see no one apart from online, and one does that a lot more than the other. I wfh and go shopping once a week and have seen no one since before Christmas apart from online - and that hasn't been loads as I don't have a massive circle and we're all quite fatigued by Zoom etc now.

You are definitely not the only ones.

Being told I’m making up my own rules and attention seeking is a strange response. You either think I’m in Scotland (I’m in England) or you don’t know the rules.

I think I’ve been a bit thick here and didn’t really come to the conclusion of going to the park when I know other people are there. We have been specifically going knowing other people are not there (we can see the park from the landing window) I’m now thinking that was a bit backwards of my to be honest.

I haven’t mentioned the teen as she is fine, she practically lives online with her friends so though she doesn’t seem them face to face they are a large group online playing together so she is ok, it’s more the youngest I’m concerned about.

We do obviously go out for walks and play in the park when no one is there but it’s not the same for her as playing/interacting with other children which is my main concern and why I think his missing out so much when no one else “appears” to be.

We’re not vulnerable, we’re not shielding, we’re just following the rules so not to spread it. I don’t mind doing it when we are ALL doing it, but it feels like no one else is and that’s what’s getting me down, like we are cutting our nose to spite our face but it’s the youngest who is paying the price!

If I can get DP on board I think I will go to the park when others are there but stick to all the other rules until the 8th

Take the kids to the park. They will play alongside other children. Probably ones they know if it's a local park.
You sit on your own watching them. Job done. Following all the rules. We have been able to do this all winter.

What you're doing is what EVERYONE should be doing, unless both parents are keyworkers.

So many people are taking the piss with the schooling issue it's unreal. Yes, many kids should be in if both parents are working but I see kids walking home from school in our village who I know Mum works from home regardless of Covid & Dad is also home tinkering with his car or gardening all day. Then they all stand in little groups, chatting away. It's literally ridiculous.

Don't feel bad for just doing the right thing, OP. Your kids will be fine and at least when this is over you can have the peace of mind of knowing you were not part of the problem, you were part of the soultion.

Does your child not go to the park on their own?

My DD is also 5 and no we haven't see any children from school. We have seen one child from her class in passing and they said hello from a distance but we have been going out for walks and yes I've taken them to the park as we have no garden and we need some sanity after a bleak winter which included losing my dad.

I do sympathise, 5 yo DD is the oldest and has a 3.5 year old and baby brother to play with so not the same as being at home all the time.

Personally I think children that age, while they love their friends, aren't as affected as older children by not seeing them. They are still somewhat attached to the apron strings and will be happy doing stuff with you.

We have made plenty of concessions over especially this lockdown; we are flexible with home schooling for our sake and hers, we eat more treats and have more screen time. Bed time is a bit later and wake up time is a bit later, but will still keep routine and I definitely still take them out as much as possible.

You are restricting yourselves to the fullest extent, unless you are shielding for some reason. Which is fine if everyone is cool with that, but clearly your family is not, so maybe it's time to start loosening the reins a little bit

No, she's doing what everyone is supposed to be doing. But isn't

We are doing exactly this. No social gatherings. We are supposed to be in lockdown. My eldest meets one friend for a walk occasionally. Otherwise we walk as a family. And that's it. We don't see family, friends or let the kids play on the park.

Once a week I take DD out for a walk/play and we meet up with one of her friends. The mum and I chat at a social distance. The kids play together. But they're outside, well wrapped up and are mostly doing things like playing hide and seek or climbing trees. It's not like they're sitting close together on a couch, inside, breathing on each other while they read a book or something so the small risk that one of them has it and passes it to the other is a risk I'm willing to take. Also, DH and I are being very strict with ourselves. except for the occasional trip to the shops, we have had no adult contact and certainly aren't going into other people's houses etc.

We're also letting DD have plenty of online time. She plays Roblux with her friends and is often on FaceTime with one of her besties. Unfortunately, she can't do as much of this as she'd like as not all her friends' parents are happy with the kids being online together.

DS is older so goes out for the odd walk with a friend and is able to play/chat with his friends on Play station a lot. This makes a huge difference.

We are a family of 4 with a 8 and a 10 years old. We haven't met up with anyone at all. I or DH do a weekly shop a week. We go for walks sometimes, they play in the playgrounds if it is empty and we walk away if it is busy. Most people I know are homeschooling and doing whatever they can. I have no problem with other people sending their kids in.

