To educate or to orphan a child

[herecomesthsun]

I was released from shielding yesterday. I am well aware that if I get this infection I may well become very unwell (I have a lung process in some ways like cystic fibrosis. I am very well in myself most of the time, but can get very ill with pneumonia and excess mucus production, and have needed to be on a nebuliser in the past).

I have DC1 in primary school (small village school) and DC2 in KS3 of a very good selective secondary school (much bigger and in a local city, so riskier).

DC2 is very worried about me getting ill with the return to school.

3 of my grandparents died when their own children were very young. I know the effect this can have and I think this is worse than being out of education for a few months.

We have been able to educate our children fairly well at home,but I do not want DC2 especially to lose that school place (which was very well earned by competitive exam).

The alternative would be quite risky and it would be hard enough to have family illness without a young person feeling that they had been the main risk factor.

I think that the government plans are going to leave some families to be bereaved in this way, inevitably.The priorities are keeping hospitality going- because it is business - and then keeping the schools going - so people can get back to work - but bereavements are going to create longstanding problems for societies in themselves.

We have increasing numbers of older parents these days and there are children going home to parents over 50 and/or with health conditions which, even if they are not significant in the usual run of things,could cause a lot of problems with covid.

For us, shielding and return to school are not separate issues, as our one household needs to do both.

I would certainly not want to compromise my children´s education. I see their lives as more important than mine and I think that given the choice I would probably make a choice in favour of them.

However, as regards my own parents, the loss of one or both parents in itself led to educational choices being greatly curtailed. My mother went to work as a a teenager rather than going on to college to be a teacher, my father did not fulfil his academic promise.

I think the best chance for my own childrenś education prospects is to try and hang around as long as I possibly can.

So would it be selfish to keep them off from school for the next couple of terms, when there are effectively 2 parents available who can educate them (semi-retired)?

Would it be reasonable for starters to keep them off for the first month to see how things go and cite family vulnerability?

What do you think?

Only you (and your specialist doctor) can answer what level of risk you are.

You could home educate if you don't want to take that risk.
Not really worth asking on here since the choice is personal to your circumstances.
However, schools must open and things must return to somewhere near normal for most people. I do feel for you but the country needs to open up again.

Lots of Americans choose to home educate and since you say there are 2 of you to home educate why not just do it. Things with Covid are changing all the time, in a couple of terms it could be completely different.

Have you got the figures in your area?
We have had zero cases at school, so yours could be the same.
Also - how is school planning to teach the children? Our local secondary school is keeping each tutor group in a bubble and there will be no movement of children around the school, the teachers move between classes.
I think you need to know the figures and how it's being handled before you make a decision. It's an awful position to be in, but I'd be inclined to send your children to school.

@Beebityboo exactly. Also, not much work is going to be getting some when they do go back for a while at least. Out school are going to be talking to the kids about covid, supporting their MH etc.

Actually,I don´t think this is overdramatic, we all know very well that covid can kill people, especially the clinically vulnerable. This is the reality of the choices that both the government and parents are making, but expressed more succinctly than usual.

I don´t understand the bit about waiting for a better time though,what did you mean by that panda? I would think that many parents will be looking to see how things pan out with the Government´s various U turns and changes of plan before deregistering. Is this not quite a final step, especially for a much wanted school place.

There are lots of coronaviruses. A lot of them cause common colds which of course can turn into chest infections/pneumonia. Flu can also be fatal. No one keeps their child off for every flu, cough and cold or tummy bug just in case it’s fatal. The numbers are continuing to drop; were a month away from schools starting. Why don’t you reassess in September? Personally though nothing is risk free.

my df made me a nervous wreck always telling me about what illness he had-ironically my mother died not him

he made me paranoid and anxious-please dont do that to you children-keep them hme f u want but dont make them feel guilty if thney want to go to school

I actually think I would homeschool the dcs, knowing full well that it might mean homeschooling dc2 until end of GCSE.

Whether this would be manageable depends on how old dc2 is. This is clearly a bright child that is able to work independently.
But if they are only in Y8 in September, that’s quite a few years where you wouldnt be able to work and be at home for the homeschooling....
Unless you know you could apply for a place at that school again/find another school that would be just as good for dc2. But I’m getting the feeling that you think this would not be possible/the right choice for dc2.

So, the numbers at school thitherto are not likely to be much help in estimating the risk September- March.

I am finding the discussion really helpful as it is interesting to hear what other people think who are in a similar situation. A situation not much discussed in the media.

@SummerPeony

There are lots of coronaviruses. A lot of them cause common colds which of course can turn into chest infections/pneumonia. Flu can also be fatal. No one keeps their child off for every flu, cough and cold or tummy bug just in case it’s fatal. The numbers are continuing to drop; were a month away from schools starting. Why don’t you reassess in September? Personally though nothing is risk free.

The flu is a very different issue than Covid though.

Starting with the fact the OP probably has the vaccine for it every year!! Assuming they are all the same isn’t helpful.

@herecomesthsun Just be wary of the ones with the blasé attitudes. They like to post on threads calling it a cold.

