Anyone else just stopped bothering to go out at all?

[milkcartoncat]

I was going for a 2 mile walk across the fields with my two dc every day but the last few days I can’t see the point. We’ve just sat in the house.
It seems futile. We aren’t even going in the garden. None of us even want to go out anymore, it’s frightening out there. We are just staying in the house, not getting dressed, not bothering to do anything. It’s crazy that a month ago we were out every day and now it feels as likely as going to the moon.

Dh goes on his own but he won’t take the children.
And he won’t let me go on my own.

I'm not depressed, but I can completely understand how you are. We too were doing better in the early days. It's the Easter holidays that are adding another layer of disorientation to the disorientation that was already there. It's like having a holiday from nothing and that lends itself to a feeling of total pointlessness I think. We should have just carried on the with the routine - as it was I'd just got DS relatively well organised when we "broke up". I held out until Good Friday at least, and he's not old enough to realise I strung it out as long as I could.

4 and 11 I think you said your kids are? That's a challenging combination.

So you're not the only parent? You definitely do have the chance for a bath or to go read a book.

Also, if home school work was giving you structure it doesn't matter at all that it should be the Easter holidays. If it keeps the kids busy then do it.

You can't be bothered to play/craft/bake - tough basically. You are their parent. You can't just sit festering and not getting dressed. A pyjama day is one thing but every day is not right.

You need routine, an hour to yourself, the opportunity to talk to friends on the phone and something to look forward to. Even if it's just a bath or sitting in the garden with a book and a drink.

There is no reason that a child should be up at 11pm the 11 year old can read in bed from around 8-8.30.

It's hard. But we are only 3 weeks in. It's really not the time to give up.

Sorry what?

I posted before I read that. Why does DH get to stop you going out? Do you need help?

Oh you do have a dh then ?

Why doesn't he take them out and you can have a bath in peace?

So if you told your DH you were going out on your own for a walk what could he do? Would he physically stop you?
Are you afraid of him?
Is there more to this than you are saying?
Is he physically and emotionally abusive?

You say he doesn't like you phoning friends and won't allow you out.

This is very worrying and it's not a normal or healthy relationship.

Can you explain why? Are you afraid of your DH and can't stand up for yourself?

Massive drip feed there op

Based on what you have said- and it's limited, but very telling- maybe you need to call Women's Aid. They support women in abusive relationships.

Do you need help?

Not going out either. I have to go to work but when I'm not working I just can't be bothered getting changed into my 'dirty/outside' clothes, feeling paranoid for the whole time and afterwards, coming back home and showering and getting changed into my 'home' clothes again. It's actually exhausting.

Why is your husband allowed to go for a walk himself but you aren't?

How can he stop you?

Please come back and tell people the whole story. This doesn't seem to be about the virus, but it's about your marriage.

Op, are you safe?

Op, sounds like depression kicking in. The thing is inactivity breeds inactivity, boredom breeds boredom, low mood is bred from both.

As hard as it is, you need to push through this, you can’t be sitting at home in your pyjamas all day every day doing nothing of worth

Logically this lock down will end in about three weeks max, it has to, the economy can’t take much more. Yes there will still be restrictions in place after this. Normal life will return slowly but shortly as it is in other countries.

You need to force yourself to shower, dress, clean your teeth, and do something, anything.

Today I have went out and strimmed in the garden for about an hour, watered the plants, dusted and hoovered downstairs,, done a work out, went for a few mins drive on a loop round the village as the car hasn’t been driven for about three weeks and I need it to keep working, and then when I got back I washed and polished it, I’ve also showered and got dressed, fixed my hair. Shortly I will make dinner.

You’ve got to push through. And in a month or so as life starts to return to normal you’ll look back at this time and wonder why you didn’t do more, why you let it get to this stage.

