I’m feeling absolute despair today

[Redbrickwall]

So we had the news of the Oxford Vaccine and I thought, ‘great, normality can resume soon!’.

Then that joy is soon whipped away from us. We are now told vaccines don’t stop transmission so still no seeing relatives, still wear masks and nothing will actually change. We are told by Matt Wanksock that we can have normality by Easter, and now SAGE are saying it might not be til Summer and threatening a complete lockdown again.

Anytime there is a hint of positivity it is whipped away instantly again. This has happened SO many times I can’t keep up.

I hang on every press conference terrified about not being able to work and earn again (my husband is self employed). He’s the main breadwinner and we were screwed last time. I dread my children’s education and lives being fucked up even more. Their whole social lives has stopped, their hobbies and their fun. Anything fun in life has stopped. I am worried sick about schools closing again as my husband would need to stop work to support me with the kids on the days I work (I’m a teacher)

I honestly dread getting up in the morning as it’s just the same shit different day. I don’t want to go for another bastard walk, I don’t want a fucking zoom call. I just want our life back.

I have started to hate our house because I’m so sick of the sight of it.

I am sick of the whole bastard thing . I am already on antidepressants before anyone asks lol, but that’s not what this is about. Life has stopped. The joy has gone.

It is really hard right now. This is a massive worldwide shit storm and many many of us are feeling the same as you.

It WILL get better though, we just have to hope we can all hang on until then.

Personally, I have accepted that it will be at least late spring/summer before we have anything like normality. I don't get drawn in to the, " oh it will be all fine again soon" as it just leads to disappointment.

One (shitty) day at a time. we will get through it.

xx

@Divebar

Get off these boards & Stop watching every news conference. Panic is bred around here so step away and start practicing self care. Of course things will get better. Are we still suffering bubonic plague & Spanish flu? . We will undoubtedly have a couple of rough months.... presumably as a result of people mixing at Christmas and then things will improve.

This. And whatever else it is, this virus is not the plague or the Spanish flu. This variant has been around since September at least and winter NHS headlines have always existed. There's just a lot of screaming just now because we've got an additional seasonal spike virus to contend with. Other epidemiologists and virologists have very different opinions on what's happening with this mutation and the way it's being reported (I say this without the benefit of a tinfoil hat or a QAnon membership!).

Not saying that it's not a miserable and worrying shitshow OP, or that things are suddenly going to get back to normal, but the pandemic and the circus that's surrounding it is finite. Keep going and practice some self-care, whatever form that may take.

I know its really hard op my husband who is one of the strongest, least emotional people ever has cried twice this week as he is feeling so suppressed by it all now. Keep your chin up things will be normal again. Cling on to that little bit of hope. Do something, anything, thatl cheer you up.

We are going to have to be patient with the situation. There's no other way. Focusing on what we can do and not what we can't. It is hard but you've got to get yourself into the right head space. Break some rules if you are going to completely have a nervous break down. See some friends or something as a one off as we've got to get through this long haul. I draw boundaries where I want rather than religiously sticking to the rules. For example I wear a mask to the supermarket but I don't wear one at school pick up and drop off despite us being asked to. I know that me wearing a mask on a daily basis will depress me and I know that me keeping a distance from parents outside is enough to stop covid spreading. So see if there's anyway you can bend rules to make this easier for you. We need to avoid a mental health crisis as well as covid so do what's right for you.

It hasn't helped the uncertainty around the plan for schools - it has meant that this much needed 'break' hasn't felt like a break. Hang in there OP. It won't go on forever. And I agree with staying away from news and SM - though like you I've been glued to the news. My mood has dipped because of it so I'm making a concerted effort to ignore it now.

They need to build it up to give us hope. Then realise it's all too much of a fairy story optimistic. So need to backtrack . It's bring very badly handled.

What @Divebar said. I've also started making a list of 'Things I will do after the pandemic' - I keep adding to it, it includes things like going to the opera (which I've never done) and stuff I've just taken for granted as 'being there', as well as more normal stuff like going to the pub. Then I can imagine myself doing these things, start planning or thinking about where I might go, who with, etc. It's helping me to keep optimistic and to hold on while we go through this really rough time.
OP, it's hard but we'll get through

I could have written your post, word for word. You are not alone. And if one more person tells me to be grateful for what I do have I will lose my shit.

I think it’s very potent today with a lot people because I think we all thought we were heading into 2021 feeling hopeful - over the last few days it’s become apparent that just isn’t going to be the case, at least for the first few months of the year.

And if one more person tells me to be grateful for what I do have I will lose my shit.

Sorry, I said that. It helps me to focus on the positives, but I appreciate that won't work for everyone.

@Abstractedobstructed

If you drill down through the stats it can feel less hopeless. 950 dead is awful. But if you drill down to local level it seems less overwhelming. For example, of those poor 950 souls from across the UK only 39 were below 60 in England, and in my large city my local 3 hospital trust only lost 1 person across the 3 local hospitals this week. Of course that is still awful for their family but switching 950 today to "1 in the last week locally" helps my sense of perspective.

of those poor 950 souls from across the UK only 39 were below 60 in England

I've seen some heartless posts on here but this takes the biscuit!

