I can't take this anymore

[anonymous229]

I just don't have the energy for anything. Today has been cold, grey and miserable and there's nowhere to fucking go because everywhere is closed. Yes there's the local park but I've been there about 500 times since March and I'm bored sick of it.

How much longer can they keep us in this fucking awful state? I've had enough, I'm drained, I'm depressed as hell.

We've sacrificed so damn much for a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it. I know that sounds callous but I'm facing the loss of my job (I'm self employed in events - ha!) and potentially my home because of this. The toll it's taken on my mental health is disastrous, but I feel like me and my family (and other families like us) are just collateral in all of this.

I know people will probably say things like we're lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky.

I can't live like this any longer.

[AdoraBell]

Me too, can’t drag myself out of bed in the morning because, why?

Luckily here 1 coffee shop is open for take always but walking past all the closed shops is depressing. I worked in one of them until June. Now it’s an empty unit. I don’t want to work in retail anymore because of 1 customer. She walked in coughing, not covering her face, lent onto the glass cabinet, coughed again and asked me why I had gloves on and then said - I suppose you’re going to clean that now- with a grin. Walked out and watched me through the window. This was a few days before the March lockdown.

I’m also lucky that my DC are at Uni and occupied. DH is working from home, so the whole house feels like an office because he uses his phone in every room.

I don’t mind using masks but one almost pathetic thing when looking at the bigger picture, I can’t wear my engagement ring because hand sanitizer will damage it. It really pisses me off, then I feel bad because it’s only a piece of jewellery and other people have lost loved ones.

[yetanothernamitynamechange]

Also, and I know it’s a massive cliche, but even 10 minutes of yoga a day can make a difference to my mood/mean I sleep better.

[anonymous229]

definitely not all in the same boat - although I have seen 'all in the same ocean'.

Yup. People who say we’re “all in the same boat” remind me of David Cameron when he said we’re all in this together. Ha fucking ha!

endless restaurants and endless pubs

I agree with most of your comment but what’s wrong with lots of restaurants and pubs? They employ a lot of people for one thing.

[Christmasfairy2020]

I live in south Yorkshire which is built up. But brodsworth hall is open for the gardens, Wentworth castle gardens, Wentworth woodhouse gardens, manvers lake, rspb centre - which is what we are doing tomorrow, rother valley country park. Do u literally not have any of these where u live x

[MostDisputesDieAndNoOneShoots]

I hear you and my livelihood and home aren’t in danger. It’s okay to feel like this, it’s shit. Be kind to yourself: cook nice meals, watch good TV get out every day for a walk if you can. Keep on keeping on.

[CrochetToTheMoon]

I’m with you OP

[TheOtherMaryBerry]

Completely agree OP. It's just crap and miserable. Feels much worse than the first time round because it's so much harder in this weather. I hate the feeling of starting the day and thinking 'what shall I do? Oh, I know...the same as every other day.' Sick of feeling suffocated by all being at home in our small flat, I can't even go for a wee without either DH or 3 year old DS following me for a chat. DS is supposed to be starting pre school soon and I can't find out any information as the bubble is isolating so it's looking like there won't be any introductions or anything, I haven't been able to look around.
Really felt it the other day as we were having some essential work done on our home and DS and I had to stay out for hours to keep out of the way. It was bloody freezing out and we had nowhere to go. We've had to do it loads before and I would usually take him from museum to museum then maybe have some lunch somewhere but instead we just wandered round and round in the cold, poor DS was miserable. I can't imagine how grim this is for homeless people or anyone who would usually be sheltering in the library or a cafe or anywhere to escape home. Non essential my arse.

[VulvaPerson]

What helps me is to remember that it does kill that percentage of people.

Loads of illnesses do though. Even the common cold can kill a fair few people, generally older ones and people with weak immune systems, like this mainly hits also.

