Are we being left behind? Be honest

[Whitecup4]

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

[quote Buglife]@Bagelsandbrie I live in town and the large park is our walkable green space. So yes we go and walk around and by the river and feed ducks etc, because we are following the rules and getting some daily exercise. We don’t see our family or friends at all but if we happen to know someone we don’t run away if they talk to us. You are extremely clinically vulnerable so it’s understandable you would be very cautious, but the OP and family aren’t shielding, and could well within the rules do a little more then they do. And it sounds as if the OPs husband is pushing this isolation tbh reading her post.[/quote]
I can understand that - and we do those sorts of walks too, and wouldn’t shy away from having a very careful chat with someone we happened to bump into but wouldn’t let kids run off and play together. Children are no good at keeping their distance. It’s one of the reasons they shut schools- kids mix and spread the virus and take it back home.

Have one teen Ds, he’s seen one NDN ds, who is older than him, one day only, when it snowed the other week. He’s seen no friends from school though since they closed.

He has seen MIL & FIL socially distanced in their huge garden, he hasn’t seen my Dm as she lives further away, therefore making the journey to stand in the cold pointless. We last saw my Dm on Christmas Eve, briefly to drop presents off, we spent Christmas Day by ourselves.

Ds does speak to friends online but not as frequently as he used to. He chats to other people who are in the game he’s playing at that moment in time but not necessarily school friends.

We go out for walks and I feel he’s become more socially awkward, especially when we have to walk past people. Then again, it could be the typical teenage phase he’s going through.

So no, not just you OP. I don’t see hardly any dc out and about around here, mostly family groups by themselves.

How in Gods name can kids under 12 "not count" in Scotland.What happens at the border? The cruelty by this shambolic government is a disgrace.

That’s what they choose to do and what your doing is what you choose to do.

You didn’t go and join them because you didn’t want to break the “rules”

They have chosen to break the rules.

So you are choosing the life you lead and so are they.

The sooner you realise that you are the master of your own destiny the better.

You could have gone to the park, knowing you would see them, but legally have done nothing wrong.

They didn’t need to go and cough on each other 🙄

You’re being a martyr.

@MildlyIrritatedOfChorley

Follow the real rules not your made up rules!

Take turns whether it is you or DH who goes to the shops.

Meet a friend each day for a walk, just you and her.

Arrange for your teen to meet a friend for a walk a few times week.

Arrange a visit to the playground for your 5yo and a friend. You and friend's mum can sit in your cars or stand far apart while the little ones play.

Ask yourself why on earth you are making up special stricter rules that break you.

Playgrounds are open here and I do bring my DC there. Being local we inevitably see other DCs from school on occasion (not often and I don't ring them and plan it!). I don't stand within 2 m of the parents but the DCs recognise each other and play together (or ignore each other).

@Glenchase

I do feel sorry for your 5 year old. Let them have some freedom even if you choose not to That’s totally illogical. If the 5 year old is mixing then what’s the point of anyone else in the family socially distancing? Since the 5 year old could catch it and infect everyone. If we want to be safe then ALL family members need to socially distance.

Where did I mention letting the 5 year old mix? The OP could make their life more fulfilling if they wanted to. I.E - by taking them to the park and so on

Don't know but from at least September last year under 12s dont count for numbers of people meeting and they can play together without social distancing

Also, there’s absolutely no law that says you or your children can’t go to any shop that’s open. Stop living like this! It’s weird.

Personally I am really against children being kept away from their peers and the very basic right to play. I won't deny my children a play in the park with their friends or one other family for a meet for a walk in the woods.

While I really feel for you, you ARE doing the right thing. Those other people who are breaking the rules are going to make lockdown longer. It is NOT about whether YOU catch Covid. It's about whether you inadvertently add a link in the infection chain to a vulnerable person.

Think creatively about how to keep them amused. There are lots of resources online. Read them stories and get them doing creative stuff - anything will be educational to some extent. Get familiar with Zoom or Facetime. It isn't the same as face to face, but even my older relatives have got to grips with it. Don't give up!

OP, do your kids play online games or zoom chat with friends? My DD is an only child and it can be painfully lonely, but she plays Minecraft online with her best friend. They play on the PC whilst video chatting on the phone.

Is that something your DC could do?

Yes, we haven't seen family but we have seen friends and I'm forcing my pre-teen out at least three times a week to meet up with one friend at a time. I am also taking my youngest out to meet up with another friend, so in practice it is three of us as there's me and her and her friend, but do you know what, screw it. Her mental health is vital. She is going nowhere, she doesn't have Covid, we don't see anyone else.

