Anyone else just stopped bothering to go out at all?

[milkcartoncat]

I was going for a 2 mile walk across the fields with my two dc every day but the last few days I can’t see the point. We’ve just sat in the house.
It seems futile. We aren’t even going in the garden. None of us even want to go out anymore, it’s frightening out there. We are just staying in the house, not getting dressed, not bothering to do anything. It’s crazy that a month ago we were out every day and now it feels as likely as going to the moon.

We are the least routine oriented people but having to do a bit of homeschooling did show me that routine makes the day go in faster. We are carrying on a little in the holidays with joe wicks and educational stuff or craft in the mornings. After lunch it is family board games and then into the garden which tides us over until it is time to make dinner.

Your 4 year old should have a decent bedtime and then just let your 11year old entertain themselves for a bit. Have a bath or do something you enjoy. I watched the National Theatre Jane Eyre last night after the kids are in bed and have a FaceTime set up with a friend this evening.

Get back into a routine pronto. Sitting in all day with no aim for the day will lead to inertia and boredom which will lead to depression. This is a serious threat because you are right that this could go on a long time and your children are relying on you so you need to be actively safeguarding your mental health as much as possible.

I haven’t been out since lockdown began. I have depression, and am very overweight, so I can’t walk anywhere comfortably, and I am just staying in. Come the end of this, I may have become a complete recluse.

Yes, the not knowing is really tough. If we only knew we could count down the days, which would really help. But it WILL be over.

I'm with you OP, today I'd pretty much given up - long walks, cleaning, dressing, showering - things I've been making an effort to do. Today I've been binge watching a stupid series on Netflix whilst DH carried on and the kids played on their screens. I miss my mum, if I could go and have a chat with my mum then I'd be fine, but I can't and so things seem really difficult today. But I can't continue on like this because when it's all over I won't be in a fit state to enjoy it - and that is what you have to focus on, it will end. We are all scared OP, but you're not alone.

I've had a shower and I feel a bit better, I'm going for a short walk (kids are currently arguing and won't come off their screens, but I'm going to persevere). We were also doing a few miles a day, this will be less that half a mile but we will have had some air.

Little steps every day, OP. Focus on the little things and eventually it'll be over. You mentioned being vulnerable, do you have anyone supporting?

It’s frightening because it’s so strange. My youngest dc has always been very sociable and chatty, she now recoils from people as they do from us.
I’m too tired to have the requisite level of enthusiasm to jolly them up. I can’t be bothered to do baking or craft or imaginary play. In fact imaginary play makes me want to put my head in the oven. I don’t want to do any of it. I don’t particularly like having children in truth and now ALL I’m doing is being a parent. I love them, but I find a lot of it insanely boring, and having them 24/7 is insanely boring.

Ffs, come on, you can't live like that and stay sane!

I gave up on my sanity (or the last shreds of it) some time ago, @WanderingLost167!

There is no aim for the day - I think that’s the problem.
I can’t see my family or friends, I can’t even talk to them on the phone properly because dh doesn’t like it and I always have a child around me interrupting me. It’s hopeless so I’ve stopped trying.

Isn't the children's dad on the scene at all?
You really need to get out there in the garden at least. Fresh air, beautiful weather (ok not today), vitamin D...

And don't stress about schoolwork, one of your children is only 4, and surely the 11 year old can get on with it on their own?

@milkcartoncat
"I don’t want to do any of it. I don’t particularly like having children in truth and now ALL I’m doing is being a parent."

TOUGH! You have to do it. Accept it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your arse into gear.

[trying out tough love OP]

You sound depressed, i think we’re all feeling similar for parts of the day but are able to pull ourselves out of it. You aren’t able to do that so you need help.

Is there a friend or relative you can speak to?

Oh sorry x post about your DH.
That's worrying that you say he doesn't like you talking on the phone? What's going on there?
Can he not help with the children?

Yep, haven't been out for weeks. Dh has taken the children out to the local woods for walks and exercise but I just cant be bothered. I suffer with anxiety and now ironically there are even more people venturing in to what used to be a quiet, private space so now I avoid it even more. We have the garden but apart from pottering in and out while the children play I hardly go out there.

I'm only going out once a week. Dh and the kids go for a run most days.

Tbh I'm sick of hearing people scream "stay the fuck home" and on the rare occasion that I've ventured out and passed another person they look at me like I've killed their dog. I have as much right to be out as they do but until the mass hysteria has died down I would rather stay in my lovely home and avoid people. I don't like being in the company of other people anyway so I'm happy to stay at home and away from the annoying folk.

Sorry x posted.

So your H is not allowing you to talk to your friends and relatives. Is he always like this?

I completely empathise op. I'm shielding so not able to go out for a walk, my hospital appointments and treatments are cancelled so my pain and mobility are getting worse, I'm desperately missing seeing my kids who live away for work and uni. I haven't got dressed in weeks - what's the point? Our garden is tiny and neighbours are always outside so difficult for me to stay far enough away. There just seems no point any more.

If your DH is at home surely you can go out for your own for a walk, it will give you some time to yourself which I think is important for all of us. My DH and I deliberately do our ‘exercising’ separately, it gives us space from each other and a bit of time alone in the house when the other is out (teenage DS stays in his room a lot of the time ), I know it is harder with young children but assuming your DH lives with you, please try to get out on your own.

I’ve been going out every other day, I liked walking pre lockdown. It does seem quieter out in the last week or so. Bit like what happens with gym memberships.

Your children might sleep sooner if they are physically tired. Can you maybe create some fun stuff to do on walks- I Spy, nature watching, keeping a diary etc - to make it more interesting?

Exercise is a treatment for depression so you do need to try to get out as do your children.

I am actually fitter than ever as I do online workouts at home and walk at least 4-5 miles a day, I am feeling better for it . We are lucky in that we live rurally so can easily walk without meeting many people.

We’ve not been out for daily exercise at all since lockdown started. I’m the only person that’s been out and that’s been once a week to get food.

We’ve been out in the garden daily and dd can run about, ride bike or scooter etc out there.

I’m not allowed out on my own for a walk.

Not allowed? Why not :(

Are your kids doing home schooling? I know its the holidays but there must be a way to create some structure for their day and yours.