I’m feeling absolute despair today

[Redbrickwall]

So we had the news of the Oxford Vaccine and I thought, ‘great, normality can resume soon!’.

Then that joy is soon whipped away from us. We are now told vaccines don’t stop transmission so still no seeing relatives, still wear masks and nothing will actually change. We are told by Matt Wanksock that we can have normality by Easter, and now SAGE are saying it might not be til Summer and threatening a complete lockdown again.

Anytime there is a hint of positivity it is whipped away instantly again. This has happened SO many times I can’t keep up.

I hang on every press conference terrified about not being able to work and earn again (my husband is self employed). He’s the main breadwinner and we were screwed last time. I dread my children’s education and lives being fucked up even more. Their whole social lives has stopped, their hobbies and their fun. Anything fun in life has stopped. I am worried sick about schools closing again as my husband would need to stop work to support me with the kids on the days I work (I’m a teacher)

I honestly dread getting up in the morning as it’s just the same shit different day. I don’t want to go for another bastard walk, I don’t want a fucking zoom call. I just want our life back.

I have started to hate our house because I’m so sick of the sight of it.

I am sick of the whole bastard thing . I am already on antidepressants before anyone asks lol, but that’s not what this is about. Life has stopped. The joy has gone.

However, the more the months tick on the less I feel grateful. I just feel a sense of loss as nothing I plan for myself (to make myself feel better) comes to fruition. Thwarted at every turn it seems!

Yes, it has gone on longer than anyone expected, GenerallyCoping. It's hard to stay positive all of the time, but I have to try, otherwise I will sink too far into a depression that I can't get out of. I've lost my job. DH's income has nosedived. I haven't seen any of my family since March because both of my parents and my dsis are shielding. I'm worried about my own health as I'm in a vulnerable category. And worried about dd's education in her GCSE year. There is a lot to feel shit about, but I simply can't afford to let myself wallow in it as my mental health is not robust enough to take it. So I am choosing instead to focus on the positives that I can still hold on to, and on the stuff that is still within my control. I understand that this won't work for everyone, though, and we all have to cope in whatever way we can.

I'm taking some comfort from the fact that we are now past the shortest day. It feels harder in the winter, and the next couple of months will be challenging but then we'll be coming into Spring. It's one positive that I know will happen so I'm clinging on to it. So true and you can see the difference already. That is a real positive.

I've found some of it hard, my children don't live locally so I can't see them, my exDIL lives round the corner so I am convenient for childcare, I wouldn't mind if I got the occasional thank you or even some food as I end up feeding them two meals a day and it adds up when you are pensioners. I'm also my husband's carer and it isn't always easy, when people complain about loneliness I sometimes think a bit of loneliness might be easier than this.

Heyho 2021 has to be better, it can't be worse can it?

I agree AlexaShutUp most of us have shit going on but like you I try not to dwell on what's gone wrong and whilst is so very hard to do - attempt to stay a bit hopeful. Its self preservation

I'm confused. I thought they were saying that they weren't sure about the vaccine and transmission yet. Clearly, I've missed something.

@PringlesForBreakfast

I'm confused. I thought they were saying that they weren't sure about the vaccine and transmission yet. Clearly, I've missed something.

This is right.

They think it will prevent transmission but that can’t be known for certain until it’s rolled out.

Dh was wittering on about someone from Kings College who he follows. They’ve got everything they’ve predicted correct so far....he says.

Anyway, he says the North has had their peak, London and the SE are going through theirs. Things should start calming down soon according to them...

How long do you think it's going to take to vaccinate 60+ million people twice?

I'm struggling too today. Seems like the light at the end of the tunnel has been pretty much extinguished. I do know it will get better, but I'm just not feeling it right now. I hate seeing the sadness of and impact on my (young adult) DC and not being able to provide the support I should to my elderly and vulnerably parents. I hate the absence of fun from life and of course I hate that so many are losing their lives. I'm worried about the future too - how do we come back from all this? Currently, I'm a bit tearful while cooking tea, but I'm determined to stick a smile on my face and provide as good an evening as I can for my DC. And tomorrow, we will do another bloody walk in the mud!!

I thought they were only doing over 50’s and vulnerable?

I feel the same.
And now I am in bed with COVID feeling shitty and miserable.

My kids are with ExH, who now also is sick. I worry about him, as he is very obese. I miss my kids and I am sick of lying in bed feeling rubbish.
We were supposed to celebrate NY tonight together (we are in a bubble) but instead - I am home alone crying, and my ExH and kids are trying to put some sort of festive spread but they miss me and worry.

I keep thinking - what if my ExH dies? I am tempted to ask them all to just come to me - we all have the same virus anyway, and, at least, I can look after them. But I feel totally wiped out myself.

This has been such a shit year - I got divorced and then became homeless and then lost my job. And now this.

I reckon, if I didn't worry about one of us dying, I would cope with the situation much better. But now we are just calling each other every couple of hours to check if we still ok. This is so shit.

