I can't take this anymore

[anonymous229]

I just don't have the energy for anything. Today has been cold, grey and miserable and there's nowhere to fucking go because everywhere is closed. Yes there's the local park but I've been there about 500 times since March and I'm bored sick of it.

How much longer can they keep us in this fucking awful state? I've had enough, I'm drained, I'm depressed as hell.

We've sacrificed so damn much for a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it. I know that sounds callous but I'm facing the loss of my job (I'm self employed in events - ha!) and potentially my home because of this. The toll it's taken on my mental health is disastrous, but I feel like me and my family (and other families like us) are just collateral in all of this.

I know people will probably say things like we're lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky.

I can't live like this any longer.

I agree with you entirely OP. Big un Mumsnetty hugs. 💐

Totally agree OP. Only one thing matters now and that's Covid. Feeling down? At least you're still alive. Wishing you could see family and friends? You are a selfish granny killer.

Once this is over (if it ever is) there will have been so much damage done to our society in other ways, not just loss of jobs and homes but less trust of those in authority, more divisions in society.

Yes it must be awful to see someone you love die of Covid but it's also pretty awful not be able to see someone you love who is in a care home and you may never see again.

I'm feeling particularly fed up with it all today too. The relentless boredom, the lack of adult conversation and the inability to do anything nice. I love the countryside, I love going for walks but there are other things I also love to do. I don't even know if DD and I will be able to see anyone at Christmas.

Maybe that is selfish of me but frankly at the moment I don't really care.

Unless we make tough decisions about withdrawing / denying care to the ‘at risk’ population, getting back to normal and letting the virus spread through the population is not an option

Great, lets deny care to oldies and the bobble hatted running brigade can be out. Oh and the snuggle down with hot chocolate brigade can be in.

@anonymous229

IFR is between around 0.5 and 1%

It's a tiny, tiny percentage and yet I (and I'm sure thousands like me) am facing losing everything because of this.

I look at my beautiful baby and part of me wonders whether morally I did the right thing bringing them into this god awful world. I mean, what do I have to offer now? No job security, potentially no home. In my defence, when I got pregnant things were going well - and no one could have seen this shitshow coming. But I'm so fearful of the future and not being able to give my child the life they deserve.

I don't call 678,860 people potentially dying a small number.

At the end of the day, you could lose your house, but will still survive living elsewhere, be it in a different job or not.
Those who die from covid will be dead for forever. Never live in any home again. Never see their baby again. Never get to hug their family, say I love you not visit a gallery when this is all under control.
Yes, it's not how we'd ever thought life would be in 2020. But there are still many positives and with a new baby, you have one of the biggest, and perhaps focussing on this will help you.
In my experience, the more we focus on the glass empty, the more it remains empty. Our glasses frequently aren't filled by others, rather than ourselves.

Of course it won’t be easy, and may take a long time - but you can get through this and things can get better.

That’s the thing - I’m not sure I believe that anymore. The first lockdown was shit enough, but this second one has finished me off.

@Chloemol I don’t believe for a second that you’re in the same position - otherwise you’d have some fucking empathy.

I don't think Xenia is being cruel. Just realistic. Humans are not immortal. We can expect to die in our 80s. In much of the world, we would be unusual and privileged to live so long.

And the economy is what keeps schools and care homes and the NHS going. It has to work.

I am self employed. I worked 20+ years as self employed. It's terrible now. Both my dcs have lost their jobs. So many as struggling with mental health.

It's really, really not all hot chocolate and netflix and mindfulness county walks.
Only for the lucky furloughed ones and those with local families. Who I envy so, so much. How safe they must feel.

I don’t know if this helps you or not but I always remind myself many people have it much worse. If you are healthy you are very fortunate, to have a body not riddled by cancer or in constant pain, to not be partially paralysed by a stroke. This is only a temporary situation. Find things to take pleasure in.

You rant away OP, you absolutely have my sympathy! This definitely has been harder on some people than others and with your job threatened and new baby, you are up there. Being stuck indoors with a new baby would have been intolerable for me, I really understand how bad this must be. Home schooling 3 children, including one with SEN, nearly finished me off but even then I was grateful not to have any preschool children, hats off to you all.

