Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

oh crow hope you have a lovely time with dd1 (2m apart obvs!)

I have been for a run (virtuous) probably killed thousands with my seating and panting LOL and I was out for just over an hour cause, well turns out that 3 weeks of copious chocolate and wine and bugger all exercising does nothing to improve your 10K time!

now really need to clean....but try out some of the tv recomandations first (thank you)

I have bunged a load of washing on, so thats a start.....

Morning all handmaidens! I’ve just caught up on the thread. Was going to post yesterday but we went for what ended up being a traumatic walk a fucking rat and I had to take to the sofa to recover for the rest of the day.
I love the idea of bailey’s muffins and will totally risk the lives of hundreds to buy baileys. I accept my cabinet position and will therefore pop to Sainsbury’s for this and more Easter chocolate

No popping today, obvs. Housework needs doing 😭😭😭 or at least I’ll pretend to 👍🏻

and a home made chocolate muffin infused with some Baileys left over from Christmas.

Do you deliver?

Seriously you people can't just post about all kinds of yummy stuff and not share.
That's worse than tradesmen shitting in someone's loo!

Not as worse as breathing in public tho.

@Trebolla Do you normally walk rats?

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock Many grovelling apologies for this thoughtlessness. I'l swap you a tin of muffins for a Spanish soldier.

@Maxandezra If you do 5km for me, you can have some Baileys muffins too

In other news. I've just bleached my feet! A shocking waste of essential resources which I should have used for disinfecting boyfriends, shopping and soldiers. However, I mowed the lawn in my havianas and my feet turned all green!

pink I did 10k this morning - I'll split it with you - you can have 5k in excahnge for a baileys muffin!

additionally my earlier post should read "sweating and panting" although "seating and panting" conjures up interesting images too so take your pick!

Bailey's muffins, sounds interesting, not entirely convinced about the niceness but I am a much hated fussy eater, so what do I know.

Crow my mum knows her risk will be the same and sadly, while she was all right when this started, she has turned into someone who wants to talk stats all day. I think being stuck alone with nowhere to go mad nothing to do and trying not to think about dad’s death, leads to a natural “let’s obsess about the virus instead” state.

I’m not killing anyone today. I’m not a fan of shops at the best of times. But I will go for a walk, so I’ll see what I can do. Must earn a chocolate baileys muffin!

The royal pussy having a royal nap. Can't bake but I have a fluffy cute cat.

@merryhouse unfinished series three of lucifer yesterday and find Tom ellis quite adequate to assist in helping me survive the current tedium . Amanadiels body on the other hand - I would walk over hot coals for that one 😈😈.

In other news I was out on my bike earlier (for well over an hour!) and saw a man touch a stile without wearing gloves!! AND he didn’t bleach it! And he said hello to me!! Should I report him? Tape off said stile in case someone else touches it in the next three weeks? 🤔🤔

Afternoon all you reprobates.

Havent killed anyone as yet today, mainly because I slept in very late as woke in the middle of the night for a while. Grrrr.
Have washing on to go out but will need to get dressed first! Give me a kick up the backside someone.

Will swap some banana buns for Baileys muffins?

Need to know more about 'walking with rats'!

Yesterday I had delivered a completely frivolous purchase of a paddling pool for DS. Obviously a week late. There was actually a full blown argument over this with Mr murderous DPD delivery man, neighbour with dementia and doogooder across the road. Quite stressful. WTH?

Stupid phone didnt charge overnight so having to use my pc. Despite having used it to register on MN eons ago and using it regularly these days I have to sign in every time its a PIA just why? So no phone as I potter around the house to keep up with all the madness of MN till its charged up. How will I survive? probably be much better for my blood pressure tbh

Its a nice day here considering 'a walk' but may spend 3 hrs trying to drag dc out with me and miss the sun!

I recommend a power bank @Willow2017 . Keep it charged, pop in your bathrobe pocket and still get to use your phone while pottering about.

OH has a grownup one with display and stuff, I have a Luna Lovegood one shaped like a bobble head.

@LalalalalaLlama and @Blobby10 - well, yes, they certainly don't spoil it.

Linda and Maze are quite acceptable too.

Afternoon dearest bananahamas and fellow murderers.
I've come to confess I've murdered the whole of Birmingham probably.
I walked to Asda only to buy some missing ingredients for a cake. Also bought completely unnecessary Brussels pate and cream buns.
And I even smokers coughed in the actual store. Ooh the drama.
Off to make an orange cake. In a minute, when I've got over walking a mile.

One of my coworkers starts coughing every time someone gets too close to her in a supermarket. I like her style.

Princess I have one somewhere, need to charge it up too. Completely forgot I had it! THanks.
I need to go to shop too to hunt for sr flour. Its my birthday next week and I WANT CAKE!

I've got a conundrum for the frothers. You know the 'you're more likely to have an accident the further you venture from home' ones. I was exercising in my own garden, running up and down like a madwoman. When I misjudged my footing and landed in a heap with my ankle in a strange shape. I'm self treating with ice and elevation because I really really don't want to have to go to A&E.

@Pinkginhelps as rarely as possible. I’d happily ensure all of those fuckers died. Terrifying. DP had to escort me away 🙄.

@isabellerossigol are you ok?! That’s what happens when you bother to exercise. You should have stayed on your sofa, hiding away from all the nasty virus bits. Do you have wine? That’ll help 😂

Oh dear isabelle

If you think it’s broken, you really do have to go to A&E...which is empty....

@isabellerossignol hope you're ok. If it's bad don't hesitate to go to A&E ,most of them are empty anyways. Accidents and emergencies still happen. You could make it worse by trying to manage it at home.

On the risk thing, I don't know . I've never broken anything in my life or had any type of serious accident that needed hospital intervention or A&E so I doubt that the field /woods where we always went even before all this mean an increased risk just because we're in lockdown.

Isabella
You really need to go to A&E. I broke my ankle (not badly just a big chip out swelled up like a balloon and needed strapping just going over on it off a paving slab and I did the same to the big bone in my foot off a railway sleeper in the garden!) Yours sounds worse than mine. The swelling lasted ages so you need to be careful you dont do more damage. Accidents still happen despite the C word.

Isabelle
Mind you we could start calling you Boris.

1. You were saving the nation by exercising at home being a glorious leader
2. You were also putting yourself and the nation at risk by shaking hands with infected people/staying outside for more than 4.7883 minutes
3. But you got injured caught the virus so you are now automatically a hero to "The Peeepol" (must be said in a Citizen Smith voice)

We are not worthy. bows and scrapes before you

Hmm. I could possibly be Boris. I talk shite and am a bit more, er, rotund than in my younger years!