I’m feeling absolute despair today

[Redbrickwall]

So we had the news of the Oxford Vaccine and I thought, ‘great, normality can resume soon!’.

Then that joy is soon whipped away from us. We are now told vaccines don’t stop transmission so still no seeing relatives, still wear masks and nothing will actually change. We are told by Matt Wanksock that we can have normality by Easter, and now SAGE are saying it might not be til Summer and threatening a complete lockdown again.

Anytime there is a hint of positivity it is whipped away instantly again. This has happened SO many times I can’t keep up.

I hang on every press conference terrified about not being able to work and earn again (my husband is self employed). He’s the main breadwinner and we were screwed last time. I dread my children’s education and lives being fucked up even more. Their whole social lives has stopped, their hobbies and their fun. Anything fun in life has stopped. I am worried sick about schools closing again as my husband would need to stop work to support me with the kids on the days I work (I’m a teacher)

I honestly dread getting up in the morning as it’s just the same shit different day. I don’t want to go for another bastard walk, I don’t want a fucking zoom call. I just want our life back.

I have started to hate our house because I’m so sick of the sight of it.

I am sick of the whole bastard thing . I am already on antidepressants before anyone asks lol, but that’s not what this is about. Life has stopped. The joy has gone.

They didn't say vaccines don't stop transmission. They said they don't know that yet. How can they?

Just be pleased they stop people dying.

I feel the same. I'm a single parent, so I've been spending most the time trying to keep it together for my only child, then the rest of the time when she's at her dad's trying to talk myself out of crying. In normal times I'm a social person, but also one who was comfortable in my own company. I'm sick of it now though - I just want a cup of tea at my parents', a meal with my mates and a normal working day with my colleagues. I feel like I've have so much time to self-analyse this year that I've concluded I don't like myself. Sick of the sight of my own house also!

I’m an introvert as well. It means you get your energy from within rather than from other people. Not that you’re a hermit with no social life, family or friends and never go anywhere.

Vaccines + immunity from actual illness will blunt the exponential growth of cases.

Vaccinations are expected to massively reduce hospitalisations even if people can still catch covid19.

Things will get better quite quickly I hope as the weeks pass and the number of vaccinated increase.

@PusheenLove

This pandemic hasn't really effected me much.

I miss the pub. I used to go once or twice a week.

Sad that my kids have missed some school.

I miss childcare from grandparents that withdrew their services.

But I'm an introvert and have always worked from home. Covid just means that DH has joined me working from home, which is lovely.

I always feel baffled by the people ripping their hair out and panicking in threads like this.

We have food and a roof over our heads. We are keeping safe. We have TV, internet, entertainment, phones, heating, water, electricity.

I need an empathy transplant.

The people 'ripping their hair out' are usually the ones who have lost their jobs or are in danger of losing their income. Unlike you. Sounds like you could also do with a personality transplant.

I'm an introvert. If you had asked me a year ago how well I would have fared on a deserted island/in solitary confinement etc I would have said pretty well. Turns out I really really miss social interaction when it is no longer an option. I miss hugging friends, I miss those small interactions in shops, I miss my weekly exercise class and going to the pub (even though I dont even do that that often).

PusheenLove

You so do need an empathy transplant, christ all bloody mighty

Wineisrequired and for you xx

I'm a natural optimist but I'm sick of this situation. I think if we had a definite plan and end in sight it would be easier but fear of the unknown is terrible thing.

I miss simple things like being able to sit down and eat/ have coffee not standing up in the freezing cold when I see a friend.

Having a reason to dress up a bit
The gym
Swimming

I'm worried for industries that are struggling
My friend might lose her home and her husband his business which was successful before

My brother who never sees his kids as they are in different tiers and his ex is using the situation to screw him over even more

My friend who lost her dad to covid and is so angry at the world and who can blame her

My kids loosing so much school. Dd in gcse years particularly.