I don't know what to say to help OP..you certaily are not alone thouhgh. My best mate, recently put all his life savings into his own business, he has been saving relentlessly since he was 15, and has now bought his own salon, 20 years after starting saving. And 2 months after he ploughed everything into it, this hits. He now stands to lose literally everything, and all people on FB can say to him is 'at least you didn't die!' and 'what, your want to make money is worth my grannys life?!?!?!?!' as if that makes anything any better for him. Sick of seeing insensitive people crowing for more lockdowns and telling him to shut up as he is lucky, money is nothing and life is all, when his life is going dwn the shitter.

[weepingwillow22]

Is your business something you can start back up again when restrictions stop? With the vaccine I can't see restrictions lasting into next summer. I think when the elderly and vulnerable are vaccinated there will need to be a shift back to prioritising the economy. There is also likely to be a lot of pent up demand for events when restrictions loosen and potentially less competition if some people leave the industry in the meantime. If you can just focus on getting through the next 12 weeks (not easy I know) I think we will see big changes for the better by march/april.

[steppingcarefully]

We are most definitely not all in the same boat as some people like to quote! In my group of friends and work colleagues there have been deaths, job losses, small businesses struggling, mental health issues, families trying to cope with children at home constantly, home schooling etc etc. Compare this with a friend who is furloughed and in her own words is "enjoying every minute of it", supported by her husband who is able to wfh. No comparison. We all need to be supporting those who are struggling in any way we can even if it's just by listening and letting them know we are thinking of them.

[Xenia]

It is the gross breach of human rights and states' legislative measures relating to CV19 which are destroying lives other than those featherbedded by furlough or state workers. Everyone taking the decisions is sitting pretty paid by the state form Boris J to all the serious medical people to Rishi S. We will not forget this. We have been sleep walking into a police state since March just to save the old and sick who were going to die anyway. the UK loses 600k people through death every year. Covid is only 70k deaths.

[Sb2012]

Sounds like you have some post natal baby depression going on.
I too had a baby in lockdown and it’s tough. With my other kids I really enjoyed taking them out when they were babies, I haven’t with this one and feel sad about it especially since this baby is definitely my last and really wanted to enjoy this stage as much as possible.
However, I’m still grateful that at least we are all well and together. I know this pandemic will end so it’s not forever. Jus got to get through this.
As for hating wearing masks, social distancing etc. I’ve just accepted it as something we have to do now, it’s not really anyone’s fault so I can’t even feel angry. I just remind myself that it’s not something just affecting us, but the whole world’s population is going through the same.

[Layladylay234]

Hey OP. I feel you. Have a 6 month old and literally signed up to every fucking baby group going when they opened back in Sept (and nearly bankrupted myself doing it)they gave me a routine and reason to leave the house. Then they were taken away a few weeks back and this week has been a real shitter. Here are the the things I find help:
Having a routine,even in the house. I go for a shower when she has her morning nap. Then we watch the Baby Club on Cbeebies because at least I can join in on this.
Then I go for a walk for about 30/45 mins so she can nap.
After lunch,we play a bit on the floor and watch Emily in Paris on Netflix,a bit of escapism in this shit time.
She has her long afternoon nap then and I get a bit of time to myself to read/watch more stuff/nap.
Then it's early afternoon/evening and I do dinner and partner takes over whilst I do dinner.

We also live in a bit city but I drive so I've been been driving out to different villages/towns near me just for a change of scenery,plus I've found that those kind of places,some baby groups are,mercifully,still running (I've found baby massage and baby sensory to cover me for the next 4 weeks).

We also do baby signing and baby yoga on Zoom,which,to be honest,are crap,but they're included in the price and the baby does enjoy them.

I'm sorry about your job,that's so shit. I'm also worried about money as I run out of my maternity savings in March. I've signed up to become a vaccinator for the vaccine so I'm hoping if I'm accepted on that,I'll be able to get a few quid that way on the new year. Would that be a possibility?

