Are we being left behind? Be honest

[Whitecup4]

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

And yes, my kids have not seen anyone. Being honest. And none of my friends' children have either.

Why aren't your children going to the park or the shops?

Roll your eyes at someone else

No thanks, you're the intended recipient. You didn't understand OP's situation and you advised her to break the rules. You deserve the

Why aren't your children going to the park or the shops?

They are going to the park and they aren't supposed to be in the shops unless they have to be. Which they don't.

Anyone else who hasn't read OP's posts and don't get the rules?

We’re not vulnerable, we’re not shielding, we’re just following the rules so not to spread it. I don’t mind doing it when we are ALL doing it, but it feels like no one else is and that’s what’s getting me down

Most people are. You don't see them doing it though, they're indoors.

Of the few people you see out, most of them are entirely within sensible rules-compliant non-spreading activities.

OP we are being like you, sticking to the rules. We don't even go shopping, we have it delivered. We haven't moved our cars since before Christmas. It does seem like others are carrying on as normal and sometimes I think we are mugs. I know some have no choice but a lot do but are trying to keep their lives as close to normal as possible. We walk and ride bikes and scooters locally and go to the park still, but only if we have it to ourselves or there's just one other family in there and we don't know them (if we do know them it's too hard to keep the children apart). Luckily on the whole our DC are happy and so are we although it's hard at times. I suppose it depends on your DC and their temperament, and with a teenager it must be so hard. Mine are happy at home and not going to school, in fact I'm order to get my eldest to do her work I threaten that is she doesn't she'll have to go back to school and that does the trick! I know it's hard but try and enjoy each other, take the pressure off a bit and don't focus on what other people are doing.

Since they left school in December they haven’t seen anyone else. We walk everyday, however over the last week or so I have noticed more kids playing together at the park. My lot are quite unsocial though as a PP said and do spend a lot of time talking online with their friends, however I think come March when weather gets a bit better I will encourage them to go out and take my youngest to the park

@SurvivalIsInsufficient

Roll your eyes at someone else

No thanks, you're the intended recipient. You didn't understand OP's situation and you advised her to break the rules. You deserve the

I didn't tell her to break the rules. I told her she's allowed out to meet 1 friend. She's allowed to go the the park with her DCs. They are also allowed in a shop with 1 adult. And they are allowed to go for exercise outside every day. All perfectly legal.

At no point have I advised her to break the rules.

So leave the eye rolls for th posters telling her to meet up with the Grand parents.

Mine haven't. We don't have friendships in the area as we moved from England to Wales and, not long after, lockdown happened. Prior to that my dh was still working in London, so I didn't have much opportunity to socialise and make friends, I was jut dealing with the house issues we had in an old property, trying to settle my son and take him to his groups in local towns/cities by bus and so on. We do have acquaintances, but no one to 'meet' for a walk. The one set of parents I'd ask because (though I don't know them well) our children are close, the Mum's been ill and is at risk so it's a no-go. We don't go to shops, we order online (no car, also delayed by Covid as final lessons/test cancelled) and we live in a rural village. My ds won't hate me for it because he knows why I've done it and what the rules are. I highly doubt any child would hate a parent for it, they may express frustration about it at the parent (who's available to be expressed at). It will affect them in some ways, as all our lives affect us, but how much it affects them is so dependent on so many factors like the adults around them, their resilience, their age etc. At 5yo, adults are pretty important and we still take a lot of our comfort from them, so if we are strong and positive it helps. You'll know that anyway. At 15-18yo or so, it's a bit trickier I think as you're so focused on your peers and worries over exams etc are likely to be higher. Then again, my dsis says her kids were just happy to be off school, so it's very dependent.

But in answer, yes, the same, my dc haven't seen anyone and the only time I've seen anyone was antenatal appointments. I'm sure there are plenty of people in a similar situation as 'walking with someone' means you need to know someone local to walk with! And for some of us, that's not how it panned out. Hey ho. There'll be time in the future, or so I keep telling myself.

To answer your question, yes we're doing the same. I have a DS5 and a DS3. DS5 has not been at school since December and DS3 no longer attends playgroup or nursery. Neither have left our property since 3rd January, although we do have a big garden with play equipment. I've only left the house twice in that time. My OH goes to work and does the weekly shop. That's it. I thought my son was coping well but today he smashed the tablet he's been doing his school work on in an angry meltdown, so maybe not

We’re definitely sticking to the rules and our friends with children are too. Not long to go now OP, the vaccines are around the corner. Hang in there!

Not read many PPs - what about getting undemanding small pets for kids like rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters ? Some can be trained to do stuff like jump over obstacles etc. Might help pass the time.

OP I feel the same about my 5 year old too. He is getting so isolated. So, he has been going on walks with his 5 year old best friend, while his mum and I go on a walk together 20 ft behind. Yes it's bending the rules but his behaviour has plummeted during this lockdown and he is lightyears better after seeing his friend, it's night and day. At least my 3 year old has 2 days of nursery - even though the pandemic has been a 3rd of his life, nursery staying open this time is some consolation!

Ok, I’m staring to think now that lots of people have misinterpreted the rules. They don’t actually know them (by accident) which is why so many people are breaking them, thinking they are not.

