Why does covid hate the East of England? Wrong answers only please.

[TaxTheRatFarms]

Now before I start, I’m VERY VERY GLAD that we have incredibly low numbers of coronavirus cases here in the East of England, and long may it last.

But why oh why does coronavirus not flourish here? For the purposes of avoiding doom, I’m accepting wrong answers only.

1. Whichever gene gives you webbed feet (necessary in the soggy fens) also protects against covid. (I’m a previous owner of webbed toes and remain covid free )

2. No airborne viruses can survive here as it’s so bloody windy all the time.

Any other (probably inaccurate) reasons?

A real masterstroke was closing dozens of rural train lines all those years ago! And we have a dreadful bus service, too! Perfect for preventing the spread of disease

We have also been building up our immunity with potatoes and pig fat.

@AuntieJoyce

It’s on its way but stuck behind a tractor

It finds the humpy sticky out shape of East England offensive.

We've bred with each other for so long that that there Covut can't git nowhere nair.

All of these answers are fantastic and absolutely correct

Defensive tractors + lack of viable roads also a great call. Covid is an impatient driver and finds it unbearable.

There were leaves on the line and it’s still waiting for a train.

Might be a bit too serious but I think because people in Cambridge are so naice and compliant.

At the start of lockdown everyone seemed to have done it themselves before Boris got anywhere near. I was the last person attending my yoga class and swimming class long before we were told to stop and really it comes to something if I am the most rebellious person in a room

So basically because we are all goody two shoes swots.

The only people I know who did get it got it at a meeting to plan how they were going to move to meeting remotely.

Alanis you will find that that really is ironic.

@Callipygion

It’s so bracing here!

Honestly no idea if it is windy there. But if that truly did work the North East would have no cases. The wind here is something else😂

@EasternDailyStress

We've bred with each other for so long that that there Covut can't git nowhere nair.

The accent! Amazing Fighting it off with some hot tomato soap and a nice cold pint of bear.

There’s no hills to bounce off so it just blows straight through

This thread has cheered me up no end, that tractor comment made me snort!

Well it hasn't hit Cambridge because it hates bikes. That's why they spent so much money on the new COVID repelling Dutch cycle roundabout.

It grew up in hill country and the eye bleeding flatness of the landscape makes it dizzy

It's offended by the "bugger off Covid" sign at the entrance.

@Juniperandrage

It grew up in hill country and the eye bleeding flatness of the landscape makes it dizzy

Love it 😆

@AuntieJoyce

It’s on its way but stuck behind a tractor

As someone from Suffolk that comment wins the internet for today

Haha, I love this! Suffolk resident here...

It’s coming from the north and is currently on the A17 behind 16 Norfolk Line trucks in a row.

Covids are scared of tractors.

Do you mean Suffolk and Norfolk OP?

I love those places because they feel very isolated and cut off from the rest of England. They're the only place I feel really peaceful and calm.

There's no motorways going there are there?

Covid hates the East of England for the reasons that I love it.

I believe it's the pig's perfume

Covid hates the a14 as much as I do...

Well we’re all related, so clearly we’ve managed to breed a covid-resistant antibody in the process.

Because it's the arse end of nowhere outside the holiday season.

It's not like Manchester where you can stop off on the way to somewhere more exciting, and pick up a touch of Covid. The only place you end up after Norfolk is the sea, and not many people want to go there after August.

The roads in Norfolk are tiny dirt tracks spinning out like a giant spider web over the county, where people hurtle along in an attempt to kill one another. That's if they can navigate round the 6 million tractors that clog up the roads. Most sensible people stay off them and in their homes during the working day.

The virus took one look at miles of glasshouses, acres of muddy brown fields and boggy waterways, and headed up North where it found more people partying it up in the local pubs.

“Think of how stupid the person is and realise that 50% of them are stupider than that.”

Those in the East not getting infected means coronavirus will ensure 70% of people are more stupid than us.