Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

To educate or to orphan a child

188 replies

herecomesthsun · 02/08/2020 18:39

I was released from shielding yesterday. I am well aware that if I get this infection I may well become very unwell (I have a lung process in some ways like cystic fibrosis. I am very well in myself most of the time, but can get very ill with pneumonia and excess mucus production, and have needed to be on a nebuliser in the past).

I have DC1 in primary school (small village school) and DC2 in KS3 of a very good selective secondary school (much bigger and in a local city, so riskier).

DC2 is very worried about me getting ill with the return to school.

3 of my grandparents died when their own children were very young. I know the effect this can have and I think this is worse than being out of education for a few months.

We have been able to educate our children fairly well at home,but I do not want DC2 especially to lose that school place (which was very well earned by competitive exam).

The alternative would be quite risky and it would be hard enough to have family illness without a young person feeling that they had been the main risk factor.

I think that the government plans are going to leave some families to be bereaved in this way, inevitably.The priorities are keeping hospitality going- because it is business - and then keeping the schools going - so people can get back to work - but bereavements are going to create longstanding problems for societies in themselves.

We have increasing numbers of older parents these days and there are children going home to parents over 50 and/or with health conditions which, even if they are not significant in the usual run of things,could cause a lot of problems with covid.

For us, shielding and return to school are not separate issues, as our one household needs to do both.

I would certainly not want to compromise my children´s education. I see their lives as more important than mine and I think that given the choice I would probably make a choice in favour of them.

However, as regards my own parents, the loss of one or both parents in itself led to educational choices being greatly curtailed. My mother went to work as a a teenager rather than going on to college to be a teacher, my father did not fulfil his academic promise.

I think the best chance for my own childrenś education prospects is to try and hang around as long as I possibly can.

So would it be selfish to keep them off from school for the next couple of terms, when there are effectively 2 parents available who can educate them (semi-retired)?

Would it be reasonable for starters to keep them off for the first month to see how things go and cite family vulnerability?

What do you think?

OP posts:
Rhianna1980 · 02/08/2020 20:50

OP said she has a similar condition like cystic fibrosis and some are calling her dramatic and over reacting?!
I said it yesterday, and I will say it again, this forum is suddenly full of medical and infectious diseases experts that know it all.

OP if home schooling is working out for you and your family, then carry on.
Don’t feel pressured into anything - do what suits your needs best x

captainflash · 02/08/2020 20:50

I 100% get what you’re saying about normality should these hideous things happen.
I meant, in general and for the vast majority of school populations, school is the most normal place and something that they’ve missed. I would argue that many children missed the social aspect of school more than the education. In reality, children missed 14/15 weeks of school. I’ve had a child in a terrible accident who missed that much due to surgeries. He did absolutely fine in all his exams and reached all age related expectations.
The social impact of this has been much worse.

If you do decide to home educate, there are some really good online set ups that can help.

Original poster
herecomesthsun · 02/08/2020 20:50

No we haven´t had that conversation yet.

In real life I am super-enthusiastic and relentlessly positive mum who has been doing everything to help DC with transition to new school.

I have raised the issue of vulnerability in feedback and the indirect response has been 1) supportive and 2) on high want everyone back, via general school communications.

OP posts:
winterisstillcoming · 02/08/2020 20:55

Our school is not expecting a certain amount of children back -those who still may be shielding under individual circs, and those who live with someone who is shielding.

Have a word with school.

freedles · 02/08/2020 20:55

We are keeping our child off school due to someone in the household being the shielded group. The school have implied they will be flexible which I appreciate as I would rather not deregister but if we have to we will. I think you have to judge it on what is best for your family as everyone has different circumstances and there isn’t a blanket answer which can be applied.

headshoulderskneestoes · 02/08/2020 20:56

If I thought school was what was best for dc rather than home ed (as in, I wouldn't pick home Ed if it wasn't for covid) I would move out temporarily to reduce risk so they could go in September - much like key workers did when they had a vulnerable family member at home. Hard option but you could do it for a term and see how things are then?

BreathlessCommotion · 02/08/2020 20:57

My father works in a school. He also has COPD and pulmonary hypertension and has been shielding. He's just about to come home from a holiday in Greece. And liklihood is his employer will insist he returns to work in Sept, albeit with some adjustments so less interaction with pupils.

I'm a little worried for him, but as he says he has to live as well as be alive. Staying inside has driven him mad and he said he can't do that for months or years. We will be seeing them soon and he told me not to keep his grandchildren away from him.

I do think you sound very dramatic and anxious and this is likely affecting your dc.

Also the risk in the community is 1 in 2000 of catching it, even less of dying. Lung diseases have been much less effected than they thought.

oldbagface · 02/08/2020 21:02

@BreathlessCommotion you think the OP is. Being dramatic? And you're here telling us your shielding DF has naffed off abroad but then you moan his employer will expect him back at work? Okaaay then Confused

Original poster
herecomesthsun · 02/08/2020 21:03

I think the family would find it very difficult to manage without me in the family home to be honest. There would a lot of logistical challenges and I do not think any teeth would get brushed,nor would anyone get to school on time. And so on. Seriously. It would also be a wrench I think for the children as well as me, at least on a par with losing the social aspects of school.

The children have quite enjoyed 1 to 1 home learning with us all together so far and their academic work has come on quite well with the individual tuition from their over-educated parents. But I´ḿ sure they would like to be hanging out with their mates again.

