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Original poster

Anyone else just stopped bothering to go out at all?

209 replies

milkcartoncat · 13/04/2020 15:12

I was going for a 2 mile walk across the fields with my two dc every day but the last few days I can’t see the point. We’ve just sat in the house.
It seems futile. We aren’t even going in the garden. None of us even want to go out anymore, it’s frightening out there. We are just staying in the house, not getting dressed, not bothering to do anything. It’s crazy that a month ago we were out every day and now it feels as likely as going to the moon.

OP posts:
BillieEilish · 13/04/2020 17:07

OP I really hope you are ok Flowers

WellTidy · 13/04/2020 17:08

For a week before lockdown and maybe two weeks after, I didn’t go anywhere at all. A combination of DH and I being very busy indeed with work, no childcare and just not feeling that there were enough hours in the day even to do the basics, let alone get out and about. And then I started going for a walk every day. I feel so much better, but I wouldn’t have said that I didn’t feel fine before. I think it has been good for me to get out, and I’m taking Dc with me to increase their fitness too. We are walking for an hour every day, which can only be helping the effects of the Easter chocolate consumption too.

Original poster
milkcartoncat · 13/04/2020 17:13

He just says I can’t go.
There’s no room for debate.
I have to be either with the children or even if they are in bed finally I have to be with him. I can’t be by myself. Well only to cook dinner etc. Not to do anything for myself.

The children come to me over him and it’s one demand after the next. They’ve barely finished asking for one thing and want something else.

I’ve just said to the children I don’t know how long it will last but don’t bank on Christmas happening this year. They are also close to grandparents and I’ve tried to prepare them to not see them again, even without covid. Grandparents are elderly and may well die of old age before lockdown ends.

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/04/2020 17:17

Have you posted before about your DP? I remember similar threads about him not allowing you to have private conversations on the phone and him listening in.

TheWordmeister · 13/04/2020 17:18

We go out every day without fail. We are doing long walks with the dog and have spent hours in the garden.

Why on earth are you allowing your husband to tell you what to do?

You should be putting your children first. Stop wallowing and making this a boring and potentially damaging experience for them. Get them, and you, some exercise. Start structuring your day & stand up to your twat of a husband.

Motherchuffernotagain · 13/04/2020 17:19

I only go out for food...try to do it just once a week

DDIJ · 13/04/2020 17:21

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Bluntness100 · 13/04/2020 17:21

I’ve just said to the children I don’t know how long it will last but don’t bank on Christmas happening this year. They are also close to grandparents and I’ve tried to prepare them to not see them again, even without covid

Oh op, I really hope you didn’t say that, there is absolutely no reason at all Xmas wouldn’t happen, why would you think it wouldn’t, and the survival rate is eighty to ninety percent in the elderly.

What would happen if you did go out?

If you’re really not allowed out, and you are saying these awful things to your kids, I think you both need to speak to your gp and also speak to women’s aid.

Is there something else here, have you mental health issues previously ?

madroid · 13/04/2020 17:23

So when your husband says you can't go out, what would happen if you ignored him and did it anyway?

PurpleDaisies · 13/04/2020 17:25

What do you think would happen if you went out for a walk?

Original poster
milkcartoncat · 13/04/2020 17:34

I can’t. It’s not up for discussion. It’s just how it is.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 13/04/2020 17:36

I’m interested in what you think would happen if you did though. Do you think he would physically hurt you? Not let you back in?

It sounds like you might need to call women’s aid next time he’s out.

yesiamgoingtoeatthat · 13/04/2020 17:38

Hi OP, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. What would happen if you just put on your jacket and shoes and went for a walk, rather than asking first?

madroid · 13/04/2020 17:38

Then you need to get out of there OP. It's domestic abuse. You cannot legally be kept prisoner in your home.

If you rang the police 999 they would remove your husband from your home or take you and your dc to a refuge.

CaroleFuckinBaskin · 13/04/2020 17:38

I’ve just said to the children I don’t know how long it will last but don’t bank on Christmas happening this year. They are also close to grandparents and I’ve tried to prepare them to not see them again, even without covid.

Please don't say this stuff to your kids. I understand you want to be realistic but they just don't need to hear this stuff right now.

I agree with others that it sounds like there is a very serious issue going on with your DH here?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/04/2020 17:39

You can OP. He's not your parent. He can't tell you what to do.

Has he always been this way?

It's difficult at the moment with lockdown. Is he working from home? Does he go out for walks on his own? Can you make a phone call while he's out?

CaroleFuckinBaskin · 13/04/2020 17:40

I can’t. It’s not up for discussion. It’s just how it is.

No its not. He can't keep you prisoner in your own home. Call Women's Aid. It's really not 'just how it is'.

Lovemusic33 · 13/04/2020 17:45

I walk almost every morning, I live in a village and there’s more people out and about now then there was before lockdown so it doesn’t feel that weird other than people crossing the road to keep their distance and the lack of cars.