You have to do what works for you during this. The rules make no sense at all. We are following them to an extent but I absolutely refuse to ruin my children's lives any more than they already have been.

My teen meets friends (one at a time) for walks every weekend and I take my primary aged child to the playground where we may or may not bump into friends. If we do, the kids play together. Without these interactions they would suffer greatly. I know this because that's what it was like last spring and I am not prepared to put them through that again. You need to do what you think is best.
As PPs have said, there are several things you could do now that are within the rules but still allow your DC to have some interactions outside the house.

You are doing the pandemic different from everyone I know.

Its difficult when you're following rules and others aren't. You can tell from people posting in this thread most don't even really know the rules anymore (not claiming that I know better) since no one can even agree what they are.

I think it's fair for you to want to break the rules but why now? Schools will reopen March 8 (not official yet but vaccination effort is ahead of target and exceeding expectations). Can you hold off till then?

Like others have said bring your kids to the park, they are allowed to go outside and exercise. Let them know it's just another month.

If government back down on March 8 date then I'd say they are not operating in good faith anymore and I think there will be a mini revolt but we will see.

I have a 3 year old. Sahm. My husband has to work out of the house.
My 3 year old goes to nursery 2.5 days a week.
We use click and collect for shopping.
I do not see or speak to anyone and I'm feeling very low.
My friends have school age kids so are homeschooling during the day, and my husband isn't home until after 7pm , so no walking in the evenings.
I do make a point of walking every day, either with or without small, and we have started going back to playgrounds.

We meet with friends twice a week in playgrounds and dd goes for a bike ride occasionally with one friend. Didn't during first lockdown but this time playgrounds are open so I don't see the difference between them playing with friends or strangers.

If we were seeing elderly relatives I would likely make a different choice but we're not, we follow all the other rules and my kids have suffered enough by this point.

Let your kids see a friend or take them to the playground.

Your teenager can go out and meet a friend if they want - is there a reason that they haven't?

And tbh, I would meet a friend with my 5yo in tow. Who's going to know they're five and not four?

We both work from home normally and now have two kids at home too. Kids have seen friends when we have happened to be in the park at the same time. The day we had snow for two hours and everyone happened to go to the same park at the same time was the most social occasion we'd had in months.

Eldest games online with friends. I have gone on socially distanced walks and I have talked to neighbours over the garden wall over a pre-organised cup of tea. A friend took my child and hers to the park for 'exercise with one other person' and I will do the same.

My teen has met a friend once for a walk, and we did visit GPs once because mIL recently had a terminal cancer diagnosis. But my DS hasnt seen any friends, and both dont evenlike going for walks so they have probably left the house 5 times max in the last month (either or Dh do food shopping )

You need to stick to the rules, it’s lockdown. Not everyone is out all the time and carrying on with their social lives. Saying that, there’s things you are allowed to do which you aren’t doing. You can have a walk with one other person. Why don’t you do that with a friend with a similar age child and you walk with your friend whilst the kids walk together? Your teen can meet a friend for a walk too. There’s no need for you all to stay cooped up all day every day, it’s no wonder your kid is suffering if she never gets to see even one friend outside.

Yes, this is our household's situation although both me and DH are wfh where we would normally have a semi-long commute to elsewhere (DH 5 days and me 3). This has been so since March.
Both sets of GPs, and all other relatives, live out of the plausible 'local' zone (one set are 450 miles away and it would take an emergency for us to get there until things are eased). Wrap around childcare arrangements stopped in September so only one idea of what we would try if we had to call on an alternative (ask a friend but not be certain they would say yes).
Managed to have a little more sociability in terms of meeting outside etc around October when the tiers came in, but no in-person meetings for any of us since November really. A walk a day and park visits as part of them, but have stayed away from our city in the main, where we live on the outskirts.
Last time DD returned to school, her former best friend had got much closer to a few other children who live on her road and according to her, were "in her bubble". Going back was rather miserable.

You are restricting yourselves to the fullest extent, unless you are shielding for some reason. Which is fine if everyone is cool with that, but clearly your family is not, so maybe it's time to start loosening the reins a little bit.

Honestly I know some shielders who aren't as locked down as you are...

Im really surprised st some of the comments.

We definitely arent supposed to be meeting up with people so kids can play. In fact if lots of people are that will just prolong the agony as they need to get the numbers down so we can all be free. Some people are selfish (in the sense of not following the rules for their own self gain.) Good job its not everyone.