I’m feeling absolute despair today

[Redbrickwall]

So we had the news of the Oxford Vaccine and I thought, ‘great, normality can resume soon!’.

Then that joy is soon whipped away from us. We are now told vaccines don’t stop transmission so still no seeing relatives, still wear masks and nothing will actually change. We are told by Matt Wanksock that we can have normality by Easter, and now SAGE are saying it might not be til Summer and threatening a complete lockdown again.

Anytime there is a hint of positivity it is whipped away instantly again. This has happened SO many times I can’t keep up.

I hang on every press conference terrified about not being able to work and earn again (my husband is self employed). He’s the main breadwinner and we were screwed last time. I dread my children’s education and lives being fucked up even more. Their whole social lives has stopped, their hobbies and their fun. Anything fun in life has stopped. I am worried sick about schools closing again as my husband would need to stop work to support me with the kids on the days I work (I’m a teacher)

I honestly dread getting up in the morning as it’s just the same shit different day. I don’t want to go for another bastard walk, I don’t want a fucking zoom call. I just want our life back.

I have started to hate our house because I’m so sick of the sight of it.

I am sick of the whole bastard thing . I am already on antidepressants before anyone asks lol, but that’s not what this is about. Life has stopped. The joy has gone.

Well, there will always be winners and losers, won't there? For example, it's great that other people in her life have had to endure less of pusheen this year, but let's have a thought for her poor DH, who apparently had to see more of her...

In all seriousness, to all those struggling. It's really hard and not as simple as 'be more resilient' or 'have coping strategies' - I had really great coping strategies after years of intermittent depression and anxiety, I'd got really good at spotting myself going downhill early and knowing how to tackle it. Unfortunately those strategies - seeing more people, getting out of the house more, changing routines, spending time in museums and galleries which I find very soothing, having the occasional day totally recharging while DH takes our toddler out for the day - were all taken away, and my own health also made it hard to exercise, especially with swimming pools (the only form of cardio exercise I can currently do without pain) closed. I've found some new strategies and I'm doing a lot better than I was, but it wasn't that I had no resilience or coping strategies, it was that these particular circumstances undermined them, and that's the case for many people.

I completely understand and relate to this thread. My mental gratitude as it were is that my oppressively tiny house is cheap to run and I have relative job security though it's grim just now in terms of workload.

My 8 year old really struggles with restrictions and that has become my mental standpoint out of anxiety for her. Apart from the meals out life hasn't hugely changed for dp and i.

I think my new year thing will be a massive reduction in doom scrolling and sm for my own sanity.

@Hardbackwriter Exactly. That’s my experience too. Usual coping mechanisms have been thwarted. I consider myself to be very resilient but my resilience has been tested hugely and I have every sympathy for people who are struggling now.

In normal times, being grateful is good ‘advice’, but increasing numbers of people are truly suffering whether mentally, physically, emotionally or financially. Those who spout on about the things they are grateful for show little insight into other people’s experience.

@CurlyhairedAssassin Well said. Some people live in a bubble which contains them and them alone. Life goes on unaffected and they are totally unable to see outside of their little world. I have a close family member who stays in that bubble and refuses to watch the news or keep up to date on developments which actually might give them some degree of insight into the hardship and challenges people face day to day. I have a close friend who is a very skilled and experienced counsellor and they are at a loss to know what to say to clients any more because the suffering runs so deep.

It would be nice to think that from this pandemic will come greater awareness and insight into humanity but no, there are still some people who are of the ‘I’m alright Jack’ mentality and actually have no insight at all. They consider themselves resilient. They actually lack empathy and humanity. Frightening.

@PusheenLove

My point is that you're doing your mental health no favours by focusing on the negatives, and even dwelling on them. Write a mental gratitude list of what you have to be thankful of. I guarantee if you do this regularly, it will strengthen you.

Bollocks.

Gratitude list?

When your at the stage OP is, there is no light or gratitude

OP hope you are having a better day today

I want to thank everyone for their lovely comments and support.

I’m still not feeling great, especially with more uncertainty and arguing about schools this weekend, both for work and for my own children. It just never ever ends

ShakespearesSisters

Very grateful to you 🤗

Redbrickwall

Sending love and fortitude 🤗

When your at the stage OP is, there is no light or gratitude

There is practically always room for light and gratitude. Always. Even in the most shittest of shit situations.

OP. So much of this is relentless and awful. Well done for plodding on when you feel so dreadful. That takes true strength.

"When your at the stage OP is, there is no light or gratitude"

This is why people who have been severely depressed before have a slight edge. The first time I had severe depression it felt like I was locked in a black hole with no way out, I couldnt imagine being happy again. But, crucially, I was despite this. Subsequent episodes are actually slightly easier because even though its hard to believe it will get better, you know it will based on past experience. I think the despair people are feeling right now is situational rather than purely internal. But the lesson effectively is the same, even though it feels like we are in a hole right now thats impossible to climb out of, it will get better, probably slowly and almost imperceptibly at first but it will get better.

And just as a side note, it is at those times you feel incredibly shitty forcing yourself to write a gratitude list is most helpful - because even if you have to really struggle to find soemthing to feel grateful for there is normally something. Even if it is just "today I had a hot cup of tea today. Thank goodness for tea". And that can be a suprise.

We need to vaccinate people most likely to die from it first, then roll out the vaccine to everyone else in order from most likely to die > least likely and then we can drop the masks.

Gingernault, that’s how they are doing it!

Not that this government can be trusted to ‘do’ anything..

Feel the same OP. I miss my Dad. I can't get a job so I'm constantly having to think what the cheapest possible thing I can buy for dinner. So fed up.