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I’m feeling absolute despair today

215 replies

Redbrickwall · 31/12/2020 17:16

So we had the news of the Oxford Vaccine and I thought, ‘great, normality can resume soon!’.

Then that joy is soon whipped away from us. We are now told vaccines don’t stop transmission so still no seeing relatives, still wear masks and nothing will actually change. We are told by Matt Wanksock that we can have normality by Easter, and now SAGE are saying it might not be til Summer and threatening a complete lockdown again.

Anytime there is a hint of positivity it is whipped away instantly again. This has happened SO many times I can’t keep up.

I hang on every press conference terrified about not being able to work and earn again (my husband is self employed). He’s the main breadwinner and we were screwed last time. I dread my children’s education and lives being fucked up even more. Their whole social lives has stopped, their hobbies and their fun. Anything fun in life has stopped. I am worried sick about schools closing again as my husband would need to stop work to support me with the kids on the days I work (I’m a teacher)

I honestly dread getting up in the morning as it’s just the same shit different day. I don’t want to go for another bastard walk, I don’t want a fucking zoom call. I just want our life back.

I have started to hate our house because I’m so sick of the sight of it.

I am sick of the whole bastard thing Sad. I am already on antidepressants before anyone asks lol, but that’s not what this is about. Life has stopped. The joy has gone.

OP posts:
MadameBlobby · 31/12/2020 19:07

Anyway once my parents and I have been vaccinated I will be seeing them. The level of risk will be acceptable.SAGE, Chris Whitty, Nicola S and all the rest of them can fuck off if they think I’m living like this once I and loved ones have been vaccinated.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 31/12/2020 19:09

Yeah, the people with the complete lack of awareness that some people may not be feeling jolly and expectant on New Year's Eve can maybe head off to the self-improvement board where they can maybe learn what empathy is. If such a board doesn't exist then maybe they can go to Cunts Corner instead.

LondonJax · 31/12/2020 19:12

@AmperoBlue - really? I'm extremely lucky, I work in a school but my husband is working from home. He's normally in a job hundreds of miles away so having him at home has taken a huge worry off regarding his chances of getting Covid.

But, my BIL is out of work. My sister is on short hours. Our DS has a heart condition but is allowed to go to school so the worry of Covid and the possible implications for him are immense. My niece has a chronic condition that Covid could make 100% worse.

My friends are either furloughed or have self employed partners so money is tight.

I could do a happy dance for my situation, but I don't. Because it's a case of 'there but for the grace of God'. It could be me rather than my sister who is worried about the mortgage being paid. Instead of keeping my fingers crossed' about our son and Covid, I could be shut away with a young adult who should have been starting university this year but couldn't because of her chronic illness. My sister hasn't been out to anywhere but work for 9 months in order to shield her daughter.

Have a bit of empathy for goodness sake!

OP - the vaccines were always going to be of the type that protects the person who has the vaccine. Like the flu one does. If you have the flu vaccination you can still get the flu, it just won't be so bad. That's the plan with these - to cut the hospitalisations and deaths. You'll still get Covid but it'll be like a flu (hopefully).

There is the possibility that the vaccine will stop or reduce transmission - it's totally new so they don't know. They don't even know how long the immunity will last. But it's better than we have at the moment with cases rising.

It'll mean that, whilst we may not be in a position of being able to spend lots of time with family, we may be able to have people round to the garden or meet in the park like we did in the summer. At the moment, in tier 4 as we are, we can't even do that.

In the meantime, try to find some peace with what's happening. We've tried to find films we've never had the time to watch, played games we've never had the time to play. The shed's been cleared for the first time in years - which is a bonus even if it wasn't enjoyable!

The only 'good thing' about the issue with the kids is that every child is in the same boat. Some may be further behind than others but they'll all be working to catch up and our teachers will pull out all the stops to make sure they stay on course. You know that, as a teacher yourself.

I've been pretty positive all through this pandemic but I've now had enough myself. I want to be able to plan a day out without having to take food or work out if we can travel a few miles from our home to cut the monotony. I want our son to go and play football in the park, do an after school club again and not have to look like Dick Turpin every time we have to go for a heart check up! It'll come eventually but I'm not as upbeat as I was in the first wave. Time for me to dig deep.