We've been very good but both DCs at breaking point. I'm meeting with mums and one other DC at a time outside for walks a couple of times a week. I know they've been compliant too so risk minimal and I too am prioritising my children's mental health.

@Pippin2028

Honestly if you are all healthy and no one is clinically vulnerable in your house, I'd put the children's mental health first, see if you can meet up for a walk with a friend who has a child the same age and social distance, wrap the kids up, go to the park, get a takeaway coffee. It's unfair to keep your children isolated and worst case if you do catch covid, the survival rate for normally healthy people is pretty high. Why make your life completely miserable.

Survival rate doesn't mean a parent falling ill won't impact a child. Younger adults do end up in ICU and younger adults do end up with longterm damage from LongCovid. That would be pretty traumatising for a child too.

The other aspect is that when a person who might survive is taking up that ICU bed, that means it is not available to some other person who might be more vulnerable.

I think you need to be inventive here, OP. Try to find ways of interacting with others even if it doesn't mean close contact. When my friend had the measles 50 years ago, I made signs and held up outside her window. My 19yo was doing socially distancing meet-ups during the first lockdown, meeting a friend in the park and sitting at a distance. Is there any way your dc could interact with friends or grandparents at a distance?

uk.news.yahoo.com/transmission-covid-19-primary-schools-163347455.html?soc_src=community&soc_trk=wa
Here's a link to the data I mentioned

Sorry cross posted re the park.

I wouldn't focus too much on others. I think going to the park with others there is not the best idea but that's my opinion. We are like you, we live in a quiet area where most houses are big detached ones owned by older people with grown up children, so the park and fields are largely unoccupied and I go there whenever there's no one there (which is most of the time)

We are following the rules - I’m WFH, DD (Year 1) is at home and DH (made redundant last year) is in charge of homeschooling (I agree that your DH should be dealing with home schooling if he’s on furlough and you’re working!).

We’re not seeing family or friends, and only leave the house once a day for exercise/ shopping, but we take DD to the playground on some days, which is more fun than just a walk! We have seen friends there a couple of times (unplanned), so the children did play together - yes, breaking the rules, but the benefit to their mental health outweighs the risks, to me. As other people have says, your teen could meet a friend for a walk.

DH has also taken DD to the supermarket, so that’s a change of scene for her (sad but true). We alternate going to the shops so we both get out of the house.

Why have you decided to follow such a strict version of the rules - no meeting a friend, only DH going to the shops, no trips to playgrounds?

I'm not suggesting you throw caution to the wind and head en famille to the nearest supermarket, but look at ways you can make it more bearable.

Meeting one person out in public every now and then. Alternating who goes to the supermarket. Look at a map of your town and see how you can change up the walks, for instance there may be some little playgrounds around you haven't been to yet. And be easy on the little one. More TV and less work at the moment is not the worst thing. Everyone will be playing catch up in the next academic year anyway, there's nothing to get ahead of.

And most importantly, try not to compare. Who are you behind, exactly? Just do the best thing for your own family.

Well mine have been like this for 11 months. Eldest child saw two friends last Summer, each for one distanced walk. That is it. It has been hard for them, but they are also closer to each other than they were . Why are you broken ? Is is difficult but it will pass. I am missing all sorts of things and grieving a close family member, but I am trying to find the joy in small things and just through each day. The vaccines are progressing really well, that is something to think of.

DH and I are both wfh and only meet friends over zoom. My DC (teens and pre-teen) are home schooling and mainly see their friends online, but all of them have met a friend for a walk / run / cycle outside once or twice in the the last couple of weeks.

If your DH is not working then he can take the DCs to the park. There's no time limit on exercise, he could spend all day there! That why your DCs get to see other people. And adults are allowed to meet one other person to go for a walk.

We get out at least 1 x day but we haven't met people/kids at park unless its been an accident. We are sticking to the rules, the more we all do the quicker we can get through this. No visits to GParents, cousins etc.

DS (11) has been home schooled for almost a year now (we de reg'd as it was too risky) . If I thought he was genuinely suffering I might arrange more meet ups in park with another friend - its fairly risky though as they soon forget to SD.

So far we have managed to stick to the rules and stay sane. Its not easy though.