I can't take this anymore

[anonymous229]

I just don't have the energy for anything. Today has been cold, grey and miserable and there's nowhere to fucking go because everywhere is closed. Yes there's the local park but I've been there about 500 times since March and I'm bored sick of it.

How much longer can they keep us in this fucking awful state? I've had enough, I'm drained, I'm depressed as hell.

We've sacrificed so damn much for a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it. I know that sounds callous but I'm facing the loss of my job (I'm self employed in events - ha!) and potentially my home because of this. The toll it's taken on my mental health is disastrous, but I feel like me and my family (and other families like us) are just collateral in all of this.

I know people will probably say things like we're lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky.

I can't live like this any longer.

Literally everyone is in the same boat

They aren't though, are they?

Some people have lost their livliehoods, the businesses that they put years of work and love into creating. Some, like the OP, are suffering from severe depresson and isolation.

On the other hand, some are doing just fine. Able to WFH, saving money from commuting and buying lunch, lots of time to help Amelie and Tobias with their 'blended' learning, and talking about how much they love the 'slower pace of life'.

So no, literally everyone is not in the same boat.

I’m so so so sick of ‘going to the park’ too. Been there a million times since March and just the thought of ‘going for a walk’ makes my stomach turn. Or standing by the bottomless pit of a sink, washing the dishes all day long because every single meal has to be prepared at home. I have washed more dishes this year alone than ever combined. And the meal prep- bored shitless of thinking about food and ‘what are we having for lunch’. Just 🤮
Drove to Waitrose earlier today. Turned right back after seeing 20 people queuing outside in the rain, shouted ‘fuck thaaaaaat’. Saw Jo Malone shop window display beautifully lit and and decorated. All closed of course. Got me really sad. Everything’s just shiiiit

AfterSchoolWorry - that's the phrase I was looking for

It’s really tough isn’t it. My energy levels are at an all time low. I am trying a SAD lamp and vit D but not sure they are working.

What IS helping me though is not focussing on the fatality rate. I am pragmatic about the fact that people are going to die. What is motivating me is keeping the NHS afloat. Unless we make tough decisions about withdrawing / denying care to the ‘at risk’ population, getting back to normal and letting the virus spread through the population is not an option.

OP, I get it. We too, have a lockdown baby and it has been hell on bloody earth. If one more person tells me to enjoy the sofa and a hot chocolate, I'll scream. It is not possible to do any of this with a baby. Couple that with the thought of another walk in the park...enough is enough! To get through, we go out daily, be that to a garden centre like a PP suggested, a Supermarket (the bigger the better!) or to a nice town locally for a walk somewhere new and a takeaway coffee. I feel for you having the added concern of your house and job. That must be unutterably tough. Agree it is very much same storm, different ships. No words of advice, just wanted you to know you're not alone.

jessstan1, enjoy your hot chocolate. Maybe you can try learning some empathy with all that cosy time indoors

OP, we hear you. It's shit. Just try and get through the next few weeks, there's a vaccine shaped light at the end of the tunnel

@Northernsoullover

Speak to your GP. They might be able to help. Its around 3-4% fatality rate though. I'm utterly miserable with it too. I totally get why we can't mix unchecked though.

Its not 3/4% fatality rate, or we would have a hell of a lot more dead people.

I'm with you and I don't have a small baby.

It's shit. We are isolating for 14 days -14 days of shit. We've done board games, zoom, phone calls, netflix and now we have another 14 days of it -all of us in the same house. I've fed up.

@anonymous229

I'm considering retraining in something else just in the hope of getting some security back, but that could take several years!! What am I meant to do in the meantime?

Ok you have worked in events so can organise people, co-ordinate logistics. Are there any seasonal jobs around you at the moment you could take temporarily? Family can legitimate babysit. Anything until people can meet en masse again which will be next summer.

I feel the same OP. It just goes on & on. It’s so tiresome.

@anonymous229

To be honest it is why DH and I decided against him starting his own business a few years ago when he was considering it. We need job security.

The economy relies on small business owners. And I did have a secure job until the fucking pandemic hit!

Ok Well good luck op.

I can be in a room with 150 kids a day, but not see my friends or family. How is that fair?

I just wish they would allow us to decide the risk. I'm not scared and want to take the risk to get on with my life. Let those that want to shield, do so, but I don't want my life impacted any more.

Had a blood test at the local hospital on Monday. The nurse who did it was worn out - she'd spent all morning taking bloods on Covid wards. "Full - over full - terrible!" was her comment to her colleagues, but her face said a lot more about the state of Covid cases and the people helping them.

I'm ok with keeping a distance, staying at home and washing my hands. It's not the end of the world. Even though my life has changed in ways I never expected, and will probably never be as it was before.

My understanding is that new mother support groups are allowed to run. So there may be something on in your local area that you don’t know about. Have you googled any local Facebook groups to find out? The website happity.co.uk have been involved in speaking to the government about support for new mothers. There might be something there? Maybe email any local children’s centres? I know of the grand total of 1 group for babies and toddlers near me that’s running. I really feel for you. It’s so shit

The most up to date info suggest that it is up to a 0.2% mortality rate. This is about twice as dangerous as the average influenza virus. Only 40 people under 40 with no known serious underlying health conditions have died. The average age of mortality is 83, but the survival rate among people over 83 is still very high. Some people fear that everyone over 70 dies and this is simply not the case. It is a serious problem, but nothing like as deadly as Spanish flu was, so not devastating (unless you are one of the unlucky ones of course). Basically there is a balance to be had and the OP's experiences are not unusual and are just as relevant as the experiences of a family hit by the virus.