I'm worried about the economy

But on the other hand I'm lucky in that I'm furloughed and very likely to be able to go back.

That I live in a country that has supported as many as possible and in other countries people are loosing homes, having to sell possessions in order to buy food and medicines.

Yes I know we have food banks here too and that's very wrong and yes our govt has been to slow to act in a lot of cases.

I try to remember that by spring it will be warmer and easier to meet outdoors.

And the vaccine is a modern miracle that is possibly the greatest achievement of the last 1000 years. That makes me proud.

Stay strong and those feeling like they need help. There are mental health helplines out there Samaritans and more.

@Aramox

‘Only 39 were below 60’ Hey guess what? The over 60s are people with teenagers, families and friends too.

I know, I am one of them! Added to which, I am obese. I also have elderly parents, a husband with a heart condition and a son with a risky autoimmune condition...I have another son with a "pre existing condition" (autism) which has no impact on his health but would put him into that category, which makes me very angry.

I made that point because yes, numbers have gone haywire in some parts of the country but most young healthy people still have little to fear from this disease and if people feel panicky, looking at a smaller age range or local area figures can make it feel more manageable mental health wise. That's all. I am not intending to diminish the loss of each person and I am sorry if it came across that way.

We are all feeling the pain of life not returning to normal.

My thoughts go out to people who have lost there jobs and small businesses that are struggling.

My point is that you're doing your mental health no favours by focusing on the negatives, and even dwelling on them. Write a mental gratitude list of what you have to be thankful of. I guarantee if you do this regularly, it will strengthen you.

‘My point is that you're doing your mental health no favours by focusing on the negatives, and even dwelling on them. Write a mental gratitude list of what you have to be thankful of. I guarantee if you do this regularly, it will strengthen you’

No it absolutely won’t. It might if you’re feeling a bit down. If you’re struggling with real issues it won’t make any difference. I’ve struggled with serious anxiety and depression all my life. This little platitude is trotted out all the time. It makes no difference

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

‘My point is that you're doing your mental health no favours by focusing on the negatives, and even dwelling on them. Write a mental gratitude list of what you have to be thankful of. I guarantee if you do this regularly, it will strengthen you’

No it absolutely won’t. It might if you’re feeling a bit down. If you’re struggling with real issues it won’t make any difference. I’ve struggled with serious anxiety and depression all my life. This little platitude is trotted out all the time. It makes no difference

I agree. Enforced 'positivity' can do more harm than good, however well intentioned. It may work for some, and if it does, great, but this whole 'write down 10 things you have to be grateful for' tweeness actually makes many people feel a whole lot worse.

Some situations are just shit, and it's OK to acknowledge that. This is one such situation.

@PusheenLove

My point is that you're doing your mental health no favours by focusing on the negatives, and even dwelling on them. Write a mental gratitude list of what you have to be thankful of. I guarantee if you do this regularly, it will strengthen you.

You really have no idea, so please stop.

Another one feeling the same here. When midnight struck last night I felt nothing but negativity...no good memories of the last year and nothing to look forward to this year.

My lovely, bright, funny DD is at the end of her tether with uncertainty about GCSEs and the complete demise of any kind of social life.

I am having to take an unpaid career break to care for my elderly parents - my dad was declared 'end of life' with frailty back in April and there is virtually no meaningful support available.

I've managed to be quite positive until now, but I just don't have anything left.

It's reassuring at least to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

I agree the mental gratitude list is not a great idea when you are at your lowest.

For me it's something to practise in a small way daily when I'm doing okay.

All I can say is that in my experience (of being near the very lowest in different decades of life) the world will turn and I won't feel this badly for ever.

Keep plodding is now my advice to myself on the harder days. But if I do give up to despair for a bit I don't beat myself up about THAT. I used to feel guilt and it was an awful vicious cycle that's utterly futile.

OP you do sound really low

If you are feeling "in absolute despair" then it might be worth speaking to GP about changing/increasing your ADs? I say this because the things that are causing you to feel this way are beyond your/any of our control.