TempsPerdu · 31/12/2020 19:12

I took my 3 yo for a walk yesterday. Despite being wrapped up in many layers, she started crying after 10 minutes because she was cold. There were many other children crying because they were cold. It was shit.

Same, I hear you. Day after day of the same freezing cold, muddy, dreary walks. DD3 is generally quite hardy and outdoorsy but even she has had enough now and is reluctant to leave the house. She isn’t great at playing independently either so today I have spent literally hours role-playing ‘holidays’ and ‘doggies’. I love kids and obviously adore her, but my god it’s mind-crushingly dull.

My one silver lining is that nurseries are still open for the time being (Tier 4 here).

HancocksSexTears · 31/12/2020 19:13

You need to stop expecting the best, and believing the media/politicians and expect the worst case scenario

Optimism is a great thing, but holding on to the false promises being bandied around at the moment is pointless

yetanothernamitynamechange · 31/12/2020 19:13

@Janaih

I took my 3 yo for a walk yesterday. Despite being wrapped up in many layers, she started crying after 10 minutes because she was cold. There were many other children crying because they were cold. It was shit.
To be fair, that sounds like mine when he was cold and covid didnt exist. "Lets go out and get some fresh air"... child runs into sea/a puddle/just air... five minutes later you are walking back with sobbing freezing cold child. But now there are no alternative options I guess (and no possibility of cheering them up with hot chocolate in a cafe)
User158340 · 31/12/2020 19:15

of those poor 950 souls from across the UK only 39 were below 60 in England

And of those 39 no doubt 35 of them had pre-existing conditions anyway. 3 of them had eczema and one had tennis elbow, so they were going to die anyway and shouldn't be included in the figures.

nutmegofconsolation2 · 31/12/2020 19:17

There was a long period in the early spring when I wondered if we were living through the end of days, where millions of people would die and the whole structure of the world was crumbling.

So I'm pretty happy with where things are. The vaccines are an incredible achievement. Yes it's shit. It really really is crap. But it could be worse.

Jynxed · 31/12/2020 19:18

I haven’t read the thread - too drunk, escaping a very traumatic day. All I have to say is that I work in front line NHS and things are BAD. Please - stay home, take no risk, avoid all people, live life whilst you have it. Have never seen anything as bad in 30 years. And if you know a nurse - value them 😥

Avvii · 31/12/2020 19:19

Yup. I had a baby in January, and a fairly hairy birth. I told my husband yesterday I sometimes wish we had both just died then. Doctor says how I’m feeling isn’t a medical issue and there’s nothing they can do to help. I don’t know how much longer I can live this existence.

YourNutsMeLord · 31/12/2020 19:19

I think this despair is normal, for the times, and we've all felt it. I found out earlier today that someone I greatly admire and a source of strength and positivity has been struggling with depression since contracting covid a couple of months back. That has highlighted to me that we are ALL buckling under the weight of all this.

One step at a time, one day at a time. Spring will come and the light and warmth and air will help us all.

PusheenLove · 31/12/2020 19:20

This pandemic hasn't really effected me much.

I miss the pub. I used to go once or twice a week.

Sad that my kids have missed some school.

I miss childcare from grandparents that withdrew their services.

But I'm an introvert and have always worked from home. Covid just means that DH has joined me working from home, which is lovely.

I always feel baffled by the people ripping their hair out and panicking in threads like this.

We have food and a roof over our heads. We are keeping safe. We have TV, internet, entertainment, phones, heating, water, electricity.

I need an empathy transplant.

Billie18 · 31/12/2020 19:20

@AmperoBlue

I really struggle with “life has stopped” for anyone under the age of 70.

You’re a teacher. Surely you are still teaching? Most of the kids I know are enjoying the unexpected lull in proceedings. The outgoing ones still meet up outside and the quiet ones enjoy staying in. The endless clubs and enforced activities were always an expense I thought were more to tick boxes than to be of any real benefit.

It doesn’t sound like you have any real hobbies to be honest.