The most up to date info suggest that it is up to a 0.2% mortality rate

Do you have a link for that figure? I thought approx 5 million people are thought to have had Covid in UK. With 55K deaths, that is roughly 1% and so 10 x that of flu, which is less than 0.1% (according to WHO).

but it's also pretty awful not be able to see someone you love who is in a care home and you may never see again.

Yup, I can’t even begin to imagine how terrible that must be. It’s fucking horrendous and I really feel for people in that situation.

I am with you OP on this one. I had a mental breakdown in July because of lockdown and that was purely due to lack of contact outside the house. My job wasn't even in danger, the family income hasn't changed but basically, the economy is ruined for the next generation just because the governments cannot provide adequate healthcare funding.
I am done with fucking positive thoughts and all that bullshit.
to you. It's truly shit and I hate my park too! If that's of any consolation.

Unless we make tough decisions about withdrawing / denying care to the ‘at risk’ population, getting back to normal and letting the virus spread through the population is not an option

Great, lets deny care to oldies and the bobble hatted running brigade can be out. Oh and the snuggle down with hot chocolate brigade can be in.

I think you have misunderstood what I am saying? I am saying we won’t deny care to the elderly so therefore we need to protect the NHS by trying to limit numbers of people in hospital? And thinking about that, in my experience, helps. Shouting about human rights and calculating death rates doesn’t. In my experience.

Not sure what you are on about.

@Genevieva
“ are just as relevant as the experiences of a family hit by the virus.”

So you think losing a loved one to this virus is a similar experience to feeling sad because you can’t leave the house or go out and socialise. Or worse case scenario losing a home or job? Which would only be temporary if it was to happen and there would be support available if it did happen.

Oh and OP, it is shit, I think a lot of us are feeling low. I am in Wales so out of full lockdown, but it is still horrible.

OP, if your GP is dismissive and you feel you can’t approach her, FGS ask to see a different one.

@anonymous229
My God I feel for you.
My love to you.

@Sb2012 This isn't a competition. But for a family hit by suicide due to lockdown or a cancer death due to the lack of provision during the first lockdown, the end result is the same - the loss of a loved one. Both suicide rates and cancer deaths among 45-65 year olds have been at an all time high since the end of March.

'don't think Xenia is being cruel. Just realistic. Humans are not immortal. We can expect to die in our 80s. In much of the world, we would be unusual and privileged to live so long.'

Yes she is being cruel because she also said 'the sick' as if anyone with a health condition is dispensable. ICUs and wards are full of people in their 50s and 60s and even younger. These ancient folk the pp referred to don't even make it to ICU if they're too frail.

It astonishes me that even now after months of seeing the amount of people having protracted illnesses including lengthy stays in ICU we have thick people thinking we should just let them all die 🙄 .

I am in the same boat op. Literally going to the coffee shop and having a chat with the staff there and going for a drive with a friend (because there is fuck all to do) is what is keeping me from having a mental breakdown.

And there is no point in seeing a GP, people don't want to sit and talk about how much they want to do stuff, have fun, see family etc. They want to do those things in order to feel better...

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

OP, if your GP is dismissive and you feel you can’t approach her, FGS ask to see a different one.

A couple of people have now said this. Surely as you live in a city you've access to more than one GP op?

OP, if your GP is dismissive and you feel you can’t approach her, FGS ask to see a different one.

I know you’re right, but mentally I can’t even face having that conversation, the inevitable “confused silence” on the other end of the line from the receptionist and being seen as a nuisance and causing a fuss. I just feel so daunted and overwhelmed by everything right now.

@jessstan1

I'm just sipping a mug of chocolate in front of the telly. Sheer bliss!

Aren't you a ray of sunshine

Well, I'm alive, and I'm lucky to have a fairly stable jobm and a home, and my family with me... but... in May every weekday morning before I sat down to spend another day working by myself at my computer .... I went out for walk in the local park for an hour... and I said to myself "well this is a bit shit but at least it's Springtime, how much worse would this be if it was happening over the winter".

And here I am now.

So I agree with you, yes this is really shit.