I burst into tears this week while driving. I passed an elderly gentleman sat at a bus stop wearing his mask. I thought this poor guy has probably been sat at home alone all year and shouldn't be spending his later years wearing a fucking mask, in fear of this virus.

I lost my Dad in February (not Covid) and my Mum who cared for him for his last few years because of his Alzheimer's can't even have a life of her own because as soon as we had his funeral we went into lockdown and she's been shielding ever since.

I just want my life back. We all do.
Today it struck me too that today is the last day of being in the same year that I still had my Dad. I miss him so much.

@PurpleDaisies, but this is something they've said since the beginning hasn't it?

@rollinggreenhills

How long do you think it's going to take to vaccinate 60+ million people twice?

A long time but once they’ve done the most vulnerable the deaths and serious illness will fall hugely. That will change the pressure the nhs is under and stop families losing loved ones.

And tomorrow, we will do another bloody walk in the mud!!

Those walks in the mud are definitely losing their appeal, aren't they?! I have to really struggle to push myself out of the door at the moment. Looking forward to the spring and some better weather soon!

[quote PringlesForBreakfast]@PurpleDaisies, but this is something they've said since the beginning hasn't it?[/quote]
Yes. Clearly the op’s just got confused.

*isn't

Been up and down but me too. Toddler's very important surgery at GOSH likely postponed as they are cancelling most procedures and appointments for foreseeable by the sounds of it

Have a newborn and very little sleep and would love for her to meet family and to have a little help with the two just to help me get some sleep and my head straight so I can deal with the rest

@PurpleDaisies, but everyone else on the thread seems to be agreeing, which is why I was worried I'd missed something.

It is particularly hard today, about to enter a new year, we should be celebrating entering a new year and making plans for the year ahead. Instead we don’t know what the next few months will hold, we are unable to hug our loved ones or even be near them, we don’t know how many more will die from this over the coming months, we don’t know if the vaccine will be enough to make a big enough change to lift all restrictions and we don’t know when enough people will be vaccinated.

The vaccine will not eradicate COVID-19, I think it’s something we will have to live with for a long time, it will reduce the number of deaths and hopefully less people will have long term complications from the virus but people will still get it because no vaccine is 100%.

It’s hard to see a end to this, things will get better but who knows when.

[quote PringlesForBreakfast]@PurpleDaisies, but everyone else on the thread seems to be agreeing, which is why I was worried I'd missed something.[/quote]
I haven’t seen that. I’ve tried to correct that misconception wherever I’ve spotted it.

@GOSHquestion

Been up and down but me too. Toddler's very important surgery at GOSH likely postponed as they are cancelling most procedures and appointments for foreseeable by the sounds of it

Have a newborn and very little sleep and would love for her to meet family and to have a little help with the two just to help me get some sleep and my head straight so I can deal with the rest

I don’t know what to say other than that sounds so unbelievably tough for you.

I just don't know what to believe any more, because the fucking shit that comes out of Saint Boris's mouth changes every day. Not long ago he was being the vaccine pessimist, now he's "2021 will be a great year, with a tough start, thanks to the vaccine". We had "we can turn this virus around in twelve weeks", "normal by September", "normalish by Christmas", "it would be inhumane to cancel Christmas", "Christmas is cancelled", "better by Easter..." then what will it be, "pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease be patient, just another few months..."

I expect that when Saint Boris and his merry men realise that the last leaf has fallen off the magic money tree, they will suddenly crank the spin machine into reverse, and say "actually, all is well, it's not as bad as we thought, the vaccine is working, it's now your duty to spend spend spend, even though I destroyed your businesses and industries..." And then, they will hush up everything to the contrary: gagging orders for those who react badly to vaccines, lying about hospital figures, but this time painting it better than it really is...

I really struggle with “life has stopped” for anyone under the age of 70.

You’re a teacher. Surely you are still teaching? Most of the kids I know are enjoying the unexpected lull in proceedings. The outgoing ones still meet up outside and the quiet ones enjoy staying in. The endless clubs and enforced activities were always an expense I thought were more to tick boxes than to be of any real benefit.

It doesn’t sound like you have any real hobbies to be honest.

Loads of stuff is still going on in T4. If you’re sick of the house have a go at redecorating or doing something positive. You should be walking everyday anyway it’s good for you.
I thought this year was full of joy if I’m honest although we’re not allowed to say it. My family and friends gave all been well, I’ve been furlough from my part time work and enjoying the “ who knows what’s next” in my main job and the lack of expectation around life in general. A great recharge.

Your post is utterly tone deaf @AmperoBlue

I’m also worried about the speed of the rollout of the vaccines. The government need to think much, much bigger, and move much faster. They have had months to plan for this, so why didn’t mass vaccination at scale start yesterday FFS?

We need huge mass vaccine hubs in sports stadiums, concert arenas, conference centres etc etc. We need enormous multi-lane drive through mass vaccine centres in retail park car parks, park & rides and airport car parks. These places are next to motorways and are all currently empty FFS.