I think getting fresh air and exercise is really important, there are days when I don’t really want to walk but I do it anyway and enjoy it once I’m out.

BossAssBitch · 13/04/2020 17:49

Yes, I get up do some yoga, its amazing how much better I feel afterwards, you don't need much room or even a mat, a towel will do, and there are loads of you tube instructors who are amazing.

I then shower and wash hair every few days. I put a bit of makeup on (not much, a bit of mascara and tidy eyebrows with wax), I get dressed. It makes me feel more alive and less fusty somehow.

I'm working from home so I do some work then I go out into the garden, do some fitness, sometimes i go on a bike ride with DH and take the dogs for a walk every day.

I would get a bit down in the dumps if I didn't stick to some sort of keeping myself together routine.

PineappleDanish · 13/04/2020 17:49

OP, you do realise that in a normal marriage, a partnership or whatever, one half doesn't "tell" the other half what to do? I mean, I'll tell DH to put his cup in the dishwasher rather than leave it lying on the side. But I wouldn't ever tell him he's not going out for a walk or can't have time alone because it's weird, inappropriate, abusive and I'm not his mother!

You seem very passively accepting of him laying down the law about things and you go along with it. Telling your children they won't see their grandparents and that CHristmas is cancelled is even more odd.

I think you need to call your GP as there is clearly something very wrong here.

BreathlessCommotion · 13/04/2020 17:57

You are being abused, and that abuse has made you doubt yourself and your ability. It doesn't have to be this way, but it's not as easy as saying "go out without him".

Please contact Women's Aid, there is an online chat so you don't have to phone. It's OK to feel like you can't do anything now. Keep talking, maybe on relationships. There is a thread for those stuck in abusive relationships during lockdown.

Porpoises · 13/04/2020 17:58

Your DH is abusive and controlling. What he is doing is illegal.

JinglingHellsBells · 13/04/2020 18:00

@milkcartoncat Did you have parents who behaved like this? Did your dad control your Mum?
Did your husband's mum suffer this abuse so your DH thinks that is how men treat women?
Is he from a culture where women are 2nd class citizens and have few rights?

Where have you got the idea that 'this is how it is'?

Does your Dh threaten to hit you?

What exactly would he do if you said you were going out on your own for a walk?

Is he violent?

Have you ever tested him by not obeying him?

JinglingHellsBells · 13/04/2020 18:02

Am I in an abusive relationship?

@milkcartoncat This is copied from the Womens Aid page I linked to. Please read it.

Everyone has arguments, and everyone disagrees with their partners, family members and others close to them from time to time. And we all do things at times that we regret, and which cause unhappiness to those we care about. But if this begins to form a consistent pattern, then it is an indication of domestic violence and abuse.

The answers to the following questions may help you:

Has your partner tried to keep you from seeing your friends or family?

YesNo

Has your partner prevented you or made it hard for you to continue or start studying, or from going to work?

YesNo

Does your partner constantly check up on you or follow you?

YesNo

Does your partner unjustly accuse you of flirting or of having affairs with others?

YesNo

Does your partner constantly belittle or humiliate you, or regularly criticise or insult you?

YesNo

Are you ever afraid of your partner?

YesNo

Have you ever changed your behaviour because you are afraid of what your partner might do or say to you?

YesNo

Has your partner ever destroyed any of your possessions deliberately?

YesNo

Has your partner ever hurt or threatened you or your children?

YesNo

Has your partner ever kept you short of money so you are unable to buy food and other necessary items for yourself and your children or made you take out loans?

YesNo

Has your partner ever forced you to do something that you really did not want to do?

YesNo

Has your partner ever tried to prevent you from taking necessary medication, or seeking medical help when you felt you needed it?

YesNo

Has your partner ever tried to control you by telling you that you could be deported because of your immigration status?

YesNo

Has your partner ever threatened to take your children away, or said he would refuse to let you take them with you, or even to see them, if you left him?

YesNo

Has your partner ever forced or harassed you to have sex with him or with other people? Has he made you participate in sexual activities that you were uncomfortable with?

YesNo

Has your partner ever tried to prevent your leaving the house?

YesNo

Does your partner blame his use of alcohol or drugs, mental health condition or family history for his behaviour?

YesNo

Does your partner control your use of alcohol or drugs (for example, by forcing your intake or by withholding substances)?

YesNo

If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, this indicates that you may be experiencing domestic abuse.

RaininSummer · 13/04/2020 18:07

Why on earth would you accept this and ruin your children's lives by giving this dysfunctional picture of family life. Your problem is nor Corona or lockdown . Of course Christmas will happen for them if you let it. All these balls are on your court and the help is there if you will take it. Do you really think your life should be like this. All the coping mechanisms tge rest of us are using to stay sane are being denied to you by this domestic abuse. Sort it out before you and chdten really lose the plot.