For your own mental health you’ve got to try to force yourself, and no one should be “recoiling” from anyone. Yes we should be social distancing but that’s a very different animal to recoiling. When your kids ask you shouldn’t be saying things like I don’t know. It may never end, it could be months and months, more that you don’t know but likely lock down will end in a few weeks, some restrictions will be in place for longer, to not recoil from people just keep a safe distance, and explain we are just doing this to ensure the nhs isn’t breached, that we are helping out.

As a team with the kids plan activities, you all put things in a hat, and pull out what you’re going to do. Anything from a walk, to hide and seek in the garden, bake something, play a game, garden, whatever. But you have to try to be positive. No matter how hard, and keep yourself dressed and active.

Sorry cross posted what do you mean your husband doesn’t like you talking on the phone. Won’t take the kids and doesn’t let you out alone? That’s a very very big drip feed and a sign of something very different indeed.

Your post reminded my of this theory, Kubler-Ross' Change Curve. It seems to me that you're right where you're supposed to be .

Oh I'm sorry! I hadn't realised it had taken me so long to load an image that the thread had moved on and you'd disclosed more important information.

We have a dog so don’t have a choice but to be honest I’m glad as it would be really easy not to bother. Sometimes I don’t feel like it but we always feel so much better afterwards, I would really try to make yourselves if you can

I don't think the lockdown is the problem here then. You have a definite OH problem. If he took the kids out, if you could talk to family, if you could go out etc... All would make your life more bearable. Other than that, get a new routine for this time. A day cooking, a day crafting, a day watching films, etc. Find small things to look forward to. I am looking forward to our Thurs night quiz for instance.

Sorry, just reread that your DH won’t let you go out
How does he stop you? Sounds a bit worrying OP, are you Ok?

I’m trying hard to make myself but losing the will to do anything really.

I’m not even scared of the virus but just getting flatter and flatter. Before this I’d really upped my exercise regime and stuff but now just can’t be fucked. It all seems pointless and nothing to look forward to.

You sound depressed.

I'm only going out to buy food when I need, not bothering with exercise, but I am getting dressed every day and wfh.

It may help to have some sort of routine/timetable of things to do each day. Can you think of some targets? A daily walk would be good for the children, if you can time it for say 12 every day that gives you a set point. And do get dressed, again, that is an action which separates night and day.

I know it's tough, but please try to hold on, all of you - this isn't forever.

I haven't read the whole thread.

OP I feel exactly the same. I live in Spain where we are not allowed out unless for food (on our own, closest shop to home)

There is no 'exercise'

I now dread the weekly shop. Really dread it! I don't want to leave the flat, it has all got so serious.

Don't worry about not going out, in several European countries you wouldn't be allowed to... it turns out for good reason.

will some of the more recent posters read the thread before advisng the OP?

she's said

1 her DH won't allow her out on her own to walk
2 her DH won't allow her to phone friends or family

This is not just a case of being low and depressed about the virus- it's another issue.

We're going out daily for a dog walk, usually early evening. I'd worry about my mental health if we didn't escape at least once a day.

Hi Op, it sounds like you have, or are starting to get, depression to me. It's really important to do what you can to try and lift yourself out of it, for you and your kids. I know that sometimes things can feel pointless. And the reality is no one knows that the point of life is! But all we can do is make the best of the time that we have, even if that time is under lockdown!

I really recommend trying to have some sort of routine (even if it's just the times you plan to eat), doing a bit of exercise everyday, and trying to do things you like no matter how small. You could just play run around games with your kids in the garden for exercise, or do an online video (Joe Wicks!). Maybe try to do one fun activity that you and the kids all enjoy if you don't have time to do anything for yourself e.g. painting together, or playing a board game. At 4 and 11 is it possible just to sit them down in front of the tv for 30 mins while you have a quiet cup of tea and your favourite biscuits or something that might help cheer you up?

I also find it really helpful to think of 3 good things, or things I'm grateful for, at the end of everyday. Small things count! I hope you start to feel more positive soon.