And sorry OP I realised I didn't actually answer your question.

We haven't met up with any other kids. We saw people at the park twice when we went. But that wasn't intentional. They turned up when we were there.
That's it.
No other playing.
We sometimes see people while out for a walk. We have a wave and that's it.

I could have written this myself. When I say I see nobody and go nowhere except the park I am not exaggerating. Everyone I know is seeing family, seeing colleagues, kids in school, meeting friends for walks. Nobody seemed to be isolating themselves as much as me. I was doing it because DH was working in peoples houses (tradesman, non essential). However, last week I broke. DD is scared of other kids now, I am so cripplingly lonely, and the sacrifice so others are safe when booking my husband was too much to be honest. I have put DD back into nursery and I am seeing my friend for playground meetups. Sometimes, you need to realise your breaking point and prioritise yourself. We cant expect ourselves to be able to do this indefinitely. Sometimes sanity has to be a priority. It's been going on too long.

@Whitecup4

Just to be clear again, this isn’t about me or my DH, I don’t care about us not seeing anyone. I’m working, my friends work- it’s dark by the time we finish, I don’t need to go on walks with them, I see them on zoom, we are all fine. Teenager is fine.

It’s my 5 year old. I can’t take her to meet others as she is 5 so counts as a person, so that’s against the rules (in England). That’s what I’m breaking over, the youngest, not no one else, we are all fine but she is young and effected more.

Yes, it does appear I’m following the rules too closely and should let the reins loosen a tad.

The youngest never went shopping with DH as I didn’t think it was allowed. I thought I heard of people not on there own being turned away and refused entry to a shop but I’ve just spoken to DH about it and he has said that’s couples, not singles with kids 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yes there are lots of rumours going round. Lots of hype on social media. You are 100% allowed to take children in the super market.

And then you see pics of several people together on social media when actually theses people are in bubbles or a larger family.

DH and I both WFH. Three children, one in secondary and two in primary. Since January we have

• seen my mum twice for an afternoon (she lives alone and is in our bubble)
• played nearby some other children once (in the snow, not children we know very well, no real interaction)

That is it. To be honest I haven't really questioned it - unless your children are eligible to be in school, isn't this what we are supposed to be doing?

I understand. Youngest has autism and pica so can't take him anywhere. I haven't been anywhere since Christmas. DH has been to tesco once a week and that's it.

Although I must say I have a friend who has been 'nowhere'... but literally the next breath was her showing me a pic of her holding her brother's new puppy, and she's been telling me about all the far away parks I should take the kids to..... So I agree people are interpreting the rules how it suits them - as I have said I have done too above.

I feel better lots of people are finding themselves in the same position as us, due to following the rules.

If it’s not rude to ask, and I don’t mean this nastily, I really don’t....but do you feel like mugs? Like your the ones who are the fools? That’s how I feel. How can I pull myself back around?

Tbh I think your way over reacting. I mean it’s irritating that your mates get to send their kids to school and are doing some illicit meet ups but don’t project that on to your children! You can take them to the park if they want to go out and play! You can bake, muck about in the garden, play board games, they can play with all their toys, make up games, dens, whatevs. And most importantly they have each other!! I feel sorry for the children without siblings! My 3 have been gathered in the playroom now since 2pm and definitely aren’t asking to go to Tesco’s... your kids will be fine!

We are doing exactly as you are. I have no idea what anyone else is doing and as far as I know, friends seem to be doing the same. If you are a key worker or can't work from home, of course, you have to go out, or your dc may need to attend school so you can work because you can't be home with them. I'm not sure I see that as an enviable position though really (I am a key worker, but I wfh right now and mine aren't eligible for a school place as it's only if they can't have an adult home to supervise them). My friends who are doctors and nurses and teachers are exhausted and burnt out. I think they would probably love to be at home doing homeschooling and wfh.

But we haven't seen anyone since December, except neighbours in passing when outside. I wfh, dh can't wfh but he works alone at his business (which is not open to the public), school age one is here homeschooling, toddler at nursery. We do take walks and get outside regularly. We occasionally go to the playground and no I haven't forbidden mine to play with other children outside, if we bump into them there. Adults stay away from each other and just give a bit of a wave and hello from afar, but my youngest is with 20 other toddlers all day 5 days a week at nursery. That's a much greater risk than playing on the climbing frame for 10 minutes with another child. But no, we don't make plans or intentionally meat up with anyone. I have no idea what anyone else is doing because I don't see them.

And no, our daughter isn’t currently at nursery, we are not going to shops (all shopping is delivered) and we haven’t met anyone else for walks. A number of our friends caught it from their kids from nursery over the last month and some really struggled with it, so it doesn’t seem worth it. Thankfully none of them were hospitalised, but a perfectly healthy friend of a friend who is my age (30s) died, leaving her young kids behind.

I think you're being a bit overdramatic thinking you're a mug though. You're doing what you've been asked to do. Just because other people are being foolish doesn't mean you have to feel bad that you aren't. I'm quite happy to make a short term sacrifice because I want this to be over and done with, so we can get back to life. Children are much more flexible than you think they are, and this will all be fine and forgotten about a couple months after life is normal again for then.