To educate or to orphan a child

[herecomesthsun]

I was released from shielding yesterday. I am well aware that if I get this infection I may well become very unwell (I have a lung process in some ways like cystic fibrosis. I am very well in myself most of the time, but can get very ill with pneumonia and excess mucus production, and have needed to be on a nebuliser in the past).

I have DC1 in primary school (small village school) and DC2 in KS3 of a very good selective secondary school (much bigger and in a local city, so riskier).

DC2 is very worried about me getting ill with the return to school.

3 of my grandparents died when their own children were very young. I know the effect this can have and I think this is worse than being out of education for a few months.

We have been able to educate our children fairly well at home,but I do not want DC2 especially to lose that school place (which was very well earned by competitive exam).

The alternative would be quite risky and it would be hard enough to have family illness without a young person feeling that they had been the main risk factor.

I think that the government plans are going to leave some families to be bereaved in this way, inevitably.The priorities are keeping hospitality going- because it is business - and then keeping the schools going - so people can get back to work - but bereavements are going to create longstanding problems for societies in themselves.

We have increasing numbers of older parents these days and there are children going home to parents over 50 and/or with health conditions which, even if they are not significant in the usual run of things,could cause a lot of problems with covid.

For us, shielding and return to school are not separate issues, as our one household needs to do both.

I would certainly not want to compromise my children´s education. I see their lives as more important than mine and I think that given the choice I would probably make a choice in favour of them.

However, as regards my own parents, the loss of one or both parents in itself led to educational choices being greatly curtailed. My mother went to work as a a teenager rather than going on to college to be a teacher, my father did not fulfil his academic promise.

I think the best chance for my own childrenś education prospects is to try and hang around as long as I possibly can.

So would it be selfish to keep them off from school for the next couple of terms, when there are effectively 2 parents available who can educate them (semi-retired)?

Would it be reasonable for starters to keep them off for the first month to see how things go and cite family vulnerability?

What do you think?

Your title is incredibly extreme. Have you even researched the numbers ? The death rates for people with Pre existing lung conditions are still incredibly low. It’s your job to ensure your child goes to School feeling reassured and absolutely no ideas they are ‘putting you at risk of certain death’.

I desperately want this option to be available to vulnerable families without the threat of fines or lost school places. I could very well lose my life to Covid and I have a young DD whose immune system is awful and was frequently in hospital last year when she started Reception.
I'm going to wait two more weeks and then make a decision. Deregistering seems to be my only choice at the moment.

yes i would keep them off.
In the first instance see how things go through sept. schools may close anyway or it may become more parental choice.

This is what we will likely do, and if needed October/November we will deregister. Would prefer not to have to deregister but will do if we have no choice.

There is a facebook group which may be useful called boycott return to unsafe schools. The mission statement is good

reopening schools should be sensible, safe and sustainable

@Cupcakegirl13

Your title is incredibly extreme. Have you even researched the numbers ? The death rates for people with Pre existing lung conditions are still incredibly low. It’s your job to ensure your child goes to School feeling reassured and absolutely no ideas they are ‘putting you at risk of certain death’.

The older child is in secondary, i'm sure they can read the news stories/ recognise the risks for themselves.

do you wear a seat belt? why ? dont you know the risk of being in a car accident is low?
The risk may be incredibly low in your opinion but it still a farfar greater risk than precovid.

I really think this is to be your choice.

We are Covid free here and yet some children haven’t returned to school.

It’s still optional and parental choice.

I would maybe give it a few weeks and speak to school about your concerns.

I would like it better if those who are shielding and wish to stick rigidly to the rules are placed in a bubble together, so other families who maybe are going to pubs, holidays, etc can do so freely within their bubbles.

So DC2 has a very good understanding of maths and science. It is not certain death. However, overall risk is 1 in 200 of death approx in the general population. It would be substantially higher for me, which is why i have had to shield for several months.

I have gone through life getting on with things - and getting very unwell at times- through all sorts of challenges and achievements until I got
the current diagnosis about 9 years ago, which explained a lot. I have continued to do highly skilled and demanding work, by the way.

As DC2 in fact has a very good scientific understanding of what the sort of problems are, it would be hard for me to disabuse him.

What we are being asked to do is, exactly, to send our children into a setting where they are at quite high risk of picking up covid and then bringing it home to their families.

Now, the government has a good rationale for that,which is that overall they want to keep the economy going and they think it is worth the risk of a few vulnerable people dying. I can see where they are coming from.