@anonymous229

I gave birth earlier this year and it was dreadful - I was in a terrible state after the birth and DH was forced to leave. I practically had a breakdown in hospital because I was feeling so vulnerable and couldn't cope on my own. I had a bit of counselling but am still traumatised by the experience and having flashbacks. But like I say, I'm just collateral.

If you articulate things to your go as you have here (maybe even read the paragraph if you’re nervous) they will try to help you. Sounds like you need antidepressants to help.

I get it. It's tough and it's draining.

What helps me is to remember that it does kill that percentage of people.

It's estimated it kills 0.5 to 1% of 66.9 million is 330000 to 669000 people.

I remember what could be if we didn't do what we are doing.

That may not help everyone but for me it helps me keep going. Because the alternative is even more horrendous.

definitely not all in the same boat - although I have seen 'all in the same ocean'.

the reasons we are doing this even though we don't actually care if there are extra deaths (as long as it isn't us) are
a) because too many getting ill at once will break the NHS even more b) because too many getting ill at once means the essential services are at risk. Power, water, gas, broadband, phone, bins, schools etc etc etc. Have those fall apart and we really are in a disaster movie. Oh, and long covid doesn't respect age so even the young really should try to avoid catching this virus if possible.

there is hope with the amazing work that has been done with vaccines (anyone whining about 'big pharma' needs to give themselves a huge slap) and it will be all over one day.

we also need to take a hard look at our society. It is clear that we don't actually give a stuff about the environment - we have proved that if we fly and travel less, down goes pollution, but everyone is gagging to get travelling again so that's a non-starter. We need to think about being less dependent on selling clutter to each other, endless restaurants and endless pubs and maybe, just maybe, make some stuff and learn to fix stuff.

OP, I hear you. I don't have an answer but I fucking hear you.

I loved my pre-covid life. Tons of long haul holidays, weekends away to other cities across Europe, seeing friends in the pub, events (big ones like glastonbury and then small local ones). I live in central London, so museums and galleries and FUN every week. I miss gym classes and swimming. None of these things are 'essential', but they were essential to the fabric of MY life, and they've all been taken away from me. No matter how shite everything was before, I always had something to look forward to in the next few weeks and I am struggling without that.

Covid can fuck off.

Ok blush Well good luck op.

Sorry - I know you meant well, but your comment just made me feel like I made a bad or reckless call starting my own business. And I didn’t, I absolutely didn’t. Things were going great until this shitstorm hit - and I have no reason to believe they wouldn’t be now if it wasn’t for fucking Covid.

I hear you. It's lonely, isolating, the monotony and lack of stimulation drives you nuts. Nothing to look forward to and fear from what you've lost and what the future holds, least of which is no income and months more of the same. Stuck in a small flat with no garden, constant neighbour noise until your nerves are ragged. No break from childcare, cooking, etc. Jobs, study, everything you've worked for going tits up.

It's SHIT

@Tonkerbea

jessstan1, enjoy your hot chocolate. Maybe you can try learning some empathy with all that cosy time indoors

OP, we hear you. It's shit. Just try and get through the next few weeks, there's a vaccine shaped light at the end of the tunnel

I think the op's problems are more about her worries with her job than being indoors. There is nothing any of us can do about that, I wish we could. I certainly do sympathise with her in that regard.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07QRZ75TL/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?smid=A3FYY3CHPGK717&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Yes please!

It’s really difficult, particularly if you have a small baby like you do. To fine to rant, and I’m hesitant to offer any advice because sometimes all you want to do isn’t have a moan and that’s fine. However, I found the following things worked for me:
Try to learn something new/practice a skill every day. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate or expensive. It could be as simple as drawing a perfect circle, cooking a really good omelette, learning origami. Literally anything
Find new ways to make the old feel new. E.g. penny walks -g9 for a walk and every time you get to a corner flip a coin -go left if tails, right if heads. Go into a random ethnic supermarket and buy a food you haven’t tried before
Try to find out new things about your area. E.g. is there a pattern/theme to the street names.
Listen to a new song/music genre every day
Watch a comedy programmer/episode every day
I know the above suggestions aren’t exactly thrilling. It’s just a matter of adding extra variety/purpose to your day to relive some of the aimlessness. Then you can wake up and plan what new thing you are going to eat/listen to/try which helps lessen the doom. There are vaccines now, which means at some point there isn’t an end in sight. I know that doesn’t make the Econmic problems disappear but the lockdown won’t last forever. We just have to keep going at this point

@Genevieva

The most up to date info suggest that it is up to a 0.2% mortality rate. This is about twice as dangerous as the average influenza virus. Only 40 people under 40 with no known serious underlying health conditions have died. The average age of mortality is 83, but the survival rate among people over 83 is still very high. Some people fear that everyone over 70 dies and this is simply not the case. It is a serious problem, but nothing like as deadly as Spanish flu was, so not devastating (unless you are one of the unlucky ones of course). Basically there is a balance to be had and the OP's experiences are not unusual and are just as relevant as the experiences of a family hit by the virus.

Yes, the actual stats do not paint the picture the media seems to want us to believe, that this is the second coming of the plague or whatever.

'My GP and HV are both really unapproachable, I don't feel comfortable speaking to them about depression or anything like that. I have to psyche myself up to ring the GP about physical things because she's so dismissive!'

This is awful. Is there only one GP at your practice? Ask to see another. A new mother, depressed, should obviously be getting some support.

The end is in sight op with vaccines getting rolled out. Tbh there's so any shops open round here it doesn't even feel like much of a lockdown though of course restaurants and cafes are shut. Not long until Dec 2nd. Sorry about your job