[SpecialToffee]

OP, you definitely sound depressed, understandably so. Is there another GP at your practice who might be more approachable? I really feel for you, with a young baby and little opportunity for support from others - when I was at that stage I was leaning on my antenatal class friends for support and going out to baby classes all the time. It must be very tough.

murbblurb has made some good points above about the reasons we need to carry on taking measures to suppress the spread of this virus though. And the positive vaccine news means that it might not be for too much longer.

[GetOffYourHighHorse]

'Also, and I know it’s a massive cliche, but even 10 minutes of yoga a day can make a difference to my mood/mean I sleep better.'

Yes any physical activity is always a mood lifter.

It sounds a cheesy cliche but (financial worries aside) imo as long as myself and all my family stay well and out of rammed respiratory wards then I can cope with the inconveniences.

'We have been sleep walking into a police state since March just to save the old and sick who were going to die anyway'

What a disgusting thing to say.

[AlaskaThunderfuckHiiiiiiiii]

@VulvaPerson honestly makes me wonder how some people will cope when the next pandemic comes along and this one could actually kill massive numbers of people

[Sb2012]

@Xenia

It is the gross breach of human rights and states' legislative measures relating to CV19 which are destroying lives other than those featherbedded by furlough or state workers. Everyone taking the decisions is sitting pretty paid by the state form Boris J to all the serious medical people to Rishi S. We will not forget this. We have been sleep walking into a police state since March just to save the old and sick who were going to die anyway. the UK loses 600k people through death every year. Covid is only 70k deaths.

Wow, police state?
Also isn’t that 70k surplus deaths on top of the average number of deaths?

[Flaxmeadow]

Genevieva The most up to date info suggest that it is up to a 0.2% mortality rate. This is about twice as dangerous as the average influenza virus. Only 40 people under 40 with no known serious underlying health conditions have died. The average age of mortality is 83, but the survival rate among people over 83 is still very high. Some people fear that everyone over 70 dies and this is simply not the case. It is a serious problem, but nothing like as deadly as Spanish flu was, so not devastating (unless you are one of the unlucky ones of course). Basically there is a balance to be had and the OP's experiences are not unusual and are just as relevant as the experiences of a family hit by the virus

No. The covid mortality rate is much higher than that, and whilst covid is not "the flu", it has a very similar rate of infection and mortality to Spanish Flu.

Unchecked, covids potential to overwhelm our health services is indisputable

[frolicmum]

OP, i feel you

@EyelinerRocks I agree with what you say.

[GetOffYourHighHorse]

'Covid is only 70k deaths.'

With lockdowns and restrictions. You really don't need much intelligence to imagine how it would have gone if allowed to run wild.

[ChairinSage]

OP, I totally sympathise. It is unrelenting misery at the moment. I can't summon any enthusiasm for walking for no reason in the cold. I want to go to the cinema, out for dinner, anything spontaneous.
I am hugely thankful that I'm not going through this with young children - had this been 10 years ago when mine were little, I'd be on the verge of self harm. The early years are exhausting even with the usual support network of playgroups and HVs, so to be coping without must be really tough.

[anonymous229]

It sounds a cheesy cliche but (financial worries aside) imo as long as myself and all my family stay well and out of rammed respiratory wards then I can cope with the inconveniences.

Losing your job and your home is more than an inconvenience though. It’s fucking terrifying, life changing shit.

And the positive vaccine news means that it might not be for too much longer.

I was holding onto that, but an earlier poster said restrictions might still be in place even after the vaccine is rolled out! Does anyone know if that is the case?

[MollyButton]

My GP and HV are both really unapproachable
If this is true then its a great reason to search for a new GP.

[PuzzledObserver]

You are not just collateral, OP - you are a victim of this pandemic. The difference between you and the people who died is that you have the opportunity to recover while they don’t.

Of course it won’t be easy, and may take a long time - but you can get through this and things can get better. Try to identify things that make it a bit less shit. Do talk to your doctor. Don’t give up.

[anonymous229]

Also, thanks so much to everyone who has posted lovely replies - I’ve read them all and it has helped