I can sympathise. Live in another country to my family, some of whom are vulnerable, and fuck knows when I will see them again. I had a wonderful dream last night where I was at a soft play with my son and his friends chatting to their mums over shit coffee. Never thought I would miss soft play and its rank coffee so badly.
However.... just keep swimming if that makes sense. Try to find joy where you can, be kind to others whenever you have the opportunity, be kind to yourself.

I agree OP, I think we all expected 2021 to be the light at the end of the tunnel, but the news is saying differently, at least for the beginning of the year.

I think everyone is very up and down.

@Divebar

Get off these boards & Stop watching every news conference. Panic is bred around here so step away and start practicing self care. Of course things will get better. Are we still suffering bubonic plague & Spanish flu? . We will undoubtedly have a couple of rough months.... presumably as a result of people mixing at Christmas and then things will improve.

Yep, this. It will get better, hang in there!

OP, I feel exactly the same.

I haven't been able to work since March because my sector shut abruptly overnight. I don't qualify for benefits because I have savings. Lucky me - I have been living off them since March, so I will soon qualify. My remaining DC at school needs to be at school. The others need to be at university and having their independent lives, not living in a shoe-box house with their mum. One of them has been sleeping on the sofa for months because I bought the house after they left home. I haven't seen my mum and dad and siblings since March.

And you're right - one bit of good news, followed by yet another pile of shitty news.

By the time this has finished, there won't be an NHS any more because so many people will have been taken out of the taxation system.

And when our lives do return to normal, I will try to remember those for whom it cant (without sounding to pious). For example people with severe disabilities, children with immune conditions, people who were isolated for all sorts of reasons, were living restricted lives before the pandemic ever happened, hopefully now people will have more awareness/sympathy (sorry to anyone if that sounds patronising, it isnt meant to)

@AlexaShutUp Don’t worry. I know everyone means well. It is good advice and helps people focus on positives and change mindset. Certainly I was able to do this during the first lockdown when we all thought things would be better by Christmas.

However, the more the months tick on the less I feel grateful. I just feel a sense of loss as nothing I plan for myself (to make myself feel better) comes to fruition. Thwarted at every turn it seems!

This is what absolutely pisses me off about the "just stay at home!!" brigade, because they're either furloughed or on benefits/have enough savings. They cannot understand those of us who are self employed are UTTERLY SCREWED, abd have been since first lockdown.

It catches me unawares sometimes. I find myself bursting into tears at odd moments. I was standing in a SD queue outside the greengrocers on Christmas Eve. Everyone just standing there patiently in their masks. There was a busker playing for charity a few doors up.

Just before it was my turn to go into this tiny shop, suddenly I burst into tears, streaming down my face. I must have looked a bit odd.
Same thing the other day. Walking across a car park seeing two elderly people fumbling with their masks. More floods... 😭
Most of the time I push it all out of my mind.

Didn’t get to see my 81&71 yo parents this Christmas. That’s hard.

Surely even if the vaccine doesn't stop transmission but reduces the severity then we'll still be able to get back to normal as it really will be a mild illness.

DH is 66 and I'm 45 so he'll get his vaccination long before me. I'm presuming if it doesn't prevent transmission he'll still have to be careful so he doesn't pass it to me.

@AlexaShutUp And it wasn’t you anyway...it was some twit at work who decided to go through her list of all the things she was grateful for over Christmas as though she was some kind of motivational speaker. A crap one it has to be said!

I feel the same today OP. My children won’t be able to go back to school on Monday and everything just seems so far away from normality. I feel incredibly sad, tired and just ‘done in’ but that is how I feel TODAY - tomorrow I hope to feel a bit brighter and will try to focus on some good things. I haven’t watched the news today, which helps me massively. I think it has been a very very difficult ‘festive’ period for all of us and some (like me) can’t wait for it to be over and get back into some kind of routine and back to work (even though it’s not the kind of routine I want to be in). Things will get better; in a few months the days will be longer and warmer and it will be more bearable. I like to think about August this year, where even though we knew the virus was out there, we could do things and live an almost normal life.

OP I feel exactly the same, in a similar situation as yourself. It's the hysteria from all corners that has been so hard to handle and has only made a bad situation extremely worse. We have the likes of Piers Morgan, the most arrogant twat known to man spouting off at every opportunity on his little morning tv show and then as soon as he can he's off enjoying himself abroad, never mind all the businesses destroyed by Covid. Like all the other hypocrites. The news just go round in circles, they have nothing of value to add.

I think we all have felt desolation at times. I don't know a single person who is content or happy at the moment - even those who are financially secure. But this isn't the time to be despondent - there are vaccines coming on stream and this can only help. Things will improve. Its just a matter of hanging on in there for now

I feel uneasy.
Been a challenging year. Lost my dad this year. People saying ' happy new year' but I can't get excited about it at all.
I feel it'll be a tough few months to start with.