As one of the extremely vulnerable, who is very important to my children right now, especially at this time of national uncertainty, I want to minimise the risk to them of losing me. So I have a contrary perspective, also for good reasons.

I would like people in my position to have more of a choice.

Have you spoken to DC2's school about any of this ? You cannot be the only very vulnerable parent who has concerns ?

do you wear a seat belt? why ? dont you know the risk of being in a car accident is low?
Not a good analogy. There is no downside to wearing a seatbelt, it takes 3 seconds. Whereas keeping your child from school could have huge downsides.

Talk to the HT. That is what I intend to do anyway. I'm hoping she will use her discretion.

Failing that we will deregister and home educate.

It's a crap situation and I hope your head teacher is understanding. And yours too @Beebityboo

I've emailed the ht at my eldest DD's secondary who says it isn't her desire to fine parents as she feels energies would be best directed supporting the vulnerable as opposed to penalising them. I don't think that it will ultimately be her decision though, I think the lea will get involved .

@Beebityboo That's amazing news. You can now relax. The HT is the one who recommends the fine. Sounds like she is sympathetic to your situation which is fantastic.

I still have to deal with the younger twos school, though as they're very aware of DD2s medical issues and mine I am praying they will be sympathetic.

I am high risk.

I would in no way let the Covid risk affect my children's future.

I have discussed with various people at the school.

I think the messages being given to schools though is that they want all the children back pronto in September and the implication is that the government don´t want to suggest that parents have a choice. I could speculate about why that might be; I think they want everyone to crack on as much as possible.

If parents were made to feel they have a choice,then many parents, whether or not there is someone shielding in the family, might choose to keep children off for much of the academic year. There is also a lot of general concern about the unknown possible complications of infection for children. The government is more worried about the risks of impending recession and loss of education for many children. I can see those arguments also, though for us, we can do quite a bit of useful / valuable work from home and also home educate.

So, littlebillie, do you mean you would protect your children from bereavement - and also from infection - by keeping them at home and giving them a high standard of 1 to 1 home learning?

Or would you send them in to their schools knowing that the consequences for them might be dire if there is family illness, but seeing their friends, ticking the box on the register, and protecting them from being deregistered?

I think you should do what you need to do. It is highly unlikely that you will be prosecuted. It is also fairly likely that schools will close at some point during winter whether that be as a result of a local lockdown or positive cases in school. Have you thought about Interhigh for your secondary school child?

I think it would affect my children's future more if they lost their mum to a blood clot. Or if they lost their little sister who was so sick last year we spent 24 hours thinking waiting to find out if she had leukaemia.
Learning can be caught up on, our health is my priority right now.

@herecomesthsun I really feel for people in your position. I honestly wouldn't blame you one but if you kept your DC home. I personally think the option should be open for everyone to do the same.

Far more important for your DC to have you safe and well.

I think you are being over dramatic. The government haven't exactly helped I know. Your age is still in your favour. Either home educate or send them back but don't wait for a better time.

I'm sure they will.ne just as sympathetic @Beebityboo. I'm the meantime we are preparing lessons and have written a report for the local authority outlining our plans for home education and what we are doing.

Full of typos. Bloody phone

The secondary school child is getting a lot of work - though not 9-4 zoom lessons - from his very good state school. He is doing almost all of it (with our support and encouragement) and could do more extensions if he wants. If his school can continue with this,then it would be counter-productive to join an online school (is that what interhigh is) as I don´t think he could do both. However, if we have to deregister, then maybe that would be an option.

It does feel weird discussing this, as we have been so committed to supporting this secondary school placement!

I suppose you need to decide how long you are comfortable with them being off, a few weeks, a few months, a year, longer? We don't know how long this is going to go on for or if it will ever stop. No one knows, everything is just hope and speculation at the moment.
Obviously only you can decide a timescale that you need to be comfortable with at some point if things are still unpredictable that you will feel you'll have to send them back to school or have a long term plan to continue home schooling.

Thanks @oldbagface I really hope we don't have to go down the dereg route but planning for the worst and hoping for the best.

Is DC2 going to be able to concentrate if they do go back to school? If they re already concerned now I can't see them enjoying it.

I was younger than your DC2 but I was in primary school when my dad died and I lost years of my childhood being unhappy because of it, I m very content with my life as an adult but the loss of a parent never leaves you so I can understand why you re concerned.