@herecomesthsun, I don’t think anyone has any idea of the real infection rates in schools.

In part because schools have been closed since March.
And also because a lot of those young people will be asymptomatic anyway.

It seems that the government is planning for a second wave in the autumn. If I was at your place an in the highly vulnerable category who had been told to shield until the beg of August, I would want myself and my family to be shielding again at that time.

School senior leadership and attendance officer here. Whilst it may be is that needs to recommend for a fine, we have been told by our LEA that even if we do not recommend for fines, they will still pursue it as persistent absenteeism and will take action as needed. It is not as easy as us just saying we won’t recommend. We can be in a lot of trouble with the LEA and Ofsted if we don’t.

Also, I would strongly think about if the school are going to set any online work at all. We have been told not to but have a system ready to go should there be any lockdowns. We are also planning as much as possible full curriculum to start. I can assure you that there will be a lot of work going on that they would miss! It’s not all going to be chatting about Covid and mental health. We need to teach. So much research shows that routine, consistency and some sense of back to normal will be what children need.

Whilst I do sympathise (and I say this as someone who hasn’t seen her mother for several months as she has been shielding) the school may push you to make a choice and give up the place- especially if somewhere so competitive.

I am in a similar position in that I’m clinically vulnerable- organ transplant so immunosuppressants, no spleen, failing kidneys and heading towards dialysis. On paper I’m a wreck although I’m usually surprisingly healthy and work.

Both my children will be going back to school in September, as will my DH. They’ll wash their hands, get changed- do everything they can. I don’t want to keep them at home. Of course I don’t want them to lose me, I’m scared of catching covid but I cannot withdraw them from school indefinitely.

Thanks @captainflash. I was regurgitating what I read on the school website in regards to MH and covid.

So the do you think all LEA's will take the same approach? Eg Labour run councils?

I love the name, captainflash. This is what I was thinking from the school communications, which have on the one hand been quite sympathetic about vulnerability,but on the other hand,most recently implying that word from above is to insist on attendance. (Word from above changes its mind quite a lot,however).

Yes, this was a situation of a lot of competition for a place, and an oversubscribed school.

We certainly have some great systems in place ready to help mental health and any pastoral issues that come up. But what we’ve realised with the return of some year groups and growing key worker groups is that most children just want school to be ‘normal’. They’re bored of CV-19 ruling their lives. School (as normal as we could make it) was something consistent and something they’d missed. They didn’t want to talk about it anymore. They just wanted to crack on and be normal. Just for a little bit.

I am not sure what other LEAs may recommend. I work in a very large one and we’ve been told that children MUST return. We are looking at some ways round it but I have a feeling a lot is going to be taken out of our hands!

By the way, DH and I,while being able almost to retire,have a ridiculous number of A levels and 6 degrees between us ,plus some languages plus professional qualifications/teaching experience etc.So we could do quite a bit ourselves,if we just know what the curriculum is supposed to be, and if we can continue to have access to ActiveLearn etc.

We have continued the online music lessons.

Thing is though, captainflash, it isn´t quite normal,and for people who loved ones,especially very early and especially mothers,it may never be quite normal again.

@KitKatastrophe

do you wear a seat belt? why ? dont you know the risk of being in a car accident is low? Not a good analogy. There is no downside to wearing a seatbelt, it takes 3 seconds. Whereas keeping your child from school could have huge downsides.

non of those downsides compare to death or serious ongoing ill health through. the downside to the seatbelt is it is uncomfortable on long journeys and on short journeys it pointless waste of energy. Ridiculous reasons but so is the insistence that everychild return to school in sept no matter what. My child is shielded and the latest letter says this can cease on 16th Aug as the risk of catching it is less after that date. Really a crystal ball would know this maybe. This means my child can now hug people in her own household (whole house shielded because who is going to refuse to hug and touch their child). It however, advises against any indoor contact outside of the house and states outdoor contact should still maintain 2 meter distance and wear a mask. it also states indoor contact if needed ie for work should be workfrom home if possible or failing that in a covid safe workplace. School children can attend school. 2 meter distance must be maintained at all times and in rooms with no more than 30others ( 30 in a class plus staff ?)

SO please explain to me why as a parent i should be forced to send my child into a school when the medical advise is a best contradictory?

That should read,who lose loved ones.

@herecomesthsun there's loads of online stuff and I mean loads. We have a relative who is a recently retired teacher so will be involved and I'm educated to Master's level. There are lots of helpful home education groups on Facebook. There is also a home education section on here in education. It is doable but very time consuming.

Teachers really do work their diddlys off.

So has the school said you must de-register if DC2 isn't back in September regardless of your situation ?

Are there alternatives - eg for you to stay with another family member while kids go to school?

In your shoes I would probably home ed the kids until we have a better picture of what things are like over winter. It sounds like you could home ed well - and there are options to get tutors or catch up later if there are any areas you find hard.

It seems selfish to me that you would make DC2 give up their place at what I would guess is a grammar school because of your idea of the level of risk.

You are highly unlikely to orphan your children, and you are making them pay a high price for your worries.