I thought of boarding school but this would be a challenge as I´ḿ semi retired and also DC2 not suited emotionally.

OP posts:
WorkingItOutAsIGo · 02/08/2020 21:06

OP whilst am not as vulnerable as you, am on shielding list and have been navigating this exact the same thing with my family. Up to now they all came into my shielding bubble and as a result have had very constrained lives. For my school age DS I do feel he needs to get back to something of a normal life. So my plan is to let him go back but I am going to strictly isolate from him. He is perhaps older than yours and is happy with the trade off as he craves seeing his friends.

IAintentDead · 02/08/2020 21:08

The chances of you being very ill if you get it are high but there is a huge 'IF' involved there. The chances of your children getting it are very very low. The chance of anyone getting it are extremely low already unless you are working in a high risk area or living with someone that does.

To catch it from your child there has to be an unknown breakout that infects your child before anyone knows about it and him bring it home and infect you.

In the end it is your choice but unless there are a lot of cases locally to you - and I mean upwards of 100 within 5 miles, the chances of any of you contracting it is tiny. You were much more likely to get flu and it kill you last year than to get CV19 this.

Original poster
herecomesthsun · 02/08/2020 21:09

I think actually if my children were adults I might have a different perspective. I think it would be very bad for them to have a parental bereavement now.

Current risk is actually 1 in 1500,and risk September - March is likely to increase,by what margin we do not know.

I think we could over-winter this together,, if allowed to, and then by next year it might be clearer whether medical science has managed to reduce the risks.

It would be really good not to be put at risk in the next 6 months.

I agree,I don´t want my son to lose his school place if I can avoid it.

OP posts:
Fairybio · 02/08/2020 21:10

I would speak to your consultant about the risk to you IF you caught the virus. And I would let my children live their lives, see their friends and go to school. If necessary, I would move out, because I would put my children's chance to live their lives before my own. In my opinion, you are asking them to make all the sacrifices if you keep them off school.

oldbagface · 02/08/2020 21:12

@WorkingItOutAsIGo we considered this BUT it would damage DC not to be able to be with us. Playing games, hugs, all the things that make life worth living.

Original poster
herecomesthsun · 02/08/2020 21:16

The thing is that if schools have to wait for there to be 2 known cases before they warn families, then there WILL be unknown breakouts, exactly that. All it will take is for there to be 1 infected person going around the school and spreading it.

We don´t know the exact plans for bubbles etc. and the implication is that guidance has been changed and changed again.

OP posts:
Trackandtrace · 02/08/2020 21:20

@Fairybio

I would speak to your consultant about the risk to you IF you caught the virus. And I would let my children live their lives, see their friends and go to school. If necessary, I would move out, because I would put my children's chance to live their lives before my own. In my opinion, you are asking them to make all the sacrifices if you keep them off school.
I dont know about your children. But i dont think many children would cope with not seeing a parent for what could be months. In our situation it is one of the children who is most at risk. where do you suggest we send the child so that we can continue living our lives to the full? My husband will have to go back to work but luckily his work has virtually no close contact with anyone. so this risk is imo an acceptable risk. It doesnt compare to 30 children and 2 plus adults in a small classroom for 6 hours a day. where toilets will be shared with 120 others. no ppe, no social distancing. and some families who have been here there and everywhere over summer and will continue to to this outside of school hours.
Original poster
herecomesthsun · 02/08/2020 21:20

I would be willing to move out,if my children could have a good quality of life without me. Don´t think so, that is the problem!

OP posts:
Fairybio · 02/08/2020 21:20

So are you planning to never leave the house? Your whole family? And never see anyone? Because your children might never catch the virus at school, and you could catch it doing the shopping or having coffee with a friend.

cologne4711 · 02/08/2020 21:22

OP as a pp has asked, have you spoken to your doctor about how the risks look now? We know a lot more about covid than we did in March, and one of the things we know is that it's not (just) a respiratory disease. Is it still the case that you are considered extremely high risk?

TotallyHadEnoughNow · 02/08/2020 21:22

What a ridiculous title. Please research the death rate.

Trackandtrace · 02/08/2020 21:23

@Fairybio

So are you planning to never leave the house? Your whole family? And never see anyone? Because your children might never catch the virus at school, and you could catch it doing the shopping or having coffee with a friend.
Well we went to the river. was lovely didnt see many others and no one closer than 3 meters away. hardly the same level of risk. Life isnt risk free but to me school appear akin to jumping in a fire and hoping not to get burnt right now. this may change.
oldbagface · 02/08/2020 21:27

I notice the blasé bunch have arrived

Fairybio · 02/08/2020 21:32

Far from it. But concerned at the sacrifices being asked of children during their formative years in order to placate anxious parents.

oldbagface · 02/08/2020 21:36

'Anxious parents' ODFOD! We are taking about clinically vulnerable people here that have been thrown to the wolves. Jeez Hmm

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/08/2020 21:36

However, overall risk is 1 in 200 of death approx in the general population.

No, it’s averaging 1 in 1000 of general population, the vast majority of whom are the over 75s. COPD results in a 6% (6 in 100) death rate.

You do have an option of your DC doing a full decontamination when they come home. Just like NHS workers do who live with shielded relatives. It basically means you get home, strip naked putting clothes in a bag. Then take a shower wash head to toe, then put clothes in washer with bag, wash hands, done.