So, either you change your response to it, which some people find easier than others, or you improve your resilience to it in other ways.
I am not sure it's worth others, including myself, telling you how we cope with it all. You need to find a coping strategy that works for you.

I think it is best to focus on that rather than raging against something that is so huge and so beyond our control, although if it makes you feel better rather than worse - go for it!!

Well it's very clear from posts from people like @PusheenLove that those who openly admit that the pandemic has not changed things for them have absolutely no idea that the daily life experience of millions of others could be in any way different to their own. I find it quite astounding.

I actually suspect that people who have always chosen to work from home experience a decline in their social skills, being in their own little comfortable bubble at home every day with their world having shrunk. They miss out on mixing with a wide range of people, miss out on the daily 2 minute chat when bumping into a colleague in the corridor to ask how they are coping with their mother with dementia, or how another colleague has found Christmas without his dad who died the month before. They miss out on hearing from a younger colleague how they were not able to fly home for Christmas to be with family so they ate a meal for one home alone. How another colleague coming up to retirement now can't afford to retire as their spouse lost their job and has no chance of finding a new one. How another colleague is worried about their daughter who just had a baby and who seems to be developing PND, with baby groups open to make her feel less alone, or even proper medical support. How their other grandchild has only just had their 8 week check and it was fine, except that he's actually 8 months old.

People who work from home often have a very very narrow outlook and become unable to see things from others' point of view as they just don't HEAR others' experiences daily and so they DO lose their "practice" at empathising. I think some retired people can become like this if they're not careful. Their world shrinks, they only know their own life and daily experiences and no-one else's, and become immune to the possibility that other people's expeirence of life may be very different. They are often judgemental because they don't agree with the way someone else is behaving because it's not what THEY would do.

So yes, I think you need an empathy transplant. At least you are aware of that, even if you are not aware of everything else.

I feel this too OP on and off. I’ve tried to stop watching the news because it sets me off. I think we all need to try and snatch some happiness in smaller things whenever we can. Also working on being kinder to myself. I assume it’s normal to feel this way with what we are living through it won’t always be this way. I hold onto that.

Re vaccines and transmission- the evidence isn’t available yet, it doesn’t mean they won’t, it means we have to wait for the results and continue to wear masks /socially distance for a couple of months more.

I’m so proud of the role British scientists are playing on the world stage with this.

Avoid the mawkish media and seek out the real evidence. Never again should we have such a scientifically illiterate parliament- I wish they’d automatically exclude anyone who studied PPE at Oxford from being an MP, let alone a PM!

By May things will be very different - I would plan for a great summer- hang on a little while longer.

Even Matt Hancock did PPE at Oxford! Maybe they should have chosen someone who actually understands science and medicine?

Don't know if this will work for everyone but honestly what's kept me going through this is natural pessimism. Last March it was evident to me that we'd be in this for the long haul (as in years), not out of it in a few months, and I prepared myself mentally. This winter has been utterly bleak but I knew it would be, and I know January and February will be even worse. I also fully expect the government to fuck up every last stage of this.

Set your expectations low and then any good news comes as a nice surprise - I didn't think summer would have been as pleasant as it was (in terms of all the things we could do outdoors, going to galleries again etc), I didn't think a vaccine would be here so soon.

I've spent a ridiculous amount of time over the last few days doing online learning and assements to apply for a job as a vaccinator. (Practical skills will also be trained and assessed before we are let lose on the public) Me and many of my colleagues (not NHS but health care) are signing up to apply. Giving up days off /working overtime in the hope that everyone gets vaccinated quicker.

@ShakespearesSisters - thank you on behalf of the rest of us!

Stick with the training- now that the Oxford vaccine has been approved the national vaccination should really be able to get going in earnest and people like you will mean that the rate of vaccination will only be limited by the vaccine supplies coming through, not the vaccinators and other staff needed to administer it.