Loads of stuff is still going on in T4. If you’re sick of the house have a go at redecorating or doing something positive. You should be walking everyday anyway it’s good for you.
I thought this year was full of joy if I’m honest although we’re not allowed to say it. My family and friends gave all been well, I’ve been furlough from my part time work and enjoying the “ who knows what’s next” in my main job and the lack of expectation around life in general. A great recharge.

There are some people who live more limited lives who will be happy to be confined to homes and gardens in comparative isolation. There have always been people like this and restrictions will not impact on their lives. In fact they may be positively enjoying the fact some appear to be enjoying the fact that their chosen lifestyle is now being forced on everyone. There are others who have always been anxious and now they can feel justified in their anxiety. And of course there are others that enjoy the drama.

However unless those that are being impacted negatively by restrictions speak up we will continue to be restricted indefinitely.

the80sweregreat · 31/12/2020 19:23

@Avvii

Yup. I had a baby in January, and a fairly hairy birth. I told my husband yesterday I sometimes wish we had both just died then. Doctor says how I’m feeling isn’t a medical issue and there’s nothing they can do to help. I don’t know how much longer I can live this existence.
I'm sorry. Your GP isn't right and you should get another opinion. It could be post natal depression. It's hard having a baby and a pandemic in the mix is enough to make anyone struggle.
HancocksSexTears · 31/12/2020 19:23

Billie18

Wholeheartedly agree

Joinedtosayhello · 31/12/2020 19:24

@AgeLikeWine this is exactly how I feel. I am very worried. There seems to be no urgency. They should have been rolling them out as soon as they could in stadiums etc as you say. Instead I get the impression they did a few, invited the media to report on it and now things have quietened down. I know they are still giving/offering vaccinations but it doesn’t seem to be at the speed I expected. I have seen they are recruiting people to work on the vaccination programme so perhaps they need to recruit more people but I am seriously worried that by March they will be nowhere near the target.

IcedPurple · 31/12/2020 19:25

*I always feel baffled by the people ripping their hair out and panicking in threads like this.

We have food and a roof over our heads. We are keeping safe. We have TV, internet, entertainment, phones, heating, water, electricity.

I need an empathy transplant.*

Yes you do.

42isthemeaning · 31/12/2020 19:30

ThanksThanksThanks to everyone who is struggling.

HancocksSexTears · 31/12/2020 19:30

@IcedPurple

*I always feel baffled by the people ripping their hair out and panicking in threads like this.

We have food and a roof over our heads. We are keeping safe. We have TV, internet, entertainment, phones, heating, water, electricity.

I need an empathy transplant.*

Yes you do.

It's the perfect life for a hermit, but it's not the perfect life for me
Aramox · 31/12/2020 19:31

‘Only 39 were below 60’ Hey guess what? The over 60s are people with teenagers, families and friends too.

Haggertyjane · 31/12/2020 19:32

I know how you feel. It's depressing as hell

jessstan1 · 31/12/2020 19:32

@Coolieloach

It won’t be forever, you need to hold on to that
Yes and don't bother too much with press conferences.
Wannabangbang · 31/12/2020 19:32

Jynxed thankyou for your service and thank you for helping to keep everyone alive and or comfortable during this crisisFlowers
Wish the government would give the NHS the thanks it deserves and start locking everything down good and proper including all schools every where to get this awful disease over with. If they actually did this one day things could be better, for now i just hope the government starts to see sense and actually act fecking sooner rather than differing. Differing caused this mess and not attending cobra meetings when this all started. Shall the dead not remain in vain, thousands upon thousands of lifes have been lost and still the government allows my kids to attend primary school in our borough starting Monday

PusheenLove · 31/12/2020 19:34

Are you an extrovert?

The vibe from these threads like this is borderline suicidal. I don't think people realise how lucky they are. That's the true tragedy.

Wannabangbang · 31/12/2020 19:36

I'm not an extrovert and do see I'm lucky in many ways but doesn't make this pandemic any less upsetting. I miss my friends, my family and i constantly worry my mother part of my bubble will contract it and die she is vunerable. Don't think it's suicidal just the raw truth